Chapter 35

Chris stared over at Mike, feeling the calmness that he was exuding and he listened to his words. He marvelled at how sage Mike was and he was only 17 and then he realized that maybe it was the voice of experience talking. He was constantly being surprised by how intelligent both of them were, Mike and Billy. It was as if they could read minds or something.

“Yeah, but shouldn’t I say something? I mean I can’t just sweep this under the rug, even if I wanted to, his mother wouldn’t let me”

“Sure, but later, I mean think about it, he’s got to be petrified that you are going to reject him too, he just needs some reassurance first, that’s all I am saying”

“I’d never reject him, he has to know that”

“You did once Chris”

“No, that wasn’t the same, it was different”

“Maybe, but not to him, come on, he’s only 13″

He was terrified of what he might be walking into, and it seemed like Billy and Mike had sensed it too. The automatic response to have one of them with him was like they were his protecting angels, and he realized that Billy had sent Mike, even though he himself was feeling the terror. Knowing how Billy could hyperventilate himself into a state of near panic, it was indeed a sacrifice for him to be so willing to have his calming side leave to accompany Chris.

There was no denying that he was entering unchartered waters here. How did he handle this with Keith and what exactly was his ex going to do? Would she blame him? Would she accuse him of corrupting their son? All of these wild thoughts went racing through his mind and when he thought he would suffocate from the fear, all he had to do was glance at Mike’s serene face and it would all disappear. No wonder Billy felt so at ease, so full when around Mike, he just had the effect on people in times of crises.

“Sounds like a good idea to me Mike, anything else?”

“Well, maybe after, just have him come wait with me in the truck while you talk things over, I can turn the tunes up if it gets too loud and he won’t have to hear everything that is said”

“Hehe, yes Barbara can be rather loud when she wants to be”

“So we heard, but hey, maybe by now she’s calmed down a little”

“I hope so, it is just… well I really don’t know what exactly happened… it is sort of like walking into the middle of a battlefield without knowing where the friendly lines are”

“Oh that’s easy, its here inside the truck”

“You certainly know what to say, don’t you?”

“Well, no not really, Billy has been teaching me though, he’s the pro when it comes to the words.”

“Hmm, well not sure who is the teacher, but thanks Mike, this is all rather new territory for me”

“Yeah, too bad too, I mean that there isn’t some book or something, but then if there was, it wouldn’t be as much fun”

“Fun? God you have a weird sense of what’s fun”

“Well, maybe, but isn’t it fun to think that you are just a few minutes away from being a full time dad?”

Shit, he thought as he stared out the window, afraid to look over at Mike, afraid he would sense or worse, see, his fear those words had brought to his already racing heart. As if he didn’t have enough to make his body tremble with fear now he had the prospect of actually being a full time parent. Would he be up to the challenge of raising a troubled teenager? Could he really give Keith what he needed in order to become a useful and productive member of society, a society that denied his father the chance to be openly happy?

There was so much to think about, to consider and he was glad that Mike was along, least he could try to figure this all out, hoping he could have the answers before being faced with the questions. He knew his ex wife was not tolerant of things such as homosexuality, affirmative action, and was in fact a real true blue reactionary conservative. She believed that abortion was wrong, that removing school prayer had brought about the moral decay of not just the younger generation but of society in general.

The boys were right, how could he in all conscious allow his son to be raised in such an atmosphere of intolerance and ignorance? The trouble was that he was consumed by his need to have a life, a life that involved Seth and not a woman. His thoughts were centred on his life, his goals and now he was being forced to change all that, to accept the responsibility that he had so casually agreed to some 13 plus years ago.

If he knew then what he knew now, would he have been so eager to have sired a child and bring one into the world? The image of Keith floated before him and he felt the twinge in his heart and he knew that no matter what he knew now, knew then, he would never relinquish his part in the creation of his son. He knew now that his son was who he needed to concentrate on, that it was not how much money he had in the bank or how good his sex life was or how happy he was with Seth, it was how well he did as a parent that would determine what kind of person he had been.

When it all came down to it, there really was no higher purpose for a man’s life than to sit back after his time on earth was finished, and see the wonders of the future mirrored in the eyes of his children. It was that which was your legacy, and at the same time, it was the measure of your worth as a man. He was slowly starting to understand now some of the drive that was behind Seth. It was starting to make sense to him, and yet at the same time he felt like he was unprepared for it all.

“It is a nice thought Mike, but it isn’t that simple either”

“No, I guess in many ways it isn’t, but I don’t know, I think older people spend way too much time worrying about stuff they can’t control and less time enjoying what they can control”

“Maybe, but if we don’t worry about those things, they can sneak up and destroy everything, I know its hard for young people to grasp, but when you get older you’ll understand it more, hell I am still trying to piece it all together myself”

“No offence, but that is crap…”

“Mike…”

“Sorry, but it is Chris, that is the standard answer you guys use all the time, oh don’t worry about it, when you are old enough you’ll understand, it is like a mantra to adults, you just don’t give us young kids any credit”

“So what are we supposed to do Mike? Are we supposed to be completely honest with you?”

“Why not? Isn’t it far better than lying to us?”

“Maybe, but maybe we do that to protect you, to shelter you from the stuff that is going on?”

“That’s the line I know, but do you think Keith is really being sheltered now? If maybe you and Barbara had sat down with him at the beginning, none of this would be happening right now?”

“I doubt it, tolerance for difference is not Barbara’s long suit”

“No, but maybe he would have been better prepared for her reaction, hell maybe he would have known enough to not even do whatever he did in the house.”

“could be, but still…”

“No, you know in a way it really gets to me, don’t you adults realize how scared us kids get? Don’t you ever think of how afraid we are when we hear you guys yelling at each other and storming around, and then you say, its just a discussion? Man, you plant so much fear into us when you fight that it is no wonder there are so many fucked up kids? Who do we talk to when the adults in our lives, the one’s who are supposed to look after us, turn away from us when we need you the most? Is it any wonder we turn to strangers who maybe we shouldn’t?”

“Wow, you really have a head of steam up on this Mike, but this is more complicated, I mean if we bring Keith home, what if Barbara pursues it? What if she thinks he picked it up from you and Billy? What then?”

“We talk to him and set him straight, and we fight”

“But in fighting Mike you most likely out yourself and hell even me and Seth”

“So? Isn’t Keith worth that to you?”

“So I trade one love for another?”

“Yes, if that other love is your son, sure, but who says you have to trade anything?”

“Well, if I want to keep my son safe, and keep all of you safe, don’t I have to trade that away?”

“Why Chris? I mean first of all, if we are willing to fight with you, for Keith, then you no longer have to consider our safety, and really, isn’t that our choice to make?”

“Possibly, but it does effect me as well, so it is still my responsibility”

“So then it isn’t our safety you are concerned about, it’s your own, isn’t it?”

Chris had found out first hand that Billy was a good debater, full of fire and passion and now he was finding out that Mike could be just as tough if not tougher in his debating skills. The kid had neatly cornered him, and he was right, he was scared for himself too, and yes, it was a big part of his concerns but Mike was wrong in his assumption that he didn’t give equal weight to what effect it would all have on them.

“Yes… I suppose it is just as big a concern as the other”

“Do you love us Chris? I mean really love us?”

“Of course I do”

“What about Keith? Do you really love him?”

“That should go without saying Mike, yes I love him with all my heart and soul”

“Then why don’t you have faith in that love?”

“Huh? Faith… I …”

“If you believe in that love, why can’t you believe that somehow, someway, it will see you through this? That no matter what happens, it will still be there, isn’t that what faith is all about? Believing in something when all around you shit is falling?”

“Yes, it is faith, but how can having faith in the love of all of you help keep everyone safe from harm?”

“It can’t, but it can give you the strength to see it through”

“Maybe…”

“Well, if Seth hadn’t had faith in Billy and Taylor’s love for him, do you think he could have brought you home and opened up about his relationship with you?”

“You think that was faith?”

“Yes, faith that despite all that had passed between him and Billy and Taylor, their love for each other would not vanish, and isn’t that the same thing here?”

Mike was making way too much sense for a 17-year-old football player. How the hell were jocks tagged with that ‘dumb’ label anyway? Both he and Billy were far from dumb; in fact, they led the school academically, well so much for labels. What Mike was saying was true to; did he have faith in the love of Seth and everyone else? If he did, would he have the courage to see it all through?

The time for thinking was over; his moment of truth had arrived as Mike wheeled the truck into his old driveway. Chris was able to see a small forlorn figure resting on the front steps, a full garbage bag of something resting next to him. His heart was in pain as he recognized the fear and despondency in the small figure. It was like a condemned man waiting for the final pronunciation of his doom. Tears welled up in his eyes as Mike parked the truck and flipped the radio volume up a little.

With a very heavy heart and a sorrowful soul, Chris prepared to exit the truck and confront the rage of a woman he once loved and to face the fear of a son who he loved with all his being. Just as he opened the door, he felt Mike’s hand on his shoulder and he turned to stare into the emerald green eyes of Mike.

“Chris, I am only 17 but I have learnt over the last few months two things. One is that the love between a parent and a son is a powerful weapon, it is one forged in steel that can never bend or break. The second thing is that the love two people have between them, when it is real and soul to soul is as powerful a weapon as the love between a father and his son, together that kind of arsenal can overcome anything, any ignorance, any obstacle, all you need is to have faith in your love and trust in the wisdom of your heart”

Chris reached back with his hand and squeezed Mike’s arm. He looked deep into the eyes and saw that every word he had spoken was coming from his heart. The fear inside of him still raged, but there was an increasing power of love also welling up inside and he knew that what Mike had said was true. The only question for him now, was did he have that kind of love?

Mike watched as Chris walked away from the truck and headed toward the small shaking figure on the front steps. He saw a light go on inside the hallway and knew that the battle would soon be joined. His eyes turned towards Chris and he saw him stop in front of his son.

The window in the truck was down and Mike had a good ear too, and he heard nothing as Chris just stood there. Then he saw him bend down and he opened his arms wide, waiting for Keith to see for himself that his father was here for him, no matter what he had done.

The sight of Keith’s young body throwing itself into the open arms brought a tear to Mike’s eyes and he knew that he had been right in his advice. It was all kids needed now and then, to be just held and shown that they were loved. The lectures and questions could wait, it was more important to feel loved.

“Dad I am sorry… please I …”

“Hush Keith, it’s okay, I am here and together we can fix this, okay?”

“No, you don’t understand… mom…”

“Leave your mother to me, now you go sit in the truck with Mike, okay?”

“Okay”

“Hey, what is this bag for?”

“It’s my clothes, Mom brought them out after she called you”

“Oh, I see, well go put them in the back of the truck then”

“You mean it?”

“Of course I do, now go on, I have to talk to your mother”

“Okay”

Chris stood up and watched as Keith dragged the full garbage bag of clothes over to the truck. He saw Mike get out and give Keith a hand in tossing it into the truck bed and then watched as Mike led Keith to the driver’s door, his arm resting lightly on Keith’s shoulder, just like a big brother would do. With one mighty pull, Mike had lifted Keith up and into the truck and waited while Keith scooted over so Mike could climb in too.

Mike was right; it did feel good to think of himself as a full time father. He didn’t realize it until just now, watching his son carry himself to the truck, showing his own brand of defiance at the fears and doubts that he must be feeling inside of his young body. The feeling of contentment lasted briefly as he heard his wife’s voice snarling behind him.

“Well?”

“Well what Barbara?”

“Well, what are you going do to about your perverted son?”

“Now Barbara, there is no need for that, just exactly what is it he did?”

“He was… I can’t even say the words, no lady should have to say those words, it is disgusting”

“Fine, don’t tell me, but then don’t expect me to be as upset either without knowing what the hell happened”

“He was… oh Christopher is so gross, I don’t know where he picked up such dirty habits, I suspect it is from that hooligan Tommy, that little bastard that he always hangs around with.”

“Now Barbara, that is enough, Tommy is only 13 too, and from what I have seen of him, he is a very polite young man”

“Oh yes, he’s polite, but he is a bastard Chris, his father’s mistake I suppose, or so his mother informed me earlier when I called her to tell her about her son”

“You called Tommy’s mother?”

“Naturally, I didn’t want him coming near this house, I wasn’t sure if you would come and get Keith”

“Why wouldn’t I? He is my son”

“Yes well you aren’t one for accepting that particular responsibility, now are you?”

“Maybe I wasn’t, but I sure as hell am now”

“so you say, but we’ll see how you manage now, I want nothing more to do with him, I can’t have some deviant in my home, not here and certainly not in Houston”

“I see, so your son makes a mistake and you wipe your hands of him, and you dare to call me irresponsible?”

“You are, if it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t have to even deal with this”

“Yes, I guess it is my fault, after all I did get you pregnant 13 years ago”

“You can be so cruel Christopher Jenkins”

“I learnt it well from you Barbara, now for Christ sakes, we can trade insults all night long or you can get off your high horse and tell me exactly what is it that Keith and Tommy did that has everyone here calling children bastards and causing them to be tossed onto their front steps like so much garbage”

“Fine, if that is the way you want it”

“It is”

“I caught them… fornicating”

“Just what do you mean fornicating Barbara?”

“They were… Oh God it is so disgusting… they were naked on Keith’s bed, rubbing each other… there are you happy?”

“Rubbing each other? What, you mean they were just laying there, moving their bodies against each other’s leg?”

“YES! Okay, Yes that is what they were doing, it is terrible”

“Terrible? It is what boys do Barbara, they are entering puberty for Christ’s sake”

“That may well be, but it is disgusting, and two boys don’t do that together, it is unnatural”

“No, actually it isn’t Barbara but I doubt if you would understand that”

“I don’t, and I know it isn’t natural not to mention dangerous”

“Dangerous? Now you are being paranoid”

“I am not, you may not care about me, but I do not plan on getting AIDS or some other degenerate type disease because my son is rubbing his thingee with some street urchin”

“My God Woman, are you serious?”

“Of course I am, that is why I had Mac take all of his sheets and throw them into the backyard incinerator, he’s burning them now so I am sure not to catch anything”

“God for a college graduate, for a woman of science you are as ignorant as a hillbilly woman from the turn of the century, you can’t catch any disease from his sheets.”

“How do you know that? There is no proof of that, what if he spilled his… you know, his stuff, and I touch it, I can get whatever he has”

“He’s your son for God’s sake”

“Well he’s yours now, I don’t want him here, or when we move to Houston, I can’t deal with his deviance and perversions”

“Christ, you are sick, sick in the head. Damn it Barbara you know you can’t get AIDS from touching his dried sperm, you know that the only way to contract that disease is through direct sexual intercourse, blood to blood, blood transfusions, and through shared needles and I don’t see Keith doing any of those things”

“Well I am not as willing to take the chance that the doctors are right on that, I have heard things at Church that would make you think twice”

“Even if all that you heard was true, he is still your son”

“Not if he’s that way he isn’t, not unless he’s willing to renounce his sins and ask for God’s forgiveness”

“What?”

“You heard me”

“My God, I never realized how narrow minded you are or how much of a religious bigot you are”

“You never did understand me Christopher, but God doesn’t like homosexuals, it is why he sent this AIDS thing down, to punish them and make them see the error of their ways”

“Oh shut up already, God sent AIDS to punish gays? You are twisted, and yes, you are right, you shouldn’t have Keith here, he’ll only turn out to be a bigot or racist if he stays with you and Mac”

“Don’t you mock God Christopher, it is written in the bible that…”

“ENOUGH!  I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR BIGOTRY AND RACISM, HE’S MY SON BARBARA, HE IS NOT SOME TRASH THAT YOU CAN TOSS AROUND OR BROWBEAT, HE IS AS MUCH MY SON AS HE IS GOD’S. YES BARBARA, GOD’S SON HE IS TOO, BECAUSE THE GOD I BELIEVE IN LOVES ALL OF HIS CHILDREN, RIGHT OR WRONG, GAY OR STRAIGHT, HONEST OR NOT, HE LOVES US ALL, THAT IS THE KIND OF GOD I BELIEVE IN AND THAT IS THE KIND OF GOD I WANT MY SON TO BELIVE IN, SO YES BARABARA I WILL TAKE HIM HOME WITH ME, AND I WILL TRY TO MAKE HIM UNDERSTAND THAT DEEP DOWN HIS MOTHER HAS A HEART, THAT HE SHOULD FORGIVE HER FOR BEING AN IGNORANT SHREW”

“HOW DARE YOU!”

“HOW DARE I? AFTER WHAT YOU HAVE SAID HERE? NO BARBARA, HOW DARE YOU”

“FINE, HE’S YOUR SON, YOU KEEP HIM, I’LL HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH A PERVERT”

“Barbara, you really are a piece of work. Fine, if you are serious, then you have your lawyer transfer all parental authority to me tomorrow morning, if not, I’ll have Seth Bradford file an immediate injunction in court and we’ll see what a Judge will say about your fitness to be a part of Keith’s life”

“Don’t you threaten me Christopher Jenkins, I won’t stand for it”

“I don’t give a shit what you will stand for Barbara, either you do as I say now, or I’ll make sure that all of your sanctimonious friends are fully appraised of why I am seeking full and complete custody over Keith, so you go ahead, try to have it all our way, this time I am not going to run, this time I am going to fight you Barbara, with every ounce of strength I have, with every dollar I have, so go ahead Barbara, fight me on this”

Chris stood there, his chest heaving and sweat pouring down his face. He carefully wiped his face, feeling the tension in his body as he glared at his ex wife’s face. There was something pathetic about her actually, and instead of feeling in awe of her, as was usual, he felt pity for her. She was mistaken if she thought he would back down, after all, he did have two of the greatest weapons available to a person, as Mike pointed out. He didn’t think he could ever be so forceful, but here he was standing toe to toe with her, and he wasn’t feeling frightened. That would most likely come later, but for now, he was determined to push his case. After all, the most important person in his life was the stakes. He couldn’t fail Keith this time around, he had before, but if he did this time, it would not be from lack of trying or effort or courage.

“You have changed Christopher”

“Yes”

“Yes, so I see, …well, as I have no intention of wanting to raise a child such as yours is, I see no problem in having my lawyer contact yours and making the arrangements legal. Does that satisfy you?”

“Yes, it does”

“Fine, then we have nothing further to discuss”

“Just one more thing Barbara”

“What is that?”

“Don’t you ever, ever refer to my son as a pervert or defiant again or so help me God, I will come down on you like a ton of bricks, do you understand me?”

Barbara stared at Chris, her eyes smoking with disgust and anger. There was something though in the way Chris had spoken the words, the quiet tones belying the anger he obviously was feeling towards her. She really didn’t understand it, but he had indeed changed, and she wasn’t so sure she liked the new Chris.

“You’ll change your tune after a bit, I guarantee that, but… well you always did need to learn it the hard way Chris, so have it your way, I am washing my hands of this whole mess, we are leaving for Houston as soon as Mac can make the arrangements and I can get this place listed. My lawyer will call yours tomorrow, now if you’ll excuse me, I have important things to attend to”

She just turned and walked back towards the house, her back ramrod straight and her shoulders squared, like a toy soldier, as she didn’t even bother to glance backwards. The whole time, he expected more but then he realized, she just couldn’t give more. Keith had violated the sacred rule of her life, don’t cause a fuss. Well, kids caused fusses and it was up to the adults to deal with it, no matter the inconvenience or cost, too bad Barbara never understood that.

Chris walked slowly back to the truck, wondering how much Keith had heard and what he would say to him. He knew that his son had to be feeling a great deal of pain, and for what? He really didn’t do anything to warrant such treatment or such abuse; he was after all, only just 13 years old.

“We can go now Mike”

“Okay Chris”

“Dad…”

“Yes?”

“I am sorry, I really am, I don’t know why I screw up like that, I guess I am just stupid…”

“Stupid? Listen to me Keith… you didn’t do anything wrong.. no I take that back”

“Huh?”

“You should have locked your door son if you didn’t want your mother to barge in on you… that was wrong… as for the other stuff, we’ll discuss it once we get back home, but from what your mother said, I really don’t see any big deal”

“You mean that?”

“Yes son, I do, isn’t that right Mike?”

“Yep, everyone jacks off now and then, no matter how old they are, right Chris?”

“Uh yeah right Mike, uh, watch where you are driving please”

“Yes sir”

“Uh dad…”

“What?”

“What about Tommy, I know you are upset with me already, but…”

“I am not upset with you son, far from it, now… what about Tommy?”

“Can we go see him? I need to know if he’s okay Dad, I mean he has it rough at home, please?”

He was feeling a bit lost at his son’s request. First, he had to find a way to dispel Keith’s notion that enjoying his body was a dirty thing, which was something he had to try to get a handle on before it scarred him for life. Also, there was the obvious self-esteem issue. Keith seemed to have this idea that he was a screw up and really, none of this was his entire fault. Mike had been right, they should have been honest with him way back then, maybe then he wouldn’t have run into this situation head first. Part of him had been hoping that he could avoid the ‘Tommy’ factor but then, he really didn’t feel right either about just leaving it.

“Mike, do you mind?”

“No, no problem, just point me in the right direction, Mike limousine service is at your disposal for the night, haha”

“Thanks Mike”

Keith quickly gave Mike the directions and he wheeled the truck around to head over to Tommy’s home. He noticed, as he drove, that Keith had snuggled in next to his father, letting his small body curve inwards, and he rested his head on Chris’ breast. Chris had his arm protectively around his son and Mike knew that everything was going to be very different at the Bradford Hotel. He smiled as he pulled up alongside a station wagon, seeing lights on at the house and in the garage.

Just before he could climb out, his cellular phone rang and Chris stepped out, answering the phone while closing the door.

“Hello?”

“Hey, you okay partner?”

“Seth… yes, I am okay, uh Seth… I have Keith with me, I am bringing him home with me…”

“I should hope so, good, we will have some hot chocolate and cookies waiting, he can stay in what we refer to as Mike’s ghost room”

“Ghost room?”

“Yep, only Mike’s ghost will ever visit that room, the physical boy is sequestered elsewhere in the hacienda de la Bonnet”

“You are in a feisty mood”

“Why not? Not every night I get to come home and find out I am a new papa in law”

“Damn… you know the right thing to say don’t you? Never mind, I don’t need you any more swell headed, but…”

“Haha, okay, …but what?”

“Well, there might be a slight complication to all this”

“Oh? Hmm, you mean Tommy?”

“Fuck… sorry, how the hell did you… never mind, I am not ready for that answer right now”

“Haha, you are learning Jenkins, so what is the story with Tommy?”

“I don’t know, we are just here now and I am about to find out, thing is…”

“Yeah, if its anything like Barbara, hmm, I can see your dilemma but fortunately for you I do have the answer”

“Oh? What is that?”

“Simple, instead of me being a papa in law for one, you are giving me twins”

“Damn… you are giving me a lump in my throat”

“Hehe, well I know another place I’d like to place a great big lump, but that will have to wait, so go… we’ll have the lights burning and the welcome mat all lit and ready for you and Chris…”

“Yes?”

“Twins are fine, but no triplets okay?”

“Damn”

“haha, yep”

Mike leaned out of his window and peered over the roof of the truck. He yelled to Chris.

“Hey Chris, tell dad to tell Billy its cool, he’ll know what I mean”

“Okay Mike, Seth…”

“Yeah I heard… Billy was just passing me the same message”

“Okay, I’ll pass it on”

“Why bother, those two don’t need a messenger service or phones for that matter, they scare me, bet they are really a couple of aliens with wild telepathic powers”

“Wouldn’t surprise me, after all Billy is your son”

“Ain’t that the truth… okay stud man, go get my twins, its getting late”

“Yes papa Seth”

Chris hung up the phone and for the first time since his wife’s call, he felt light and free. It was amazing how a simple few words with Seth and he felt like Mt. Everest was nothing more than pebble. As he walked up the sidewalk, he thought he saw a small head poking out from behind the garage door but he doubted it. He saw that he was expected as a tall lady walked out of the door to greet him at the front steps.

“You must be Keith’s dad”

“Yes I am…”

“My husband isn’t home, he’s rarely home this early when Tommy is around”

“Oh, I see, well, I just wanted to check and see if everything was okay here, my ex-wife is a bit of a prude, she is rather narrow minded”

“I gathered that, well he’s in the garage if you want to see him”

“The garage? Isn’t it a bit, well cold out here for him to be in there?”

“No, not really, he’s got his sleeping bag and we have a space heater there, if he gets too cold, look, Chris is it?”

“Yes”

“you must think we are rather mean, but really we aren’t you know, I wish I could do more for Tommy, I just don’t have it in me, I am at my wits end Chris, I really am”

“Well, I can understand you being upset, but really he hasn’t done anything all that terrible, I certainly wouldn’t be punishing him…”

“Is that what you think? That I am punishing him by forcing him to stay in the garage?”

“Well…”

“It’s what he wants Mr. Jenkins, not me, though I don’t object when maybe I should, but you just don’t know the whole story… of Tommy and myself that is”

“I am not here to judge Mrs Lambert”

“Aren’t you Mr. Jenkins? Sorry, I am just so upset, your wife isn’t the most pleasant woman to deal with on the phone”

“No, she isn’t, and really, I am not here to judge, I don’t even know you, Keith just wanted me to make sure Tommy was okay, that is all”

“Yes, they do seem to be good friends don’t they?”

“Yes, they are”

“It is almost as if their troubles have made them like brothers”

“Their troubles?”

“Yes, Keith and his issues with being in a divorced family, and Tommy, his father’s indiscretion and my constant reminder of my own insecurities”

“I am afraid I don’t understand… just because a child is unplanned…”

“It that was only it, but, no not quite that Mr. Jenkins, Tommy isn’t my son, he is his father’s. We have been married for almost 20 years now… does that clear things up for you?”

“Yes, I think it does, but surely you can’t blame Tommy?”

“Blame him? Oh God no, I wish it would be that simple, but it isn’t, and yet knowing that I still can’t find myself close to him, every time I look at him I see his father, I see him cheating on me, I feel a constant threat when I look at Tommy’s sad eyes, seeing the same sad look his Father used to have when all this first began, so no, I don’t blame him, I blame myself and I can’t take it”

“Can’t you get past that? I mean, he’s only a boy, and he only wants your love… surely you can see that?”

“Yes, I can see that, and I have tried, only God knows how hard I have tried, Tommy isn’t a bad boy Mr. Jenkins, he really isn’t and I know that I am the cause of most of his problems, and yet, yet I just can’t come to terms with all that has happened, and I know its wrong, I know I shouldn’t blame him or treat him any different than his sisters, but I do, does that make me the evil step mother?”

“Really, I don’t think I am qualified to say… I just wanted to make sure he was okay, that is all”

“Yes, I know, you have your own problems don’t you? Well, I guess we will just have to muddle through ours… his father is at his end, I am so afraid of losing him again, only this time I don’t think it will be to another woman, but to just all the pain of a past mistake, maybe that is why I am so numb around Tommy, maybe that is why he prefers to sleep in the garage, out of sight of me and what I must mean to him”

“Maybe you can see someone, a professional maybe?”

“Oh we have, numerous so called professionals, but it is me, I know that, as long as Tommy is here, I don’t think I can ever get beyond this whole thing… maybe I should be more upset at what he and your son did, I don’t know, all I do know is that when he is with your boy, he is happy, he is entitled to that, I don’t want to rob him of what little joy he has Mr. Jenkins, I really don’t”

“Sounds to me like you do care for him, Tommy that is”

“I guess, in my own way I do care, I know it isn’t right, I just can’t get past this, and neither can his father. Please, don’t hate my husband, he’s basically a good man, what is he to do? He made a mistake years ago, now his whole family is suffering; he has two girls to consider too, not just me and my feelings. He really is trying, but the only time we feel comfortable enough to even talk, has been when Tommy has spent time with your son, I know it is selfish, but… well, maybe…”

“Uh, do you know what you are suggesting Mrs Lambert?”

“I don’t know, look Mr. Jenkins, maybe you should be talking with my husband, I don’t know anymore, I just want my husband back Mr. Jenkins, I want my life back, is that being selfish?”

“I can’t answer that, really, I can’t… look, would it help if maybe Tommy came with me and stayed for a bit, while maybe you discuss this with your husband?”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes, You son has been very well behaved when he’s been over, and like you say, they are good friends, and well, maybe they could use each other’s company right now, I am sure Keith could.”

“Well, I won’t refuse, I mean, his father and I, we could sure use the time to maybe patch some fences, well… if you are sure, I would appreciate it”

“Fine, why don’t I go and get him, would you like to come with me and tell him?”

“No, no, I think its best if I go get his stuff together, school books and some clothes, you can tell him, he’d like it better coming from you I think”

Chris walked over to the garage and knocked on the side door before opening it and entering. He saw a small light off in one corner, and he called out for Tommy. He didn’t get any answer, so he called again, this time raising his voice a little.

“What? I am here, I didn’t do anything wrong”

“Never said you did Tommy, Keith is with me”

“Yeah? You taking him away?”

“Yes, he’s coming to live with me, his mother isn’t able to, she’s moving to Houston you know”

“She was still going to take him, its because of me, isn’t it?”

“No, it isn’t, look, I just finished talking with your mother”

“Yeah?”

“She said it would be okay if you came to stay with Keith and me, for awhile, if you wanted to that is”

“What? For real?”

“Yeah, for real Tommy”

Tommy came out from behind some boxes and stood more into the light. Chris could feel his heart aching as he saw the pain written all across the boy’s young face. How could anyone not want to cherish someone so young, so innocent? It wasn’t right, no matter the excuse or explanation, least which was how he was feeling. Just as he got the anger going though, his heart reminded him of his own not recent abandonment and he knew that he had a lot of catching up and explaining to do on his own. He really shouldn’t judge, and that is what he was doing. At least Tommy’s mother was trying to give her son some happiness, she just didn’t know how.

“Why?”

“Why? Why what Tommy?”

“Why you doing this? I mean… you know, what is it to you about what happens to me?”

“Well, because I guess my son wants me to, and well, so do I actually, I know I haven’t been much of a father for Keith, but I am trying to make it up to him, and well, maybe you can help me do that, maybe that is why”

“Are we in trouble, Keith and me?”

“Trouble? No, not really, I mean I think we need to talk about what you two were doing, but you aren’t in trouble”

“I didn’t force him, honest”

“I know that Tommy, look, it really isn’t a big deal, you know we have sort of talked about what you two did before, with Seth and the boys, so you should know I don’t look at the same way as my wife does”

“She sure hates me”

“Well, no…”

“Yes she does… she even phoned her and yelled at Mrs Lambert, cussing her out and everything, I could hear it, that’s why I came out here”

“Well, I am sorry for that Tommy, look, Mike is grabbing some stuff for you that your Mom has put together, so come on, what do you say? Come and stay with us crazies over at the Bradford Hotel”

“Bradford Hotel? Oh you mean where Billy and his dad are?”

“Yep, and where Keith, Mike and I are too”

“This is for real? I mean they don’t mind, me and Keith being there?”

“No, Mr. Bradford called me and told me he had hot chocolate and cookies waiting for you and Keith”

“Really? He’s cool, I like him, and Billy too, and did he say I should come?”

“Billy? Yes I think he and his father discussed it”

“What about Mike, does he think I should go with you?”

“Why don’t you ask him, he’s our driver for the night”

“Cool, cause if he doesn’t, I know then that Billy won’t either”

“Oh? Well I think you will see that I am telling you the truth”

“Okay, you really aren’t mad?”

“I will be if you don’t grab your stuff over there and get your tail over to the truck, I love hot chocolate and cookies and you are keeping me from them”

“Haha, you can be funny when you want to Mr Jenkins”

“Call me Chris”

“Okay …Chris, let’s go then”

It took Tommy a few minutes to gather up some of the stuff he had out in the garage and then he was ready. He kept glancing at Chris, as if waiting for something more, or maybe he just didn’t believe that some stranger would be willing to let him come and be a part of his family. He didn’t know, but just looking at the sorrowful face made his heart ache and he caught himself wiping away tears every few seconds. Seth was right; he was an emotional bomb waiting to explode, which usually was when they were in bed. With that pleasing thought, they finally exited the garage and started to head towards the pick up truck where Keith and Mike were waiting.

Before they could get halfway to the truck, the passenger door was flung open and he saw his son come running towards them. He saw Keith with a huge grin on his face and he turned to see an even wider grin come across Tommy’s face. Damn it, you would never know the pain these two boys had just gone through at this second in time. He marvelled at their ability to push aside their pain and then he started to wonder, was there more to this friendship than he was willing to see?

Keith took one of Tommy’s bag’s and he was all smiles as he walked beside his friend. Chris decided to walk ahead and let them have a few moments of time together so he got to the truck first, turning to watch them slowly walk up towards him and Mike.

“Nice job Chris, looks like Seth just got himself a set of twins”

“Huh? You have a phone in this truck, don’t you Michael?”

“Haha, I wish, but I couldn’t afford the thing, I’d always be yapping with blondie, why? You going to surprise me and give me yours?”

“What makes you think I could afford your phone bills either? No, it is just, well, damn it, that is what Seth said to me when he phoned earlier”

“Hehe, really? Guess Billy had been giving him the gears then”

“Yeah, maybe.”

It took a few minutes to get everyone settled, and Chris found himself playing cushion to Keith as they left for home. Tommy was wedged in between him and Mike, while Keith sat on Chris’ lap. It felt kind of different and nice to have his son comfortable enough with him to sit on his lap.

The drive home started in virtual silence, the two boys content to just be together, and to have the night being put behind them. There also was a bit of tension, neither boy sure just what lay ahead for them, but happy that at least they would be together.

As they left the area and were moving quickly home, the silence became a bit oppressive and he could sense the doubts and fears in the two boys, but he had no idea how to break it, how to reach through and make them feel safe and secure, at least for now. Just when he thought he should at least say something, Mike opened up and within seconds he had the two chattering a mile a minute, mostly at his own expense too.

Thinking about it, Mike had a unique knack, the way he could just say an innocent remark, bat his eyelids and leave everyone in stitches. He just wished that Mike would pick on someone other than him.

“So Tommy, who’s got the bigger one? You or Keith?”

“Huh, bigger what Mike?”

“Oh come on, you know, woody, you or Keith”

“Haha, I DO!”

“Cool, guess that’s your fault Chris”

“Hey, what do I have to do with this one?”

“Well, we do inherit our father’s traits you know, so if Keith is being left behind, well, he only has you to blame”

“Gee thanks, but size isn’t everything, and besides, he just starting, it’ll grow”

“That’s true, see Keith, the more you practise, the bigger it can grow”

“Shit Michael, what the hell are you trying to do? Get my kids all weirded out?”

“Hehe, no just letting them know that its all the father’s fault, equipment wise that is, haha”

“Yeah well Mr. Know it all, and just how do you know all this?”

“Why, didn’t anyone tell you Chris? I am a football player… we know these things, why do you think it takes us so long to get out of the locker room after a game?”

“Oh God, spare me”

“You asked”

“I am sorry I did”

“Okay”

From that point on, the conversation settled down, as the two boys were relaxed enough to just be kids. They talked about school and started asking Mike all about football and when the season was going to start. He drove expertly while fielding all their questions, making them feel like little brother’s, which really was what he had intended. Before anyone noticed, they were pulling into the driveway to the main house and as they stopped, the front door opened and out walked Billy, Taylor, and Seth Bradford.

Mike got out and was helping to grab some of the stuff out of the back when he smiled over at Billy. Chris watched the sparkle grow brighter in Billy’s eyes as he seemed to just feast on the sight of his lover. Mike seemed to grow as he headed towards the house. Before he got there, he looked over at Chris, smiled, and then winked at Tommy and Keith.

“Hey Dad, I brought you home twins to add to the guest list, got some food on the stove for us hungry travellers, Chris has to be starved, giving birth is a bitch man”

“Well Michael, if you were the labour coach it must of really hurt… and yes we do have some snacks if anyone is hungry? How about it guys, Tommy, Keith?”

“OH YEAH,”

“Hehe, well you know where the kitchen is… go on, we’ll let the two comedians here bring the rest of your stuff inside”

Tommy and Keith went racing inside, blowing past Taylor and Billy. Chris shook his head, amazed at how right it felt, how much this really was his home. Watching as Seth guided the traffic into the house, he never felt so much love for any one person as he did right then. Walking past Mike and Billy he also realized that he was between two very special young lovers. He would have to pay much more attention to those two; maybe he could pick up a few pointers because they obviously knew what love really was. He wanted that for him and Seth, and now, well, now he was home.