Chapter 39

Neil

He sat in the corner of the room, all hunched up with his legs drawn up under his chin as he wondered what was going to happen to him? Neil felt so alone and scared, almost as he had felt when his real father had left and they had moved here. How could that pain come back when he had tried so hard to erase it from his memory? Didn’t it know that things were different now, that he had Walt to look after him, to teach him things only a true father could teach a son? Why did those feelings keep coming back to him and why was he now thinking of that man, that so called man who had run out on him and his mom?

Tears rolled down his face now as he tried to once more piece together what it was that he had done that had made his dad leave them? He had tried to be a good son, had really tried to do the things his father had wanted, had expected, but he wasn’t all that bright, so it took him longer, but he would have gotten better, if only he had the chance. Maybe if his dad had explained things to him like Walt did, maybe he could have improved faster, done things quicker and better but his dad never took the time to explain it, so how was he supposed to know? At least Walt took the time, at least Walt told him that some people didn’t have the patience needed to properly raise a son, but that it was also the son’s duty to try hard, to work harder if he wasn’t succeeding in pleasing too, and that was something Neil had tried to do, ever since that first time with Walt.

Funny, he hadn’t thought about that time for a long time now, but sitting here all alone in this empty cold room he felt like it was only yesterday that he had stumbled over to the Fisher home, looking for extra money by doing yard work and that was how he first met Walt Fisher and his two sons. God, to think back then at how he must have looked, like some idiot or something but Walt hadn’t laughed at him like others. He had waited patiently for Neil to get out what he had wanted to say and then he had just looked at him, a sort of smile on his face as he just stared.

Neil could remember how nervous he felt and yet there was something about the way Walt smiled at him that sort of helped keep him there. He had wanted to turn and run, he remembered that, but he also remembered how he just knew that if he did run he wouldn’t get far. Something held him back, kept him there and now he felt nothing but grateful for whatever it was that had made him stay. Now at least he knew things, now at least he could hold his head up when with other kids and rarely did he break down and stutter anymore, and all of that was because of Walt Fisher. Well okay, actually it was Robbie who had helped him stop stuttering but he only did that because Walt had made him, so it was Walt who he owed, not Robbie.

Funny, he remembered how he would sit for hours in the backyard of the Fishers, practising his speaking while throwing hoops with Robbie and Justin, and how he was always amazed at how effortless it all seemed to them both. Now Robbie was a fag and Justin was gone, and he felt the loss deep inside. Why did Robbie have to let himself get that way? What was it about that Jew that made Robbie forget who he was and where he came from? He wished he could ask him but he knew that it was too late for that, that Robbie was lost to him just as he was lost to Walt. It was like Walt had said, Robbie had made his bed and he would have to lie in it alone; and yet, well, it didn’t really seem right to him, but Walt knew this stuff, he didn’t.

God he wished he could see Walt now, to ask him what to do, but they didn’t think he could, at least that was what the Sergeant had said, but he was going to try, which was nice of him. He didn’t understand it all. Okay, so he had painted some shit on some stupid brick walls, big deal, it wasn’t like tons of kids did similar shit to bus stops and other buildings, wasn’t like they got held in jail for all this time, so what made it special? He felt a sense of anger growing because he knew that it was because of the Jews, the way they owned everything and ruled everything. Walt had told him about them, how they had conspired to kill Jesus, all so they could rule the world; but things hadn’t always gone their way, so there was still hope or so Walt explained to him and a few of the others.

He knew Walt was a smart man, good father too, but sometimes the stuff he said, it just didn’t feel right inside or make much sense to him. Like if Hitler had been doing the world a favour and the rest of the world agreed with him, why did they go to war against him? Walt said it was cause the Jews controlled the US but hell the Americans didn’t enter the war till 1941, so how could they get Britain and France to wage war? He had tried to ask Walt that once, and he shivered a little as he remembered the look he got, and it still frightened him too. He never did get an answer and there was no way he would ask him again, still it did kind of trouble him. That and how it was taught in school too kind of made it all seem not to be the way Walt said it was; but he should know, hell his own father had been in that war, so he had to know, didn’t he?

Neil shook his head a little and wiped away the few tears that were slowly trickling down his face. He was scared, he knew that, and he had already stuttered a few times when talking to the Sergeant, which only added to his embarrassment and shame. Christ, how did he get himself into this? It wasn’t like they had planned it or at least thought much about it, all he knew was that the television news had said it was fishy, that something wasn’t right about how those two Jew boys had taken so long before calling help for Justin. Maybe if they hadn’t waited so long Justin might not be dead, and that had made him mad, so what if their precious church building got spray painted, they could paint over it but nothing would bring back Justin, and that was what mattered to him and to his friends too. They were just as pissed as he was about that, and besides, the television wouldn’t have said there was something wrong about how those Jews had acted if they didn’t know, cuz if they were wrong they’d get their Asses sued off, especially as it was the Jews. Walt had told him how many lawyers they churned out, so no way could that stuff have been made up; it had to be true and so they had acted. Anyone in their position would have too, so why were the cops making such a big deal of it?

Damn he wished he could at least see his mom or Walt. He knew he had fucked up, it was his fault for getting caught and if he’d only listened to his mom but no, he had to show her, and look at what it got him? Fuck, why didn’t he just do what she had asked and get shorter laces for his runners? If he had, maybe he wouldn’t have tripped over them and got caught, maybe he too would be home now like his buddies were but no, he had to stay in fashion, stay cool and here he was, in jail now and all alone again. Fuck, why did all this shit happen to him?

The sound of the key in the door lock startled him and he lifted his head up and wiped away some more of the tears that had once more started. He was scared but it was time he acted like a man, like Walt had taught him and he couldn’t let the Sergeant see him acting like some 10-year-old brat, after all he was 16 now, well on his way to being a real man, just like Walt had taught him.

His heart almost leapt out from his chest as he saw the Sergeant opening the door and standing behind him was Walt Fisher. He had never felt so happy to see him as he did that second but he quickly controlled himself, not wanting to show Walt his fear or his relief either. He just sat upright now, his feet on the floor as he stared open eyed at his mentor and at the cop. He could see the smile on the cop’s face too, which only helped make him feel better. Maybe Walt was here to scold him a little and then take him home, but whatever the reason he didn’t care because Walt was here, and that was worth it all.

Neil & Walter

Walter saw the redness in Neil’s eyes as the door swung open and he could see the relief on the boy’s face too as he recognized him. Well, that was as it should be he thought as he waited for the Sergeant to finish opening the door so he could enter the tiny room. It really didn’t look all that bad but it was no place for Neil, of that he was certain. It didn’t make sense why the damn lawyers were so intent on making this a big deal, all the kid did was vent his feelings at the people he thought had contributed to his son’s death. He felt that way too and he knew that he would need to address that soon too. There was no way he was going to let some kike’s (derogatory slang term referring to Jews) get away with hurting his Justy, no friggin way, but right now he had to concentrate on Neil and then the funeral. There would be time after that when he could exact his vengeance.

Part of his mind was still trying to cope with that, and the more he thought about how he would get his revenge the calmer he became, and the less horrified he was of the coming days. He still had the funeral to plan and deal with but that would be tomorrow, still he knew it would be well attended, not just as a testament to Justin’s popularity, but to his as well. He was after all well respected in the community and it would only be fitting that many who didn’t know his son would attend. One person he knew who wouldn’t be invited would be Robbie. There was no way he would let him come and degrade the memory of his Justin, no matter what Sharon said or anyone else for that matter. He would have to make that very plain to everyone and he would have to make sure that Robbie knew it. Maybe Pastor Johnson could convey that little message for him. He sure as hell didn’t want to talk to that poor excuse for a man that Robbie had become.

To think of all the countless hours he had spent trying to show him how to be a real man, all those lessons and not one of them took either. It was a shame really, but at least there were other good boys like Neil to help keep his hope alive for the new generation. Still, it was a tough uphill fight and now the idiots wanted to ruin a good young man’s future because he showed his outrage the only way he could. It just didn’t make sense but he’d do what he could, only thing was would young Neil be able to weather the storm without turning on those who befriended him? Would he too become a disappointment like his own flesh ‘n blood?

Looking at Neil’s face, seeing the puffiness around the eyes and all, Walt knew that Neil had been crying. Well, hopefully it hadn’t been in front of anyone, which was how real men handled their grief, alone, and in private. He smiled at the boy, trying to give him courage and reassurances so that the lad wouldn’t embarrass him in front of the desk Sergeant. He needn’t have worried as he saw how quickly Neil gathered himself together, erasing the almost puppy like adoration from his face and becoming still too. Yes, he had taught the boy well he thought, as he entered the small room and waited while Sergeant Burns reached outside the door and brought a small chair inside, placing it at the table.

If only Robbie could be like this boy he thought, maybe then he’d only have lost one son instead of two. He really wished he knew where he had gone wrong, why Robbie had turned on him like he had. It just didn’t make sense. After all he did give Robbie the best he could, he spent time with him, looked after him in every way possible, neglecting nothing and yet here he was, a failure as a man and worse, the one attempt at making amends and he even failed at that. No, there would be no Robbie anymore in his family, not even at Justin’s funeral and he sighed, knowing his wife would protest but he was the head of the household, she would have to understand that he really had no choice in the matter.

His own heart was heavy with the burden as he sat down in the chair, staring over at young Neil, knowing that so far he had at least succeeded with this one. Maybe he could carry on where Robbie couldn’t, where Justin was no longer able. Walt felt the pain inside but like he had taught all of his boys, he kept that to himself as he leaned back in the chair, seeing the adoration and relief in Neil’s face. At least this had so far been a success but he had to be vigilant, knowing that there were many who would criticize and try to weaken his position with Neil. He had to be sure of him, but in his heart he knew that Neil was his, was no less a son than Justin.

Walter “How you holding up boy?”

Neil “Okay, when can I go home?”

Walt “Not for a bit it seems, there are some complications.”

Neil “What kind? I don’t get it, what are they so steamed about? I only did what anyone else would do in my place, can’t you make them see that?”

Walter stared at the young boy, saw the defiance in his face and felt a strange glow of pride deep in his chest. It was almost as if this were the boy he should have had instead of Robbie, but God had not seen fit to give him Neil, at least not in the proper sense. Still, he had directed the boy to come into his circle, so perhaps it was as it should be. He could see the fear in the boy’s face too knowing he would have to give the lad some courage, some backbone to make it beyond the moment. Damn it, why couldn’t those Jews have just stayed out of things, why did they have to be the ones to find Justin and not get him immediate help? What was it about those people that always brought trouble to innocent folk? Must be something in their genes, after all they did kill God’s son too didn’t they?

Walt “Settle down boy, of course you know I will try, but it is not easy. Not everyone understands the truth like you and I do, it isn’t going to be easy… are you prepared for that?”

He looked at Walt Fisher, saw the steel in the eyes and felt a bit better for it. He knew at least that there was someone who would stand by him and if he had to choose, he’d want no one else but Walt to be at his side. He might not win but at least he’d have done the right thing, so he felt a bit easier inside, even though he could feel his pulse racing, knowing it was just nerves.

Neil “I don’t know, I think so…”

Walt “You DON’T KNOW?”

The booming voice almost made him cringe and he leaned back against the cold cement wall, his eyes filled with tears as he heard his mentor’s angry voice filling his head with its demanding question. How could he have been so stupid, of course he knew the right answer but he had forgotten for a second and let his doubts work their way up and break out. He felt the shame as he lowered his head to answer Walt, praying that he could show him that he wasn’t a failure, that he had learned what Walt had wanted him to know.

Neil “I do, it is just, what are they going to do to me? Am I going to jail?”

Walt “You might, if the Jews have their way, you just might.”

Neil “What do they have to do with it?”

Walt “I guess cause it was their so called Church they are making a big stink about it, so the featherheads in charge are trying to appease them, and that makes you the perfect scapegoat for them. It is typical of the world these days, there really isn’t justice anymore, just appeasement for those who deserve no special treatment, but they get it anyways.”

Neil “Can’t you stop them?”

Walt “It isn’t that simple Neil, you know that.”

Neil “Yeah, but… I mean can’t you talk to the lawyer people, they’ll listen to you won’t they?”

Walt “They might, of course they have their own backsides to cover, you know how it is.”

Neil “I guess…”

He could see the dejection in the boy, and he knew too that there was still much for him to do, to help this boy finally become a man. Walt watched as the boy’s eyes couldn’t make contact with his own and he felt the power he held, knowing that it still held sway and he relaxed a little, knowing that for now he was safe. He still needed to know a few things, but he felt much more confidant that Neil would continue to prove to be a favourite of his. God he looked so vulnerable there, and for a mere second Walt wished he could just go over to him and take him into his arms, hold him, and let his head rest on his shoulder, but that wasn’t how men acted, so he pushed aside the random feeling, a bit irritated at its sudden appearance.

Walt “Have you told them who you were with?”

Neil “NO, no, they have asked. They even say that if I tell them I could go; but no, I haven’t said.”

Walt “Well, I can’t tell you what to do there Neil. I only know if it were me in your place, I never could squeal on my friends. Good friends like those are hard to find and sometimes you have to take the heat for them, you know they would for you, but that is me, you have to do what you think is best”

Neil stared over at Walt, wondering what it was he was trying to tell him? Could he really think that he would rat out his friends or was he maybe saying he should tell the cops? It was all too confusing to him but he knew that it was important to give Walt the right answer; only trouble was, what was the right answer that he expected?

Neil “I know, it is just, I know I shouldn’t be, but I am scared, all those stories about Jail and all, I just don’t know.”

Walt “Well for starters, lets not have you in prison just yet. A lot has to happen first and you know that both your Mom and I will do our best to not let that happen.”

Neil “I know… it is just, I don’t know if I can handle jail, and they say I won’t have to, but only if I help them…”

The fear was there, he could smell it as the boy talked and as Neil kept his head lowered, Walt knew that he was simply frightened, that perhaps he hadn’t progressed as much as Walt had hoped, or maybe he just needed a bit of reassurance, so that he could make the right decision? He sighed a little as he placed his hands on the table, folded them together in a sort of triangle and stared straight ahead at Neil.

Walt “If, and I say ‘IF,’ it comes down to that, to doing some time, the Neil I know will be able to handle that, just as he has handled a lot of other tough situations. The only question is, can you be that Neil that I know or will you be the one who first came to me stuttering and wanting to mow my lawn? That is something you are going to have dig deep down inside and answer Neil, which is it going to be?”

For a brief second he wanted to be that boy again, the one who stuttered and didn’t have to always try to live up to some standard by some adult, but he knew that Walt only was trying to help him, that was why he did what he did and even the punishments, well they hurt and all and he still was uncomfortable about the lessons at times, but it was for his own good. Hell, if it weren’t for Walt’s guidance, he wouldn’t be on the basketball team now, he wouldn’t have a girlfriend, and he sure as hell wouldn’t be popular with the other kids, so it really was a no brainer, wasn’t it? Thing was though, he kept hearing this voice rebelling inside, telling him stuff that he quickly pushed aside and tried to forget, but it kept coming back at the strangest times, like now and for a brief moment he felt cheated by Walt, felt even betrayed even though his mind was stunned by that thought. How could he feel that way especially after all Walt had done for him, yet that strange voice inside wouldn’t leave him alone.

His jaw tightened and he could feel the skin on his face grow taut as he struggled against that small whining voice, willing it into silence but even as it grew silent, he knew that it would be back, like a terrible nightmare, he just knew it would return. He felt rather tired too, the strength it seemed to take to turn his back on that voice was becoming more and more each time that it popped up but he had to fight it back, to keep it from ruining his only chance at being normal. Didn’t the stupid voice understand that?

Neil “I won’t let you down, Sir.”

It seemed to have taken Neil some time to answer but Walt knew that it was simply because the boy was scared. He watched way too much television at times, and so his view of prison was not based on reality. Prison was more like a country club these days, the way they coddled the criminals. For Christ’s sake they even got free dental and all the porn magazines they wanted, as long as they had the cash to pay for it. Hell, he even heard some jerk robbed a bank just so he could get his teeth fixed. He had no intention of making off with the money, he just wanted to go to jail to get away from his obnoxious bitch of a wife and her constant greed, and to get his teeth fixed. He shook his head a little knowing that prison would not hurt Neil if it came to that, and he straightened his shoulders though, determined not to let Neil find out just what real prison life was.

Walt “Good, now we have some things going for you. One, you don’t have a criminal record; two, you are a good student and a good athlete too, that will help.”

Neil “Will it be enough?”

Walt “If we have the right person to show it to the Judge, yes it should be, and that is my department. I know a good lawyer and we’ll have him look after this, okay?”

For some reason it didn’t really make him feel any better. He had to believe in Walt, there was no one else to believe in and yet once more the voice seemed to be dogging him, trying to erode his faith in Walt. Shame quickly filled his thoughts because he shouldn’t even be having those kinds of thoughts, not after all that Walt had done for him, and for his mom too. He had to prove to Walt that he was the kind of person that Walt thought he was, even if it meant going to prison.

Neil “My mom can’t afford that, it is expensive and she doesn’t have a lot.”

Walt “Well you leave that to me. After all, you are as much a son to me as Just… as Justin was, and you know I take care of my boys, right?”

For just one brief second Neil thought he saw a crack in Walt’s demeanour, the way his voice suddenly cracked as he tried to say Justin’s name, and he felt the loss of his best friend even more now than at any other time since he heard the news. God why did he have to die? Why couldn’t those two boys help him sooner, what was it that the news guys had on them? He felt the anger inside now, knowing that they were the ones who should be here, not him and he sat upright now, determined to not let Walt down any more tonight.

Neil “But you have already done so much for us, I can’t ask you to… I mean, I do want to but…”

Walt “Yes I know, you are a man in so many ways Neil. It is good to see you wanting to take the responsibility and be the man; but not just yet, there are still things to learn, so for now you let me handle this okay?”

Neil “Okay.”

Walt “Good boy! Now listen, you are going to have to decide how you want this to go. If you tell them what they want, you can most likely walk out of here with me now; if not, you may have to spend at least the rest of tonight here until I can get a lawyer to pry you free, so… your first big decision, what’s it going to be?”

In some ways it was kind of surprising to see the way Walt was looking at him, waiting for his decision, as if there could be any doubt? He didn’t understand it but for some reason it appeared to be extremely important for Walt to know if he would tell. But, was it that he was afraid Neil would tell on the guys who were with him or that he would do the unthinkable and tell about his special tutoring with Walt?

There was a bit of confusion inside his head as the voice seemed to be rising again but he quickly shrugged it off, knowing that he had to do the honourable thing, that he had to protect his friends, just as they would protect him if in the same situation. Of course, the voice tried to tell him that if they were such good friends, why didn’t they come forward and help him out of this jam? All they would have to do is stand up and stand with him, then he wouldn’t have to face this alone, but the voice was wrong, wasn’t it?

Neil looked at Walt and saw the anxiety on his face, and he hated himself for causing this man more worry, when all he had ever done was stick up for Neil, help him like a father when his own father had run out. No, he couldn’t let him down, no matter how much the voice persisted. Men didn’t turn on their true friends and he wanted to be a man, at least in Walt’s eyes. That was what really mattered, nothing else really meant shit if Walt didn’t respect him, if Walt wasn’t proud of him.

Neil “I can’t… I won’t tell them anything, it isn’t right to hurt them just so I can go home, no I won’t tell them.”

Walt “God, you make me proud Neil! Excellent, in that case if I were you I would not say anything to them other than you want your lawyer. Until you talk to him, you say absolutely nothing to them, got it?”

That was all he had wanted to hear and now that he had, he knew that he could survive the ordeal. He didn’t care any longer what the stupid voice said, he had made Walt proud of him and that was better than any medal he could get, any grade, any award, because he had finally achieved something really important. He had made Walt proud of him. For the moment the fear no longer reached for his heart, no longer troubled his soul and all because Walt was proud of him.

Neil “I got it.”

Walt “Okay, now listen up. I am going to try and talk to the detectives here, see if I can’t get you released into my custody. They might go for it, all things considered, but no guarantees, okay?”

Neil “Okay, I know you will do your best for me.”

Walt “Of course I will, I always will do my best for you Neil, as long as you continue to make me proud like you are right now, okay?”

Neil “I’ll try.”

Walt “No Neil, you have to do it, not try to do it. There is no other way my boy, right?”

Neil “Right.”

Walt “Good, so, tell me, how in hell did you get caught and the other’s get away?”

Neil “I tripped on my laces.”

Walt “Your laces? Sweet Jesus, didn’t you think to tuck them into the sides like I taught you?”

Neil “I did, but I guess they weren’t in far enough, they came out and when I heard the cops, well…”

Walt “Okay, well those are the breaks, it is too bad, but we will work through this. Just remember to do what I taught you Neil, use this as a way to reinforce that, know that if you had listened to me about the laces you wouldn’t have screwed up and be in this mess. So use it, don’t let yourself make any more dumb mistakes!”

He knew that Walt was right; still it hurt to know that he had caused all this extra trouble for the one person he wanted to please. It was his fault and he would have to work doubly hard to make sure he didn’t screw up again. He wouldn’t blame Walt for refusing to help him but then, for whatever reason Walt stuck by him, so he had to prove him right, didn’t he?

Neil “Yes, Sir!”

Walt “Good! Look Neil, I know you are scared, any decent person would be, but remember, keep it under control, don’t give the bastards any satisfaction of seeing you are scared, it will only make it worse.”

Neil “I know Sir, I won’t let them know.”

Walt “Good boy, I know I can count on you.”

Neil “Yes Sir!”

It was amazing really at how some kids responded so well to him, and he knew that it was a gift from God. Maybe it was even his calling, to help these wayward teenagers and teach them how men were supposed to act, down to the most minuscule detail even, and as much as it consumed his time and his energy, he knew that he had to do it. Looking at Neil now, he felt the pride that a father felt upon learning his son had just won the super bowl or scored the winning goal in the Stanley Cup finals. This was what it was all about and he thanked God for giving him this opportunity, knowing that God was watching him, smiling perhaps.

Walt “Once we get this sorted out, get you back home where you belong, if you do as I say, maybe we can take you up to the cabin. Would you like that?”

Neil “YES SIR!”

Walt “Good, something to work for then, maybe if it all works out you can take out the dirt bike on your own for a bit… just remember, keep it under control.”

Neil “You mean that? Wow, YES SIR! You’ll see, I won’t disappoint you, honest.”

Walt “I know you won’t, it is why I don’t mind coming here at this time of night, but don’t make me regret this now.”

Neil “I won’t. You will see, I’ll make you proud of me.”

Walt “Good, that is what I wanted to hear, especially at this time. Justin would be proud of you right now, if he were here.”

Neil “I wish he were.”

Walt “Yes, so do I, so do I…”

The silence seemed to fill the room as both kept their tongues stilled, both lost in their own thoughts about the loss of Justin. Walt for his part felt the pain deep in his heart, the tears welling up near his eyes but his iron will continued to hold power over him, even as his heart was slowly being shredded into tiny pieces. He didn’t let it show and he knew that as much as he wanted to, he would never let the bastards see him humble because of God’s will. He had to believe that there was a purpose behind all this and maybe part of that purpose was to finally expose the nefarious plot that the Jews had over this community. Maybe that in itself was enough to warrant the ultimate sacrifice a father could give but still, he had to admit, it was a terrible burden to bear in silence.

Neil wanted to bury his head in his hands and cry, but as he stared over at Walt, saw the iron control the man had on his own emotions, he knew that he couldn’t surrender to such childish thoughts. He was nearly a full-grown man and it was time he acted like one. Maybe all this had a purpose, he didn’t know but if it did, then he would find out in due time, for now he had to simply follow what he had been taught. If he did, then things would work out for the best, that he knew for certain so he held back the grief, forcing the tears to retreat and not endanger his position with Walt.

The knock on the door startled them both and they both turned to look at it as it opened slowly. Neil saw the familiar face of the desk Sergeant and he figured that Walt’s time was up and he felt rather scared again, the memories of him stuttering and feeling so hurt and alone once more becoming more real than the real situation. It was almost as if he were no longer 16 but once more just 11 years old, trying to figure out why his father had left him, what it had been that he had done that had driven the only man in his life from him.

Sergeant Burns “I am sorry Mr. Fisher, they want Neil upstairs.”

Walt “What for?”

Sergeant “I don’t know, but that lady from the Crown is in a real mood. I am sorry, but maybe afterward I can let you come back and talk some more, okay?”

Walt “I suppose, any chance of me talking to this lady lawyer from the Crown? Maybe I can talk some sense into her.”

Sergeant “I don’t know, I can pass your request on when I take Neil upstairs, if you would like.”

Walt “Yes, I would appreciate that Sergeant. Anything you can do would be a help and I know both the boy’s mother and myself will be most appreciative.”

Sergeant “Yes uh, well I can’t make any promises, but I’ll see what I can do.”

Walt “Okay, that’s all I ask Sergeant.”

Sergeant “Yes Sir, uh, come on Kid, let’s get a move on.”

Neil stared at Walt and saw him flash him a smile and the thunder in his chest seemed to quieten down a little. It felt good to know that maybe he could talk some more with Walt after, and he didn’t feel quite so alone as he stood up and walked over to the Sergeant. On his way past Walt he stopped and looked down at Walt, trying to tell him that he would do as he said, that he wouldn’t disappoint Walt.

Neil & the Rabbi

The Rabbi sat in the small room, staring out the iron barred window, wondering what it was about Police stations that had him on edge? He knew most average people had that aversion and yet wasn’t it the job of the police to protect, to serve? So why did being here make one so uncomfortable? Strange he thought, he knew what his wife would say and maybe she was right, maybe it was simply that being here meant things weren’t so good, still he felt that for him at least, there was something more to it than just that.

He leaned back in the chair, wondering how all this would turn out and for a moment or two he felt uneasy, knowing how much he was risking and if it were only him maybe it wouldn’t be so bad starting over, but he had Adele to think about and then there were the boys too. How would it look to them that their father had to give up his job simply because he felt he had to do what he knew was right? It didn’t make sense really but then the whole world was mishuga (crazy) these days.

Just his brief discussion with that lady from the Crown proved that to him. He knew that if this were perhaps the ‘30’s or even the ‘50’s or ‘70’s she would be the one pressing him not to charge the young boy, and now here she was pushing him to ruin a 16-year-old boys life, just so she could show that she was tough on crime. It didn’t make sense anymore, 30 years ago who knew from hate crimes and yet if you really thought about it, wasn’t all crime a ‘hate crime’? How could anyone who cared, who loved people, commit crimes if it weren’t for their hatred or misplaced anger?

His head lowered as he thought about the changes in the world, about how a boy could hate so much that he would do what Neil did and how the world had gone from nurturing its young to trying them as adults. What ever happened to the notion of teaching them values, of fighting evil? How many wars had been fought for that simple cause and yet it seemed no one learned from it. His heart ached because what kind of world was it that he was leaving behind for his boys and it troubled him, knowing that the real changes were still a long ways off. Sure there were the hate laws and all, but they weren’t really for ending hate, because you cannot end hate by increasing jail sentences, and even as they profess to fight hate, the same people deny the basic rights to those who are simply different.

There was so much he didn’t understand about this gay thing, and to be honest it wasn’t anyone’s fault but his own. He had chosen not to look but now he had to look and what he saw was amazing. He could see it in his own boy’s eyes, the way they sparkled when he looked at Robbie, the way they simply shone when they were together but it was more than that. It was like looking into her eyes too, feeling that bond, that love and he could see it in his son’s face and his eyes and so why shouldn’t they have the same rights as he and his wife had? He knew of many normal couples who never had what he and Adele had, and never would either and yet they could enjoy all the perks, all the rights simply because they were ‘normal.’ Was this really how HE wanted things to be or was he just as sad as Abner?

“Oiy such tszuris you have given us, for once it would be nice to know, but then I suppose that is what this about. I wonder, do you ever wish you hadn’t given us this little piece inside that craves such freedoms, such independence? Do you ever wish you had never made that promise to Noah or are you satisfied with what it has meant to us, your children? I wonder, will you ever tell us why? Do we ever get to see the answers or maybe it is that there is no answer, that you are learning just as we are? I wonder, so many claim you are all powerful, all knowing, and yet it seems like even you are sometimes surprised by us.”

Abner sat there, staring at his hands and turning them over and over in his lap, wishing that she had come with him and at the same time glad she hadn’t. He had enough to deal with without her stepping even more on the toes of the likes of that lawyer lady. Oh though to just think of that clash and to see the expressions would perhaps be worth the added grief it would cause, still, perhaps not but one could dream. His heart became a little lighter as he thought about it, knowing too that the Crown Lawyer lady wouldn’t let this go easily and he was certain she would most likely try to get her way, no matter what he did tonight. His shoulders sagged a little as one more added weight was placed on his old bones but he didn’t really feel any more burdened, just a bit tired and sadder.

The knock on the door didn’t even startle him and he only turned his head up and over towards the door as it opened. He stared out at the Sergeant and the young boy who were standing in front of him. He could see the fear in the boy’s eyes and by the trembling lower lip and yet there was a sense of defiance in his stance too. It made him smile a little knowing how he was no different than any other 16 year old boy, trying to put on a brave face when all he really wanted to do was rush into a parents arms and let them soothe him. Well, maybe he could do something about that, but somehow he knew that it wouldn’t be easy.

Abner “So, you are the person who everyone is talking about, you don’t look like a hooligan, are you?”

Neil “Huh? No, I am not, uh…”

Abner “I didn’t think so, I am Rabbi Goldberg…”

For a mere minute he felt the freezing effects of panic, wondering what was going to happen and yet the more he looked at the short squat man sitting in the chair, the less afraid he was, even calm really as he tried to contain his surprise. This man didn’t look like some evil spell caster, and yet maybe that was just it, he didn’t look the part, which was maybe how he got away with it? Still, he had to admit, he felt a sense of peace that he hadn’t felt around many older adults, not even Walt, almost as if there were no expectations for him to live up to, as if he were being simply accepted for himself.

Neil “You are? I mean… what do you want with me?”

Abner “To talk, to maybe have you help me.”

Neil “Help you? How? Is this some kind of trick, you really the head of the place we, I mean…”

Abner “Yes, I am the Rabbi, the pastor if you will of the temple, the church that you decided to redecorate; and before you ask, yes I am the same one who was on the television. So, come sit down and let us talk for a few minutes.”

Questions were pouring into his mind and he didn’t quite know what to do. This wasn’t what he had expected and even though he felt comfortable, he still felt on edge but it was different in so many ways. He couldn’t explain it to himself but it was like this was more important than anything else and yet this was the man who had allowed Robbie to be hoodwinked, this was the so called leader of those who would try to control him and his kind, so how could he feel at ease? How could he even be thinking this and he struggled to find his inner strength, to find the will he would need to deny this evil man his tricks.

Neil “What about? I don’t think this is… I mean…”

Abner “Surely you aren’t afraid of an old man like me are you?”

Neil “I am not afraid of you or your kind.”

Abner “No? Good, then come, sit down.”

Neil “Well… okay.”

Abner “Good, uh, thank you Sergeant, you don’t need to stay. I don’t think there is anything to worry about.”

Sergeant “Well, Uh, I don’t think that is a good idea Rabbi, I mean he is a prisoner in custody and…”

Abner “You can wait outside the door. There is no place for him to escape to, besides come on Sergeant, he is not some hardened criminal. He and I will be fine, besides, this is private, so please, if you will?”

Sergeant Burns stared at the Rabbi and even though the words were softly spoken, even hesitant in a way he felt like it was a command, an order he couldn’t refuse. Funny but the old guy had a way with him that made him think like he was some General and as much as he jumped when people like Margaret Sinclair snarled, this was different, it was like he wanted to obey the man, not that he had to. He nodded to the Rabbi and looked at Neil for a second, clearly telling him to behave by his look and then he turned around and closed the door behind him, leaning up against the wall wondering what it was about the Rabbi that had him so unsettled?

Both of them watched the Sergeant reluctantly leave them alone and close the door, but neither of them heard the key in the lock so they both knew that he was only an instant away. Strange, he felt more like a prisoner than a visitor and as he turned away from the door, he once more stared at Neil, seeing the fear in his eyes, despite the boy’s efforts to conceal it. There was no doubt that he was putting on an act, the only question for Abner was how could he reach this poor boy, or was it already too late like Margaret Sinclair seemed to think? He shook his head and sighed a little which made the boy stare at him, for the first time their eyes made contact and Abner could see the hatred, feel it even as if it were leaping out at him, and yet he didn’t flinch, didn’t even shudder.

Neil “So? What is it you want from me?”

Rabbi Goldberg looked at the young boy and felt the sadness that was becoming a part of his life lately. He could see the anger, the hatred, and yet there was something else too as he looked closer and he saw the fear and the uncertainty of a troubled young boy. It was almost too much for him as once more he felt the pain of a tortured soul crying out and yet the boy showed no visible signs of it. In fact he looked haughty and defiant but he knew different because he had seen beyond the barriers and his own heart once more ached for the innocence lost.

Abner “From you? Nothing really, except maybe to try and understand why you did what you did, to see if you are the hooligan the lawyers say you are, or perhaps to just see what I already know.”

Neil “Already know? What do you know about me, we have never met…”

Abner “No, but I have two boys too; one is your age, maybe you know him even, Joel? Joel Goldberg?”

Neil “Yeah I know him, what about it?”

Abner “Nothing, maybe he did something to you? Did he?”

Neil “Huh? No, no he never did anything to me, he’s okay I suppose… I don’t…”

Abner “Then why do you hate him so much? He must have done something, if he did, tell me. I don’t want my boy doing bad things, tell me, what did he do to you that you hate him so much, you do hate him don’t you?”

Neil “No, no I don’t hate him, I mean, I don’t even know him really, just to say hi or something, I don’t…”

Abner “No? Then why? Why did you paint those …those things on his church? If you didn’t hate him, why would you do something like that?”

Neil “I don’t know, I was angry, he let Justin die… isn’t that enough?”

The way he said it, the venom that was in each word and yet too there was something else, something more than that behind the words and he looked closer at Neil, seeing the innocence of his youth being clouded by the anger of the world. He was just a frightened boy who had lost someone close to him, and for the first time he was faced with death, and the armour of youth was dented by that close brush with the enemy of life, or so it seemed to many.

Abner “Losing a close friend, at any age is never easy to accept, you and Justin, you were close, yes?”

Neil “Yes.”

Abner “So, you blame my boys for that?”

Neil “I guess, the way it was reported, yeah I guess I do.”

Abner “Yes, but you know that things aren’t always what they seem to be, don’t you boychik?”

Neil just nodded to the older man, knowing that he was right in some ways and yet if he were right, then why did he feel this way? Why had he felt such hatred for Joel and his brother if it weren’t because of what they did or didn’t do? Could he really have been wrong, but then, if he were wrong, wouldn’t that make Walt wrong too? That just couldn’t be, Walt was a great guy, a super father and person, so how could he be wrong?

The silence grew as they both looked away from each other, both of them lost in their own thoughts. Rabbi Goldberg wondered about Justin and why had he been there, and now he thought he knew the answer, which only made him feel older and more tired than ever. First Robbie and now Justin, how could HE do this? How could HE allow such things to happen when he was supposed to be the FATHER?

Surely a father didn’t just stand by and let their boys be hurt did he? Could he do that if it were Joel or Joshua but then too, he had done just that hadn’t he? When Joel had been bullied back in Toronto, he hadn’t stepped in, he had let nature takes it course, and in that case it was Joshua who had stepped up, so maybe this too was all part of it? Was this how HE taught us all? Looking at Neil now he realized that there was so much he didn’t understand and yet just as much that he did understand. He felt the boy’s pain as he realized that Neil cared deeply for Justin and that his actions weren’t out of hatred really, but more out of grief, though it seemed like many would like it to have been from hatred. Ach, such a mishuga world he thought as he leaned forward.

Abner “I know my boys Neil, they would not have just left him there. They would have tried to help him if they had known, but they didn’t know.”

Neil “How could they not have known? He was at Robbie’s apartment, he had to be trying to find Robbie… he couldn’t not have…”

Abner “Yes he maybe was trying to find Robbie, but not the way you might think.”

Neil “I don’t, what do you mean? That was Robbie’s place… why else…”

Abner “Justin knew that Robbie wouldn’t be there, he knew that Robbie was in the hospital. He went to the apartment to be at peace, to be near the one person who he loved above anyone else.”

Neil “NO! NO! You are wrong… he couldn’t have… no… oh God… No…”

The Rabbi could see the dawning of realization on the boy’s face and he saw it twist into various forms of anger, disbelief and even hatred as he tried to cope with what he had said to him. He reached out to take the boy’s hands into his own, pulling the boy forward, forcing him even to look him in the face as he spoke.

Abner “Your friend was in a great deal of pain Neil, he didn’t know any other way out of that pain. You know how he suffered with it, you were his friend, you know that I am telling the truth.”

Neil felt the man’s hands on his and he felt a strange warmth enter him but worse he could hear the voices again and he felt terrified by their sound. His body shook as he listened to the old man’s words and his eyes blinked as the tears came welling up and trickled down from each corner. His body was shaking as the realization came to him and his mind recoiled from it knowing that to acknowledge it would mean that all he had learnt was a pack of lies. He couldn’t accept that and he yanked his hands away from the old man, pushing himself back from the table.

Neil “That’s a lie… your kind always lies.”

Abner “Ach, enough of the propaganda. You are not a child, you are nearly a man according to the law. In the eyes of God you already are a man, so enough of this ‘your kind.’ You know the truth, face it boychik, because if you don’t you will not have a happy life; and I think, for whatever it is worth, that you deserve a happy life.”

Neil “You are trying to trick me, there is no way that Justin did what you think. No way, he was too tough, he wouldn’t give in to any kind of pain. He was tough, as tough as they come.”

Abner “No Neil, he wasn’t that tough. No one is, especially when they think they are alone; and he didn’t give in either, he was just tired is all. It was too much for him, don’t you see that? It was just too much for him and if you aren’t careful, it will be too much for you too.”

Neil stood up and stumbled backwards, trying to get away from the old man and his piercing eyes and his calm soft voice. It had to be a trick, there was no way that Justin would do what this crazy Jew said, no way at all and he should know, after all he was best friends with Justin. They shared secrets together and everything, no, no way would Justin have done what this crazy old fool thought, no way in hell!.

Yet, even as he felt the hard bars up against his back, the cold iron only barely registering in his thoughts, he could hear the voices again telling him that what he believed wasn’t what was true. He could hear Justin’s voice too, the way he told Neil that sometimes he wished he had Robbie’s strength, that maybe one day he would not have the pain, but that was about practise, wasn’t it? Of course it was, he thought, but the voice wouldn’t let it go, wouldn’t let him sweep it away as he had that time and he felt his heart ache, wishing that Justin were here, that maybe if Justin had only talked to him, come to his place instead of going to Robbie’s apartment. Maybe he wouldn’t have died, maybe he would still be here to laugh, to play hoops with but as he stared at the floor, he felt the loss overwhelm him and the tears began to roll down his face, his body shaking as he cried out for Justin, wishing him back and yet knowing it wasn’t going to be.

Neil “You are wrong… about Justin.”

Abner “Then I am wrong about you too, because I know that what you did wasn’t out of hate. I don’t really think you hate me or Joel or anyone, now do you?”

Neil “I don’t… I don’t hate you, I just wish you… why did he have to die? He was my only friend, why didn’t he come to me?”

The Rabbi stood up and walked over to Neil, and he opened his arms to let the boy come to his bosom, and he held him tight while the tears soaked into his shirt. He let the boy cry and he felt the pain now and he knew that he was right, that this was not a bad boy just another troubled youth forced to be a man when he should still be a child. He felt the pain as he soothed him, like any real father would do for his son and he held him tight, letting him cry and letting him feel the loss that now filled his heart.

Abner “It is okay kinder (slang for child), it is okay, it isn’t your fault, he was just tired. He didn’t know better is all, but he is at peace now. He is with God and he isn’t feeling any pain now, he is happy and he wouldn’t want you to be sad either, now would he?”

Neil “I guess not, but why? Why couldn’t he come to me?”

Abner “I don’t know, maybe he didn’t want to have you feel the pain he was feeling…”

Neil “But I wouldn’t have minded… he was… he was my friend, my only real friend, he could have told me, I wouldn’t have stopped being his friend…”

Abner “Sssh, I know that. He didn’t want to burden you; in his way he was trying to protect you, but don’t feel bad. He was in such pain, Neil. Now he is free from it, that is important isn’t it? You wouldn’t want it any other way now would you?”

Neil “I guess not… but…”

Abner “Come, sit down and wipe your eyes now, there is nothing left to fear.”

Neil let the Rabbi take him by the arm and walk him back towards the small table where he sat down. His eyes were red and puffy and he wiped them clear, feeling a strange sense of peace inside, something he really hadn’t felt before. It was funny too, but the voices inside seemed almost happy now, as if by crying he no longer felt the pain or the pressure of having to hold on, of having to be something he really didn’t want to be. It didn’t make sense to him and it scared him a little and yet as he sat down, the fear didn’t seem all that bad and when the Rabbi moved away to also sit down, Neil felt a bit sad, wishing that the man would still hold him tight, and then the shame came. How could he be happy for something that was a mistake? He had given in, had shown his fear to another and yet, well the world hadn’t crashed in on him and the Rabbi hadn’t laughed, hadn’t tried to score either, he had just let him cry as if he understood his fears.

Neil “But… I don’t understand… why are you doing this? I did those things to your church… why don’t you hate me? I don’t get…”

Abner “Hate is such a bad word, and you didn’t mean those things did you?”

Neil “I guess not, I did at the time though. I don’t know, it all seems so strange, talking to you… crying like a baby in front of you… how can you even… this is so strange…”

Strange but he thought he would indeed hate, and he knew in his heart that this boy wasn’t the cause of the pain or the problems that his son and Robbie were facing, that it was in large part due to Walter Fisher himself and yet even now, even after hearing all of Robbie’s story and then seeing the Shul in such a state, he still didn’t quite think that he hated Walter Fisher. How do you explain that to a boy like Neil who had his fears used against him in a way that was nothing short of contemptuous? How do you not hate the perpetrator of such acts?

There was so much that he wanted to say, and yet he knew that all that had been done to this boy could never be totally undone. His best hope was that he be given the time to sort it out on his own, that he be given choices that weren’t tainted by one’s own personal goals. He felt the boy’s sadness and confusion too but the tears that had soaked his shirt weren’t from some evil monster, they came from a boy and how could he seek anything but compassion for one so confused, so helpless?

Abner “Crying is not a sign of weakness, but of strength and more than that Neil, it shows that you are human, just as God intended you to be.”

Neil “No, no that isn’t right… it can’t be…”

Abner “Why? Because some one has a different view of what a real man is? Isn’t that all a part of being who we are, of being different and yet not?”

He wanted to believe the old man, there was no reason really why the man would lie to him but yet everything he had learned from Walt said that this man was lying, that all he stood for was evil and was wrong, so how come he wanted to believe him? Why did he feel good in listening to him when he should be shouting him down? It didn’t make sense and yet it did too, or at least it did to that nagging voice deep inside of him.

Neil “I don’t…”

Abner “You don’t belong here Neil, you have made a mistake in judgement, you let other’s tell you how to feel, how to act, can’t you see that?”

Neil “Maybe, but… how can he be wrong? He has always… I mean it just doesn’t seem like he could be…”

Abner “There are many things that you are going to have to sort out Neil, some of them will not be pleasant but life is not always about black and white. It is filled with tough choices, and as much as I’d like to tell you that it gets easier the older you get, I can’t, because it doesn’t, it only gets harder.”

Neil “I guess I’ll have plenty of time to think about it, won’t I?”

Abner “How do you figure that?”

Neil “Not much else you can do in jail is there?”

Abner “Jail? You think you are going to jail?”

Neil “Aren’t I? I mean… I am sorry, but…”

Abner “But he told you that, so it must be true, yes?”

They had all told him that it was because of this man that he wouldn’t be able to go home, they had all said that once he came here he would see that Neil was charged and that only luck could get him off, and yet the man wasn’t doing that, instead he seemed almost as upset about that as Neil felt. His eyes were still red but as he stared at the Rabbi, he felt that warmth again and it was always how he had imagined a father would be, back when he was just a kid. Funny, he had thought Walt would be that father but all Walt did was point out his mistakes, tell him how to correct them but he couldn’t ever recall Walt telling him it was okay to screw up, telling him that even though he had screwed up he was still special to him.

Neil “Sort of, I mean that’s why you’re here isn’t it?”

Abner “Yes, it is why I am here, but I am not the one who wants you in jail.”

Neil “But… everyone has said that you do, I mean…”

Abner “I’ll make you a deal Neil, if you wish.”

The confusion was clouding his mind and yet as he heard the words ‘deal’ he sat up a little straighter. His mind quickly began cheering because at long last the man was about to reveal his real purpose here, and he felt like Walt had been right all along and all the rest had been just smoke and mirrors to try and confuse him, to trick him.

Neil “A deal? What kind of deal?”

Abner “A simple one. I don’t want you in jail. I think that will not help you or help me. Instead, I propose that come Saturday you meet me and my boys at the shul, and you help us clean up the mess.”

Neil “And?”

Abner “And? And I will do my best to see that you can go home with your mother now, that this whole incident ends here and now.”

Neil “What happens if I don’t want to help you on Saturday?”

Abner “Then my boys and I will clean up your handiwork ourselves.”

Neil “While I sit in jail, figures…”

Abner “No, whether you agree to help us clean up or not, I will not sign any papers, I will not push for any prosecution of you or those who helped you. Though I think it was more likely that you helped them. No Neil, as far as it is in my power, you should go home with your mother tonight, no court dates to keep, no charges.”

Neil “Even if I don’t agree to come and help you? Are you crazy?”

Abner “Perhaps, I am sure that the lady lawyer upstairs will think so, perhaps even some of my congregation will think so, but no I am not crazy. I am just a father doing what he would hope another father would do for his boy, if he were in trouble. I am doing what my father, the Father of all of us, would want me to do. It is that simple and that complicated.”

Neil “But first you want my answer, right?”

Abner “No, you don’t have to say another word Neil. If you show up I will be pleased; if not, I will be disappointed but I won’t change my mind either. What you did, it was wrong, you should face that and make amends. How you choose to do that, well, I have given you a way, whether you accept it or not is out of my hands.”

Neil “Why? I don’t… why are you doing this?”

Abner “Because it is the right thing to do… Sergeant! Sergeant are you still out there?”

Neil still didn’t know what to make of this and he felt uneasy as the Rabbi called for the policeman and when the door opened he felt a strange sense of panic taking hold of him. What if this guy were right but how could he be? Walt said he would trick him, maybe this was a trick but if so, how did it work? He hadn’t asked him about the others, didn’t even seem to care who they were, and he didn’t even need him to agree, so he said, so what was the deal? Where was the trick?

Sergeant “Yes Sir?”

Rabbi “Could you please take us to that lawyer lady, Ms Sinclair I believe?”

Sergeant “Both of you? I mean…”

Abner “Yes, please, I am tired and I think this boy is too, time to get this finished with.”

The Sergeant felt a sense of sadness as he realized that even talking to the Rabbi, Neil wasn’t going to make it out of here tonight. Well maybe, if his mother got a good lawyer, they could get him released tomorrow but rather doubted it as he led the two towards the main detective room. He opened the door and watched as the Rabbi put his arm around Neil and led him inside. Seeing that made him feel a bit strange, and suddenly he felt a sense of hope inside as he stepped inside, seeing the detectives all turn around to stare at them, and he saw the angry look crossing the Crown lawyer’s face as the Rabbi led Neil into the room.

Neil felt scared and hesitant as the Sergeant had opened the door to the detective squad room but the sudden press of the Rabbi’s hand on his shoulder seemed to calm his fears and he stepped inside, feeling nervous but trusting in the man’s word. He still couldn’t believe it, but now it was his mind’s voice that seemed to be in the background, the other voices suddenly seemed to be in charge as he walked side by side towards an angry looking lady and two detectives who stood aside. There was another lady there too who looked not angry, but surprised to see him and the Rabbi and he noticed her look quickly at the scowling lady and he thought he saw a a smile cross her face as they came to the table.

Margaret was surprised to see the prisoner coming in with the Rabbi and her anger grew as she noticed how protective the Rabbi seemed to be acting over the boy. Well, if he thought he could get her to ease up on him or anything like that he was sadly mistaken. She would pursue this case with or without his support, after all she really didn’t need his signed statement and she also was fairly certain she could get Sam to sign a complaint even if the Rabbi didn’t.

Margaret “Rabbi… Why is he here Sergeant?”

Before the Sergeant could answer, the Rabbi spoke up, irritating Margaret even more as she listened to his soft calm voice echo in her ears.

Abner “I insisted that he bring him along, so if anyone is at fault for not following protocol, it is me.”

Margaret “I see, well, it doesn’t matter, are you ready to sign the complaint forms now Rabbi?”

Abner “No.”

Margaret “Excuse me?”

Abner “There is no complaint to be made here.”

Detective “Huh? We caught him at the scene Rabbi, there is all that painting…”

Abner “Oh there has been some scribbling on our walls, and even a broken window, though I can’t really recall if it weren’t broken earlier and we just never got around to fixing it, still, like I said, there is no complaint here.”

Damn it, she knew she shouldn’t have let him talk to the kid, now look at what it had gotten her? Christ these religious idiots thought that by turning the other cheek everything would work out, but it didn’t. All it brought was more pain, more expense to the police and of course more trouble. What fools they were and yet she could tell that he was determined to take this route. God, why had she let him talk with the kid and just what sob story did the kid give him? Couldn’t he see that the kid was playing him?

Margaret “Rabbi, excuse me but are you trying to be funny? You know damn well this kid scrawled swastika’s all over your walls, that he and his friends broke that window. Now it is fine to show compassion but this is lunacy, you are letting a criminal get away with his crime.”

Abner “That may be how you see it; it isn’t how I see it, nor is it how I will explain it to the judge if you wish to proceed in charging this boy with whatever it is you want to charge him with.”

Margaret “Well we can charge him without your signed complaint Rabbi.”

He didn’t have to look at Neil to know that he was shaking or that he was frightened but he also knew that as much as Ms. Sinclair wanted to charge him, without his signature there wasn’t much she could do. Besides, he had to do this not because of some liberal philosophy but simply because in his heart he knew it was right. It was one thing to say that, it was something else to do it and what good would it be for Neil if he didn’t show him that what he believed in wasn’t mere words? What example would it be if he said you had to do the right thing and then put limits on it? No, as much as Ms. Sinclair might yell and scream, there could be no turning back for him.

Abner “I am sure you can Ms. Sinclair, and that is of course your prerogative; however, I would like to point out that if you do charge him, then you might as well lock me up with him, because I have no intention of leaving here without him. And if I am not mistaken, there is a reporter downstairs, I am sure he would like an interview, so…”

Margaret “What? What do you mean you won’t leave here…”

Abner “As there is no complaint Madam, there are no grounds for holding this boy. If you wish to keep him from his mother, I have no choice but to remain here to try and seek his release. In fact, I can think of one or two lawyers who I can call right now who will come down here and do whatever it is you legal folks do. And while they do that, I shall talk to that reporter fellow. So, you are welcome to charge him on your own, but I would suggest that you think about what the paper and television will be saying tomorrow, first.”

Debbie “And Social Services will back him up too, so why not just let this go Margaret? It is late and we both have office hours tomorrow… maybe next time you can fry some kid but it looks like this isn’t going to be that time, Margaret.”

Were they all nuts? Couldn’t they see how this was not the way to handle the matter? She couldn’t believe it but what he had said irked her. He was right, she could imagine what the press would make of this and with him in the forefront leading the charge, with Social Services most respected case worker at his side, she would have an uphill battle at best, an impossible task more than likely. Damn she hated these liberal do-gooders, couldn’t they see that it didn’t pay to be weak in front of the enemy? Couldn’t they see it was in their best interests to take a hard-line stand against these crimes now before they escalated?

Margaret “Oh for Christ’s sake, are you all nuts? This kid, you want to coddle, vandalized a place of worship…”

Debbie “Allegedly vandalized… careful Margaret, he might just sue for slander you know.”

Margaret “Rabbi have you thought this out?”

Rabbi “Yes, Ms. Sinclair, I am sorry for all the trouble you have gone to, but I cannot let you charge this boy, he belongs at home with his mother.”

Margaret “And when he comes back to finish what he and his friends started?”

Rabbi “I don’t think that will happen; but, if it does I am sure we will find a way to deal with that then. Until then, well… like the lady here has said, it is late, we are all tired, my wife is up waiting for me and we all have jobs to do tomorrow… so?”

She felt like she had been betrayed and the calm placid look on his face was infuriating to her. There was no doubt that he had scuttled her plans for now, but she would get her day in court, one way or another but for now, it just wasn’t worth it. She doubted if her boss would let her proceed without a signed complaint from the Rabbi and even if she did convince Sam, it wouldn’t have as much weight, especially if this doddering, old, fool stood up for the kid in court. She sighed and shook her head as she barked out her orders to the Sergeant, throwing her papers into her briefcase at the same time, her anger clearly visible and having no effect whatsoever on the Rabbi or on Debbie Winston. They might think they won now, but she would have her day, that she vowed.

Margaret “Sergeant, cut him loose… this is crazy, I have to tell you, all this is absolutely crazy!”

Neil felt the Sergeant’s hand on his shoulder and he turned to see the man smiling at him, as if he really had been hoping for this too. Still he couldn’t quite believe it as he turned to look at the Rabbi and he felt uneasy inside. For some reason he could see Walt’s figure next to the Rabbi and while Walt was taller, leaner too, the Rabbi seemed to be towering over him. Funny, the Rabbi didn’t look like anyone special and yet in his mind’s eye, seeing the two together, the Rabbi didn’t look quite so insignificant or short. It shouldn’t be that way, Walt should be the one towering over them all but he wasn’t.

He left with the Sergeant and, as he walked out of the room, he turned once more to see the other lady talking to the Rabbi. There was something about how she looked at the Rabbi that once more made him pause, made him wonder about all that he had been told. And this time, the shame at thinking that Walt might be wrong didn’t come up to shove aside those thoughts. He felt a chill in his bones as he walked away, wondering what was happening and what he would do. He also wondered if he would show up at the Jewish church on Saturday.