Chapter 35

Part 1

It was the same dream he had had many many years ago, when he had first met her and her scent, her aura had captivated his heart so much that it was all he could think about or dream of. She was his life then and now she was even more than just life itself to him. She had given him two fine boys, two more rungs towards immortality and he thanked her for it in his heart. He could see her, the way her hair flowed and the way she walked, that certain spring in her step that told you she was full of life and as he laid there, the dream continuing to unfold, he felt the peace that she had brought to him, the way she had in one look turned his life from nothing into having meaning.

He could smell her and even feel her presence, knowing that she was next to him, that her hand or part of her body still touched his somewhere, for not a single night in all their years together had ever been different, and he felt the joy it gave him, the way his heart could rest despite all that the world had thrown their way. He knew that what lay ahead for him and her would not be easy, but he knew that together there was nothing that they could not survive. That certainty, that faith in her love and strength kept him going and as he felt the pain that the boys were having, he knew it would be that faith that would let them survive it too, knowing that they would draw their strength from him and from her.

Earlier, as the sounds came to their bedroom from downstairs, they had felt shock at first and then she had looked at him, smiled in a way that only had made his heart skip several beats and brought his blood once more to the boil. Her face broke into a wide grin as she looked at him, her hand resting on his stomach as her thoughts became his, and he too smiled. Just as the noise grew louder, just as it reached a crescendo they both laughed lightly, enjoying their closeness. The sound of their eldest voice roared loudly and she couldn’t stop herself from laughing as she looked at him, touching him in such a way that he knew her love was as real today as it had been when he was just Joshua’s age.

Adele “I shouldn’t, but remember how your mama came running in that first time, the look on her face… oh Abner, will they ever be as happy as we are?”

He had seen the concern cross her face, the doubt that clouded her shining eyes and he had held her hand, bringing her close to him and kissed her on the cheek, wiping the small tear from one corner of her eye, telling her how much he loved her and that yes, they would indeed have what he had, that he would do all he could to insure it and that had been enough for her. Her whole body had come alive and even now, deep in his dream he could still feel his heart entering her body, to rest side by side with hers. He still felt the awe he always felt when they became what God had intended for them to be, one single soul united by a bond of love that nothing could ever break apart. He sighed in his sleep, oblivious to the tug of her hand and the harsh shrill ring echoing in his ears until finally her voice penetrated beyond the walls of his dream and he woke up to the frightened look on her face.

It took him a few seconds to finally associate the ringing to the phone and he held her hand as he took up the receiver, answering the call that had disturbed his dream. His mind ached as it woke up, knowing that they couldn’t even have a night’s rest from the tszuris that was plaguing them; but his heart still beat strong, her scent still holding him and caressing his soul as he spoke into the phone.

‘Yes, this is Rabbi Goldberg? Who?”

“I see, yes, how much?”

“No, thank you, yes I’ll be down shortly… sorry? What?”

“Oh, uh, well perhaps 30 minutes, maybe less.”

“Okay, fine, thank you officer. Oh, no, I’ll call him myself, yes, before I leave… yes, thank you.”

She had listened as he spoke, seeing the face she loved so much change from sleep into one of anger and then dejection and disappointment. She held his arm, watching and feeling the rage boil up inside of him and then gradually dissipate as he once more regained control over himself. It terrified her as she listened, not knowing what or who it was that was calling but then realizing that it was the police. Her heart grew frightened even more and yet as her hand dug into the soft flesh of his bare arm, she felt his strength holding her, felt his love soothing her as she patiently waited for him to speak and tell her what had happened.

He turned to her after putting the receiver down and sighed, knowing that as much as they had tried, the evil was still with them and he patted her hand as their bedroom doorway became filled first with Joel’s anxious face, his hand nervously doing up his bathrobe, then Josh appeared, followed by Robbie. Abner saw how Robbie still managed to be next to Joshua, to have part of him touching his son just as he always needed to feel her next to him in times like this, just as he was indeed doing as his eyes softened and glanced down at his hand in hers.

Joel “Papa, what is it? The phone was ringing…”

Adele “Hush, it is okay, yes Abner? Yes?”

Abner “It is okay, it was the police…”

Adele “Mien Gotte, what now?”

She had forgotten for a moment the boys and let her fears suddenly take over, her hand flew to her face as she saw his eyes, and she knew it wasn’t something simple, some misunderstanding either and then too, there was still the fear of the police, an unreasonable fear given where she lived and all, but just the mention of them still brought her heart to a quiver.

He could see the panic coming to her and he reached out, patting her hand as he spoke to them all, reassuring them and yet knowing that this could indeed be only the beginning. He didn’t want to alarm them but he knew in his heart that far worse could happen, even here in the land of such freedom, of such tolerances, after all they were Jewish.

Abner “Hush, everyone, some kids, they decided they didn’t like the colour scheme of the shul. They did some redecorating it seems, and they broke a window too. Nothing we can’t fix or clean, they do have one of the boys in custody…”

Joshua “Do you have to go down to the Shul?”

Abner “Yes, they want to make sure no one got inside, and we do need to cover the broken window. I’ll have to call Sam first, but enough talk, you boys should go back to bed. I have to go down, but it won’t be long.”

Joel “I’ll go with you, I can help cover the window…”

The fear was clear in his son’s face and his heart reached out for him, knowing that it wasn’t just that he wanted to help, that it was also that he was frightened and didn’t want to be alone from him, and that too gave him strength as he shook his head, still holding her hand, calming her spirit too because he knew he would need it to get them through what was certainly the next round of all this horror.

Abner “No, you stay here with your Mama and…”

Robbie saw the way the Rabbi held her hand and strangely enough he could feel her fear being calmed with each soft stroke of his hand. He reached out to hold Josh’s hand, feeling the same fear there and inside, deep in his heart he knew that whatever had happened was related to him and he felt the guilt but Josh’s love held him tight, stopping it from overwhelming him.

Robbie “We’ll go with you Rabbi, Josh and I…”

Abner “No, it is okay, I can manage. I’d feel better if you were both here with Mama and Joel…”

Adele “Abner, what else did the police say? Just what kind of redecorating did these boys do?”

Abner “It is nothing, shush, I have to go, maybe you’ll get me Saul’s number while I dress?”

Joel “Please Papa, let at least one of us go with you, it is…”

There was no mistaking the Rabbi’s look, the way he was drawing on her for strength and he knew that he had to go, that as much as the Rabbi didn’t want anyone, he needed someone and after all, he was partly the cause of whatever trouble had happened, it was only fitting that he help those who had risked so much for him. He still couldn’t believe how much love they all had, how close they were to each other but he was learning it, seeing it even as he stood there, and more than that, for the first time he was actually able to feel it.

His voice was strong, stronger than it had ever been before as he spoke up, looking directly at the Rabbi and he could feel his heart reaching out, feel it meeting the Rabbi’s and he knew that he would listen, that it wasn’t a stranger offering help because he knew that this was more his father, than his father was. Robbie stood there, his hand squeezing Josh’s as he spoke out clearly, letting the love he had speak for him.

Robbie “Let me go, I am pretty good with a hammer and nails. Josh can stay here, if it makes you feel better.”

Joshua “Yes, please Papa, you can’t go alone, okay?”

Abner saw the determined look in Robbie’s face and he felt his strength reaching out. He knew that Robbie wanted to help, that in his way he had already guessed at the cause and he stood there, proud of all of his boys and of her too. She had stopped her protests, knowing too that what had happened wasn’t just some redecorating as he had put it and she knew it from before, and he could feel her stilling her heart, soothing it as she stared out at her boys, seeing their own fear and knowing it was up to her and him to keep this from ruining what they had.

She also was afraid too, he could feel that as he held her hand and as Robbie’s words came to them both, she urged him silently to accept, but then nothing about them was ever silent, or secret as they could feel each other, hear each other’s thoughts even and he acquiesced, knowing in his own heart that it was best too. He sighed a little as he looked at their faces, and he wondered if it would ever end, if the evil that existed would ever be beaten back?

Abner “Ach, okay already, you boys are as bad as your Mama sometimes. Fine, I guess someone who knows how to hammer will help, I am not that good at it, so go get some clothes on boychik. Adele, nu? Where is Saul’s number already?”

Adele moved hurriedly in an orderly bustle that didn’t fool anyone and Abner couldn’t help but smile as she rummaged for her always handy address book with numbers. He watched as Joel sighed and offered to make some coffee, which he agreed to, amazed at how everyone tried to act like it was just a simple repair job, like a storm had passed instead of what they all knew it really was. He could feel the fear still in the room but as he saw the three boys at the doorway he felt a strange sense of hope, realizing that in them perhaps there could be a chance, a hope for a day when this kind of meshugassism didn’t exist. ‘If Only’ his heart said as he began to get dressed, feeling the weight of history on his shoulders and yet knowing that this too would pass.

Joel turned to leave for the kitchen, and as he did his eyes met Robbie’s and for a moment he felt a strange rush of emotion flashing across him. There was first the wave of fear he felt for his family and then there came a strange sense of jealousy, that it should be him or Josh going with their father, not some goy, some stranger but that passed so quickly he wasn’t even sure if it had been there. Then came the anger too, because as much as everyone ignored it, as much as no one said anything about it, he knew that it had a great deal to do with what was said on the television, and for that he felt like Robbie had only added to the problems, and he felt angry for that, for the grief that he knew was coming.

His eyes grew narrow as they locked with Robbie’s own eyes, and he could feel the pain there, could feel the doubts, the worries and still the anger inside of him refused to budge, his face almost challenging Robbie in some strange macho way, as if he had to prove to Robbie that he was there, that he didn’t like what was happening. It was a weird feeling that made his body grow cold and he could feel the goose bumps along his arms popping up, adding to his general feeling of discomfort and yet somewhere inside still was that voice, that one tiny voice telling him that Robbie wasn’t the enemy, that he wasn’t a stranger but was family. Funny how he could think of so many things in the flicker of an eyelash, but he could and yet it was like hours had passed when barely a second or two had expired.

Just as his eyes seemed to be glowing with anger he could feel the shame rising up, the calm gentle voice of his mother urging him to be patient, the gentle warm voice of his father telling him that life was never easy but that with family you had a base, a refuge and the anger began to slowly ease, the tightness around his throat began to ease a little as his eyes stopped narrowing, instead they began to grow and let in the vision in front. For a brief instant he felt Robbie’s breath across his face, and as he breathed in he smelt the fear too that still held Robbie a prisoner and now his heart once more rose up, once more held back the daunting voices of fear and anger.

It really was strange to feel all this stuff, to experience in the flashing of a second, but as he began to put one leg forward, he looked deep into Robbie’s face and knew that not only had he, Joel, felt all that, but that Robbie had seen it too. Now he felt the shame even more and yet as his eyes continued to gaze into Robbie’s ashen face, he felt the power of his own brother around them both. He felt his body shake a little, just a small tremor really but it made his very soul twist and shake.

There was so much to think about and as he made his way past Robbie, he couldn’t help it but he reached out to let his hand briefly touch Robbie’s arm, and as he did he let his heart control his body and his face broke out into a small smile, and he saw the amazement welling up in Robbie’s face, saw the relief too and for now, all Joel could feel was an immense warmth inside, a warmth that refused to let the terror back in, refused to let the cold fear rise back up and for that he was grateful as he headed towards the kitchen, hearing his father talking on the phone to the temple’s president.

Josh had seen the passing look and then he had witnessed that simple touch as Joel headed towards the kitchen. He stared at his back as he walked down the hallway and his heart leapt in a strange bounce of euphoria even, something that he couldn’t believe he’d be feeling just after a phone ringing in the middle of the night. How could such horror be followed by such a warm wonderful feeling but it happened and he felt confused, unsure really of just what was going on. Was it a sign that even in dark times there was always hope or was the intellectual part of him still trying to explain what really wasn’t explainable?

All he knew was that as his brother walked towards the kitchen he felt a great deal of pride in having him as a brother, and of being a part of this family and he turned to stare at Robbie who held his hand now. Funny, he hadn’t really noticed him reaching out and taking his hand but he felt the warmth inside, felt the added beat next to his own heart and for a mere instant he wondered if this was what love was, the silent touch that breached all barriers? Was this how his parents always seemed to be in tune? Could he be so lucky as to have a small part of that too?

Somehow he found himself in the basement, watching as Robbie began to dress, and he couldn’t help himself but he was still thunder struck by how sensual Robbie looked. Just the way his body seemed to move as he pulled his pants up, zipping them up and yet only a short time ago Josh had felt the amazing heat that had come from that very well defined area of Robbie. He shook his head as if to clear it but all he could see was Robbie’s face, the way his eyes seemed to open in wonder as their two bodies joined together in an embrace that neither had ever experienced before. He could still hear Robbie’s blood rushing through Robbie’s veins just as his own blood flowed through his. It was almost as if they were indeed one entity sharing two bodies and in one brief flash had suddenly become just one person.

Robbie turned around, his face looking for his shirt but his eyes immediately were drawn towards Josh’s face and he stopped, his hand at one side, the other still putting the finishing touches on pulling up his jeans and he seemed like a deer caught in the headlights for a moment, a questioning look crossing his face as their eyes locked.

Robbie “What?”

Josh “Nothing, well, nothing other than… than God I love you!”

His whole body suddenly grew still as his eyes searched Josh’s face and he could feel the words striking his heart, feel them ripping into his pulsing organ and he knew they were true words, and he felt a sudden easing of the stress that weighed on his shoulders and he shook a little as a tear formed at the corner of his one eye. It was still hard for him to accept, to believe that anyone could care for him never mind actually love him but as he stared into Josh’s face, he knew that in front of him was the truth, that Josh really did love him.

Robbie “Josh… I… I love you too, God I wish that…”

Josh “Ssh, I know, but all that counts is that you know I love you, see, I already know you love me, knew it that first time we walked along Dallas road, and…”

Robbie “How? I mean… shit Josh, I am so sorry for all I have done to you…”

Josh saw the tears rolling down his lover’s face and he quickly moved forward, his arms reaching out to take Robbie into them and he held him tightly as he felt Robbie’s heart pounding next to his own. Whatever was happening elsewhere no longer mattered to him, because he knew that he had that missing piece, that one single missing part of the puzzle that made up life. He had his soul mate and nothing anyone could do now could change that, oh they may attack it, may deride it, hate it even; but it couldn’t be taken from him now, of that he was certain as he wrapped his arms around Robbie tighter, knowing that their love was unbreakable.

Josh “You haven’t done anything, nothing that we can’t manage…”

Robbie “No, this, this stuff, it is all my fault, if I hadn’t spoken out, if I hadn’t…”

Josh “This has nothing to do with you Robbie, shit. If you want to blame anyone, blame me.”

Robbie “You? How can this be your fault?”

Josh “Easy, I am Jewish, this isn’t about you being gay, or me, it’s just an excuse to justify their ignorance. Honest, I have been here before, so have my folks, didn’t really think it would happen here, but then I guess…”

Robbie “Josh, you can’t, I mean, people aren’t that, just because you are Jewish? I don’t…”

Josh “Yeah, if I were maybe Protestant or Anglican they wouldn’t have bothered with the Church I went to, they did this because I am Jewish, because it was a Jew who corrupted you… stupid maybe but it’s how it works.”

Robbie sat down on the messed up bed, his hands resting on the sheets and he could feel all that had gone on in that bed just a short time earlier and yet as he sat there, he realized that all he had imagined, all the fears, the doubts, the recriminations, were nothing to what Joshua must have had to go through in just being a part of history, never mind being gay. How could he have such a casual acceptance of it but then as he sat there, looking at Josh he realized that there really wasn’t anything casual about it. He didn’t really accept it but he was resigned to it happening and that was different.

Robbie “You didn’t corrupt me, shit… if anyone…”

Josh “Look, for starters there is nothing to corrupt, you are who you are by design, just as I am. We can’t help that, and to be honest, I wouldn’t change a damn thing. I have never felt so alive, so full of… well of love I guess than I do now, and that is because of all that has happened. Maybe some want to hate me for being Jewish, well fuck them Robbie, it doesn’t matter to me cause you see, I got something they’ll never have.”

Robbie “What?”

Josh “I have you.”

Josh put his hand on Robbie’s shoulder as he said the three words and his eyes were filled with tears as he stared down into Robbie’s face. He could see the swirling emotions running inside of his lover’s mind but as he spoke the words he saw something else, he saw the love rising up and swirling around too, saw it slowly swallowing the doubts and fears until all that was visible in Robbie’s handsome young face was their love for each other.

He felt himself slowly pulled down to sit next to Robbie and he felt the strong arms reaching around his slender body and yet all he could see was the love inside of Robbie, the love that was for him and he sighed as his face moved forward, his head slightly tilted to one side. In a brief instant he felt like the heavens themselves had opened up and thunder was roaring around him while huge sheets of lightning struck him. His body shook as their lips brushed each other and he felt the warmth rushing into his aching limbs and body. Josh felt the love and he shook even harder as his own arms wrapped around Robbie, pulling him in closer too and they kissed deeply, feeling their love mingle, feeling their hearts beat once more side by side within one single mortal body.

There was no logic to it, his body was off on its own journey as he felt the hardness in his groin and yet as his lips pressed hard against Robbie’s mouth, he felt the tender touch of something on his very soul and he could feel it touching Robbie as well, feel it as it gently caressed them both and he shuddered as his and Robbie’s bodies both sensed and reacted to the soft light caress. Their mouths broke apart and both rested their heads on each other’s shoulders, feeling the soft touch against their souls, feeling the warmth that seemed to seek out every part of their aching bodies and together they held tightly to each other, knowing that their love was once more working its magic within.

The words may have been true, but it was that touch, that single gentle brush of something against their souls that made it all real to them and nothing their minds could do or say could change that. It was like they had finally beaten back the demons they both nurtured within but even as they realized that their love was true, they also realized that many dark days lay ahead; but they were no longer petrified by those thoughts.

Josh moved his one hand down Robbie’s still heaving chest until it rested on his groin. He felt the wetness growing just as he knew that his own shorts were just as wet. He smiled inside as he lifted up his head and carefully he moved his hands upwards, to lift Robbie’s head from his shoulder and he looked for a moment into the soft warm face, then he leaned forward, kissing Robbie lightly on the forehead.

Josh “I think you just have time to change.”

Robbie “Yeah, I better.”

Part 2

Sergeant Carson Burns

He finished the last report and placed it in its proper basket, sighing as he did and looking up at the empty waiting area. Still no sign of anyone which irritated him a little because he wanted to take his break, but he knew he couldn’t until at least someone from the Jewish Church showed up to sign the complaint. It wasn’t that he had any feelings one way or another, but as he turned to stare at the locked rooms to his left behind the secure wall, he felt like this was all out of proportion. He didn’t agree with what the kid and his friends had done, but he could understand it, after all he had watched the news report too and it had made his blood boil.

Funny, he dealt with all kinds of people in his job as a Sergeant of Police and he had come across quite a few gays in the course of his duty and, while he didn’t understand their lifestyle, he really didn’t care about it. As long as they left him alone, well they could do what they want but there was something different about this, and the way he had heard the news report, it was almost as if that Jewish boy, the Jewish priest’s son, had cast a spell or something over Robbie Fisher.

Christ what a waste he thought as he remembered being in the stands last year, watching the way that Fisher boy worked the court, moving the ball as if there were no one but him and the net on the court. He certainly was something to watch and he had assumed like everyone else that he would move on to college ball but it never happened and now he knew why, the kid had gone queer. It just didn’t make sense to him, how someone as talented as Robbie Fisher could throw all of his natural talent away for some romp with another guy, but according to the news that is exactly what happened.

Now here was another kid about to be thrown into the system because of it, a nice enough kid who had no priors, who really was simply venting his anger and frustration in a way that wasn’t exactly condoned, but Sergeant Burns thought he understood it. After all, he had been pretty steamed by the news report himself, but being an adult he didn’t go and take it out on some church, even if it was a church of some ancient, no longer valid religion. Funny how they could still exist given all that was known now but then he didn’t understand those nuts who dressed up in robes and handed out flowers at the airport either, though they seemed to have withered out lately.

He shook his head as he glanced up at the clock and wondered whether or not the kid’s parents would show up or not. Too many times he had made calls to parents when their kids had gotten caught and the answer had been that they would see their kid in the morning, that a night in jail would do the little so-and-so good; but he knew different, he knew that at times like these good kids needed to know they still had parents, that they still had someone to cling to. Besides, jail wasn’t exactly a fun place for kids even if they were 16, like the kid they now held in one of the small interrogation rooms off to his left.

Sergeant Burns reached into his pocket and pulled out a couple of loonies, and he turned around to see who was in the back, calling for one of the support staff to watch the front desk for a minute. He waited till the person came up and then he headed to the vending machines and got two cans of coke out of one, a bag of chips out of the other and headed back towards the silent locked rooms. Carson Burns took his master keys out and opened the small door of one of the rooms and walked inside to see the frightened 16-year-old boy huddled up into a corner of the room.

The room wasn’t exactly one that anyone would like to spend much time in. It had a bolted plain table in the centre, was lit by a single light wrapped in a metal cage and along the wall a hard bench was in place, one that was impossible to move or shift as it was fitted directly to the wall. The room was cold feeling and despite the bright light it felt dark, as if it held some secret danger and in some instances, it had; but all he could see right now was one very frightened child. His heart ached a little wondering if this kid’s parents would be those who would wait till morning or not and as he reached outside the door to bring in a chair, he felt the anger rising up inside of him against that Jewish boy for causing all this. If he had only kept his pecker where it belonged, with his own kind instead of going trolling outside his own people, maybe then none of this would have happened.

Sergeant Burns “Come on kid, brought you a can of Coke and some chips.”

The boy’s face lifted up from out of his crossed arms to stare at the heavyset police officer in the doorway. He saw a small smile on the man’s face, a sort of sorry type look really that made him feel a little easier, though he still felt like shit, like he wanted to just crawl into some deep hole and pull the world in over his head. Tears had left creases on his face, and he knew that he wasn’t handling this well but it was the very first time that he had ever been in trouble with the cops, and being in this room wasn’t helping him much either, as he wondered what his mother would say, or worse what would Walt Fisher say?

Christ, as if poor Mr. Fisher didn’t have enough to deal with, now he had to deal with his own stupidity because he was certain that his mom would call him, after all who else could she call? His own dad had split ages ago and only Walt Fisher had come to her aid, and to his and now here he was, in jail just after Justin had died and Robbie had been outed on television. Christ his timing sucked and yet all he could really think about was how it would hurt Walt, Mr. Fisher that is. Shit he was certain that Mr. Fisher wouldn’t let him call him Walt anymore, not after this crap and his anger grew as his mind tried to grapple with all that had happened.

It really hadn’t been planned, but after watching that news report, the way that damn bunch of Jews had acted, like they were so superior or something, specially that old geezer who was the father. It made him so mad and so helpless and yet he couldn’t let it go, couldn’t stop the wild thoughts that came to him as he had watched the news report, each word and action only making him madder.

Finally he had had enough and took off, and maybe if he hadn’t, maybe if he had gone and stayed at the Fishers like he had first thought, none of this would have happened, but he hadn’t. Instead he had run into some friends and together they had gone downtown, to try and score some beer and just talk. Funny, they really weren’t the type to talk about stuff like this but they all knew Justin and Robbie and hell, Justin was their ticket to fame and glory and now that was all gone and while the news hadn’t said it exactly, there was no doubt that those Jews, the fags, had something to do with Justin not making it. Christ, just what where they doing while poor Justin was lying out there bleeding?

Someone had said that they were most likely sucking each other’s dicks, another of his friends had said they were most likely butt fucking each other, but it really didn’t matter to him what they were doing. What mattered was that they didn’t give Justin the help he needed until it was too late. Maybe Dave was right, maybe they hadn’t wanted to help Justin cause he had found out or something like that, but whatever the reason he knew that they needed to be punished. It didn’t take any of them long to more or less say that to each other and while they didn’t know where they lived, they all knew where that church of theirs was.

Funny, sitting in this empty cold room he could think so calmly, so quietly and yet he hadn’t given a seconds thought to what they had decided to do when it would have counted. Maybe if he had, he wouldn’t be here and now he didn’t know what was going to happen. The cops wanted to know who had been with him but he had played dumb, thankfully, but he kind of wished that he wasn’t the only one to have been caught. There was safety in numbers and maybe things might go easier for him if he weren’t the only one for the cops to blame this on, but no way would he squeal, it just wasn’t done.

Kid “Thanks.”

The boy looked at him with the saddest eyes he had ever seen and he could feel his heart tug a little at it, feeling sorry for the boy and he thought he would try to ease his pain a bit, after all it wasn’t like the kid was some mass murder or hold up artist. Christ all the kid did was break a window and spray paint some graffiti and in some ways he couldn’t really blame him. He too was angry with the Rabbi and his kids but he was an adult, he knew better and yet in his heart he had this strange wish that he could have gotten away with what the kid had done, if for no other reason than to simply vent his emotions.

Sergeant Burns “Look, it isn’t so bad, only your first offence, courts take that stuff into account.”

Kid “Yeah? I never… is my Mom here yet?”

Burns “No, not yet.”

It was almost as if the kid was having a seizure or something, the way his body shook as the fear took hold of him, but Sergeant Burns knew that it would pass, which it did. His heart ached for the youth and it was times like this when he wished for the old times, when you could just use your own initiative and instead of charging a kid like this you simply took him home, talked with the parents; but not today, today it wasn’t right to let kids off or at least give the appearance they were getting off. He shook his head as the boy’s shaky voice asked his question, making Sergeant Burns only feel sorrier for the lad than before.

Kid “What’s going to happen to me?”

Burns “I can’t really say, guess it’ll depend on what the crown decides to charge you with, might help if you tell who was with you though…”

Kid “Yeah right, then it’ll only be worse… I really didn’t mean to do that stuff, just that, well, I was so mad.”

Burns “I know, kind of hard when you lose a friend and team mate; still what you did wasn’t exactly smart.”

Kid “I suppose… why didn’t they help Justin? What did he do so wrong that they didn’t want to help him?”

He stared at the young boy, saw the tears rolling slowly down his face and as he took a sip of his own can of soda he too wondered about that. The news had implied that if the two Jewish brothers had found Justin earlier that maybe he could have been saved, that maybe he didn’t have to die but there wasn’t any explanation as to what took them so long in calling for help. He hadn’t seen the report filed by the attending officers but he did know that they didn’t report anything suspicious about the call, yet the news did seem to make it seem awfully suspicious, what did they know that the department didn’t?

Burns “I am sure that if they did something wrong the investigators will find out but, hell kid it doesn’t give you the right to go trash their church, no matter what you think they did or how you feel about them.”

Kid “I know, wasn’t thinking… am I going to go to jail?”

Most cases like this usually got dealt with as probation and community service, trouble was that the symbols they painted on the door and wall, that might just cause this to be taken as more than just a case of vandalism. Christ that was all this poor kid needed now, to be branded some hate thug, and he could see the press now, and as he looked at the boy, he wondered why the media hadn’t already tumbled to it, thankfully though that so far no one had shown up. Somehow though he knew that wouldn’t last and just as he was about to try once more to get the kid to open up, he heard his name being called, and he could see a woman near the front counter.

Burns “I doubt it, community service most likely but it’ll be a lot easier if you tell them who was with you; but, well, you think about it. I have to go, I think that is your mother; so I expect you’ll be out of here soon enough.”

Kid “Thanks, I… uh, thanks.”

Burns “Yeah well, next time you get angry, keep it under control, don’t want to see you back here, understand?”

Kid “Yeah, I get it.”

Sergeant Burns left the room, locking it back up and he hurried back to his desk to find not only a rather good looking woman waiting for him, but a taller muscular man who he immediately recognized as Walt Fisher. His heart leapt out to the man who looked like he hadn’t slept in years but he could understand that, after all the guy had just lost his youngest son and found out his eldest was a fag. For an instant he wondered why Walt Fisher was with the lady, but then he turned off his own mind and became once more the police official.

The lady looked frightened and nervous as she answered his questions, leaning a little on Walt Fisher who stood quietly at her side, his eyes blank and not even acknowledging anything as they seemed to simply stare straight ahead. He was there but in many ways Sergeant Burns thought he wasn’t really there, that instead he was lost in his own thoughts, which he could understand. Couldn’t be easy for any father to lose a child, never mind one so full of promise as Justin Fisher had been.

Reluctantly he had to inform both the lady and Walt that they would have to wait before he could tell them what would be happening regarding the boy. The detectives had yet to determine what charges would be laid and that in fact they were waiting on some people to come in to make that determination. He carefully explained what had happened and while it seemed to him like it was nothing more than a case of juvenile vandalism, the fact was that they had used some rather highly objectionable symbols to vent their anger and that could alter how the Crown might view the situation.

Walt Fisher didn’t seem to accept that, proclaiming that they got what they deserved; but the woman seemed less accepting of that than he would imagine. There was a strange look in her eyes as she listened to Walt Fisher berate him for even suggesting that it was anything more than simple juvenile mischief but as much as he agreed with what Walt was saying, the fact was that he couldn’t release the boy into his mother’s custody just yet, which seemed to only aggravate Walt Fisher all that more. He swore and stomped away, to sit angrily on the bench in the waiting area while the lady tried to talk and get more details, begging really to see her boy.

For a second or two he thought maybe he’d be able to bend the rules but he saw Margaret Sinclair, a crown attorney, storming in from the back, which quickly squashed any notion of bending the rules and leaving him no choice but to politely refuse to let the lady see her son, knowing that somehow this was not going to be a cut and dried case for much longer. Margaret wasn’t exactly one who came out in the middle of the night, unless it was something important and the only case they had so far was this one, so he knew the detectives had called her. He cringed a little knowing that his shift had just become more complicated than he had been hoping for.

If he had any doubts about that they were quickly vanquished as he saw one of the reporters from the news coming into the building. He sighed, realizing that it was as he had expected really and he pressed a button under the desk, summoning some help to come up front, hoping he could keep the lid on things for a bit, knowing he’d have to call the detectives too. He was a little annoyed at the reporter showing up and in a flash the man was on Walter Fisher, and as he tried to keep an ear to what the lady was asking, his attention was more directed to the tirade that Walt Fisher was giving to the reporter who seemed to be taking down every single word. Christ, he could see tomorrow’s news headlines now, as he became anxious to get to the phones, to let the detectives and Margaret Sinclair know what was happening out here.

As his assistant came up from the back area, the reporter began to come forward and Sergeant Burns knew that this was it. He kept his eyes focused, waiting and knowing that as much as he wanted to help the kid and his mother, this wasn’t going to happen. He felt rather angry at his own helplessness but there was nothing he could do, policy was just that and he was too much of a veteran to go against policy in front of a newsman.

Jake Mathews “Sergeant, Jake Mathews, CH News.”

Sergeant Burns “Mr. Mathews.”

Jake “Sergeant, can you tell me what young Neil Schellenberg is charged with? Why won’t you let his mother see him?”

Burns “Well, as of this moment he hasn’t been formally charged, the matter is still under investigation and until then, I am afraid policy is that no one see him until the investigators and Crown representative make that determination.”

Jake “Is someone from the Crown here yet?”

Burns “I believe so.”

Jake “Who?”

Burns “I am not sure, ‘fraid can’t say right now.”

Jake “Come on Sergeant, why such secrecy? Just what are the city’s finest hiding here?”

Burns “We aren’t hiding anything. Mr. Mathews. I am just the desk sergeant, you need to talk to the detectives.”

Jake “Okay, so let me talk to them.”

Burns “If you’ll give me a moment, I will check for you.”

Jake “Thanks.”

He quickly left the desk to his civilian aide and headed to the secure back area to make the call upstairs. Part of him was annoyed at the reporter while another part of him wondered if maybe this time the media attention could help. He really didn’t want the kid to be charged with a hate crime, he just couldn’t see it as being that and it wasn’t like some of those others who came in here, who he knew would spend the majority of their life either running from the police or doing time. This kid was just that, a kid and he deserved a break and maybe, just maybe the press could help that, or on the other hand they just might make it impossible.

Carson Burns sighed as he dialled the detective line and waited for them to pick up, feeling torn between what he knew was right and what he felt should be. He still didn’t really think that what those kids had done was right but he understood it, and besides, maybe there was something to that theory, just why had it taken so long for those two boys to call in, what were they doing that took so long? Picking up some clothes didn’t seem like something that would take all that much time, and hell, who would want to spend a lot of time in a place where someone had just recently tried to off himself?

Marilyn Schelenberg

The call in the middle of the night was bad enough, to have it be the police was even worse for her. She was petrified with fear, as she had listened to the dispassionate voice telling her that her only son was in police custody for desecrating a church of all things. How could her sweet baby be guilty of such a thing and yet somehow she didn’t feel all that surprised. She too had seen the television report and it had frightened her, not for what it had said or even implied but at the way it had changed Neil’s face.

It was like she was in some nightmare that wouldn’t end. First there was the death of young Justin, which still didn’t make any sense to her, and for some reason, the way Sharon and Walter behaved, it was almost surreal for her. Sharon wasn’t grieving like a mother should, it was more than that in some ways and yet less too.

Sharon kept telling her that she should have stopped it sooner, that she should have done more but that Marilyn knew how Walt was, that he really was a good man and he did look after her and the boys in his way. Her mind couldn’t understand the babblings or the references either and even now she found herself wondering just what was it that Sharon had been trying to tell her, to say to her. None of it made sense because she only saw Walter as some amazing parent. The way he spent so much time not only with his own boys but with many others, the way he cared so deeply for them all, even her own Neil and yet, she couldn’t really explain it but it gnawed at her, made her uneasy in a way she just never could explain or quite exorcise from her thoughts.

There was something going on, something that had come to a head with Justin’s death but what it could be she hadn’t a clue. All she knew was that it wasn’t so much Sharon’s ramblings that concerned her, as it was the way she would suddenly stop talking and look at Walter. As hard as it was to believe, Marilyn was certain that what she saw was absolute hatred in the eyes of the woman who claimed to love Walter Fisher. How could she hate him? What was it that had happened that suddenly had cost her not just Justin but Robbie too?

Now here she was, in the middle of the night having to go to the police station and no man to help, no husband to turn to for comfort, and she felt the panic rising up inside, feeling her loneliness even more as she dressed and wondered if she should call a cab or should she call a lawyer? How could Neil be involved in something like this? What could he have been thinking to have gone and done something so stupid, so vile and yet maybe it was just a mistake, maybe the police had simply caught the wrong boy? That could be it couldn’t it, but then the officer seemed so certain that Neil had been part of it and her tears began to flow.

“Christ why? Why are you doing this?” was all she could think of as she tried to figure out what to do. If she needed a lawyer, whom could she call? There was no way she could call her divorce lawyer, the guy had been a first class ass the way he handled things and she still thought he had screwed up big time. No, he was out, besides she didn’t think he handled criminal cases so, did she look in the yellow pages or what?

She looked down at the purse on the kitchen table, wondering where she could get help and her eyes moved over to the phone on the wall, to see the numbers tacked up next to it, her work number, the number to the lady’s group she belonged to and before she even realized it, she had the phone in her hand and had dialled Walt Fisher’s number. He had been her rock when she had needed him so many years ago, he had been there to help Neil with his stuttering, to take him under his wing and guide him towards manhood, he was the one who could help and despite the strange gnawing doubt that crawled around in her soul, her mind held her steady as she waited for him to answer.

Finally his voice came to her and she hurriedly explained her problem, refusing to even give him time to speak before she let it all out, to tell him that her poor Neil was in jail, that she was desperate, she didn’t know who to call or what to do and as her breath finally expired, needing more air just to breath, she heard his voice calming her, telling her not to worry that he’d come by and pick her up in the car in 10 minutes. It was like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders because at least now there was someone to share it with, at least now there was someone who could give her guidance and help and she thanked him, ashamed even for troubling him at this time but he was the man she had come to know, refusing to let his own pain stop him from helping those he cared for.

He hadn’t hesitated in offering to pick her up and go with her, proving once more to her mind that this was indeed a friend, a man deserving of more than what he was receiving. How could Sharon even be thinking dark thoughts about him, let alone giving them voice and yet, still in the very deep recesses of her soul she still felt uneasy, still felt uncomfortable in reaching out for his help. Her eyes were clouded by tears as she heard his soothing words, telling her it would be all okay and that he knew a good lawyer if they needed one, to not worry, that Neil would be okay and would be home before morning. It was what she needed to hear and it helped but she couldn’t shake that nagging unease inside, despite the harsh force of her mind. Walt Fisher was a good man, she had to believe that right now and so once more her doubts and anxiety were repressed and forced back.

She scolded her thoughts, scolded Sharon in her thoughts too as she quickly finished dressing and gathering her purse and making sure she had her identification inside. No telling what the police would need from her before letting her see Neil but she wasn’t going to take any chances as she stuffed his birth certificate into her purse, wringing her hands a little as she peered out the living room window, waiting for Walt Fisher’s car lights to show.

Debie Winston

Debbie put the phone down and looked at her alarm clock. Once more this case was intruding on her life in a way she had never thought possible. Her first instinct when the phone rang was that it might be Myron but then that was simply wishful thinking. She knew that he was home sleeping just as she had been and picking up the phone to hear the night operator informing her of the incident at the Synagogue only made her more sad and dejected.

The raid at the television station had yielded a lot of notes but as of yet not much that she could use against them, nor did she think there was much there that Myron could use either, but then again she was no legal expert. All she knew was that he was very animated about the case, almost as if he were electrically charged by it even and to be around him, to see the way his eyes would sparkle as a new thought came to him or how his face would change, the way his lips would grow thinner and lighter in colour as he thought about the interview and how they had manipulated it to their advantage made her excited too, excited in a way she hadn’t felt ever before. In some ways it was almost sexual, and she could feel the desire for Myron growing inside of her, wondering what it would be like to once more be with someone, to have someone holding her, caressing her, touching her but the mood passed as she thought about the call.

One thing was certain, this just might help Myron in his pursuit against the television station but on the other hand it wouldn’t necessarily help the Rabbi with his own community. She had to wonder about that man, that small inconsequential being that seemed like a giant in the real interview while he was made out to be something less, something ominous really in the aired CH report. Funny how some fancy editing could change the way one perceived another but then she knew that the media were experts at taking the truth and making it seem sordid, dirty and even phoney and no one seemed to care, no one seemed to mind either.

Debbie Winston shrugged a little and felt a slight shiver too as she tossed her sheet off and began the hurried ritual to dress so she could attend the summons of her job and go to the police station to deal with a troubled 16 year old boy. For a minute or two she wondered if he had thought about his actions or was it that he had simply gone along with others? Had he been caught up by his own feelings of loss for a friend or was this more? The night operator from her department of Child Services told her it appeared to be a hate crime and she was still amazed that anyone as young as this boy could even know what hate was.

Maybe it was a sign of the times or maybe she was simply starting to feel things more as her own life evolved but it seemed like there was so much hate out there, so much anger pent up that she wondered if maybe what was happening elsewhere was slowly creeping into her own small world? God she hoped not but the signs were there, and as she splashed some cold water on her face she felt frightened and alone. How could she make a difference against such a powerful foe, as it appeared to be?

Her eyes wandered to the small little vase next to the sink. A small single flower was in the tiny plain vase, one that Myron had picked from their walk and even though it was already wilting she stared at it as if it held the answers to all of her problems. In a brief moment she envisioned herself no longer working, instead she was in a small townhouse, cooking and cleaning and waiting for Myron to come home. Her fantasy dream was once more probing her mind, stirring her heart and it had been decades since she had even dreamed like this, and here she was so much later in life once more having her childhood dreams. Funny, they seemed even more intense now than she could ever recall and she reached out to pick up the flower and fondle it softly, thinking that maybe if they could get through this, maybe there really was a chance for them.

Thinking of him only heightened her sadness for all that had happened but as her mind thought about it, she knew that what had happened was only a catalyst to what could be coming down the road. Why had Justin not gone for help to his father, to his mother? Why had he walked the streets to go to a place where he expected to find no one? He had known his older brother wasn’t there, so why had he gone there? Could he have not been looking for help like the police and everyone else assumed, could he have instead been going to the one place he knew was close to his brother? Could he too have been seeking that final solution?

She shuddered as the realization finally dawned on her and she stood there, shaken to the very core of her existence. Suddenly she knew what had been happening but she had no way to prove it, least not yet but she knew too that this was only the tip of the iceberg. Her heart grew still as the fear came to her and she could feel the icy cold creeping slowly along her spine, chilling her very soul as she tried to collect herself.

With the fear only rising inside of her, she walked back into her bedroom, picked up the phone and dialled Myron’s number. She waited impatiently for the ringing to stop and for his voice to come on and when it did, she felt a strange warmth inside as well as a strange sense of panic. Her mouth grew dry and was almost like she had a whole box of cotton in it, but she managed to slowly get her words out, to tell him that some boys had vandalized the synagogue and that it could be due to them seeing the CH report on Justin Fisher.

Hurriedly she informed him that one of the boys who had trashed the synagogue was now in police custody, that most likely he’d be charged under the young offenders act with a hate crime and more than that, she revealed to him that he had a possible connection to the Fishers. His voice was warm and nice to hear and she could hear his concern for her too, something that seemed to hold her steady because she was breaking a few precious rules calling him. She didn’t know how it would all turn out but something inside of her had made her abandon her natural leanings to following the rules. Maybe that was just it, there were too many rules for something that had no rules, for something that didn’t make sense but which needed to be dealt with in a way that no rulebook could envision? Maybe it was simply that this time she wasn’t seeing them as cases, but as people?

As she locked her apartment door and hurried down towards the elevator and the parking lot, she realized how much more focused her job had become, how in many ways it had become less of burden and yet more of one in other respects. Strange, but it was almost as if she were on a mission, a crusade even, and yet it was exactly how and why she had first chosen this field, to make a difference and now it seemed like fate had given her another chance at doing just that. Years ago she had failed with one, now here she was, once more faced with a second chance and as her heart was heavy with the strain of seeing another young soul being in harms way, she felt easier knowing that this time she wouldn’t quietly accept anything but the truth. No rules, no departmental policy would deflect her from doing what was required, to protect the child.

Part 3

Sam Ginsberg

The call from Saul Winestock, president of the temple, had given Sam a cold chill. His heart had thundered with a strange sense of anxiety and he had broken out in a cold sweat as he had listened to Saul’s voice, telling him about the Rabbi’s call and the fact that some hooligans had vandalized the Shul. He couldn’t believe it, that here in this day and age anyone would think of such a thing happening let alone it actually happening, but according to Saul it had.

At first his reaction was to see that the full force of the law was applied to those responsible, that they hunt down those responsible irrespective of their ages and prosecute them fully and then his legal training took over as well as his ambition. He had grown up with the stories about the old days, the days back in Russia and Europe as his mother constantly harped on them throughout his childhood, and yet he still found it hard to accept. There were certainly evil people out there but things had changed, those types of things just didn’t happen in today’s world and if they did, it certainly wasn’t about to happen in a place like Canada. After all, this was a civilized nation, one that had fought the wars on the right side, so how could such evil exist in this place of plenty?

As much as his mind tried to soften the facts, his heart couldn’t quite accept it and he just couldn’t totally rationalize it either. He felt frightened when Saul had called, not just because it was a call in the middle of the night, but because of what had happened. Kids did stupid things, he knew that from his own experiences and yet to think that here in this place kids could do such vile things was incomprehensible, or so he had thought. He still believed it, still held to that premise but something deep inside continued to rumble and turn with fear, an icy cold fear that he had never really experienced before.

Oh he had heard all of the old jokes when a kid, had even felt the harsh reality of being a Jew in a non-Jewish world, but he had always chalked that up to simple ignorance, to the fact that those who said those words, said those jokes were simply unaware of their meaning. Hell, it was true in some cases, after all many of his fellow Jews did aspire to become professionals, but that was simply out of a sense of wanting more out of life, something many non-Jews also felt. Still, the stigma, the reproach that it was some nefarious plot to rule the world held sway but he had never really run into it like some others had.

In his own way he hadn’t done much to stop that belief either, after all in his line of work it helped to have an edge, any edge and he knew that many of his clients simply hired him because he was a Jew. Their reasoning being that he had an inside track in how to win, how to get the most out of a case simply because of his ethnic origins. Funny how you could turn what many thought as a disadvantage into an edge for yourself, and it had worked too. He was successful, had won some cases simply because the opposition had bought into that whole Jewish mystique of being money experts, of being manipulators and conjurers. Funny though, he had never really attributed much to that nonsense, and yet he had shamelessly used it to get exactly what he had wanted, and as he thought about Saul’s call, he felt slightly less confident, less sure of things.

As the sleep cleared from his mind he once more turned his attention to the moment at hand. He no longer felt the icy fear of doubt as he realized that this situation could be to his own advantage. It could be the one final straw that could help get those sitting on the fence on the Temple Board into his corner and he lay in bed, thinking of how he could best exploit it, how he could best use it to finally take the reins of power.

He hadn’t liked it when Saul had called earlier, telling him that the Rabbi had insisted on the emergency meeting taking place at the Shul instead of the community centre but now, now it would work to his advantage. What better way to drive home his point that the Rabbi’s actions were a threat to their community than to have fresh in the Board’s minds the images of hate that Saul said were scrawled across the pristine brick walls of the Shul? What better way for him to drive home his point that nothing good came from taking some high moral road that no one really wanted or cared for? No, this was turning out to be a boon for him and his desires and as he finally closed his eyes to resume his sleep; he could see himself now at the head of the conference table, gavelling the board meetings into order.

Tommy Fisher

He could hear the man next to him wheezing as he slept and he wondered if he would ever be able to enjoy a full night’s sleep without the nightmares, without the horror coming to grab him? His body ached and he knew he had sweated so much that the sheets were wet to the touch and yet he didn’t move, didn’t summon a nurse because what could he say? How could he explain to her that he still had nightmares like some 5-year-old child? How could he tell her that each time he closed his eyes these last few years all he could see were those gaunt faces, the eyes sunk deep into the skull showing no signs of life?

People didn’t believe it anymore, hell even then many didn’t believe it and yet they had the proof, he had seen it with his own eyes and had felt it too and yet somehow deep in his own mind he had tried to bury it, to deny it but each time lately, each time his eyes closed the past came back to haunt him and now one more piece was added to the horror, to add to his torment.

Poor Justin, his poor Justy gone from him, and he felt the unfairness of it too, knowing that he would have gladly traded his own life for that of his grandson, but God didn’t seem to see it that way, instead he had taken one so young, so full of promise and in some strange way Tommy felt it was his fault. He knew in his very heart what had driven Justin and he knew that he hadn’t been going to Robbie for help, he knew that Justin had simply wanted to be at peace with the one person whom he had a connection with, whom he had a bond with and Tommy felt the tears welling up and trickling done his cheeks because he had failed not only his own son, but his two grandchildren.

Tommy laid there, the pain in his chest easing a little as he realized that it was his fault, that he had failed his own son and that now he was seeing the consequences of his own pride, his own stubbornness. As the tears trickled slowly down his ancient face, he prayed silently to God for the strength, the courage to do what he had always known he should do, what he had failed to do so many years ago and which he now knew had cost him nearly both of his grandchildren. Two young boys so young, so innocent and he had failed them by his silence, by his own unwillingness to face the truth and now Justin was gone to God, to a place where his pain would at least be eased but Robbie was still here, still in pain and it was up to him to help him, to finally bring an end to the vicious cycle that had begun for his family so many years ago. If only he had the courage then but he hadn’t and he cried now, begging for God’s help and for the forgiveness that he so desperately needed and wanted.

As his heart cried out for help, for strength and courage he felt the slight easing of his fear, of his shame even and the cold began to slowly change. His body no longer felt the icy chill of terror that had held him all these decades and as the images paraded past him he saw beyond the gaunt sunken faces, saw beyond the hollow eyes and he could see now the spirits that rested within those shells of what were once people. He saw what they had been trying to show him, and he cried even more now as he finally understood the message they had been trying to impart to him. What a fool he had been to not have seen it before, and now he no longer feared those stark skeletons of men, women, and children as understanding finally came to him.

In some unexplainable way he suddenly felt at ease, at peace even and he could see Justin’s smiling face before him, see Robbie’s too from a time long ago, from a happier time when they laughed and played, as children should. They didn’t have that look yet and he lay there, realizing how much he would miss Justin and that even though he was too late to help him, he still had a chance to make a real difference for Robbie. Sleep finally came to him and this time he didn’t fight it, because at last he now understood the dream.

Saul Winestock

He put the phone down and looked over at his wife, Hanna who had terror all over her face. He could see it in her eyes and in how she held the bed sheet next to her chin. There was no mistaking it, as she had listened to him talking first with the Rabbi and then with Sam Ginsberg. She had heard him tell Sam about the writings and the symbols now adorning the Shul and he could feel her heart pounding from fear as he reached out to take her hand.

Saul “It’s okay Hanna…”

Hanna “But Saul, this is Victoria… how could this happen here?”

Saul “How? I don’t know, how does it happen anywhere, but it does dear…”

Hanna “But why? I mean…”

Saul “Why? Who knows, I suppose it is simply that because we are Jews, it happens, you know the history as well as I do.”

Hanna “Still Saul, here? My God, what about Reva? Should we…”

Saul “Hush, Reva is fine, this is just, just something we’ll have to get through.”

Hanna “The Rabbi, he’s gone to the Shul?”

The mention of the Rabbi made him stop for a moment to think, and he realized that he had never warmed up to the Rabbi, never really thought much about him other than he was personable, that his sermons were never too long and that he generally tried to keep services moving at a fair pace. It wasn’t until now that he seemed to see him differently though and his mind went back to the television interview and he wondered about what he hadn’t seen?

Now that he had time to reflect on it, he felt once more that unease coming to him just as it had when he had watched it, but this time he didn’t think of it as a foreboding of trouble for him but in a whole new light. Now he began to question in his own mind what it was he had seen and he knew that much of what had to have been said had been left out and for some unknown reason he knew that he wanted to see those missing parts.

He hadn’t understood how the Rabbi could have stood up for someone like Robbie Fisher even if his own boy was involved, and yet the man had done just that. He had to have known that it would lead to repercussions, to perhaps threaten his own position in the community and yet he had stood up for the two boys, why? What was it that drove the man? Sam had said it was simply that the Rabbi had misjudged his position, his strength in the community but Sam was wrong, and that in itself was a new thought for him.

Saul wasn’t a fool, he knew his election was a compromise between the community and he also knew that Sam was always angling for position, for the opportunity to seize the reigns of power in the community and it looked like this stance of the Rabbi would give him that leverage, and yet, something about the Rabbi made Saul think, made him wonder a little about everything that had gone on.

Without realizing it, Saul found himself getting out of bed and starting to dress with his wife looking on in terror. He couldn’t explain it really but he knew that he had to go to the Shul, to see for himself what had happened and to help, to do something but for the life of him, he didn’t know what.

Hanna “Saul, you aren’t…”

Saul “It is okay Hanna, I should go, after all I am the President of the Shul.”

Hanna “Yes but Saul, do you think, I mean, should you?”

Saul “Yes, I think so, I can’t explain it dear, but I can’t let the Rabbi do this alone, it is my Shul too.”

Hanna “I thought you didn’t like the Rabbi?”

Saul “I don’t know, it is just, well, there is something about him Hanna, I mean the way he sounded earlier and now tonight, I can’t really explain it, but I think there is more to our Rabbi than we may have thought, least there is more to him than Sam Ginsberg says.”

Hanna “Sam is only out for himself Saul, he wants your job.”

Saul “I know, and up until tonight I would gladly have let him have it too; but now, I don’t know, I don’t think I want to just give up this job, funny that isn’t it?”

Hanna looked at her husband of 20 years and saw something different about him. He wasn’t exactly a handsome man though in her eyes he had always been her Knight in Shining Armour and yet for some strange reason, tonight he looked just like that to her. She felt a strange peace come to her and her fear and panic subsided as she watched him struggling with his pants. Finally she shook her own head and got out of bed to put on her robe and head to the kitchen to put the coffee on while Saul continued to get dressed.

They had lived a quiet peaceful life together, never really having any extraordinary events happen to them and for the most part Saul was a very quiet man. He didn’t get up and shout not even when watching the hockey games he loved so much and yet tonight he seemed so full of something, so full of energy perhaps or more than that, it was almost as if he were suddenly awakening to become something else. Maybe at last something had touched him enough to waken up his passion, to electrify him or whatever but she saw the glimmer in his eyes and if anything, she kind of liked the way it made him look. She began to hum a soft melody, feeling almost like she did way back when Saul had been courting her and she was nothing but a mere child of 18.

As he washed the sleep from his face he could hear Hanna in the kitchen, humming of all things, and he shook his head at the wonder of it all. At first she had been like a petrified cat and now she was humming some tune. God, women were strange creatures but he thanked his lucky stars for her. She had never made many demands on him and he enjoyed his time with her, revelling in her devotion and love and what could he say about his daughter? She had given them purpose and yet he never had felt satisfied with his own self despite having the gift of a beautiful daughter and a loving wife.

For his entire life he had never taken a risk, never really stood out from the crowd and he had to admit that that was why the community had chosen him to lead the board, he was safe. Well maybe it was time to stop being safe and as that thought flowed through his mind he felt a strange exhilaration in the realization that life had much more to offer than just existence. In some ways he felt like he was suddenly alive for the first time in his 42 years and he couldn’t really explain it to himself, but it had something to do with the Rabbi. Well if Sam figured on an easy fight he was mistaken and as Saul began to hum along with his wife off in the kitchen, he realized that Sam wasn’t always right, as he had once assumed. It was quite a turn around for him as he walked into the kitchen and out of a strange impulse, he took his wife into his arms and kissed her with a passion they both hadn’t known he had.

Part 4

The police cruiser was parked next to the entrance on Blanchard Street as the Rabbi and Robbie walked up. His heart ached as he came up along the Pandora street side, seeing the ugly black iron crosses dripping from the brown brick wall. Images too horrible to even think about flashed across his face and he could hear Adele’s mother’s cries as she had her nightmares. It all came back to him as he slowly walked by the infamous symbols of hate that all Jews had come to know, no matter their ages.

They stopped by the one closest to the corner, saw the angry letters ‘DIE FAGGOT LOVERS’ was scrawled under the ugly black swastika and he felt the terror trying to rise up inside, desperate to once more rule his heart but he held firm even as tears welled up in his eyes. How could anyone do this he thought as he stood there, staring at the hateful message knowing that it hadn’t been written by some crazy man but by a handful of young boys no older than his own Joel. He felt the pain rising up too as he heard the soft intake of breath coming from the tall boy next to him and turned to stare at Robbie, to try and comfort him.

Robbie “It’s all my fault… I am so…”

Rabbi “Hush, this isn’t your fault, you had nothing to do with this Robbie.”

Robbie “But I did, how can you… how can you be so… so calm?”

Rabbi “Calm? Me? Oiy vie if only, but I have seen this before and unfortunately I will see it again, but maybe there will come a day when this won’t happen, not in my time but perhaps in yours and Joshua’s and Joel’s.”

Robbie “You really believe that?”

Rabbi “Of course, if I didn’t it would mean there was no hope for man, and as long as someone believes, as long as someone still has faith, then yes, there will always be hope of something better.”

Robbie “I wish I could have that faith.”

Rabbi “Oh you do boychik, you are here aren’t you?”

Robbie looked away from the ugly symbols and words to stare into the wrinkled face of the man next to him. He looked deeply into the eyes and saw the truth of his words there, but more than that he could feel the man’s love for him reaching out and even as the tears filled his eyes, even as the horror was still etched on his brain, he saw something more beyond that, he saw the smile on Josh’s face as they had held each other, he saw the deep bond of love that had come to unite them when they had made love to each other earlier that very evening. His body no longer shook and instead he grew calm and his doubts were once more held back, just as Josh had said it would and he could smell him now, smell that very special scent that had filled his pores and his soul as he let the Rabbi lead him towards the front of the Synagogue and the waiting police officers.

They came to the front where more of the ugly hate was written but this time Robbie didn’t feel it as deeply. He knew that he had the one weapon that could withstand such hatred, such anger and he felt his hand rubbing his chin and he could see the swirling mists of love that had caressed him earlier. He saw Joshua’s face and felt his touch as the police cruiser’s door opened and a tall, tired looking man stood up to face them both.

Officer “Rabbi Goldberg?”

Rabbi “Yes.”

Officer “Sorry about all this, there really isn’t much you can do tonight, uh we did manage to secure the place though, couple of us nailed up a board that’ll do for tonight, uh…”

Rabbi “That was very considerate of you officer, thank you.”

Officer “Uh, sure, uh, sorry but the detectives, they would like you to come down to the station, to see if perhaps you know the kid they have, and to fill out some papers.”

Rabbi “I see, I doubt if I know this boy, how old is he? Was he alone in this or were there more?”

Officer “We think there were four or five altogether, unfortunately we only caught the one, uh, I think he is 15 or 16 Rabbi.”

He was Joel’s age and for a second he breathed a thank you to the Lord for giving him such a good boy and then he felt a little ashamed, because maybe this boy too really was a good boy, just a little misguided maybe? Strange, but when he had first heard the news, he had wished that those responsible would be caught and punished; now, standing here in the cold of the evening, seeing the hate on his Shul’s walls, he didn’t feel quite the same way. The offender was a mere child and he grew concerned for him, knowing that they could paint over the words, over the swastika’s but you couldn’t paint over a troubled soul.

Rabbi “Ach, so young, are they keeping him in jail? What about his parents?”

Robbie saw the surprise on the Officer’s face as the Rabbi enquired about the boy they had in custody. Even he felt a bit stunned by the concern the Rabbi showed for the boy when he had really expected something else but then, as he stared at the Rabbi, he realized that there wasn’t a mean bone in the man’s body. He really did care for people, even those who did such awful things and once more he knew the warmth of love as he listened to the conversation.

Officer “I don’t know really, I imagine he’ll spend the night. This uh, this isn’t just some childish prank, sorry Rabbi, but the detectives can give you all the answers.”

Rabbi “I see, well my car is on Pandora, I just want to go inside for a minute, then we’ll head over to the station.”

Officer “Well, okay but I was told to give you a ride, we’ll bring you right back, maybe uh, maybe this gentlemen could wait inside?”

Rabbi “Robbie, do you mind?”

Robbie “If you want, uh, maybe I should go with you though? I mean…”

Officer “No it’s okay son, uh, it might be better if you didn’t. Uh, my partner will stay here too, uh is anyone else coming to help Rabbi?”

Rabbi “No, no one else.”

Officer “Well, maybe you could let Robbie wait inside, while I take you to sign those forms at the station, it shouldn’t take long Rabbi.”

Rabbi “Robbie?”

Robbie “I’ll be okay, I can maybe sweep up a little, imagine there is broken glass inside.”

Officer “Rabbi?”

The Rabbi looked at the wooden board over the window and at the scrawled letterings. His heart was heavy as he wondered what it was about being a Jew that made life so difficult at times? He sighed as he nodded and slowly climbed up the three wooden steps to open the Shul’s door and let Robbie inside. He could feel a strange quiet once he stepped inside and flicked on the main lights. Everything looked so peaceful inside, so calm and yet his heart was beginning to race, his pulse rising as he stood there taking it all in, his eyes finally travelling over towards the wooden doors of the Ark. It was as his eyes met those simple doors that he felt the strength returning to his tired body and the tears rolled down as his face as he reached out and touched Robbie on the shoulder.

Without another word he left the room and headed out with the police officer. He closed the door behind him, leaving Robbie to HIS will and as he sat next to the young man dressed in blue, he knew that it was best that Robbie be where he was right now, for ahead lay something that it was time for him to confront. He settled back in the seat, the soft static of the cruiser’s radio not even registering on his mind as he once more heard the horror of Robbie’s life being spoken aloud.