Chapter 37

After Seth finished spluttering and Chris trying to sink under the water, and Taylor finished laughing and splashing water all over, Billy and Mike came out from behind the bushes to sit on the edge of the hot tub. Seth’s eyes were filled with tears as he sat there, recovering from seeing his oldest son laying calmly in the arms of his lover, and his youngest son resting comfortably in the strong protective grip of his lover, and there he was, a professional lawyer 40 years of age, naked and glowing from a wild passionate session with his own lover, and he knew that whatever joy he had now, it was only the beginning of much more.

Looking at everyone, he could feel the powerful love that existed all around him, something he had never thought he would ever find again, and now look at him, his two sons were once more the loving and fun boys that he remembered from long ago, and more than that, they had brought to him their own brand of love, their own joy to share it with him which allowed him to reach out and once more grasp for the golden ring of happiness. Glancing at everyone, he couldn’t help but feel very emotional and at peace with himself.

For the briefest second, a mere millisecond it seemed, as he stared at the smiling faces, feeling the abundant cloak of love that was wrapped around them all, he was sure he could see a tall angelic figure smiling down over him. Her slim figure and long blowing blond hair seemed to be pleased and the twist in his heart made him stop and stutter, his breath momentarily gone. For that briefest period, he could feel her next to him and all around him; he could smell her special scent that always made him weak in the knees and still in the heart. Seth had thought he couldn’t feel any more joy or happiness, but he was wrong as his whole body seemed to suddenly be consumed by an immense feeling of well being and satisfaction. He knew that this was the ultimate moment; this is the time in one’s life, when you realized what it was really like to be a father and to be fortunate enough to know true love.

“Well William, I guess all I can say to that is that at least you are one very lucky young man and that cum isn’t lighter than air”

“Oh? How’s that dad?”

Seth looked at Billy from under the corner of his eye, he could see everyone else staring at him, wondering what he was going to say and he could see a smile crawling across Mike’s face as he waited for the reply. Everyone seemed to sense the joy of the moment and all had leaned in closer.

“Easy son, if cum was lighter than air then your head would be full of cum.”

Before Billy could do anything but splutter Seth reached out and grabbed hold of his youngest son and pulled with all his might. The surprise of the comment had thrown Billy off and his guard was down and he went flying to the sudden pull and the water made a wonderful ‘splat’ sound as the young 16 year old went head first into the hot tub.

Billy came up hands flaying every which way, sending columns of hot steamy water everywhere, dousing even Mike who had moved out of the way, careful to avoid that extra hand that came snaking out to try and add him into the mix. He just stood back, marvelling at how lucky he was to have married into such a wonderful loving family. It was going to be great loads of fun to bring the eventual grandchildren here to play with old grandpa Seth and Chris.

Everyone seemed caught up in the love of the moment and it wasn’t long before even Mike found his way into the hot tub, to sit next to his love in between Taylor and Seth. The presence of the six men became awkward for a second as everyone stopped their laughter and just looked at everyone else. Billy could feel the slight embarrassment in Chris, the redness not all from the heat of the hot tub or the situation. Even his father seemed to feel a bit shy as he looked at the four younger men, his eyes wanting to look downwards, but his ‘fatherly instinct’ preventing it for the moment.

It was a strange feeling actually, and he thought it about as he lay there, basking in the moment. Here he was, the father of two of the four young men, one almost 19, the other half way to becoming 17 and one part of him was beating the chest with pride at how loving they were, the other part of him wondering what they were like with their young lovers. God, this was a completely new world for him, to allow his heart to simply rule instead of the cold reasoning of his mind.

There was a side of him that felt guilty as he wondered how his boys stacked up to him, and he looked at Chris, wondering if Chris was thinking the same thing. A smile was etched across Chris’ face and he felt the hand reaching for his and he seemed to understand. Chris was telling him he had done good and as he turned his gaze back towards the two men who had stolen his boy’s hearts he realized just how much love both of them had for his children, but, more importantly, how much love they had for him and he for them. God, he had been so stupid, and he felt a sense of sadness, knowing he could never recapture the lost years.

“You okay Dad?”

“Huh? Oh fine Taylor, just fine”

“Good, you know, this is fun, but if you will excuse us, Jeremy and I have some unfinished business…”

“Oh I am sure you do, hey Dad… Look!”

“What Billy?”

Seth was a bit startled by Billy’s sudden exclamation and he followed his son’s pointing finger to see a small pink shape sticking up out of the water in front of Taylor”

“You never told me this hot tub had submarines in it…. Shit look at all the damn periscopes sticking up”

Before anyone could comment, Billy had jumped out of the hot tub and was out of arms reach. Taylor blushed a little and slunk down a bit, but found himself unable to, Jeremy had beaten him to the bottom, and his butt rested on the Jeremy’s hip.

Chris had turned a deep shade of purple and was struggling to slink down into the steamy water, but his legs got entwined with Taylor’s and he was panicking, praying that Taylor would not take it the wrong way as his foot brushed against the warm full balls of Seth’s oldest. Seth just rested there, looking all around the hot tub, watching everyone trying to submerge, to hide their protruding cocks that had sprung to attention. He glanced down his own chest to see his own cock head bobbing up out of the swirling water and he just smiled. Yep, even the old man could give these two a run for their money and he leaned back, enjoying the consternation on everyone else’s faces.

“I think Mike, you had better take that ‘wife’ of yours to your room before his ‘sister’ decides to abandon all sense of decency and takes off after him. Haha”

“Yes sir, daddy”

Just as Mike reached for Billy’s hand, Taylor jumped up, ignoring his stiff cock and with a laughing voice he called for Jeremy to join him in getting that ‘young bitch’ and without thinking or even blushing, Jeremy rose up and they both started to climb out to give chase. Mike already had the lead and was dragging a laughing and pointing Billy as they headed back to the main house, their laughter filling the night.

Taylor and Jeremy gave a short chase, just to the edge of the pathway and then they turned to head back to the apartment over the garage. They no longer seemed embarrassed by their nudity and as they headed off, both of them were once more fully aroused as they left, hand in hand, heads resting on shoulders and body’s tightly fitted together.

“God, if our clients could only see us now, hey Chris?”

“Haha, yeah they’d be ‘ex’ clients in two seconds or else be on life support”

In the twinkling of an eye, everything changed. The laughter and joy of the moment was suddenly replaced by the sober realization that life was intruding on what they had. Seth could feel the tension suddenly rise in Chris, and he could feel his own apprehensions take hold as he heard his own words echo in the still of the night.

“So, what are we to do then?”

“I don’t know, I mean Seth we are really in a spot, I… shit, I don’t know, all I know is that I want more of these type of moments, I can’t explain it… it is like I have found heaven on earth and yet…”

“And yet what?”

“I don’t know, guess in a way I feel like Adam did, one wrong move and out we go, and there are so many snakes out there, each with their own tempting apple…”

“Do you feel that insecure here Chris?”

“Huh? No Seth, that isn’t what I meant, it is like here we are all safe, hidden away from all that shit out there, but it is not Fort Knox, if I screw up out there, I can bring all this down, it scares me at times, how fragile this sanctuary really is.”

“Well… true life is a risk Chris, but to be honest, I have thought about it too, and I think we could survive it, I mean financially things might be tough for a bit, as we adjusted, but I doubt if it would have any long term effect, and I think the boys could manage, they are set for college, and I don’t know, but they both have their mother’s courage and strength, so I think they would get through it…”

“I know, but… well, would we?”

“If you had asked me that a year ago, I would have said no way, now, now I am not so afraid, all I know is that I would fight like hell to keep what you and I have going here, I really can’t imagine life without you Chris…”

“I don’t want to be without you either, guess this is what Mike meant when he said love has hold of him”

“Yeah, funny, Billy told me that he used to be scared to death of going to school at first, because he was afraid that he would give away how much he loved Mike, and he couldn’t stand hurting Mike, and now I think I understand exactly how he felt.”

“Shit, I do as well, hell I feel that way every time I have to sit in a conference with you and a client, it is like am I staring too much, will the guy pick up on how much I ache for you, it is like being in a torture chamber at times, and afterwards, I feel like I have been through a war or something.”

“I can relate to that, shit every time a client pauses I wonder if it because he caught me staring at you or if he’s read my mind about how much I want you, and then when it turns out to be nothing, I don’t feel relived, just sort of drained, wondering if maybe he’s not sure how to comment, it really is a heart twisting time, but I guess that is the price we pay for being who we are in the society we live in”

“I guess so Seth, God if we feel this way, how hard has it to be for Billy and Mike or Taylor and Jeremy? I wonder how they manage to survive it?”

“That’s easy… we know that no one can come between us, so we don’t worry about it anymore, we have faith that our love will keep us from screwing up”

“HUH? BILLY… How long have you been there?”

“Sorry Dad, uh a few minutes…”

“William… you know better than to eavesdrop on me, that isn’t…”

“I know, I came to tell Chris that Keith woke up screaming and crying which had Tommy all freaked out…”

“WHAT? Shit, I better go… oh God, Seth… you don’t…”

“No Chris, he just had a nightmare… Mike is with him right now and we just told him that you and Dad were out here relaxing… I brought your robes and some boxer shorts… not sure if you had your clothes here or not… uh…”

“Thanks Billy… Mike is with them? Is he okay?”

“Yeah, he’s alright, guess he kind of is scared about all that went on tonight… you know kids”

“No, not really Billy, uh, thanks, I better go to him”

“Okay, uh, I really didn’t mean to listen in Chris, Dad, honest”

“I know son, you go on ahead Chris, and I’ll be there in a minute”

“Thanks Seth, Billy… yeah I better go”

Chris was out of the hot tub and he didn’t even see Billy checking him out as he struggled to put the boxer shorts on while trying to move closer to the main house. He was still pulling an arm through one opening on his robe when he disappeared from view. Seth stared at the empty path and then turned his attention to his son.

He could see the worry in Billy’s face, and he knew that he had spoken a bit harshly. The surprise of hearing his son’s voice, knowing he had been listening had startled him, and he wasn’t sure how to handle such a discussion with Chris, let alone with Billy. When they had talked a few months back about all this, he hadn’t known the answers then and he still didn’t. It was one thing for Billy to have such fears; another for him to know his father had the same fears.

“So… you heard all of that?”

“Well, most of it dad, I am sorry… I should have spoken up but, well it was kind of weird, I mean hearing your dad have the same conversation you had with someone you care about”

“You and Mike talked about it?”

“Sure, I mean, it wasn’t easy back then, I never knew if I said anything about this if he’d jump up and walk away or if I’d freak him out, so it was hard, I guess kind of like you and Chris right now”

“So, well how did you get around that?”

“Serious? I mean, you really want to know?”

“Yes Billy, I really do want to know”

“Well, you’ll think I am crazy and then want to send me off to some shrink or something…”

“Come on, you know better, why would I think you are any crazier now than any other time? Haha”

“Funny… okay well just remember, you asked”

“I’ll keep that in mind, so, how did you get over it?”

“Over it? I don’t think I did dad, hell I still feel a bit weird sometimes when we talk, but back then, hell I would sometimes lie there, like a piece of stone, it was so freaky but then, well, I just talked with Mom… told you it was freaky”

Billy had his head lowered but Seth could see him glancing at him from under his eyebrows. He breathed out carefully, not sure how to answer his son or how to really respond either. It was a strange feeling to have, to hear that your 16 year old son had sought advice from his mother who had passed away years earlier. What would his son say if he knew that his rock solid father had only a short ago thought he saw her vision by the hot tub while they all joked and laughed? Maybe he was the one who should go see a shrink”

“You talk with your mother often Billy?”

“No, not so much as I used to, I guess, I know it sounds kind of looney dad, but at times, well, it is like she is here, watching… I mean I can’t explain it, but I have this feeling inside, way down, where sometimes I feel her, and well, it is like I can hear her, or just know how she would act or say about something… I guess it is stupid but…”

“No, no Billy, it isn’t stupid or freaky or crazy… I think I know exactly what you mean too, I feel her too”

They were both seated on the edge of the hot tub, and Seth reached over to draw his son closer into his body. He felt his warm skin touch his and felt his son’s head rest on his own broad shoulder. The night air was cooling, and he was a bit chilled by it and yet deep inside he felt a sudden burning glow. The warmth rose up quickly and he could feel her spirit, her own arms wrapped around them both and smiled, feeling the closeness once more.

“It has been a long time since we talked like this Billy, I am sorry”

“I know Dad, it’s okay now, honest”

“I know that too, just as I know that your mother would be very proud of you right now, I wish she could be here, and well, maybe in some ways she is… I feel her everywhere I go son, and well, I too talk to her, I think that doesn’t make us both crazy or weird, I think it is just that we loved her so much, that well, she is always going to be a part of our lives, I know I haven’t been there for you in the past, it is the biggest regret I will ever have I think”

“It’s okay dad, really, I know you had to have that time, I just wish I could have done more to help you then, you and Taylor both, I…”

“Billy you did more than your share, it was me who let you both down, I am the one who missed out on your childhood, your younger years when I should have been there, should have been the one to hold you at night, to wipe away your tears and your fears, and now I will never have that, but at least I can take comfort in knowing that you have someone special who will do that for you”

“You mean Mike? Yeah, he is special, and I guess in a way I do wish you had been the one back then, but it isn’t like you can’t have that again.”

“We can’t go back in time Billy, you won’t be 12 ever again, so I am afraid that time for me is past”

“I know I can’t, but you can have a second chance at it, just like you have a second chance at being you…”

“I am sorry Billy, but I am not following”

“You have a second chance at being happy with Chris, and you can have a second chance at enjoying watching a kid grow up, I mean, you can be a part of Keith’s life now, you can be there for him when he cries or needs a strong shoulder, can’t you? I mean you do love Chris, don’t you?”

For an instant, Seth thought he had gone back in time. He was sure that the figure next to him was only 12 or 13 years old, and he saw that quiet determination in the young man that was to be. He could feel the strength there, the quiet unspoken love was gently flowing outwards, covering him in its warm embrace and he knew she was there behind him at the same time, looking down and he could feel the tears gently rolling down her face, not from sadness but out of a complete sense of joy. Seth could feel her pride in them; feel her love as he held tightly to Billy’s wiry young body. No longer was Billy a skinny pimple faced child, but the beginnings of a very fine young man that would make any parent proud.

He had missed so much by hiding in his grief, and he had missed watching this fine specimen of manhood come to this point. He could feel the regrets inside of his heart, but he could also feel the warmth of her love, washing the pain away, filling him with her own sense of pride and love in not just Billy, but in him. He knew that what his son had said was true; he could have a second chance, if he was willing to take the risk.

“I do love Chris Billy, and it would be nice to be a part of Keith’s life, but how would it make you feel? I mean, watching happen what should have been for you? Never mind the risks we face because of being gay and Keith maybe finding out, but of you seeing him receive the love and attention that you never got from me?”

“I don’t know, honestly I don’t, I guess it would be a bit weird but I don’t think I would be jealous of him, I kind of like him actually, and well, it does make you happy, and well, that makes me happy so I guess I could handle it, hell I know I could dad… I just want to see you happy”

“You sound just like your Mother Billy”

“I am sorry…”

“Don’t be, it is one of the things I love about you so much, and to be honest, it was what used to scare me so much back then, but now I know how stupid I was, and yes Billy, your father was stupid then, because I loved your mother so damn much it hurts even now, and every time you get that look, I can see her, hear her when you use that voice, and now I know, I realize that it is a special gift that she left me, so no, son, don’t be sorry, be very proud of it, I know I am”

Billy couldn’t contain himself any longer. He fell forward hard into his father’s arms and the tears simply exploded from him, roaring down his face as his body shuddered and shook to the deep sobs. He had missed his father and this was really the first time that he had felt like it was all behind him. The fear that he would suddenly wake up to finding his father gone too or that he had withdrawn back into that shell was finally flushed from within.

He could feel the two strong arms as they clutched him close, holding his shaking body and he felt the strength flowing into him, feeling the love and pride coming to greet him, to tear away at his fears and doubts and send them packing. For that moment, he was back to being a 12 year old boy, secure in the arms of his father and as he sobbed, as his body shook, he could feel another pair of arms around his body and he knew that his mother had joined her husband to comfort their boy.

The love from his father alone was enough to ease the fears but the combination of love from his father and mother was no match for the doubts and fears that he held deep inside of his young soul. He could feel them shrieking as they were chased and expelled from the deep corners within and he sighed deeply, feeling refreshed and feeling very lucky. What else could a person ask for, he was getting a new baby brother, he had a new adult to help shape his life and he had his father back and to top it all off, he had Mike. Screw the world and all it could throw at him, he had all that was needed to survive and that was enough.

“I love you dad”

“I know Billy, I love you too, now come on, dry the eyes before Mike sees them, I’d hate to have to explain to him why his lover was crying, right?”

“Haha, yeah right… he really is special, isn’t he dad?”

“Yes, he is”

“Do you think you and Chris will feel the same way about each other the way Mike and I feel?”

“I sure hope so son, I know I am sure as hell going to do my best to see that we do… it really does feel good to be so much in love doesn’t it?”

“It’s the greatest… it is like no matter what goes wrong during the day, I just know it will be okay the second I get to snuggle into his arms, and I don’t mean the sex, though that is pretty awesome too, but it’s, well it is like being wrapped up in an impenetrable shield and sword all rolled up into one, like nothing can touch me, but if it dares try, there is this unbeatable sword to beat it back, weird huh?”

With a strong finger, he gently wiped away the last teardrop from Billy’s eyes and he stared down into his son’s deep blue eyes. He felt a strange exhilaration inside as he gazed into the purest sea of blue he could have imagined. Looking hard and deep he could see her there, the long beautiful blond hair flowing in a gentle breeze and as Billy spoke, he could hear her saying those words, calling him her shield, her protector and he knew that she had passed on to her son the gift of true love.

Hearing those words again, in almost the same context, almost the same soft lilting voice, he felt his heart pounding and struggling inside of his chest. His breath came short and his mind grew blank, as he knew that he couldn’t prevent bad things from happening to any of those he loved, that all he could do was be there for them.

With the deep realization that while he couldn’t control the uncontrollable, he could affect its outcome by simply being there, and silently he vowed to never again forget that. With a strange new sense of peace all the fears of being outed, of being found out, seemed not so serious. Whatever came, he knew he could handle it, knew that he could survive it, not because he was superman, but because he had the love of his family.

“No, it isn’t weird, and now I understand… you sound just like your Mother, she always knew just what to say too”

“I miss her so much…”

“I do too son, but I think we both know she is still with us, not in the same way but she is still here, even now”

“yeah, that helps, doesn’t it?”

“yes, very much… well…”

“Uh huh, we better get back or Mike will have the search dogs out looking…”

“So will Chris… you know something Billy?”

“What?”

“We are kind of lucky dogs, we both have some pretty special men in our lives”

Billy had stood up and he waited for his father to stand up and head back to the house. It was strange, but he felt so much closer than when he first came down to get Chris and his dad, and yet it was like he knew that they had always been this close, that they did share a lot in common in regards to missing her, but they had been to scared to really talk about it. He liked this, and he realized that he owed Chris a great big thank you, because he was sure that Chris had a lot to do in helping his father get out of his grief. Mike was right, love was indeed a hell of a weapon.

“So, if we both have special men in our lives, and you say I am mike’s wife, guess that makes you Chris’ wife?”

Seth almost fell, as he saw that impish grin on his son’s face and heard the chortling sounds coming from his lips. Yes, he was indeed a handful, but he was very happy that he was his handful to deal with. Now all he had to figure out was, just where was he getting all these comments. Then again, he really didn’t have to look far; it was the influence of a certain football player that had recently joined the family by stealing his youngest son’s heart. The concept was no longer strange, and he found himself laughing as they headed back towards the house.

The walk back was mostly spent in silence but it was a different kind of silence. It was like they were both content to simply be in each other’s company, that whatever needed to be still said could wait, because they both knew that the other would be there, waiting and willing to listen when needed. It was a sort of comfortableness that he hadn’t really experienced with his son before, and he knew that it was a feeling that would never cease. Tonight, despite everything that had gone on, Seth realized that he had found his son once more; they were together again, just as when Billy was only a toddler.

Entering the house, they found Mike sitting talking with Tommy on the steps. He looked up at Billy, with a sort of ‘everything okay’ look that made Seth smile. He beamed down at Mike and in an impulse he reached out and tussled Mike’s hair, and then reached out and grabbed hold of Tommy. He lifted him up high in the air and twirled him around, seeing the panic in the boys face turn to laughter.

“Hey there, you are up late aren’t you?”

“Yeah, Keith had a bad dream”

“I heard, and how about you? You have a bad dream too?”

“No”

“No? Well, how about we go and talk for a bit while Chris finishes talking to Keith?”

“Okay”

Seth then reached up and tossed Tommy onto his shoulders and headed towards the study. As he got to the door, he turned to stare at an open mouthed Billy and a grinning Mike.

“Well, you two should go back to bed… the MEN of the HOUSE are here and will look after things…hehe”

Billy stood there for a second, his mouth even further opened as he heard his father’s booming voice. Mike was grinning before and as he heard Seth’s words, he started to chuckle and he quickly reached out to touch Billy on the shoulder, making his own body tremble a little. The touch was all Billy needed and he turned and raced up the stairs, trailing Mike by a fraction of an inch. He felt so wonderful and he could feel his groin aching as his eyes focused on the perfect shaking orbs of mike’s butt. God, he was one lucky guy, even if his dad had a weird sense of humour.

Seth could see the way Billy closed the gap and he realized just how much Billy had grown up in the few short months since his birthday. He also realized that come at the end of May, he would have to do something special for Mike’s birthday, and he owed him a great deal. Mike’s influence definitely had helped to bring them all out of their shells and he knew the sacrifice Mike had made to become such a vital part of Billy’s life.

Turning back he carried Tommy into the study and sat him down in the big large leather armchair, the one he normally sat in and then he pulled up a footstool to sit right in front of the young boy. He would talk to Taylor later, to find out what they could do for Mike, but right now, he needed to help one of the newest members of his growing family.

As he was about to speak, the idea that Tommy was a new member of his family struck him as odd. Keith was Chris’ son and he could understand thinking that he was a new member, but Tommy wasn’t related to anyone here. He looked into the small face, seeing the fear that always seemed to lurk near Tommy. It really was sad that someone so precious and adorable could have so much hidden fear. Chris had only briefly touched on his conversation with Tommy’s mother, and he was going to be very interested in hearing what Tommy’s dad had to say about it all.

“So, you get scared when Keith had his bad dream?”

“Scared? Sort of, I guess… but don’t be mad at him, he really didn’t mean it, he doesn’t know how to hide from those things yet”

“I am not mad Tommy, why would you think I was mad?”

“I dunno, guess cause Keith is making you spend more time with us than you want”

“Well, that isn’t a bad thing Tommy, in fact, I think I kind of enjoy it, I know Chris sure does.”

“Really? You really aren’t mad?”

“Of course not son, why would be mad, everyone has bad dreams, you can’t help that, and you don’t get mad at people for things they can’t help”

“Yes you do”

“I beg your pardon? People shouldn’t do that, does someone blame you for things you can’t control?”

Seth didn’t know really how all this had suddenly come up, but he could see that Tommy was frightened. He seemed to be afraid that he and Keith would be kicked out simply because Keith had a bad dream. The tears were barely being held back and Seth could feel his heart tear. How could anyone so small and helpless be held accountable for something as inconsequential as having bad dreams or was there more to all this?

“I make my Mom unhappy, I don’t mean to, you have to believe me Mr Bradford, honest, I don’t want her to be unhappy, I just …but I don’t want Keith to get blamed, it isn’t his fault that he had a bad dream”

“Whoa, calm down Tommy, and remember, you call me Seth, okay?”

“But, okay, yes sir”

“Haha, okay, now look, there is no way that Chris is going to be upset with you or Keith for having a bad dream, I am not upset with you, Billy and Mike aren’t upset with you either, okay?”

“Yes, but I am sure that Billy is mad at me, we interrupted them, and then we caused you and Keith’s dad to come back”

“Billy isn’t mad at you, look I can go get him right now if you want, he’ll tell you himself that he isn’t mad at you, he likes having you and Keith here, so does Mike”

“No, don’t go get him, you’ll interrupt them again… please…”

“Tommy, they have gone to bed, but okay, I won’t go get them, but you’ll see, I’ll ask Billy in the morning and he’ll tell you he didn’t mind at all, and in fact, we want you to call us if you need us, that is what older boys and parents are for”

“But we get in the way… ”

“No you don’t Tommy, honest, I wouldn’t lie to you, you are not in the way, we all love having you and Keith here”

“Really?”

“Really”

“Why?”

“Huh? Why do we love having you here? Well, I guess, because you are Keith’s friend and Keith is Chris’ son, that’s why”

“But we are bad, doesn’t that count?”

“You aren’t bad Tommy, okay maybe sometimes you do things you shouldn’t, or something like that, it doesn’t make you bad, just, well, its hard to explain, I guess all I can say is that you are too young to be bad or that, maybe you sometimes do the wrong thing, but that is only because you don’t know that it is bad, do you understand?”

“Not really… but we are bad, least that’s what Keith’s mom says, she says I am a …fornacting divit or something like that, I didn’t really understand her, she was yelling so loud but she said I am going to hell because I am …whatever those words were, and that Keith is going to hell too, that God hates people like us…”

“Fornacting? Divit? I am sorry… do you mean ‘fornicating deviant’?”

“Yeah, that’s it, that’s what she called us, it sounds so bad, and if God hates us, we have to be bad”

Seth leaned back a little; his heart gripped by an icy fear and a slow rage was beginning to boil up inside of him. How dare anyone say those things to two young boys, how dare they. Who the fuck where they to speak for God? Hell, not even a priest could speak for God, maybe he had more knowledge of what God might expect or feel, but he sure as hell didn’t speak for him, no one could but God himself. Now, two young boys were being assaulted by the stupid because of someone’s narrow view of what God was all about.

As he struggled with how to explain to Tommy what the words meant and how that wasn’t what either he or Keith were, he wondered how Chris was handling all this with Keith. Damn some people, they should be the one’s confined to eternal damnation; if anyone deserved it the ‘holier than thou’ people should head the list. He didn’t have a good opinion of Barbara to start with, but it wasn’t going to improve if she pulled this kind of shit with young boys.

“Just exactly what did you and Keith do Tommy?”

“Uh, do I have to tell?”

“Well, yeah I think so, maybe then I can help better, if I know all the details.”

“Okay, I suppose, guess you would find out sooner or later, but it wasn’t Keith’s fault, you have to believe me, you have to promise not to be mad at Keith, it was all my idea, he just went along cause we are friends, okay?”

“Okay Tommy, I promise”

“For real?”

“For real, so what is it that you two were doing?”

“Well, I guess… I don’t know what, well, uh we were sort of rubbing each other…”

“Rubbing each other? OH… I see, were you both doing it or?”

“Well we had taken our clothes off, and I was rubbing Keith, he was lying on the bed, under me, sort of, so I could, well, uh… I was kind of like…”

“That’s okay Tommy, I get the picture, and that is how Keith’s mom saw you when she came into his room?”

“Yes”

“Hmm, how come you didn’t lock the door?”

“Huh?”

“Why didn’t you lock the door?”

“Keith’s mom doesn’t like it, and, well, uh, we didn’t think of it, I guess”

“I see, well that is too bad… that you didn’t lock the door”

“That’s what Mike said too”

“He’s smart, you should listen to him”

“Okay, I will”

Seth wasn’t sure how to proceed; he could see that Tommy was scared, the way his young body was shaking while he tried not to cry. He could feel the pain inside his heart as he realized just how fragile a young boy was, and he thought about Billy, how he must have felt left alone to try and figure all this stuff out. He had lost his mother, and for all intent he had lost his father too, so it was no wonder that he had turned to the only one he knew he could trust, his brother. What amazed Seth was that somehow, the two of them had been able to figure all this stuff out without really being screwed up in the process.

Well, now he had to try to figure it out, otherwise he’d have two damaged boys on his conscience. What they had done wasn’t that serious, all boys experimented at their age with sex, and the feelings that they had in their bodies, mind you it was rather unique that these two would share those new feelings together, but then basically they only had each other. For a second or two the thought crossed his mind that there was more to their friendship but at 13 years of age? No, it wasn’t likely but he didn’t discard the idea completely as he tried to figure out how to console and support Tommy all at the same time.

“Tommy, I think that Mrs Jenkins was wrong in what she said to you boys, what you did is actually pretty normal for kids your age, and you shouldn’t feel like it makes you bad”

“Then why does she say God hates us for it?”

“Well, in her mind I guess that is what she believes, but really she doesn’t know what God thinks or feels.”

“Then why does she say she does?”

“Uh, well you see, I guess it is that sometimes some adults have an opinion about something, they feel very strongly about it, and so to them it is like no other answer, do you understand?”

“Not really”

“Okay, how about this, you know that there are lots of different people out there, some who have different coloured skin than you and me?”

“Yeah”

“Well, some people think that because these people have a different colour skin, they aren’t entitled to the same things those who have white skin are, and they think that they weren’t made by the same true God…”

“Gee, that’s stupid”

“yes it is, but because they don’t understand it, they oppose it, or they make it seem like its wrong, and they know that if something is wrong, then God has to be against it, so they then figure God is against people like that, and well…”

“Oh I think I get it, because they are prejudiced, they figure God has to be prejudiced too”

Seth sat back, looking closely at Tommy and realizing that there was a very intelligent brain working there. He may have forgotten to lock a door, but he noticed things. The question was, would he also notice just what type of household he had walked into?

“That’s as good an answer as any Tommy”

“I did good?”

“Yep, you did”

“Cool, so why is Keith’s mom prejudiced?”

“Uh, well, I don’t know why, I guess she is just very uncomfortable about boys exposing their private parts to each other, at your age and all.”

“Did you ever catch Billy doing that?”

“Catch… uh no, I didn’t, but if I had, I hope I would have dealt with it just like I am now, with you”

“Really? You would be the same with him? But, he’s your son”

“Yes, I would try to explain all this to him, and certainly he’s my son”

“But, I don’t, I mean I am not your son, why would you treat me the same?”

It was almost out before he managed to pull it back. How did he say that he was feeling like Tommy was his son, even though he really didn’t know the boy? There was something about him though, that brought back lost thoughts about Billy and how much he regretted not being able to give Billy what he had needed. Now, here he was, years later being faced with another young boy who needed his guidance, how could he refuse?

“This a private conversation or can anyone join in?”

“Chris, yeah sure wade on in”

“Oh no, you are doing fine Concillor”

“Is Keith… hey Keith”

“Hey”

“Uh, what…”

“Tommy, you should be in bed, so why don’t you take Keith here and scamper on up to your room, I’ll be up again shortly to make sure you two are okay”

“Really? We get to stay?”

“Stay? Of course you do… now go”

“YAY!!!!!!”

Suddenly the serious face, almost ready to break into tears at a seconds notice became flushed with joy and he jumped up out of the big leather chair and ran towards Keith. They looked at each with huge grins and then raced out the door and up the stairs, their youthful voices raised in shouts of jubilation instead of fear.

Seth slowly rose up from the footstool and walked over to where Chris stood. Together they watched the two boys scampering up the stairs, their fears dampened for now and their joy over flowing. He rested his hand on top of Chris’ shoulder and could feel his lover’s shaking body. Whatever happened upstairs seemed to have exhausted Chris and he could only imagine what he must be feeling.

“How could I have ever left him Seth?”

“I don’t know Chris, how could I have left my boys?”

“You didn’t physically leave them, that’s different, you were consumed by grief”

“Well that’s the excuse isn’t it? No, I abandoned them too, and we can kick ourselves from now until doomsday, won’t change what we did then, all we can do is make it right with them now”

“I have messed up so much Seth, how can I make it right now?”

“You haven’t messed up that much Chris, besides he is here now, that is what counts you know”

“I guess, it is just… I am so scared Seth, there is so many things that can go wrong…”

“Yep, but I guess the trick is just taking it one step at a time”

“I suppose, it is an awesome responsibility and all, and yet having this small taste of it, I wouldn’t want to change it, man I have to be crazy”

“You and every other parent, including me Chris”

“Yes… what about us? Are we going to survive this?”

“I don’t know Chris, time will tell I suppose, but I do know this, I know I love you, and as my youngest son has told me, with that, we can conquer the world, so if he’s right, then we have nothing to worry about”

“you believe that?”

“Yes, I do… a few months back I would have said you were crazy if you had told me that… now I know better”

“I don’t understand, aren’t you worried about any of this?”

“Worried? No, not in the sense you mean, sure I care, but it really doesn’t matter what kind of stink Barbara makes, or if Keith and Tommy find out about us and the boys, I mean sure it would be easier if all that didn’t happen, but worry about it? No, not at all, because as long as I have your love, have the love of my sons, let it all come out, let the world try to do its worst, I am ready for it and I don’t really give it much of a chance of winning”

“How, shit, you really believe that? I mean how… what makes you think we can take on society and win?”

“Well to quote a much wiser person… because we are in love… that is why Chris, because we are in love”

“Shit, that’s your answer? Because we are in love? This from a lawyer who can make a person unsure of the meaning of the word ‘is’ and you say, because we are in love? How do you know we are in love?”

“I don’t know it, I don’t know if I will ever ‘know it’ but in my heart I believe it, I know I can’t stand being away from you or not hearing your voice beyond a second, I know that every time you touch me I feel like a new born baby, each time you hold me or brush against me I feel like I am on fire, that I can’t survive another second without being with you, in you, and if that isn’t love, well then I can’t wait till I am in love, because this is absolutely all consuming as it is, I doubt I could survive love if this isn’t it, hell I am not even sure I can survive this”

“Seth… damn you are too much”

“No, not yet, just give me some time Chris, I’ll get the hang of this yet, so will you and then maybe we’ll figure it all out, but for now, well for now I kind of like to think that what we have is love, I know we seem to want to have sex all the time, but maybe that is because we need to be with each other so much, maybe it isn’t that the more you are with someone the less sexual you become, but rather the more sexual you get because it is always different, always fresh and always so damn special, I don’t know, but whatever the reason, it works for me”

In that, second, the world had no meaning to the two men. They faced each other and stared closely into each other’s eyes. Together they could feel their hearts beating and hear the sound of their blood flowing through their veins. Nothing else mattered, as they reached for each other, their hands now gingerly reaching around, to gradually bring them together. Their eyes stayed open as their faces grew close, then closer as their lips lightly brushed the others face.

Standing in that doorway, the held onto each other, their bodies shaking slightly, as if a small earthquake was beginning inside of them, but which would eventually show itself as being a 9 point devastating sky scraper toppling quake. The touch of their lips was too much and Seth could feel his heart exploding into a billion hot love darts that flew towards Chris, passing his own barrage of arrows and they stood there, their bodies shaking faster now, as their eyes bore deep within each other, reaching downwards till it found the hot burning epic centre of their love.

“I think we have time before the day begins”

“Yes, I think so too Seth”

“Good, let’s go”

“Yes, and you make sure we lock the door”

“Haha, yeah, now wouldn’t that be a treat”

“Haha, yes it would”

“Chris…”

“I know, me too”