Chapter 38

Adele & Joshua

The fear she had felt at the sound of the phone ringing had only awakened even more hideous nightmares and thoughts. How could something like a phone become such a weapon of pure terror and yet tonight it was just that. Her heart grew frightened as she could recall the horror in her mother’s face each time someone would knock loudly on the door to their home, so terrified and so shaken that her father had put up a small sign, asking people to not knock but ring the bell only. Strange, she had thought it was just such foolishness but then she hadn’t gone through the horror her parents had, she hadn’t had to lay awake at night listening to boots clumping down the cobblestones waiting for a knock that always meant terror and pain. No, she hadn’t understood that fear until much later, and now for her it was the phone in the middle of the night.

“Ach such modern conveniences” she thought as she bustled around the well lit kitchen, grabbing sugar from here, flour from there as she kept herself occupied, desperate to try and push aside the fears that were creeping up inside of her. Such modern conveniences, now terror no longer came to the door personally, now it came by some fancy electronic wire machine, but the fear it caused, the terror it awakened was still the same and she looked over at the kitchen phone, wishing it would ring now, hoping that her Abner would call her soon. She hated it when he was out, especially at night because it usually meant death or some other horror that was all a part of life. This too was just one more part of life she thought, but why, she wondered? Why did God have to make things so tough for his people as he did? Didn’t they have enough to cope with from the past, never mind having to constantly face it and deal with it?

She glanced over at her eldest boy, sitting at the table with his hands wrapped around a steaming mug of coffee and she felt a sense of pride that was different than before. He looked different too, the way he sat there staring at the swirling brown liquid in the cup but she could tell his mind was off thinking about him, and she leaned back a little on her legs, seeing the way his brow was furled, the way his hair hung down in strands and yet there was a glow to his pallid face, to his worried brow that she hadn’t seen before. Staring at him now, she realized that he was no longer her little boy, that he had grown up overnight and that he looked no different than she looked when her partner, her other half was not close by.

A soft smile came to her weathered lips as she realized that her son was as much in love with Robbie as she was with Abner. Strange, she never thought another man could have such an effect and yet as she looked at him, as she saw past the worried look and tired eyes, she could see it deep inside of him. He was just like her, feeling incomplete, feeling even a bit lost and all because the one they loved wasn’t there, wasn’t in touching distance. She didn’t know anything really about his lifestyle, about what two men did together, and she really wasn’t all that sure she wanted to know either, yet in what counted, what mattered most, it looked almost as if there were no difference, no way to tell if he was missing a nice girl or not. Funny, he looked no different and if she didn’t know who had taken his heart she would have sworn it was some nice Jewish girl that he was mooning over, but she knew and yet why should it matter?

He really didn’t look like his father, Joshua was much taller and thinner than her Abner was and yet right now, they looked exactly alike. She could see the brain clicking away, turning over everything just like Abner would look when he was confronted with a problem. He had that same determined set to his jaw, the way his eyes would suddenly spark as some unbidden thought intruded and he shoved it aside and yet there was something else there, a tenderness that surprised her really. Abner had such a gentle touch at times that just thinking about it made her shiver in joy and looking at her Joshua, she could see that he too had that way about him, that softness that made him human. Funny, here it was the middle of the night and she was thinking about her Abner like that, and stranger still was that they had been married for 34 years and she still felt excited by him, by his touch, his smell, his presence even if he wasn’t close by. Her heart ached for him as any lover’s heart ached when it needed the other and she could see that ache in her son, knowing that he was in love as deeply as she was still in love.

Maybe there was a purpose to all this tszuris? Maybe it was because of all this meshugassism that her son was able to see his way clearly, and if so then maybe it was indeed all worth it, but oiy, such a price it was exacting. How could something as precious as one’s love for another human being be so terribly expensive? That wasn’t right, was it; but then perhaps that was just another part of the plan, because how then would anyone cherish it if it were given cheaply? A small tear came to her eyes as she looked at her son, knowing the doubts he must have and knowing too that he had the strength to fight through those doubts. He had already proven that to her and she felt a great sense of pride in him, the way he had been so devastated by Robbie’s recital of the horrors of his life and yet he hadn’t hesitated to hold him, to reach out for him and try to ease that pain. That was her boy and she wiped away the tear as she called out to him, mostly to prevent herself from becoming an old woman and breaking down and crying.

Adele “Come, give your mother a hand.”

His face lifted up from staring at the coffee mug and he could see her beaming face, but as he looked up at her he could see more than just the same face he had grown up with. He could see the small lines that creased her forehead and the deep ridges under her eyes and yet as he looked at her he felt a strange sense of pride too, a sense that there was at least one more person for him to rely on. It was kind of comforting really to be able to stare into your mother’s face and know that you were always loved, that no matter your screw ups she would be there and he saw too the love that seemed to always threaten to explode from deep within her eyes and it gave him strength and comfort.

It was unsettling really to see her at this time of the morning, bustling about like it was a normal part of her routine but the clock made that a lie. How could she look so calm and go around like everything was perfectly routine and normal? Yet as he looked at her he could see the worry too, the hint of fear that seemed to be nearby and yet she held it back, she fought it and he wondered if he would have that kind of courage, that kind of strength? His mind quickly went back to earlier, reliving that moment when he listened in shocked silence to the hesitant voice recite a litany of horror that made him recoil in horror and also made his blood boil in outrage and yes, even with murderous thoughts in his heart.

He still couldn’t comprehend how anyone, let alone a father, could inflict such pain on someone they were supposed to protect, to love, to keep from such evil; and yet as he heard the words again he knew that by the grace of God that could very well have been his words, his voice speaking about those horrors. It was like there was no rhyme or reason to who was safe and who wasn’t and yet in all religious teachings they talked about God’s master plan. How could all this be a plan? The mere randomness of it all was mind-boggling and yet, he believed in God and maybe that in itself was the answer. How could you believe in something you had no proof of, no sign of existence really, and yet you kept to his rules, to his precepts when everything around you defied his existence.

They all spoke about ‘faith’ and even his own father had said those words but how could you have faith in someone or something when you heard stories like Robbie’s? He could hear those words now and he didn’t feel any charity then, he felt hatred and anger and murder even, and he could still feel the coldness that crept into his shaking body with each word, each deed being exposed and it wasn’t that he was feeling his hatred for Robbie’s father, but it was a deep anger at God for allowing such people to exist. Wasn’t it God who created man, and if so how could he create something capable of such evil, such horror but he had, and it was at God that his anger had been directed; and yet now, sitting here while his father and Robbie were off dealing with one more proof of man’s cruelty, he still found himself believing.

He shook his head as if to clear away the deep dark thoughts that came rushing to him and as he did he could see his mother’s eyes staring down at him. He felt her love reaching out to him almost as if it knew that he needed consoling, almost as if she had been reading his thoughts; and as his eyes looked in hers, he knew that indeed she had been reading his thoughts. He shivered a little because he could feel that warmth caressing his heart and he could hear her soft gentle whispers of love deep down in his soul as he also heard another voice joining hers and he felt the tears welling up inside for that other voice was Robbie’s. God he loved him, how close he had come to losing him and yet by some miracle he hadn’t; instead, if anything, he had found him in a way he had never dreamed possible and there was his answer. He had found Robbie, and they were together now as they were meant to be.

Joshua “How can you be baking at this time? Don’t you think you should maybe go rest, I can wait up for Papa and Robbie.”

She had seen his fear and she had felt his pain as she looked at him, but as she cried out to him from within her heart she also could see his thoughts, see the raw edges of his nerves and she could think of nothing but holding him to her bosom. She glanced upwards, asking HIM for help and then looking back at her boy, she could see the warmth slowly touching him, gradually easing his pain. Her heart felt a little lighter as her eyes once more glanced towards the phone, wishing that Abner would call.

Adele “Like I’d sleep? No boychik, this is how I wait for your Papa at times like this; besides, when they get back they’ll be hungry, yes?”

Joshua “Haha, yes Mama, they’ll be hungry, aren’t we always hungry for your baking?”

Adele “Ach, such a flatterer, you get that from your father I think. No wonder you make that boy of yours happy, just like Papa makes me happy.”

Joshua “MAMA! How can you… I mean…”

Adele “What? I am not some unworldly peasant, we did live in Toronto you know; besides, I am a mother and a wife, I know these things.”

Joshua “I know, it is just that, I mean…”

Adele “Mien Gotte you are like your father, your ears are all red now. Come, help me with the dough, it needs a bit more kneading.”

He had to laugh if for no other reason than he knew that his ears were most definitely red, if not his whole face. She did have a way though of making him blush and yet feel good about it. He thanked her with his eyes and he could tell that she knew how he felt, that she was there like a rock for him, and more than that, that she was there for Robbie too. Joshua couldn’t believe his good fortune and as he walked over to the counter and the mass of dough sitting on the breadboard, he realized how much he owed this very simple but strong woman. She had indeed given him birth but not just in a physical sense, she had instilled in him a love of life that he was only just now beginning to appreciate.

Joshua walked over to her and stared down at her, a deep sense of love passed between them as he put his arm lightly around her and gave her a hug, and he could see it pleased her as her face broke out into a beaming smile as she hugged him back and then moved away from him, letting the moment pass before it became too sappy. He saw the flour that tinted her multi coloured apron and smiled, knowing that this was how she relaxed and he turned to help her, feeling that there was hope, that as much as life had its pain, it had its joys too.

Baking wasn’t exactly a skill he had learnt but he reached out to place his hands into the soft warm mixture and looked at her, seeing her eyes brimming with tears of pride and joy and it made him relax and feel good. Now, if only he knew what he was doing it might help, and suddenly a vision of him in a house of his own with Robbie standing next to him came to him and he grinned because he saw huge blots of white flour on both of their faces. His fingers dug into the dough while his heart began the journey of planning a future and his soul sat back, enjoying the glow of having a dream.

Joshua “Just out of curiosity, what are we making?”

Adele “I am making cinnamon buns, what you are making? I am not so sure, come, less digging, more feeling, turn it but not like it is a rock, gentle or it will come out like a rock.”

Joshua “Like this?”

Adele “Yes that is it, see, even a man can bake; your Robbie will enjoy these I think.”

His face turned towards her and he could see the glint of her eyes and feel the warmth as his hands kneaded the dough. She knew just what to say and he smiled back at her.

Joshua “Oh? Why is that Mama?”

Adele “Ach, why? Sometimes you are as dense as your Papa. Why, because you made them boychik; why do you think your Papa likes my baking when he can get better from the bakery?”

Joshua “The bakery can’t compete with you Mama.”

She felt the pride in his compliment and yet as she watched him knead the dough she felt a strange sense of loss, recalling all the times that as a young girl she had stood like Joshua now stood, at the side of a mother and for the moment she missed her own mother deeply, wondering if she was at least at peace and then shaking her head, knowing that she was. Her heart ached for the loss and yet she found that she had something to pass on after all, and her eyes watered a little as she thought about Joshua and Robbie, wondering if they would ever have a home like she and Abner had?

Adele “Of course they can’t. I bake out of love, not for money. Each time boychik, each time I put my hands into the dough or slice a potato for the chicken, I am thinking of you and your brother and Papa, some of that goes into the food, that is why it is good, not because of using a little of this or that, but because as my Mama told me, it is made with love, you farshtaist?”

Joshua turned towards her and saw her look, felt her love even as she placed her hand over his and he knew that she was right. Nothing ever tasted bad when you knew that the person who made it did it for you. Funny, he had never really thought about it like that, but it was true. Even the odd time when maybe the chicken had been overcooked or the potatoes just a bit undercooked, it hadn’t tasted bad, just different but it also usually meant that there was a problem too.

Joshua “I do Mama, I understand.”

Adele “Good, maybe we’ll make a decent cook out of you, both you boys are so thin, it is not natural, now, turn the dough over, little more flour over it so it doesn’t stick to the hands, that’s it… there, that’s it, now do that another 15 or so times, add more flour if you need, but not too much, yes?”

Joshua “Yes, Mama.”

Adele “Good.”

He could feel her eyes on him as he worked the dough, adding just a touch of flour to his hands and he could sense her pleasure as he continued to knead the dough. She was right too because as he kneaded the dough he thought about Robbie, about how he had been so happy when they had touched, how he had felt so alive when they had finally joined together and as he thought about it, he could feel his hands moving as if they were once more caressing Robbie’s shaking body. He could feel the nerves of his lover as his hands gently calmed them and he felt the dough between his fingers, soft and supple just like Robbie’s flesh and he felt his heart aching for him, wondering if he were okay, hoping that he would be back soon.

Watching him as his hands slowly turned the dough she could almost read his mind and she knew that he was thinking about Robbie, just as she would think of Abner at times like this. He was all man, her Joshua, and she felt a slight hitch in her heart as she realized that he was no longer her little boy. It was funny at what made you suddenly realize that the young boy you gave birth to had suddenly become a man without you even knowing it but as she watched his hands move, she knew that he was no longer hers. A slight pain struck her, but she knew that all mother’s got that pain when they came to understand that the little gangly child that used to wrap his scrawny arms around your legs was now full grown and starting his own family.

She felt a bit of panic at that thought, wondering what it would be like for Joshua and Robbie? Would they have a chance together like she and Abner, or would it just be going from one headache to the next until they were both worn down and worn out? Looking at her Joshua she somehow knew that with a little luck and maybe a little push from SOMEONE he stood a chance at having what she had and she smiled, glad that at least he would have a chance, what more could she hope for than that?

Her mood suddenly changed as the harsh ring of the phone rang out in the well lit room. Her hand rushed to her mouth as it swept past the table, knocking over the bag of flour onto the floor. She felt a sudden grip of panic around her heart as wild thoughts suddenly sprang forth and her eyes widened as she swivelled her face to glare at the telephone. Every nerve in her body was shaking as she headed to the phone.

Gevalt geshreeyeh (good grief) she muttered as she wiped her flour caked hands on her apron before picking up the phone. Her panic momentarily gone as she expected the call to be from her Abner, still it always jangled her nerves when that infernal contraption rang out and she wished she could just reach out and throw it into the garbage.

Adele “Abner, that you Abner? Are you okay; is everything fine at the Shul? Abner?”

“No, I am sorry, uh… this is Sharon Fisher, I am Robbie’s mother…”

She felt a strange cold take hold of her and her body shook a little as she heard the voice on the other end, realizing quickly that it wasn’t her Abner, the disappointment forgotten as the identity of the caller seeped into her thoughts. Her hands gripped the phone receiver tightly as she wondered what new tszuris was about to befall her and her family, afraid to even reply to the thin voice on the other end, unsure if she should just hang up the phone though she knew she couldn’t. This was Robbie’s mother and as much as she might feel anger at her, she was a mother too and so she held onto the phone, knowing Joshua was now staring at her.

Adele “Mrs. Fisher… I am sorry, I uh, I thought it might be my husband.”

He had seen the way his mother had jumped when the phone rang and he had to admit that he too had jumped. It was almost as if he dreaded that sound and yet yearned for it too because it might be Robbie or at least his father. Joshua hadn’t realized how tense he was, how anxious he was to hear from Robbie, and as he saw the flour go flying off the table, he realized that his mother was feeling the same way. He hadn’t really thought about how anxious she must be, given that she had been together with his father for such a long time, but as he bent down to pick up the flour and gather up the spent amount he realized that when you loved someone, you were always anxious when they weren’t around. It was kind of a nice thought to know you cared so deeply and scary too as he wondered how he’d get through a whole day without having Robbie nearby.

The sudden sound of Robbie’s family name made him start and he let the flour in his hands fall back to the floor as he quickly stood up to stare over at his mother. He saw the battle of wills going on inside of her and yet when he blinked and looked again, all seemed calm as if she had suddenly mastered her fear. It amazed him at how composed she looked and yet if you looked closely you could perhaps see some of her anxiety, some of her fear and yet you really did have to look closely. Joshua moved to her side, to stand by her wondering what new grief was about to befall them.

Sharon & Adele

Her heart was pounding in her ears as she heard the older voice asking if this were Abner and she felt the hitch inside, knowing that the person on the other end was reaching out for someone they loved, that they cared about and it made her feel only more uneasy. She had so many doubts racing through her mind, so much confusion as to what was right, what should be and yet somehow she knew she had to talk to Robbie, to maybe find out why she was so nervous, so afraid.

The silence that had greeted her declaration confused her and she wondered what had Robbie said to her, what had he told her that made her hesitate so and then she felt ashamed, knowing that she should have been calling long before now, that somehow she knew that the hesitancy was due to her own absence over these last few days. How could she not have called before now? Was she not Robbie’s mother?

Sharon “I am sorry… it is late… just that… I mean… forgive me for calling so… so late, it is just…”

The softness of the voice made it hard for Adele to hear but then what she did manage to hear only tore into her heart. Her first thoughts of hanging up had been wrong as she could feel the lady’s torment reaching out, and being a mother she could understand perhaps, at least enough to listen to what the woman wanted. Granted it was late but she had no idea what type of family this was, and maybe she should know, maybe she should have called this Sharon earlier but with all that had gone on, she hadn’t. She felt a bit guilty about that as she could hear the pain in the voice and like any mother she knew it was caused by the love she had for a child.

Adele “It is okay dear, I was just baking and waiting.”

Sharon “Baking? I see… uh, I am sorry, maybe I should call back at a decent time, I shouldn’t have…”

Adele “No, no it is okay, please…”

The voice on the other end was so calm, so matter of fact even and yet she could feel the underlying fear. Strange how this stranger could sound so calm and yet she could sense the fear, sense it and yet she didn’t know why she should be feeling that way? Funny, but in some strange way she was angry at her, for sounding so calm when the entire world had gone to hell, her youngest was gone from her, didn’t that matter to anyone but her? How could this stranger be baking while her poor Justin lay in some cold wooden box waiting to be lowered into the cold ground? What kind of animals did Robbie fall in with and yet even as her anger took hold, something held her back, something that gnawed at her very spirit and she bit her tongue, wondering what was happening to her, wondering if the stress was too much and if she were having a mental breakdown or something.

Sharon “Well, if you are sure, I mean… I don’t really know why I called but…”

Adele could feel the anger and hatred even, it was there she knew it and yet she also knew that there was love there too, just that it was being held back by the anger and frustration and despair perhaps. How could any mother be rational when one of her children had been so cruelly taken from her bosom? Would she be feeling any charity or compassion if it had been Joel or Joshua instead of Justin? She shook her head and felt Joshua’s hand suddenly gripping hers and she let her heart settle down, knowing that it wasn’t her Joel or Joshua who had died, but this woman’s own youngest boy and given all that she had learned from Robbie, this woman was in pain.

Adele “I am glad you did, I should have called you myself, but things have been so, so, I am sorry, my English sometimes, please, forgive me for not calling you earlier, I know how much you must have been worried about Robbie…”

The words rang out inside her head and for a brief instant she felt like yelling, at screaming at this woman that how dare she criticize her, how dare she mock her in this her hour of grief but then that same something came back to her, and she could see Robbie’s face now, a child of maybe 9 as he looked up at her and she felt the tears now, felt them running down her face as she struggled to compose herself, to finally let her heart through all that stood between it and the truth.

Sharon “You, you are apologizing? But, I mean, why? I don’t… I am sorry, I am just so confused right now… is Robbie… is he there?”

Adele “No, he is with my Abner, my husband, they had to go to the shul, uh the synagogue, there was some trouble and they needed to put up some boards or something, I am sure he will be back soon though… can I help you? I mean… maybe…”

Sharon “Synagogue? Oh, uh, that is what you call your church, isn’t it?”

The voice had a strange flatness to it and Adele became frightened as she clasped Joshua’s hand tightly, knowing that once more life had decided to test their will and their strength. Her heart cried out to him ‘ENOUGH’ but she knew that as much as she wished it be enough, it wouldn’t be and she would have to do what she could, such was life.

Adele “Yes, are you okay Mrs. Fisher? I am sure that he won’t be long… if you…”

Sharon “Sharon please… I am sorry, I must sound like a fruitcake to you, it is just that…”

Adele “Ach no, these are trying times for you Sharon, please… let me help if I can.”

Sharon “No one can help, it is too late…”

The hopelessness in her voice only reminded her of an early discussion not all that long ago and she could feel her pain with each word she spoke, just as she had felt Robbie’s pain. Her heart was aching as she realized just how much pain existed in this one family and she knew in her own soul that it was up to her right now to once more help, to once more put her faith in HIM to the test and do what she knew she must. Silently she prayed again to be given the words, the strength that would be needed as she kept her own fears at bay, thanks to the silent figure standing next to her.

Adele “Too late? No dear, it isn’t, as long as we can take a breath it is never too late.”

Sharon “Sometimes it just seems that it isn’t worth the effort.”

Adele “Such is life, but it is all we have sometimes, please Sharon, maybe you shouldn’t be alone right now, is your husband there?”

Sharon “No, he had to go out, something about a neighbour’s boy in trouble with… my God, Oh my God…”

Adele “Now listen dear, please, you really shouldn’t be alone, I can send my son over if you want, or I can come, would that help? You really…”

Sharon “You don’t understand, I think my husband has gone to help the boy that may have caused the trouble at your church… Oh my God… that has to be it…”

She almost lost it then but somehow she found the strength to not let her own unease, her own fear seep through into her voice. The chilling words that Sharon had spoken were enough and she knew that this whole night had some purpose, some reason behind it but what she still wasn’t certain, except that one more piece of the puzzle was being given to her. She took a deep breath because she had sensed the desperation in the voice, and she knew now just what such desperation was capable of and that terrified her as she began to once more weave the magic that had reached out and snatched Robbie from the well of despair.

Adele “Well, still, you shouldn’t be alone dear, please listen to me, the men folk can sort that out, I am sure it isn’t anything too serious, really…”

Sharon “I don’t… this isn’t right, why is God doing this? First Robbie, then Justin and now this? I can’t… no I can’t…”

Adele “Listen Sharon, right now is now, it is hard when you lose someone, but you have Robbie still, he needs you too, you mustn’t forget him Sharon… you mustn’t!”

It wasn’t that she had shouted at her, but there was no mistaking the steel inside the voice as she insisted that Sharon not forget Robbie, that he did need her and it was enough, at least for now to let her pain ease just enough, to let the knife once more fall from her grasp. Her eyes were swollen from her grief and her heart barely was able to beat as the pain tore at it remorselessly, the ripping never stopping for one single second and yet, somehow the words Adele had spoken to her were like a pressure bandage that held back the gushing torrent of pain and sorrow. It gave her some hope as she gripped the phone tighter, the tears rolling down her face.

Sharon “He doesn’t want me… my God what have I done? My poor Robbie, and that is it, that is why God is punishing me, oh God…”

Adele recognized that voice as she fought back her own fears. She fought through it knowing that she had only one chance, and like any mother she knew the tricks to use with a wayward child, with a frightened child and so she set her shoulders and began to speak slowly, making sure that each word held its own and as she talked, she could feel the pain lessen just a little and Adele prayed that it would be enough. Robbie deserved some peace, another tragedy would be too much and she bent her will towards the person on the other end of the phone, praying for HIS help.

Adele “God doesn’t punish us, as much as we might want to blame him for all this tszuris, this trouble, he doesn’t reach down and strike at his, he is feeling your pain too, trust me, I know this from experience, and from what I know of your Robbie, he needs his mother now, he may pretend to be strong, but he is still a boy, come, why don’t you let me come to you? I can take a taxi and…”

Sharon “No that isn’t…”

Adele “Come, we are mothers, our children need us we go to them, sometimes they act like they don’t need us but we know better, you know that, you know Robbie needs you right now, more than ever he needs you Sharon.”

Sharon “But he must hate me, I have been so… I can’t, I just…”

Adele “He doesn’t hate you, he is a troubled boy, he misses his brother and he is trying so hard to be strong, he needs your arms around him, I am not a good substitute for the real thing, come dear, your son needs you, let me come there, I can take a taxi and be there in a few minutes, okay?”

Sharon “No, no that is, but, I mean, could I? I could…”

Instinctively she knew that this was perhaps a better solution, that having her come here would be just what she needed and she also knew that once more HE had watched over her and her family. She sighed inside as she felt the sudden release of the tension inside, agreeing quickly so that Sharon wouldn’t feel any hesitancy or doubt.

Adele “Of course, you come here, I have the coffee on and soon we’ll have some fresh cinnamon rolls, but let me send my Joshua to pick you up? Yes?”

Sharon “No, that is okay, I can get there. I have the address from the phone book, I am.. Are you sure it is okay? I mean won’t your husband be upset if…”

Adele “Ach no, he wouldn’t dare, besides, he would insist on picking you up if he were home now. So no, you come, okay? I’ll go put the front light on, yes?”

Sharon “Yes, yes I will.”

Adele placed the phone back on the hook and stood there, her silence deafening even to her as she tried to make sense out of it all. Her heart was heavy with the pain it felt and yet there was a boiling cauldron of anger welling up inside of her. For the most part she knew that she was glad she was here and not with Abner, because if what Sharon had said was true, if her husband were there, there might be no stopping her from what she would like to do to that shtik drek (piece of shit) that was Mr. Fisher. Her anger was real and her hand grew tight and hard like a vice as she thought about Walter Fisher, wishing she was a man for perhaps ten seconds, then she’d show that drek (garbage) what a real Jewish mother could do to someone like him, Oiy Vey, thank God she was here.

Joshua “Mama, please, your hand… it is hurting, is everything, I mean was that really Robbie’s mother?”

The sound of her son finally broke through the anger that was taking hold and she suddenly turned away from the phone to look into his eyes. How sweet he was and yet how much like Abner he was too, as she could see the curiosity inside, the almost unbearable desire to ask her more and yet he kept it back, giving her the time she needed. Yes, he was just like his Papa in the ways that counted and for that she thanked HIM as she let Joshua’s hand free from hers.

Adele “I am sorry boychik, go turn on the front porch light, I have to get the coffee going.”

Joshua “Yes, Mama.”

She watched as he quickly left to obey her and she felt that pride again and she also glanced upwards.

“Thank you! He is such a good boy, please, let it all be okay, if not for me, at least for him, yes?”

She turned back to the counter and the mess of the flour on the floor knowing that HE would answer in HIS own way and yet as she heard the sounds of Joshua’s footsteps coming back, she felt at ease knowing that at least she had tried her best, the rest was now up to HIM and to Joshua. Maybe there was a chance as she bent down and swept away the flour and then stood up to finish her baking, after all there was company coming and she knew that the night might be waning, but her day was only beginning.

As Joshua returned to the kitchen, she took one more glance towards the phone, wondering when Abner would finally call. She would certainly have something to tell him when he did, and as much as the idea of Robbie’s mother coming here would be near the top, the most pressing issue would be wanting to know why he hadn’t called earlier. She needed him right now and yet she knew that he knew that. He would call, but like all men, even like HIM, they always did it in their own time.

Abner

The policeman had left him alone in a rather nice waiting area. He saw some pictures of past police officers and even a few older photographs of a time long since gone. He saw the old style cars that certainly were much different than the ones today. He still was amazed at how much they had changed, the small little computer even and he shook his head a little, a small wry smile on his lips as he realized that he too had changed a lot since he first had been a boy.

Back in those days it was a mitzvah to have a pen to write with never mind the fancy new toys today. He had never been one for such things but he realized just how much he had grown to rely on his own computer back at home or the one at the Shul. Things did indeed change but still, sitting there he could still feel the unease that sitting in a police station could bring to a person, never mind a Jew. Funny, he had never known the fear that his parents had nor had they ever really sat down and discussed it and yet the mere sight of a uniform would still give him a sense of dread, a sense of fear. Maybe it was hereditary or maybe just that he was tired or something, but then too, maybe it was just something that had evolved from centuries of being the world’s whipping boy?

Mind you if you really thought about it, all those centuries of persecution did give one an inordinate fear of the police, which might explain why there just wasn’t all that many well known Jewish criminals, with the possible exception of those notarized during the ‘30’s in the U.S. gangland wars. Maybe it wasn’t that there weren’t that many Jews in that field, just maybe they kept out of the limelight, that could be too but as the thoughts flashed through his mind he knew he was just trying to ignore being here, that he was trying to rationalize the fear that he still felt in being inside of a police station even if it were 2003 and this was Canada.

Strange how he had walked the streets of Tel Aviv and felt safe even though the country for all intent and purposes was at war with its neighbours, and yet there he felt safer than walking the streets of Toronto or now, Victoria. He was glad that at least Adele wasn’t here; she’d be pacing at best, voicing her impatience at worst. He had to chuckle at that, knowing that if prodded she could be very intimidating and as he sat there, he wondered what she was doing, knowing in his heart that she was most likely worrying, and so most likely baking. She always baked when she was worried and as much as he hated to know she was worried, he did enjoy the results. There really was something special about her baking, and when she was worried the taste was even better, as if she had put something extra into the making of it.

His mind turned to his boys as he sat there, waiting and wondering if they had the strength to survive this? Deep in his heart he knew that so far they had just barely faced the fury of the army of darkness, and yet he also knew too that his own army wasn’t exactly powerless. How strange it was for Miriam to suddenly show up and offer her support. She was the one person whom he never expected help from and yet here she was now, planning on how to help him keep the job she didn’t think he was suited for. God certainly did work in mysterious ways and as he sat there, he wondered just what did HE have in store for him tonight?

He also felt unsure of what he could do about all that was swirling around him. He knew that whatever had happened tonight wasn’t just because of Justin’s death or even really how the television news had reported it. He knew from the past that all that had merely been a trigger and it saddened him that even in this day and age there was still so much hatred for hatred’s sake. When would man learn? When would God’s children realize that HE wasn’t a God of vengeance or retribution anymore? Even God had evolved from the day of Adam ‘n Eve, but no one seemed to realize that, so they still hated simply because someone was different, because someone didn’t quite believe the way they did. How could they not see the truth or was it simply that they didn’t want to see it?

If his Adele were here, she would tell him that he was writing another sermon in his head but it bothered him, and yet he had to admit, he too had ignored a lot of what went on, simply because it was easier than making waves. So why now? Why did he so quickly step up and do just what he had spent almost an entire lifetime avoiding? What was it about Robbie and his own Joshua that had finally made him reach out and do what was expected of all of God’s chosen people? His head throbbed a little as he wondered what it was that he was doing and more than that, of why he was doing it. After all, he had a responsibility to Adele and to Joel and yes to Joshua and his Robbie, too, to keep them safe; to protect them and nurture them like any father should, so why did he say all those things to that reporter? What insane impulse had he given into that now made not only him a target but the Shul too?

He had never been one for rash actions, and yet he had confronted that reporter, had stood there and defied him, which only would infuriate the man, so why had he done it? Worse maybe too was why did he feel good afterwards, even though he knew then that it would lead to repercussions he could only imagine? So many questions for such a time of night but he really wished he knew the answers, and yet maybe he didn’t want to know them? Of course that wasn’t true, because as much as he might try to rationalize it, as much as he might try to feign ignorance of why, he knew in his heart the reasons. It really was simple and yet not so. He knew what persecution was, he could breathe it and live it even without ever having to have experienced it and he knew that being who he was came with a price, a cost that finally had been called into account. He was doing what he had to because it was right. Simple yes, but not easy; and that too was part of the heritage, part of the price one paid for being one of HIS chosen few.

In that instant he knew what had to be done and he stood up, heading towards the closed door and as he walked forwards, the doubts seemed to just vanish, and as much as he knew he would meet resistance not just from those inside that room but from his own congregation, he also knew that this was what had to be done. There could be no more hate, not from him or from others and while he couldn’t force others to not hate, he could stop himself from it.

Margaret & Debbie

Debbie Winston leaned back in the chair, wishing that she could go back home and pull the covers up over her face or better still, if Myron would oblige her in that area. Funny, here she was sitting trying to decide the fate of some kid who did something not only stupid but in many ways hateful, but if she let Margaret have her way, she knew that Neil would be lost to them. That was the trouble when you served two masters, one being the law and the other being your conscience. How could she sign off on letting them raise a case of vandalism to adult court and make it a hate crime simply because the politics of the day said this was the way to deal with such events? Didn’t they understand that Neil was a kid?

Okay, granted the kid had some pretty warped ideas but where did he get them? That maybe was what they should be looking at, the person who gave Neil those warped and hateful thoughts is the one who should be facing a judge, not Neil; but that wasn’t how society worked, but somehow she just couldn’t let this happen. Debbie knew that her superiors would sign off on Margaret’s wishes, after all it would be one less case for them, but they would be just as wrong.

Sitting there glaring back at Margaret she wondered what had happened to her? In the past she would have signed off on this after maybe a short and brief opposition to it, but this time she was acting like they wanted to give the kid a lethal injection. Funny how her whole attitude seemed to have changed in how she looked at her work and how personal it was all becoming to her. Funny too was how one part of her mind could be so angry with Margaret and another part be so desirous of Myron? Was she falling in love with him? Sitting there she also began to wonder if maybe, just maybe, she had fought like this for Cory, he would still be alive? Strange how she was thinking a lot about him these days, how his whole case still rankled at her and unsettled her.

Margaret “Look Debbie, I know you have to try to protect the kid, but this isn’t just simple vandalism, it is hate, you even admit he’s got some pretty unusual concepts about these people…”

Debbie “These people? Why don’t you just say it, he doesn’t like Jews, so it’s an easy case for you to make that it is hate inspired, but honestly, there is more to this than that. I don’t really think it is because they were Jews, I think he did this because he felt a strange sense of loyalty to Justin and, well, I think there is more to this, charging him as an adult will not solve this, will not really change anything.”

Margaret “Well, maybe, but the motivating factor was hate, the courts will see that, and even if he is raised to adult court, you and social services can still make your pitch for leniency, and you know as well as I do that even in adult court they take the person’s age into account.”

Debbie “Oh that’s so much nonsense, the court takes into account what the crown recommends, and only if the crown grants us permission can we make a recommendation, and somehow I just don’t see you doing that.”

Margaret “You have my word, Debbie.”

Debbie “Put it in writing then.”

Margaret “You know I can’t do that, at least not until he is formally charged.”

Debbie “Uh huh, no I am sorry, I think you are wrong to charge him this way. Why can’t you just charge him under the Young Offenders Act for now, then let our bosses hassle it out, after all you can always raise him later on…”

Margaret “No, if we do that and the press gets hold of it, they will claim we did it under pressure from special interests, you know that. Your solution more or less gives this kid a pass, I won’t do that.”

Debbie “He’s not some white supremacist, Margaret. He is just a confused teenager who got some wrong information; if you really want to go after the culprit for tonight, go after CH News for their inflammatory news report.”

Margaret “We have been there Debbie, you know we can’t do that; and besides, it would be too damn hard to prove ‘intent’. No, the kid takes the fall, after all he is the one who did the crime.”

Debbie “Alleged crime! Look, you don’t have to charge him tonight, at least leave it for a day, give everyone a chance to cool down and maybe we can then work out a compromise…”

Margaret “Fine, I’ll go along with that but then the kid stays in lockup until a decision is made.”

Debbie “Come on Margaret, Jesus, he is just a kid, let him go home with his mother.”

Margaret “Not uncharged, he stays in lock up until he is formally charged. I won’t take the risk of the press playing up favouritism or worse claim my department is acting because of pressure from a special interest group or is being soft on hate crimes. That will not work Debbie.”

She could see by the way that Margaret was staring at her that there wasn’t going to be much room for negotiation here. If she agreed, then Neil would spend at least one night in jail; if she didn’t agree he’d most certainly be charged with a hate crime and as an adult rather than as a juvenile. It was like deciding between Hell and Hell’s kitchen, neither was appealing to her, but she didn’t know if she had any leverage to use, if there were anything she could do to sway Margaret. More than likely though the delay wouldn’t’ really change anything either. She really didn’t think her boss would go to the mat for this kid, not given all the publicity that the Fisher case had already drawn.

Debbie “You don’t need to keep him in lockup Margaret; besides, the victim hasn’t even filed a claim yet. Why not at least wait for them to come in in the morning to file and then you can always go and pick him up and charge him, no one could make anything out of that…”

Margaret was having a hard time understanding Debbie Winston tonight, normally she could rely on Debbie for following procedure and this was procedure. The kid fit the profile for being raised and charged with the more severe penalty, so what was she up to? Why was she suddenly bucking the very system she used to defend so vehemently? It was all a bit much and she felt nothing but irritation at her because she just couldn’t see the big picture maybe. Hell, all she wanted to do was make a real difference, take this opportunity so she could advance the cause of real justice, didn’t Debbie see that? This was a chance to help her own job too, to give her more leverage in future cases but she didn’t seem to want to see it that way and that began to anger her too. Well the Rabbi was here and she could end this discussion as the victor and she had no qualms about it either, this was her chance and she intended to take it.

Margaret “Well, the Rabbi is outside now, so his claim will be filed shortly, so there is no need to waste manpower later on, the kid is here in custody now, and we can charge him now…”

She should have seen that coming, she thought as she tried to collect herself. Debbie knew that Margaret had ambition but somehow she never really realized just how much of an ambition she had. There just didn’t seem to be any chance for Neil and yet, maybe, just maybe there was. The Rabbi could opt not to charge him, that would certainly put a crimp in the Crown’s plans but then he had his congregation to answer to, so that was not really much of a hope, or was it?

Debbie recalled the interview, the one Myron showed her, and she wondered if maybe she was selling him short. Maybe there was a chance if she could only get to talk to him, to maybe explain to him the ramifications better and yet she doubted if Margaret would let her. (omit-but) It was worth a shot, she had nothing to lose really because if she didn’t try, then it was certain Neil would be charged at the higher level and for whatever reason, she couldn’t let that happen.

Debbie “That is rather unusual… or did you have an officer waiting for him?”

Margaret “Yes there was. They had to wait until he came to secure the premises, that is standard procedure; we didn’t do anything special so you can’t use that one Debbie.”

Debbie “Come on Margaret, you are rushing this, give me a break here, let me talk to the Rabbi, maybe if we just let things simmer down for a bit…”

Margaret “I don’t get you Debbie. This was a heinous crime. I would have thought you of all people would have wanted to see this prosecuted to the fullest extent possible.”

Debbie “Prosecuted, not persecuted.”

The door to the room opened before Margaret could respond and the thickset desk sergeant came walking in, looking a bit apprehensive as he came to the area where everyone was gathered. Margaret glowered at him as he approached, asking for the chief detective, but she quickly cut him off, demanding he explain what it was he wanted.

Sergeant Burns “I am sorry Ma’am, just that Walt Fisher is downstairs with the boy’s mother. He is insisting on seeing the boy and well, he has enough to cope with; I thought I’d see if it was okay if he saw the boy?”

Margaret “Walt Fisher? He’s the father of the boy who died?”

Sergeant “Yes, Ma’am.”

Margaret “What does he have to do with this? Is this kid related or something?”

Sergeant “No Ma’am, friends of the Fisher family I suppose. Uh, the thing is… well Mr. Fisher is upset, and there is a television reporter down there too… Unless there is a real good reason to not let the kid see his Mom or Mr Fisher, well…”

Debbie saw the anger flash across Margaret’s face and suddenly she recalled some of what Neil had told her. It was all becoming clearer to her now and she knew that no matter what, she had to keep Neil from being charged as an adult, and she also saw a chance to hold back that decision.

Debbie “You know Margaret, if I may interject here, might be a good idea to let Mr. Fisher see the kid, would go along way to proving that the Crown isn’t out to score political brownie points, might help deflect some of the criticism that will come if you charge him as an adult.”

She realized that she might have been outfoxed on this one, and maybe it wasn’t quite the time to push. Damn she hated all these liberal do gooders and their do everything for the kid, or their constant ‘but he’s just a child’ nonsense. Neil knew what he was doing, but Debbie was right, she needed the public relations value of this and letting Walter Fisher see Neil could work to her advantage.

Margaret “Well procedure says not until he is charged, but okay Sergeant, you can let him see the kid for 10 minutes only, and you keep the press out of this Sergeant, I don’t want them jeopardizing this case before it even gets going.”

Sergeant “Yes Ma’am, uh they will want to know what he is being held for?”

Margaret “Tell them, uh, tell them we are still investigating and we will let them know more once we have completed our investigation. Other than that, you say ‘no comment,’ got it?”

Sergeant “Yes Ma’am. Oh, uh the gentlemen outside asked me to ask how much longer he had to wait? He seemed a bit impatient.”

She had hoped to deal with the Rabbi without Debbie Winston present but the sergeant more or less made that impossible. She told him to have him come in and she sat back in her chair, wondering why it was that things had a way of becoming more complex when you dealt with Jews? Even though she had read the police report on the finding of the young Fisher boy, it did bother her. Why had he gone there? Didn’t he know his older brother was in EMI but then he had to know because she had seen that report as well, the follow up to notify the family, so why had he gone there and just how did he get that injury?

She shook her head a little as she saw a rather plain man come into the room, a bit hesitant really and she knew that she would have no trouble in convincing him to let her charge this matter as she saw fit. Margaret welcomed the insignificant looking man and waved him to a chair closer to her than to Debbie who it seemed was watching the man very intently. Well she could look all she wanted, maybe she wouldn’t be a problem with him after all, given his appearance and if she could see him that way, she was positive that Debbie did as well. After all, Debbie had been around long enough to recognize insignificance as well as she could.

Margaret “Rabbi Goldberg isn’t it?”

Abner “Yes.”

Margaret “Well I am from the Crown Prosecutor’s office, this is Ms Winston, she is from Social Services, and these are the case detectives for this terrible incident. I want you and your community to know that we intend to prosecute this horrible act to the fullest extent of the law, you can rest assured that we do not tolerate such hate crimes in this province.”

He looked at each of the people seated around the desk and something told him that not everything was exactly as it appeared. He could see the smug look on the lady who had introduced everyone and he also saw something in the lady from Social Services. The name had a familiar ring to it and he realized that this was not only the same lady who had called regarding Robbie but looking at her, he suddenly recognized her from Myron’s description. So this was who had taken his heart he thought and he looked at her with a new sense of awareness, a look that she noticed and grew flushed from. Funny how some women knew what men were thinking or maybe it was that they merely could sense it?

The words had come in a very clear and determined voice as his attention went back to Margaret Sinclair. He looked into her eyes and he grew very still, feeling her resentment and as he listened to her words, he could feel the condescending attitude echo in each word as she spoke. In a brief instant he knew he didn’t care for her and he also once more was grateful that Adele wasn’t here. She would have seen it a lot sooner and knowing her she would have said something too.

Abner “Yes? That is good but excuse me, I understand that the one who did this, he is 16?”

Margaret “Yes the one we caught is just 16, however don’t let that worry you, we plan to charge him as an adult…”

Debbie “I thought that was still open Margaret? I mean…”

Margaret glared at Debbie and yet Debbie didn’t back down. Well, she knew she wouldn’t, still what the hell was with her? Why was she making such an issue about some kid who screwed up? It wasn’t like it was her kid, or a relative even, so why the sudden change in her attitude? It was almost as if this kid meant something to her.

Margaret “Well, let me put it this way, it is how I feel we will be proceeding, now Rabbi we need you to…”

Abner “Excuse me, I don’t mean to interrupt, but if he is only 16 how can you charge him as an adult?”

Margaret “Under the law, if the crime the youth committed is considered bad enough, we can raise him to adult court, from the age of 12 or older, now…”

He felt the shaking in his feet even as the lady talked so calmly about taking a mere child and making him stand accountable as a man. It didn’t feel right to him and yet he knew that too many young children were becoming more and more violent, more dangerous but was this a real answer? Why did society always seek out punishment, besides who were we to sit in judgement like that? Was this boy that far gone? Could there not be another way to exact justice or maybe that was it, maybe it wasn’t about justice anymore, simply about retribution?

Abner “12 or older? Mien Gotte.”

Margaret “Yes, well Rabbi, I am sure you want to get back home, so let the Crown worry about the legalities, if you will simply…”

Abner “I am sorry, I know that perhaps this is all routine to you folks, but if you don’t mind, I’d like to understand this a bit better, yes?”

Margaret “Well…”

Debbie “What would you like to know Rabbi?”

He saw the glaring look that the lady prosecutor gave to the social worker and he wondered if perhaps not was all so cut and dried as she had claimed? He knew in his heart what he should do, but he did have an obligation to the congregation and he would honour that obligation, he could do no less but he had to be certain, there was no other way for him, even if it meant he too would receive such a stare.

Abner “I do not understand this, the police said it was more than one boy who did this, will they too be charged as adults if you catch them?”

Margaret “They would be charged with the same charges that we charge Neil Schellenberg with; of course, if they provide us with important information, we might consider reduced charges.”

Abner “Has this Neil boy been given that opportunity?”

Margaret “Yes, he refused.”

Abner “Yes I thought so, most teenagers have a code of not, what is the term, ratting out?”

Debbie “Something like that Rabbi.”

The way he sat there, looking like some lost soul and yet he didn’t flinch one bit from the cold stare that Margaret gave him. It was almost as if he were immune to such things and yet she had felt it, had even felt a bit worried by the constant glares she had been given, but he looked so unafraid, so at ease really if you thought about it. What was it that was giving him such calm, such strength really? For a few seconds, each time that he spoke she felt hope for Neil, and it amazed her at how something as simple as his refusing to be deflected could influence her like this. It was in some ways frightening too and made her afraid to look at him, fearing he would know her own secret, her own doubts and fears and yet, maybe if he did find them out it wouldn’t be so terrible? Looking at him she could see how he had gotten Myron to drop everything and go help Robbie Fisher, there was a force about him that you just couldn’t describe, but it was there.

Abner “So, he has admitted to this? To doing this?”

Margaret “Yes.”

Abner “Did he say why?”

Margaret “Not in so many words, but that really isn’t that important, we can make a very strong case as to the boy’s motif, so…”

Abner “Excuse me, it is important to me.”

This wasn’t going the way she had expected. He had surprised her with his calm quiet manner and she wondered if perhaps that had been a deliberate act on his part? After all, his type was notorious for trying to control things. Well, this time her agenda was the same as his, or so she had thought but the more she listened to him the more doubts seemed to creep into her thinking. For a brief instant she thought he might just not do what she wanted but that would be crazy. His own people would lynch him for not pushing this case through the way she intended, and she knew too just who to talk to if he continued to be obtrusive.

Margaret “I see, well he basically claimed that he was angry and blamed you and your people for his friend’s death, but Rabbi, that is naturally what he would say, he doesn’t want to face the charges, and well…”

Abner “His friend? Who was… Mien Gotte, he was a friend of the young Fisher boy? That is why he did this?”

Debbie “Yes Rabbi, he was a close friend of the family, in fact Mr. Fisher is here with his mother.”

Abner “Oh? Is he being released to his mother?”

Margaret “No, not right now, not until we have formally charged him, then we will see.”

Abner “I see.”

Margaret “Okay, so these are the papers we need you to sign Rabbi, they are basically a formal complaint that your Synagogue was not only vandalized but that certain symbols were painted on it that are of a most egregious nature to you and your religion, this will then enable us to enact the proper statutes to charge Mr. Schellenberg.”

Debbie “Rabbi Goldberg, perhaps before you…”

Abner “Please, if you don’t mind, I think that this is all a bit over my head.”

Margaret “Well let me try to explain it better for you Rabbi.”

Abner “Tell me, if I sign this, you charge the boy with some crime that is for adults, yes?”

Margaret “Well in essence I suppose that is true, yes, but he…”

Abner “So the penalties become more, yes?”

Margaret “Yes, but Rabbi please let me…”

Abner “I would like to see this boy, to talk to him before I do this, can I do that?”

Margaret Sinclair was becoming more agitated each time he interrupted her. She could barely contain her civility and she knew she had to if she wanted this dolt to comply with her choices. She hated this, this man should be thankful that she was willing to take this case and press for such stiff penalties, after all he should realize that no matter what, many weren’t exactly enamoured with his people. You would think he would at least show some sign of comprehending that, that this time he had an ally instead of an enemy.

She leaned forward in the chair, her eyes fixed directly on the Rabbi’s face as she began to try to salvage this entire mess before the detectives and Debbie. In one sense she wished that Debbie would say more but she had to give her credit, she was smart enough to keep quiet and not risk antagonizing the Rabbi as it seemed like he was hedging on doing what Margaret needed him to do. This was absolutely ridiculous and she wondered if she could contact Sam Ginsburg before he went to the office or should she wait till later?

Margaret “I don’t see any point in that Rabbi. That generally isn’t done, I mean he is the criminal and you can confront him in court, but…”

Abner “Confront? No, no, I want to talk to him, is that possible?”

Margaret “I don’t see any need for you to Rabbi, really that is highly unusual and…”

Abner “But not against the rules?”

Margaret “No, not really, but really…”

Abner “You want me to sign these papers, yes? Fine, before I sign I like to know who I am accusing, I want to talk to the boy… alone.”

Margaret “Rabbi I can’t just… I mean…”

Abner “Then perhaps I should call my lawyer? He can advise me on these papers, you know they seem so filled with terms and that which I really should get his opinion on, after all it would be my signature and…”

Margaret Sinclair gave him her hardest stare, the one that rarely failed to intimidate a reluctant witness or a weasel defendant and yet he seemed so nonplussed by it, almost as if he didn’t even see it. No wonder people shied away from his type, they were so stubborn, so stiff necked that it was most irritating. Well, fine, she’d settle him later, right now she just wanted to salvage this situation and get the kid charged with a hate crime. If that meant letting this man salve his conscience by talking to the little punk, so be it.

Margaret “Fine Rabbi, I’ll arrange for him to be brought up to a private interrogation room, then will you sign the papers?”

Abner “If it is as you say, certainly.”

Margaret turned to the smiling detective next to her and had him go and get Neil Schellenberg. Her look quickly ended the smirk that he had and she leaned back in her chair, knowing exactly what it was about Jews that infuriated her. It was their damn stubbornness and what was worse was that Debbie Winston was also smirking, damn her.