Chapter 34

Taylor was staring at the ceiling as he listened to Jeremy’s even breathing. They had finished a wild passionate night once more, and he lay there content in the full feeling that seemed to follow every love making session. The sound of his lover’s even breaths were like a soothing sound to his heart and he started to doze off, to join Jeremy in the night’s restful sleep when he heard the shrill ring of the phone.

At least he thought it was the phone and he heard Jeremy stir next to him and he looked down, to see the young man’s head, resting so comfortably on his chest that he automatically hated whoever it was that was calling.

“You going to answer that?”

“Thinking about it, rather stare at you though”

“Yeah? That all you can do is stare?”

“Nope, not now it sure as hell isn’t all I can do”

“Well answer the phone first, then we’ll see if we can’t find something else for you to do”

“Perv”

“Yep”

Taylor reached out with his bare arm to snag the telephone by the nighttable. Whoever was calling better have a damn good reason for interrupting his nightly routine of staring at Jeremy and then waking him for a late night snack. God, life was good, work was fun, school was going great and he had Jeremy to fill every waking minute with. A person couldn’t ask for anything more as he curtly answered the phone, in a hurry to end the phone call and answer the call ringing deep within his soul and heart.

“HELLO?”

“Were you sleeping?”

“Yeah, that you Billy? What you want?

“Grouchy aren’t you… but I don’t have time for that, you got Dad’s emergency pager code? I can’t remember mine”

“Sure, hey what’s up?”

“Not sure, Chris got a call from his ex, something about Keith so Mike’s running him down and I said I’d get a hold of Dad, think Chris needs a lawyer right now”

“Sounds serious, any idea what its about?”

“Not really, something about her catching Keith with his friend, guess she walked in on them while they were jacking off or something, I think she’s bit of a prude, but I don’t know… so what’s the code”

“Geez bro, you are being a blond ain’t ya?”

“Yeah yeah, what’s the code?”

“Your birthday dummy… got how simple can it be to remember that milestone in gayness”

“Funny, go play with Jeremy, maybe he’ll appreciate your humour, I mean he must if he likes your little one”

“Little one? Hey listen short stuff, I take after the old man, mine’s man sized”

“Yeah, well, one day when I got time I’ll tell you about man sized”

“hehe, okay Billy, everything okay though?”

“Huh, yeah, I guess I am kind of freaked a little, I mean he really seemed shook”

“I suppose, I know they were scheduled for court in few weeks, maybe I should pop over, I got the files here to work on… think dad would want them at home tonight?”

“Gee, I don’t know, I’ll tell him though”

“Yeah, where is he anyhow? Kind of late for him to be out alone”

“Some judge or something or other, said he wouldn’t be home till around midnight”

“Oh right, forgot about that, yeah the peeper case”

“Huh?”

“Nothing, the judge has a nephew who likes to peep… hehe, dad says he probably picked it up from the Uncle, anyway its all part of Dad’s plan to get Chris’ case before a different judge…”

“Yeah I know, look I better make the call, I’ll tell dad you got Chris’ file at your place, he can decide if he needs to see it tonight or not”

“Yeah, okay, well now that you have woken us both up, guess I’ll have a snack”

“Yeah I can imagine what you snacking on, God you are a sick puppy”

“Hey, where did you think you got it from?”

“Hehe, you wish, thanks Tay, I better go”

“Okay bro, and Billy… let me know what happens, I don’t care what time, okay?”

“Yeah, sure… wish you were here”

“Me too, want me to come over now?”

“Huh? Oh no, its cool, but, well, thanks, it is just that Mike is with Chris, and well you know how I get when he isn’t around…”

“Yeah I do, kind of lost like”

“haha, yeah, when did you get so damn smart about that kind of stuff?”

“Same time as you, soon as I got married to my man”

“True, I never figured I could be so happy as I am now, weird how it all worked out too, I miss you Taylor”

“I know, I miss you to bro, look, maybe Jeremy and I will pop over this weekend, stay for dinner or something, cool?”

“Yeah, maybe Sunday?”

“Sounds good to me, let me know if dad wants me over tonight, and also what is going on, ‘kay?”

“Yeah, thanks Tay”

“You know I am always here Billy”

“I know, it helps, I don’t say it too much, but I think of you a lot”

“Thanks, me too”

“Cool, later”

“Later bro”

Taylor hung up the phone and stared at the table. It was strange, he really did miss his little brother who really wasn’t so little anymore. If it wasn’t for Billy, he doubted if he would be as happy as he was now. Billy had given him the love and strength he had needed. He knew that what they had no one could ever truly understand. Jeremy acted like he did and he knew that Mike did the same, but no matter how hard they tried, they just couldn’t fathom the depths of emotions that they had shared, not as lover’s really, but as two bleeding souls in need of a special type of healing.

Strange how lately he had been thinking of that time in his life, when he battled the world all alone, or so he had thought. It was also strange how lately he had been thinking of that year or so when he and Billy had crossed the line, a line that society frowned on with a passion and yet to them both, it was a line that they never thought should be there. Must be the time of year he guessed, spring and all that but he did find himself making comparisons to the love with Jeremy and those times with Billy.

For a brief second in time, a wave of guilt washed over him and he shivered a little. He knew it wasn’t fair to try and compare the love he had shared with Billy to what he had now, but the man inside him seemed to want to do just that every now and then. He could never feel this kind of love with Billy, and maybe that is what was bothering him a bit, because they had shared a deep love when the world around them was in turmoil, when their father was an unreachable mountain and their pain was too fresh, too consuming, for them to survive without the touch of the other.

“You okay Taylor?”

Jeremy’s soft voice and gentle touch of his hand on his shoulder woke him up from his thoughts. He smiled as he turned to stare into Jeremy’s face and he could see the worry there, and it made his heart sing a little higher, a little more relaxed. It wasn’t that he liked to see Jeremy worry about him, just that it was so comforting to know that someone like Jeremy did care enough for him to actually worry, even over a phone call.

“As long as you are here, I am on top of the world”

“Flattery gets you a kiss big boy”

“I was hoping for that”

The wide grin on Taylor’s face was more than enough incentive for Jeremy. He reached across and with a soft gentle touch, he pressed his lips against the moist mouth and felt his heart start to race. It was always like this, always exciting to him to touch Taylor. He had kissed many guys before, but none had ever made his cock go rock hard with just a thought of a kiss, and they sure as hell never made his cock drip white pre cum when he did touch their lips. It was amazing how sensual Taylor was, even in the middle of the night.

“mmm, you do taste good”

“even with almost morning breath?”

“Well, hehe, I think I’ll take the 5th on that”

“Damn lawyer wanna be”

“Hey careful, or I’ll sick daddy on you”

“Mmmm, well if it gets me locked up with you I’ll take that chance”

“God Jer, you are a pervert after my own heart”

“I try, so anything serious? That was Billy wasn’t it? Or maybe you got some other hot blond calling you at night?”

Taylor could feel the warm breath against his chest as Jeremy snuggled in close and started to cuddle with him. He liked it the way Jeremy could snake his body all around and through Taylor’s own lanky frame. It felt so good to have him touching him in so many different spots. It brought a tingling sensation everywhere and made his soul feel so alive, so desirable, that it always led to some unbelievable sex.

“I don’t know, something about Chris and ex and his son… you really think Billy is hot?”

“Really? Think she found out about Chris and your dad? And of course I think Billy is hot, after all Taylor, I already know what he’s gonna look like in 2 years, I mean he is your brother”

“Shit I hadn’t thought about that part, but no I don’t think that is it, has something to do with the son, least that’s what Billy said, and gee, you call me a flatterer, you are the King of Flattery with that line, use it often do you?”

“Hehe, only when I got a hard on and a naked stud next to me”

“Oh? Well, I don’t know, doesn’t feel all that hard to me at the moment”

Jeremy reached out and pinched Taylor’s hip, sending him upwards a little as well as making him howl in feigned pain. The two of them tussled on the bed, both of them getting heated by the constant touching and pulling. It was like two brothers play fighting, another image that made Taylor feel a small twinge around his heart.

With some agility, Jeremy managed to position himself on top of Taylor, his legs spread over Taylor’s chest, and his crotch now pressed firmly up against Taylor’s face. His hard cock was clearly evident as it was poking up along one side of Taylor’s face.

“So, hard enough yet stud boy?”

“Hmm, don’t know there, maybe I should taste it first, make sure its well filled”

“I don’t know, not sure if you deserve to…”

“Oh I think you can have pity on a poor blond student…”

“Well, yeah but he’s gonna be a lawyer, not sure if I could live myself knowing I was contributing to the corruption of such a guardian of our civil liberties, hehe”

Taylor reached up and over and before Jeremy could counter his move, Taylor had Jeremy flat on his back at the other end of the bed. This time his body rested on top and his one hand was now firmly stroking the very hard cock that was at the centre of their tussle. It felt so good in his hands, the way it made him feel warm all over as he moved his long fingers up and down the throbbing penis.

It was as if Jeremy’s penis had been tailored to fit Taylor’s hand. It felt so perfect in his grasp that it made his heart groan with insurmountable pleasure. His whole body shook as he pulled on the warm flesh, feeling the hot milky pre cum lubricate the entire quaking shaft with each push of his hand. His eyes now narrowed as they gazed with love into Jeremy’s chestnut eyes.

The look was too much for him and he started to shake as he felt his cock being stroked with love and passion. His soul was burning hot for the love that was being poured into his body through Taylor’s eyes. He could feel the strong rays as they coursed through him, warming every part of his insides, as they searched for his soul.

As Taylor’s passion started to consume him, Jeremy could feel the need for being made a part of his man and he found his legs struggling to open, struggling to spread apart from under Taylor’s body. Just as he managed to move one foot, he felt Taylor’s other hand reaching down to grip his balls and feel them while his other hand pulled harder around his throbbing cock. His eyes were staring into a liquid pool of passion as he groaned loudly, filling the room with his desire for Taylor.

The growling sounds of Jeremy’s awakened but as yet unsatisfied passion echoed in the darkened bedroom. It bounced along the walls and the sound made Taylor’s blood boil with an unmatched desire to fill Jeremy with his own hot steamy passion. He reached down to fondle the full balls while Jeremy manoeuvred his legs around and up.

Taylor’s own hot hard cock was suddenly freed from pressing up against Jeremy’s thigh and he quickly moved his one hand from Jeremy’s balls to his own throbbing penis. He guided it to rest firmly between the sweating cheeks of Jeremy’s buttocks, feeling the flesh shudder to his touch. The quivering flesh parted easily for his hot weapon of love and he found himself sitting upright, Jeremy’s legs tossed over his shoulders and Jeremy’s hot cock now pressed flat between their two bellies.

Both of his hands now rested on either side of Jeremy’s prone body and his face towered over that of his lover. He could see the dark chestnut eyes burning with desire and he could feel his own aching need to fill Jeremy rising by the second. The strain was unbearable as he shifted position slightly, wedging his throbbing cock further into the quivering flesh beneath him. He heard his own moan of pleasure pass from his lips and as it found its freedom a huge jolt seemed to enter his whole body.

Bolts of pure passion now passed between his and Jeremy’s souls. The raging electricity of desire was being unleashed as the body under him arched upwards and his own muscular frame pushed down in a wild thrust. His groin was suddenly crashing down into the wet shaking flesh of Jeremy’s cheeks, his cock no longer wedged between them, instead it was raging forwards, deep into the inner sanctum of his lover.

The sound of sweat soaked flesh crashing together filled the room and with each new slapping sound of crashing flesh, his heart beat faster, his breathing came shallower, and his eyes clouded over as rivers of sweat now poured down off his forehead. The raging water flowed down his cheeks, dripped down off his roman styled nose and found its way down to beat upon the heaving body of Jeremy below.

Saliva dripped from his tongue, which hung down from his mouth as he found himself pushing faster and harder with each passing second. As his drool dripped onto the body below, he could see nothing but a blue haze across his eyes as Jeremy’s love came flooding upwards, enveloping him and Taylor with its deep passion and warm caress. The two bodies were now in the midst of a raging inferno of passion.

With his hips a blur and his arms aching beyond belief, Taylor could feel his cock moving in and out of Jeremy’s body. He could feel the love that was being pounded out from his soul into Jeremy’s willing body and it suddenly hit him. The love he had for Billy, while special was never like this. The love that he had shared with his brother was a healing love, a love that he had needed then, so that now he could truly love someone without reservation. It was because of his brother’s love that Taylor could now experience the wonders of Jeremy’s soul and heart.

With that thought he found his body straining even harder, his hips moving even faster and the waves of pleasure now were non stop in shaking and jolting his body. His head ached and rolled from side to side. His eyes no longer could focus on anything, held captive by the brilliant blue flames that were consuming him even as he struggled to push one more time deep into Jeremy’s trembling body.

Their souls screamed as together the two bodies crashed together, both of them willing the other to join, to become one. The fires inside raged and their mere mortal bodies started to quake under the intense strain and stress as their love flowed all around them and all through them. Jeremy cried as his body surrendered to the wild crazy thrusts of Taylor’s cock. It filled him past where he could measure as his own groin struggled with the intense heat and joy that was filling it too.

Taylor’s hands slipped on the wet sheets and his body came crashing down onto Jeremy’s shaking body. His face came down and his lips pressed hard against the open mouth. His tongue, barely able to move, pressed inwards as Taylor felt his lower body shake in a terrific explosion of love. The entire room exploded before him as he found Jeremy’s hands wrapped around his upper torso, holding his sweating body close to his own heaving chest.

The buildings fire alarm could have been going off right next to their ears and neither of them would have heard it. All that they could hear was the undying expression of their love for each other as their souls roared outwards, filling the room and their hearts with its satisfaction.

He put the phone down after dialling the pager number and entering his birthday, the code for an emergency, so his dad would know it was urgent. He had never used that code before, well no he actually had used it once before, the time way back when he didn’t know if they would ever be a family again, let alone be a happy family.

Funny, how when danger threatened, he would automatically turn back the hands of time and revisit that time in his life that had to be the worse any child could ever face. It had been bad enough to lose his mother in some senseless drunk driving incident, but the aftermath was even worse.

Looking around the house now, he was stunned to realize that these same walls used to reverberate with angry shouts between his dad and Taylor and on occasion himself and Taylor. This was the same den where just last night he had lain in Mike’s arms while his father had rested in Chris’ arms. Yet, a few years ago it was also here where he and Taylor had fought, Taylor telling him that he was leaving, that he couldn’t stand living under a dictatorship any longer.

It was this same spot where he had dialled his father, sending the emergency code to summon his dad home, to deliver his own ultimatum to his father and to try to keep what was left of his family together. He could feel the same sense of loss as he did then, the same terror that Chris had to be feeling now.

For a brief time after Chris had left, he had wondered why it had shaken him so much and as he waited for his father to return the page, he realized what it was. He had seen that same look of terror on Chris’ face, as he must have had when Taylor had argued with him about leaving. The same sense of loss, of impending doom was present in Chris’ face just as he had felt it just a short time ago himself. He wondered if his father had felt that way too, and it dawned on him that if he had felt so alone, his father must have felt it a thousand times more.

All he could think of was how safe it had felt to be in Taylor’s arms at night. How comforting it had felt to feel his breath on his cheeks and to feel him being alive as they slowly would make love to each other. He knew that no one could understand it, how could he let his older brother do that, but then it wasn’t Taylor’s fault, he had wanted it as much as Taylor, no, that was wrong, he had needed it as much as Taylor had needed it.

They had both lost their mother, she was their soul to life or so they thought, and her loss was beyond their young years to compensate for. The suddenness of it all had ripped into them all, sending each of them into their own personal hell, and yet somehow they had found a way to come back together. At the time, he didn’t realize it, but it was his love for Taylor and their so called dirty feelings that had in fact crystallized it all for all three of them.

His father had gone out of their lives just as if he had been taken away with their mother, or so it had felt at the time. Billy hadn’t realized just how much his father had been in love with his mom, or how lost he felt with her departure. He thought only he had felt that way, but in truth, they all had.

The loud fights were one thing, they had terrified him in their ferocity and yet he didn’t feel as alone then as he did later, when the fighting became short words, or worse, hours of just silence. That was the worse, to sit there all three of them, and the only sounds you could hear the entire night would be those made by the house settling or the television. None of them spoke much in those later times, each of them seemed lost or angry with someone, and he had felt so alone, so terrified that he would be doomed to a life of emptiness that he spent his nights crying in bed, afraid and unable to breach the terrible silence that had descended on their family.

Waiting for his father to call back, he thought back more to that first time between him and Taylor. He wasn’t sure if he had gone to Taylor’s room or Taylor had come to his, all he remembered was the fear that had hold of his heart that night. How terrified he was that if he didn’t reach out, didn’t find someone to hold him that he might not wake in the morning. The spectre of death seemed to be a constant companion of his in those days and he marvelled at how it had all started to change when he had first felt Taylor’s arms around his own skinny young body.

Taking a deep breath, in an attempt to calm himself, he was sure he could smell that special scent that was his older brother. It made him think back to that night, how all seemed lost and somehow he had found himself in Taylor’s arms. The whole night had been awkward at times, and yet so tender and loving that in the morning, he was sure he had smiled for a second or two.

It was really strange actually, how the times with Taylor had seemed to give him a sense of worth, a sense of strength that he never thought he could possess but which he obviously did. If not for that strength, that new found sense of being loved and needed he doubted if he could have ever summoned up the courage to confront his father and shake things up enough that at least it made his dad think and try to bridge the gap between himself and his sons.

At the same time, he realized that their time together had given Taylor something too. Taylor had become less argumentative, less impatient and even in a few instances more tolerant. He was questioning things deeper, looking for other answers than the one’s he had guessed at and that too had come from their unusual relationship at nights.

Funny, how it was that relationship, that act, which had seemingly been the final straw for his dad and Taylor. It had seemed like it would be the final instance that would result in the total break up of their family and yet it had turned out to be the catalyst for ending the silence, for ending the building of walls between them all. It was that relationship that had given rise to Billy sensing his inner strength and giving Taylor that courage to confront his own demons, including the anger he had towards his father, and in some ways, to break through the thick wall of grief that Seth had built up around himself.

Billy felt just as he did when Taylor was next to him and suddenly he saw another face intruding into his sight. He could see Mike’s face now and he stood there, comparing the two faces that meant the entire world to him. Mike had given him so much and as he stared over towards the floating image of Taylor, he suddenly realized that what Taylor had done for him, wasn’t wrong or dirty but was right.

Taylor had given him the strength to survive what life had thrown at him. That strength had allowed his heart to heal and to let his soul live. What he had shared with Taylor wasn’t sex or even love in the sense of love that you felt for a partner or mate. What he had shared was a healing process, something that both of them had needed in order to face the demons that had taken over their lives. Without that love, he would not be the person he was, nor could he have the deep love for Mike that he had if it hadn’t been for Taylor healing his soul.

Just as earlier, he had smelled Taylor’s scent; he could now feel Mike’s presence all around him. His heart, that had been quaking with fear only moments earlier, suddenly grew calm and relaxed. The smell of his lover filled his body and he could feel his soul being touched from a distance, he could feel Mike’s soul reaching out from wherever he was now, to calm him and to make his breathing easier, to make his nerves less jagged and on edge. It was amazing how much love he could feel, even though Mike was certainly miles away at this moment.

“God Mike I love you, thank you,” he whispered as he felt the calm permeate his whole body and stop the sweat on his palms. He no longer feared the unknown and just as hearing Taylor’s voice had calmed him, now Mike’s presence brought him peace and serenity.

Billy waited impatiently for the phone to ring back with his father’s voice. He had dialled the pager almost an entire five minutes now and still no response. He was tempted to reach out and dial once again when the phone suddenly sprang to life and he jumped backwards.

“Dad?”

“Yes, what is wrong? Why the emergency code?”

“I am sorry but Chris got a call from his ex…”

“What? What did she want? Where is Chris?”

“He’s on his way to her place, I am not sure Dad, something about catching Keith doing something, I think she walked in on him and Tommy jacking off, could be more, I don’t know…”

“Oh my God, okay, he’s gone there? What… okay, never mind, I’ll be on my way home in a few minutes, you okay?”

“Yeah, bit nervous I guess, Mike is with Chris”

“Mike? Why?”

“Well, we thought it better if Mike drove, Chris was really freaked out Dad, he really needs you home”

“I am on my way son, you relax, and thanks”

“Okay, thanks dad”

Billy sat in the chair, waiting now for his dad to get home or maybe to hear from Chris or Mike. He replayed the conversation over again, and wondered just what Chris’ ex had meant by catching Keith fornicating? That could mean that he was fucking Tommy; mind you he assumed it was with Tommy or maybe some girl? He really didn’t know but somewhere in the back of his mind, he figured it would be with Tommy.

The question is, was he fucking him or was he jacking him off, or something else? It all depends on your definition of ‘fornicating’ and he smiled, realizing that he was really becoming like a lawyer, the way he was already parsing words and trying to fit their definition into his own idea as compared to someone else’s idea of what the word meant. Guess that came from watching too much of the impeachment hearings and all that Clinton crap with Monica.

He laughed out loud at that, as he remembered sitting and watching CNN where they were talking about Clinton’s speech and how he still argued that by definition he never had sex with Monica, and Mike had piped up, that if Billy ever tried that type of word game, he’d find out what a pair of shoulder pads felt up the ass.

It was funny because Mike was serious, no way would he accept that touching someone else wasn’t having some sex, and shit, if the guy cums he had to have had fun, so how else could you call it anything but sex. Mike had his ways, but the best part was when he had looked at Billy and smiled, saying that he didn’t need any legal goop to know that when he looked at his Billy, he was having sex.

And there was no doubt in Billy’s mind that when Mike did look at him, that he was indeed loving him. God, you could just die looking into those eyes and every time that Billy did, he could feel his body melting with desire and he sure as hell could feel the passion building up in him, so yeah, Mike was right, just looking at him was indeed having sex, least the starting point.

Mike felt a strange twitch in his heart and he glanced over at Chris, and saw that Chris was still lost in a fog of fear and concern. Checking his rear-view mirror, Mike continued his driving, knowing that back at home Billy was thinking of him. He wondered what about and knew it had something to do with feeling alone and frightened. It really was strange how he could notice Billy’s signals when they were apart. Sometimes he felt rather frightened by that himself, how uncanny it was that they could sense each other even though they were miles apart.

Billy must be having trouble getting a hold of Seth, which would naturally start his blond head a whirling and a thinking. Most likely, he was going back to what Mike referred to as ‘Billy’s dark period’ and in some ways, it was his own dark period too. It was that time when they both were searching for something, they didn’t know what nor would they know until last September.

Funny, when he was young he and Billy used to sneak off and go play in the bushes where no one could see or hear them. There they learned that when you stroked your dick, it shot a milky white stuff out and only later, did they realize just how much fun that would be for them both. It was out in the back where they would strip together and while never admitting it, they would gaze with a strange gut feeling at the other’s naked body.

Back then he had wondered, as he stole a glance at Billy’s naked young body, what it would be like to be a part of that body, to be able to feel what it was feeling. Now look at him, here he was driving miles away and he could sense exactly what Billy was thinking and he smiled, knowing that as soon as he got home, they would spend some precious time just kissing and holding each other, knowing that they were safe together.

In many ways he was worse than Billy, because he liked to mull things over a few times before giving them a voice while his Billy would mostly blurt things out and then try to figure it all out. He kind of liked that too, it made for some fun times now, back then it was kind of touch and go as Billy was always afraid he had said the wrong thing. If he only had known then what he knew now, they could have saved themselves years of torment, and been celebrating maybe their 4th anniversary now instead of just 7 months.

The idea of being with Billy for years brought a warm feeling to him, and it helped to push aside the fear and concern that always traveled with him when he was apart from Billy. On the outside he was the cool calm collected one, always seeming to be in control of himself, but in reality he was a seething mess of nerves inside, least until he could spot that cute butt of Billy’s or better, feel it next to him. Billy was the only person who could understand him, no one else, not his mother, father, sisters, or even Billy’s dad really understood him, oh they guessed pretty good at times but only Billy could really read his mind, his moods, his heart.

Driving with Chris, he finally began to understand some of the strange feelings he had while he had been separated from Billy early on in their friendship. He never could figure out why at times he would just stop and look out towards where he thought Billy lived. At last he was beginning to realize that even back then he was destined to be with Billy, he only didn’t know it then but somehow, his insides knew it and when the chance came he had snapped at it.

Billy hadn’t know of his return to their small town and he doubted if he even knew that on the first day of school he had followed Billy around like a love sick puppy dog, watching, trying to figure out which classes Billy was signing up for so he too could sign up and be in the same classes. He had done pretty well too, only missing on two of them. One really wasn’t his fault, they had split the class up and he hadn’t been lucky enough to stay in the same group as Billy, the other was just dumb, but it didn’t matter now, because now he went home to Billy every night. He couldn’t ask for a better way to end or begin a day than to wake up or fall asleep next to Billy.

Just as his smile grew on his face, the stirring in his groin started to happen. It always did when his mind was thinking of Billy, and since that was generally a 24-hour 7-day process, he usually found himself walking around with a semi hard dick all the time. It was a bitch when he had sports, but it was a small price to pay to be in love with a blonde miracle.

No one but maybe Taylor could understand how much Billy meant to him, and thinking of Taylor, he felt another twinge in his heart. He wished that Taylor would spend more time at the house, be there more because Billy really enjoyed his presence. He understood how Taylor needed his space, needed to make his own life but there had to be a way to do that and still keep at least one foot back at home with his dad and Billy. It had been something that had weighed on his mind for sometime now, and he still couldn’t come up with an answer, but give him time, he was determined to find a solution to that situation. Besides, Billy would enjoy it, and well, he was a part of Billy, so it had to be done.

Thinking of Taylor he realized that so was Billy and he smiled a bit harder now. He knew that Billy worried that he didn’t understand about what had passed between Taylor and Billy after their mom had passed away, but he really did understand it. Maybe he couldn’t put it into words yet, but in his heart, he knew the answer and as he thought about it, he could feel his soul sending out a short message, a signal to his love that he understood, that he cared and that he shouldn’t worry. Maybe it was silly, but he really felt that Billy could hear him at times like this, and the sudden warmth that travelled upwards was only confirmation of that.

His heart slowed down a little, the worry pushed back a touch as he felt the warmth creeping up and filling his body. He knew that Billy was with him, that back at home Billy was smiling too and that made him relax even more and his knuckles no longer were white. This wasn’t how he had planned to spend the evening, but he owed Billy and his dad, besides Chris was pretty cool for a money geek. He knew how to have fun, and Mike knew that both Billy and his Dad needed that right now, that they had enough of solemn nights and silent ones. It was their turn to enjoy the sounds of unbridled laughter and it was amazing how infectious laughter was.

Even the prospect of being outed no longer terrified him or Billy. They had discussed it before they elected to push Chris to try for custody and while they weren’t exactly sure of how their friends at school would handle it, they knew they would be able to weather whatever happened because they had each other. Mike was more aware of what it meant, and it was that fear of being outed that had led to his one and only sexual encounter with a girl.

He had seen first hand how the kids would line up and give that extra push, that extra hard tackle to someone who they thought was less than a full blooded American kid. It didn’t matter to them if they were right or not in their assumption, if the kid looked like a fag, or acted feminine, he always got the treatment. Nothing had frightened him more back then than for his friends to think he was a prissy boy, and that fear was one reason why he had tried out so hard for sports.

Sure, he enjoyed it and surprisingly to him he even had a talent for it. He had good hands and fast speed which made him a good choice for football and his father had always pushed him that way, more so than he could understand but he loved his father, and going out for football had made his dad proud. Thinking back on it, he wondered if maybe somehow his father had an inkling of what his son was and his pushing him into sports was his way of protecting him? Shit, he never really had thought about it that way but it did make sense.

Parents, just when you had them all figured out they would throw you a curve ball that upset all of your careful thoughts and wisdoms on them. Well, he knew one thing, he would make a good father for his child, after all, he had his own father to draw on for experience plus he also had Seth and now, well even Chris. With that trio of examples, how could he and Billy fail in raising some damn good kids of their own?

It was somewhat comical actually, how lately both he and Billy would think of raising a family. Shit, they were acting like any typical newlywed couple. Planning a family, thinking of the awesome responsibilities being married brought to two people and here they were, just almost 17 and it was becoming a regular topic of theirs. Wonder what his dad would think about all this, or better yet his mom? They had been gone for sometime now, and there had been days when he really missed being around them, yet for the most part he really didn’t. That rather bothered him until he started thinking about Taylor and Jeremy. Just as Taylor had to start his new life, away from his family, in a sense that was also true for Mike so really it wasn’t very strange.

Driving carefully, he wondered, had Keith forgotten the cardinal rule of keeping a secret? Had he forgotten to lock the door? The idea that he had been caught with someone, most likely Tommy, in a compromising position made him think back to his own life, a few years back. Strange too, that when he and Billy used to sneak out to jerk off together, or just play with their new found fun guns, they never really did bother too much about being secretive. All they ever did was make sure it was far away from the house and that they were hidden from view. Sure, in the house they were more cautious, locking doors or that one time when Billy had insisted on barricading the laundry room door but other than that, they really had been just careful.

He also thought about how Keith had to be feeling about now. The pure terror that must be going through his head and then there was Tommy to worry about. How would his folks be handling this, if they knew but then that was dumb, he was sure that Chris’ ex would make sure that Tommy’s folks knew all about it. God what a mess, too bad they hadn’t gotten Chris to file for custody a lot sooner, and then maybe none of this would have happened.

Thinking more on how Keith had to be feeling, feeling the fear that he himself had when he was younger, how it had led to his one fling with hetro sex just to maintain a phoney image at school, he sighed. Billy was right, people were stupid if they didn’t realize how much pressure they put on kids by denying them the simple right to be who they were, not who some pompous jerk thought they should be.

It scared him too when you heard that suicide among teenagers was the number one or two killer of kids. How could adults not realize, it wasn’t the kids fault, it was the stupid idiotic adults with all their rules and dumb ass ideas on what was right or wrong. Like a minister telling his flock that Christ died for mankind’s sins and that he was a preacher of love and then next weeks sermon he talked about how God had sent AIDS as a means to punish those who had strayed from his path into homosexuality. Yeah right, as if God would do something so mean and horrible as that.

Maybe he was only just 17, but he could still taste the fear in his mouth from when he was back in LA and he thought some of the guys were thinking he was queer. Damn, he had lain awake at night in a cold sweat wondering how he was going to get out of it and his game had suffered too. He couldn’t concentrate, his grades were slipping and his parents thought he was into drugs, that is how bad it had gotten and all because he thought some of his friends were questioning his masculinity. Damn it, he was more man than most of the kids his age, he knew how to love, how to care for another person, and shit, judging by what he had seen most adults hadn’t figured that out yet.

He wasn’t noted for being a scrapper; in fact, if he really thought about it, he had maybe three real fights in all of his young life. Thinking on it, as he drove, he realized that two of those fights were to prove his manhood, to stop the ugly rumour of him being a pansy, and the other, well that was to shut up some big mouth way back when, who made a dumb ass crack about Billy being a ‘fruit’. Maybe if the parents would stop deriding gays, he would never have had one fight, let alone three or had sex with some girl simply to prove he was a real man.

He didn’t know which was worse, the constant fear of being outed or the fear he had that night, when he did it with, shit what was her name? Jenny? God, it hadn’t been that long ago but he could remember it pretty well. The sweaty palms, the nervous hiccups he had before starting and the heart stopping pain of not knowing if he could even get a hard on with a girl, were a nightmare in themselves.

For appearance sake, he had dated a few girls. At least that way he avoided some of the more obvious problems but it had finally caught up to him at a victory party after a game. The whole team was there, at someone’s house where the parents mysteriously had left for the night. God, some people and their idea of what kids needed. He couldn’t imagine his parents or Seth or even Chris leaving a few 15 year olds and their dates alone for an entire night, never mind that there was beer there as well, courtesy of the dad.

Like any teenage party, it turned into a necking party and heavy groping session. He had his part down but it had turned on him, when she had wanted to head up to one of the bedrooms. She had wanted to take their relationship a step higher, as she put it, and unfortunately, some of his team-mates were close enough to hear her asking him. She had trapped him neatly, before he could come up with a plausible escape, one of the guys had started yelling that Mike was getting lucky, and needed a condom. That had led to some pretty heavy teasing, and a few of the comments made him angry, and he knew that if he tried to weasel out of it, there would lots of comments about him being queer.

His knuckles clutched tightly against the steering wheel as his memories flooded through his mind, and the fear he had stuffed far away inside was once more pulling at his heart and strangling him around his chest. The panic he had as she had led him to the room, a big smile on her face and his a picture of calm despite the fear that raged inside of him.

The climb up the stairs was like a condemned man walking that last mile to the execution chamber. Despite all the backslapping and ribald comments, he was terrified by the prospect of sharing his body with her. She was nice, and they did have fun together which was cool, and this was really the first time she had pressed the sex issue with him but he just never really felt like he wanted to be that intimate with her. Hell, he never really thought much about sex except when he would jerk off at home. For that, well sometimes, it was some hot babe that got his motor running but for the most part, it was rather disjointed images of his time with Billy.

In the dark bedroom, he had let her take the lead, and she certainly was horny. Man she had his clothes off almost as fast as Billy could and all he could think of then was what if he was soft? Worse, too, was what if he shot his load before he could plant it in her? Man, he would be the laughing stock of the team and worse, his secret would come out. Thing was, he really wasn’t all that sure back then, if he was gay or just a slow developer, sexually. He had no one he could talk to, which is one reason why he envied Billy; least he had Taylor, even back then while he had no one.

Even to this day, he had no idea if he had pleased her or not. He hadn’t been soft, thankfully, as he imagined himself sitting under a tree with Billy, which was somewhat weird if you thought about it. He had let himself be lead by her more experienced ways, and he kissed and played with her just like he did with Billy except for one big difference, with Billy it made him hot, with her it was more like he was doing some after school chore.

Putting the condom on had almost ruined the whole effort. He just couldn’t seem to get hard enough, but finally he just shut his eyes, and conjured up a day he and Billy had played with each other, that first time that Billy had actually kissed his cock, and that image made him rock hard. It was right then, that moment, when he knew that he really wasn’t into girls, that while he would still wind up putting his dick into her, what he really wanted was to put it into Billy.

Keeping those ideas in his head, he realized, is what had saved the night and made his reputation as a stud flourish. He must have been good, because she screamed pretty good while he fucked her, all the time imagining it would be his elementary school friend Billy. It actually felt good too, when he came and she clung to him hard, and he was slowly catching his breath. Her screams had echoed in the room and it had travelled to many of the others out in the hallway. When they had finally cleaned up and came out, he sure got a lot of grins and added back slaps and for the rest of his time there, he didn’t have to worry about anyone thinking he was queer.

Afterwards, he felt kind of warm all over, and the confusion had been intense too. He wasn’t sure if it was because of his thinking of Billy or of the way he felt after he shot his load. All of that was confusing to him then, and he had no one to talk to, no one to question about his feelings. He did remember thinking that maybe he could call up Billy, but what if Billy had changed? What if Billy had discovered girls and then where would he be? Shit, life was too fucking confusing as it was, without having to wonder if he was a freak or not.

That was also the big problem facing kids, who could you talk to about sexual stuff? Sure as hell couldn’t be the adults, they were too warped and ignorant about it, so that left who? If you were lucky, you had a big brother or friend, like Keith had Tommy but then Tommy was just as young, so really no wonder Keith got caught. Shit, maybe he and Billy should have spent more time talking to them about this stuff, but how do you bring it up?

Maybe he should ask Chris to let him and Billy talk to Keith first? God, the poor kid had to really be sweating about now, and really scared. He knew how he would be feeling. He glanced over at Chris and saw that he was staring at him. Mike felt a bit uneasy, wondering if Chris was having doubts about all this, or worse, was maybe blaming him and Billy for turning Keith into, into what? Shit, he still didn’t really know what Keith had done, so why was he assuming it was being gay? Nothing Keith or Tommy had done while with them could be taken as a gay sign, so why did he make that assumption?

“You okay Mike?”

“Me? Yeah sure, how you holding up?”

“I don’t know, not sure really, uh, you liked rather serious there, sure everything is okay?”

“Yeah, was just thinking about stuff”

“I can imagine, I am sorry Mike, I should never have involved you and Billy like this, I guess I was just hoping…”

“Hey, we don’t mind, in fact, well I think we should be more involved than we have been…”

“More? Are you on drugs or something?”

“Hehe, no, but seriously Chris, I mean Billy and I are closer to Keith’s age, I mean it was only 4 years ago when I was Keith’s age, now you, God it must seem like a century since you were 13, and besides, things have changed since then, we have television now, for example”

“Oh you are a riot, I think I know who really is the master prankster between you and Billy, but maybe you have a point, I just don’t know right now”

“I know, it is kind of tough, but hey look at it this way, maybe it’ll help you get custody now.”

“Shit, Mike how the… are you really this optimistic or what?”

“I guess, sorry if I am too, well it is just that it’s better to think of the good things that can happen than the bad”

“I know, but sometimes Mike you have to be realistic too”

“Oh I am Chris, I know the potential headaches all this is going to cause, and you know what, I don’t care as long as I have Billy”

“Is it that simple Mike?”

“Not sure if it is simple, but that is what it comes down to, least for me and I think for Billy too.”

“Yeah, I would guess so, do you think Keith is gay Mike?”

“I don’t know, does it matter?”

“No, of course not, it is just, I don’t know”

“Maybe that’s why you should let Billy and me talk with him, I mean we are closer in age, and well, he might be more willing to open up with us rather than you”

“Yeah, I can see that, I guess we’ll have to see though, I still don’t know what is going to happen when we get there”

“Can I offer a suggestion?”

“Of course you can, what is it?”

“When we get there, don’t say anything to Keith, just hug him and tell him you love him, leave the rest for later on, okay?”