Chapter 31

Closing his notebook and hitting the switch on his computer, Chris was able to once more think back to the recent month and all that had happened. The sense of foreboding still hung over him, but then so did the deep feeling of love that he felt for his new family. It was amazing how they were slowly becoming like any other family, the coming together at dinner, the quick departures to their own plans right after.

The hardest part of the last month was the first few days after spring break, well maybe not the complete hardest, the drive to return Keith and Tommy to their parents had to be just as hard if not the hardest. How do you look at your reflection and know you have to send it away for awhile when all you want to do is reach out and hold it, keep it close to you and protect it?

As he stuffed the last papers into his briefcase to take him, he sat at the desk, resting his head on his hands and he could feel the stillness, that same quiet that was the drive back to his ex residence, two very quiet boys in the front seat, staring at nothing, not even each other.

The first part of the trip, he doubted if Keith spoke more than two words to him. It was like he was a sphinx, silent and forbidding to all who dared cross his path. Even Tommy couldn’t make him speak and that really was something. Tommy had this way with Keith; it was almost like looking at a junior edition of Mike and Billy. Strange, there he was again, thinking about how similar the two younger boys were to Seth’s own teenage son and son in law. Shit, he was as bad as Seth, the way he looked at Mike not as a friend of Billy’s but as his lawful husband.

Chris had to smile at that thought, because he knew that Billy would get that look on his face, that twinkle in his eye as he would say, Mike was the wifey, he was the hubby, but in reality they all knew that Mike was the more dominant of the two in the bedroom. That too was somewhat strange, because Billy was not a submissive boy, hell judging by the debate they had he knew that Billy was anything but submissive.

As his mind travelled back to that long journey to take Keith back, he still felt a nagging doubt about Keith and Tommy’s relationship. They were indeed close friends, you had to be close to jerk off together, but was it more than that? Could there be more and if there was, how did he deal with it? Shit, he could just see Barbara’s face if she ever found out and somehow he knew he would wind up getting the blame too. Fuck, life was hard enough as it was, without that added complication.

“Why can’t I stay with you and the Bradford’s?”

“Well your Mother feels you need to be with her, she needs time with you too”

“No she doesn’t, she’s got her boyfriend”

“That isn’t fair Keith, she’s been there for you when I wasn’t, come on now”

“Yeah, so you keep saying”

“Keith, that isn’t fair, we talked about this.”

“Is it that I did something wrong? I’ll do better, honest, just let me stay with you and the Bradford’s, please dad”

Chris could feel the tug at his heart, the way Keith was pleading with him, and he wished he could just turn Mike’s truck around and head back to Seth’s home and safety. He also knew that wouldn’t last for more than maybe ten minutes before his ex-wife had the State Troopers at the door. No, he wished he could but that would never happen, she would make sure of that.

“Keith listen, this has nothing to do with you, its adult stuff, the courts say you have to live with your mother, it isn’t anything that you have done wrong, its me actually, its my fault that all of this has happened, please, you have to believe me son.”

This was the result of divorce, the pain it caused to the children. He wished he could find ways to make it all work out, but so far, he hadn’t come up with any real solution. At least he was making an effort and they did have every other weekend together, that was something.

Chris reached over, to put his hand on his son’s knee and he felt his trembling hand. Placing his own large hand on his son’s, he squeezed it to try to pass on some reassurances but he could feel the boy’s trembling, the shaking as he struggled to not cry. On instinct he pulled his son closer to him, to have his young body slide into his and he felt a small hesitation then suddenly the boy was close and tucked under his arm. He glanced over to the side and smiled down at Keith, feeling him nestle in under his arm.

While his heart felt better having Keith next to him, he managed to catch a glimpse of Tommy, who had his head pressed against the door window, as if he was trying to shut it all out. His one hand lay on the seat, shaking a little too and he was sure that he saw tears on Tommy’s cheeks in the reflection of him in the window. Damn, he had two of them tonight, and it did seem strange, the way Tommy’s parents didn’t object to him being away so much.

“Couldn’t you ask her? Maybe she’d let you if you asked?”

“I have Keith, now come on, you know that”

“You just don’t want me, the Bradford’s won’t mind, Billy said he liked having me and Tommy around, didn’t he Tommy?”

“Yeah he did”

“Well I am sure he did son, and I do want you there, but your Mother has said no, and for now, well it is her decision, I wish I could change her mind… honest, I really do”

“Why can’t it be my choice? It is about me, why should she decide?”

“Keith, come on, you know we only have your best interests at heart, and you are still too young to decide these things, but give your mother a chance, okay?”

“Yeah sure, that’s always what you adults say when you know we kids are right”

“Keith you know I love you”

“Yeah I know, every other weekend you love me”

Chris was close to loosing it right there. He knew that Keith had issues with this being passed around; he knew that he was to blame for not being there earlier, but he really didn’t have any choices. He had gotten the best he could from Barbara, and maybe in time he could improve on it, in the meantime his son felt like shit and he wasn’t exactly feeling like he was on top of the world.

When he had left, he never really took Keith’s feelings into account, all he could think of was of his own feelings, of how he had to escape her manipulations and to fair, he wasn’t giving her what she deserved as a wife either. The problem was, he forgot about his son, and maybe he should have paid more attention to his needs instead of those of himself, but he hadn’t. He couldn’t go the rest of his life beating himself up, he had to do the best he could now, and let the past stay in the past.

Whoever said that kids are young, they get over things quickly obviously never had to deal with kids from divorced parents. They never did get over it, it didn’t just wash away like so much dirt in a rainstorm. The effects lingered forever, and the parents weren’t the one’s who really suffered; it was the kids who paid the real penalty.

There was no way that he was going to make getting Keith home without shedding some tears. He could feel the tears already welling up in his eyes and he found himself sniffling, desperate to keep himself from an emotional collapse in front of his son and friend.

“Hey Keith, don’t sweat it, least you get it every other weekend, could be worse ya know?”

“Yeah Tommy, sorry, uh, sorry dad, I just really like being with you and the Bradford’s, so does Tommy, right Tommy?”

“Yeah, they are fun, and it’s a cool place to be, thanks Mr. Jenkins for letting me come with Keith all the time”

“Oh, uh, that’s fine Tommy, we all like having you with us, and it does make Keith happy, uh, Keith I know it is hard for you, and well, look, you are old enough in some respects, reach into my jacket and grab one of my cards, you keep it with you and if you feel really bad or just need to say hi, you call me… okay?”

“Uh, sure, I guess”

“Keith, I am not just here for you every other weekend, so you take my card, its got all my phone numbers on it, so you call whenever you want, okay?”

“you mean it?”

“Yes, I mean it son”

“Oh cool, wow, look Tommy he’s got so many numbers”

“Yeah, now you just have to learn how to dial a phone”

It was amazing how Tommy had turned it all around, and for his effort he got a punch to his shoulder and the two of them tried to punch each other, in a playful manner and the whole painful situation had suddenly been pushed back into hiding until next time. He managed to smile a little as Keith was more his normal self and he silently thanked Tommy but at the same time he started wondering again about the young boy, as to just what was his story.

There were times when Tommy would suddenly look like an old man, the way his face would suddenly take on a pained expression. Normally it was very quick, and would pass before his mind could really say it had seen it. This time around he hadn’t been so quick in hiding it and it startled Chris with the depth of pain that was in that face. It wasn’t right, no one that young should seem to have so much pain and sorrow bottled up inside. His eyes looked like wax, dull and lifeless for a few seconds, before they got their sparkle back. Funny about that too, as it seemed that Tommy’s eyes always sparkled their brightest when he was staring at Keith, very much like how Mike’s green eyes would just shine and glow and glimmer every time he was staring at Billy.

Chris felt himself shiver a little, unsure of how to understand what he thought he had seen. Could Tommy have the same depths of emotional attachment for his son as Mike did for Billy? If he did, was there that much more to their jerk off sessions as well? The big question though, was how did he really feel about that possibility? Did it help him, did it make him feel glad or was he worried and unsettled? All of the above he thought as they came up to Tommy’s driveway. He noticed that Tommy’s mom was in the driveway and he decided to go and introduce himself, though Tommy seemed to become very nervous.

“Hi …I am Chris Jenkins, Keith’s dad”

“Yes?”

“Uh, well I just thought I would introduce myself, our boys seem to spend a lot of time together”

“Well you don’t have to let Tommy tag along, send him on his way if he’s a pest”

“no, no you don’t understand, Tommy is wonderful, we like having him with us, I just thought maybe we were monopolizing him, as long as you folks don’t have any objection, he’s always welcome with us”

“Yes? Good, so I guess he’ll be spending the weekend again?”

“If he wants to, but its not this weekend, it’s the one after”

“Oh? Not both, well I guess the next is better than neither”

“Uh, yes, well, I have to get going, uh, nice meeting you”

“Sure, glad to have met you”

“Okay, well Tommy, we’ll see you in a couple of weeks then, okay?”

“Thanks Mr Jenkins”

Without another word, Tommy merely picked up his backpack and headed off to the house. He had hardly spoken and his mother certainly had rushed out to greet him home either, and that after almost 10 days of being away from home. He sat in the truck, for a second wondering just what really was going on.

“Don’t worry Dad, I’ll talk to Tommy later and he’ll be fine”

“Huh? Oh, good, you talk to him pretty often?”

“When we don’t see each other, yeah, he goes to the pay phone at the corner store and calls me sometimes”

“The corner store? Why doesn’t he phone you from home?”

“He’s not allowed to use their phone”

“Oh, you two are pretty close hey?”

“Yep, he’s like a brother, like what Billy says Mike is to him, that’s okay isn’t it?”

“Huh? Yeah sure it is son, sure it is”

He was feeling very apprehensive as he drove to his old house. Keith’s words couldn’t mean what he thought; it was just that it had that ring to it. Mind you if he thought about it, no way could he or Tommy know just how close Mike and Billy were, so really he was just making a mountain out of a mole hill. Besides, he would have known if there was any funny stuff going on and certainly would know if Billy or Mike had let the cat out of the bag, so it was just his gay nerves and he smiled, even though he spotted his ex-wife waiting for them as he wheeled the truck into the driveway.

Chris watched as his son walked over to his mother, and got his perfunctory kiss and hug, but while it may have seemed automatic, at least he got one, something he thought Tommy would have enjoyed. She kept her eyes firmly glued to his face as she listened to her son and then sent him off to his room to unpack.

“So, he’s home safe and sound, and on time, any problem?

“No, uh Chris I need to talk to you, got a minute?”

“Sure, something wrong?”

“Well, no not really, uh you know I have been seeing someone”

“Yeah, he’s something or other in the aerospace field, right?”

“Yeah, well he’s got a new job offer”

“Oh?”

“Well it isn’t final yet, he might not get it but if he does it means a lot more money for him and much better job security”

“I see, and this effects me how?”

“He’s asked me to marry him Chris”

For a brief second he felt sad, disappointed which was strange. He had no claim on her and really, if she could find some guy who made her happy why shouldn’t he be pleased? Looking at her, he saw that she looked more relaxed than he remembered, less of the nervous women who always seemed to be on edge, as if waiting for a starter’s gun to go off so the race would start.

“Well, congratulations… I am mean you are happy about it, right?”

“Oh yes, very happy Chris, he’s really a nice man, Keith doesn’t like him though, but that is to be expected.”

“I see, well give Keith time, he’s young and he’s just rediscovered his real father, so I guess all these changes are bound to make him a bit nervous.”

“Yes, I suppose so, thing is this Chris, if this job thing goes through, well its in Houston Chris.”

“Houston? I see, and so you would be moving there, with Keith?”

“Yes, of course with Keith, it isn’t like you can look after a 13 year old”

“You would be surprised what I can do Barabara, and I am not sure I like that idea”

“What idea, that some other man could replace you in my life?”

“No, that really doesn’t bother me in the least, but that Keith would be so far away, and that some stranger would be having a say in his raising.”

“That didn’t bother you before”

“It does now Barbara, it does now”

“I see, so you are going to be difficult about this, are you?”

“If necessary, look, can’t we put aside our dislike for each other for a few minutes and consider what might be best for Keith instead of us?”

“Since when did that every concern you?”

“Since I grew up Barbara, and took my responsibilities seriously, that’s when”

“My you have changed, well like I said Chris, this is only very preliminary right now, no need to get all worked up about it.”

“Barbara, listen to me, Keith has asked to come live with me, why not consider that?”

“Why not? I can give you lots of reasons, most of them are in the secretary pool at your office or in some damn bar”

“That was then, its not like that now”

“So you say”

“Yes, so I say, damn it, can’t we just put the past aside for the moment? It is Keith that we should be worrying about, not whether I slept around or not”

“Fine”

“Fine, so when is the wedding?”

“We were talking about middle of June or end of June, depends on when school gets out”

“I see, well that isn’t too far away”

“No, I was thinking that maybe you would take Keith for the summer, that way we can have our honeymoon, he’s taking me to the Mediterranean, and it will give us time to consider our options as well, regarding Houston”

“The whole summer?”

“Well, if we get married in the middle of June, from then till the last week in August. If the new job goes through, he would have to start the 1st of September.”

“I see, and what if I contest you taking him?”

“Look, you said let’s not rush things, give me time to think about that Chris, maybe after having him for a few weeks you won’t be so anxious to want him all the time, did you ever think of that?”

“Yes, and I know I won’t change my mind, it will only make me more determined than ever to keep him”

“Fine, we’ll see, so you will take him for the summer?”

“Of course I will”

“Good, well, I should get inside, I’ll let you know about the job as soon as we have anything definite on it, is that acceptable to you?”

“Yeah sure, look Barbara, I am not the same person, I am becoming a good father to our son, I love him, and I know I fucked up with our relationship, I know a lot of the problems were of my doing, but he is my son, I do care about him and I will fight for him Barbara, I hope you will take that into account when you make your plans”

“Is that a threat Chris?”

“No, it is a promise Barbara, and I do have a good lawyer this time”

“Yes, how did you ever manage to secure his services? I would of thought he was way out of your league”

“Does that matter? He is my lawyer and landlord too, and Babs, he likes Keith too”

“Yes, well I’ll let you know”

“Thank you, oh, that does remind me, you know about Governor Bush coming through town on his campaign swing in about a month?”

“Of course I do, what about it?”

“Well I am going to the dinner they are having for him in LA with Seth and his family, Keith and Tommy have been invited, so if it is okay with you, I would like to have him go with us”

“To dinner? With our next President? My God, Yes of course Chris he can go, why, I mean, how did you get, isn’t that dinner by invitation only?”

“Yes it is, Seth Bradford has arranged it”

“I see, yes he can go, but he’ll need new clothes and stuff, that is really something, maybe you have changed, I mean if someone like Seth Bradford thinks enough of you to wangle an invitation, well, yes Chris he can go and well, I will reconsider your request, okay?”

“Thank you Barbara”

Driving back home, he was completely awash. First, he had to come to terms with all of the news that Barbara had given him. He was glad that she was marrying again, he pitied the poor guy though, but still it was nice for her. He also knew he had to talk with Seth, because while Babs could be sweet and was taken aback by the dinner deal with Governor Bush, she was also very calculating. He would have to be on top of this.

His face broke into a smile for the first time that evening, as he realized that sometimes it paid to be sleeping with the top lawyer in the state. Damn it, that sounded cold, but he knew that Seth would understand. Least he had someone who he could talk to, someone who he could share his fears and concerns about to. That in itself was worth more than any night of passion, well okay, almost worth it because damn it, Seth was hot in bed.

The good news was he would get to spend the entire summer with his son, and that was good. Shit, what about the boys though? Fuck, here he was accepting responsibility and now he was imposing his will on a family without considering their needs. Shit, maybe Babs was right, maybe he still was a selfish self-absorbed man?

Coming close to home, he realized that it wasn’t so bad. Mike and Billy would be in Europe this summer for almost 3 weeks, though they didn’t know it yet and he could maybe take his holidays during the summer, so maybe it could work out. He would have to make damn sure that Billy and Mike had lots of space, and maybe he could talk to them about it, maybe they would have some ideas for him, but first he would have to talk with Seth about it all.

He knew Seth would say sure, but he had to make sure that it was what he wanted, not out of any sense of duty or something stupid like pleasing him. God, there was so much to consider when all you really wanted to do was be with your son and with your lover. Why couldn’t life be simple, why couldn’t society keep its nose out of the bedroom and let them all just live peacefully?

As he pulled the truck up and parked it in its spot, he noticed Mike sitting on the steps, waiting. That was strange then he noticed that Billy’s truck was also gone from its spot, which was strange, but stranger was that Mike was sitting here and not in the truck with Billy.

“Hey, waiting to see if put any dents in it?”

“Haha, no, just waiting for Billy”

“Yeah? Where did he go at this time of night?”

“Him and dad went to the store, they wanted ice cream”

“Oh? Sounds awfully fishy to me, what are those two up to now?”

“Hehe, I don’t know, but am sure we’ll both enjoy it”

“Yeah, guess so, mind if I wait with you?”

“Nope, lots of room here on the steps for us poor husbands”

“Haha, yeah but they think they are the husbands”

“True, but that’s a typical wife, thinks they wear the pants in the family”

“Haha, yeah but I am not going to tell them different, you?”

“No way, I like getting it every night”

“Me too”

“I would never have guessed, so, uh, the boys get home okay?”

“Huh? Oh yeah they got home fine Mike”

“Good, you know, if you could swing it, you should let him come live here all the time”

“What?”

“Let him live…”

“I heard you, uh he put you up to this?”

“Keith? No, but Billy and I, we talked about it and we think you two need each other more than she needs him, besides she has some fancy new boyfriend so it isn’t like it would be abandoning her, you really should talk to dad about it”

“dad? Oh Seth, I keep forgetting, you really do look at him as a father to you don’t you?”

“Sure, I mean he’s done so much for me, just like a real father would, I mean… don’t get me wrong, I love my real father, but I don’t think he could have handled all this love and stuff between me and wifey”

“No, I suppose not, and Billy will kill you if he hears you call him wifey”

“hehe, yeah but I am still stronger, and it does lead to some interesting fun after…hehe”

“You are a real schemer, you know that?”

“I try, but you should talk to dad, I think he’d help if you asked”

“Well, I might have to Mike, my ex-wife is planning to get remarried and they might move to Houston, so I might just have to talk with Seth”

“Cool, it would be fun to have a little brother, I think Billy could use having a little brother to fuss over”

“Really?”

“Yep, I mean it will give him something to focus on, and then again, its fun to have young kids around, makes you do stupid things like have water fights”

“Yeah I am sure that was the reason for it”

“Well it helped”

“How did you two find out anyway?”

“Can’t say, promised to keep it a secret”

“I see, well you don’t think having Keith here would interfere with you and Billy?”

“I don’t know, guess in some ways it would, but we’ll have football practise soon, and stuff like that.”

“Well you will, but Billy isn’t on the team”

“Oh he’ll make it”

“What? You mean he’s going to try out for it?”

“Well he doesn’t know that yet, but yes he is”

“I don’t think I am going to ask more about that, so… you really don’t think it will cramp your guys’ style?”

“We can work around it, I mean if I had my way I’d be having sex with Billy every damn second of every day, but I can’t, so if I have to be more patient, I guess I can, besides, it sure does make it even more intense when you have to wait”

“Tell me about it, there are times I can’t wait to get home”

“Well you do have your lunch time”

“How the… shit you have a pipeline for information don’t you?”

“Yep”

The sound of an electric gate opening and then closing intruded on their light banter. Or was it light? In his soft quiet way Mike had suggested that he go for custody of his son, and he had removed the only real obstacle that would prevent Chris from taking it up with Seth, and that was their sex lives. Damn that kid, he was sharp for only 16. He was so self-assured too, the way he just knew that Billy would be going out for football, when Billy even didn’t know.

He grew quiet though, as he wondered if he was maybe letting his imagination or his dreams guide him instead of his mind. It wasn’t practical to expect Seth or the boys to take his own son into their family. Shit, Seth had enough to deal with raising Billy and mike not to mention the support he was providing to Taylor and Jeremy. Now to ask him to add Keith into that? No, that wasn’t fair but he had to talk to Seth, he couldn’t just let Keith move to Houston.

Chris watched as the truck parked right next to Mike’s truck. He saw Billy climb out of the cab and there was Mike, standing there waiting like a good husband, but as he looked at them, he realized that all joking aside, those two were as much one person as any couple could ever hope to be. It really was something to watch, the way they both moved, as if one mind controlled the two bodies. Glancing over to the passenger side he saw Seth get out, acting like was regaining his heart or something.

The dark clouds that had been cast over his heart suddenly seemed to lighten up as he saw Seth’s face, that wide grin and those pearly white teeth shining as he pretended to be shaken up by Billy’s supposed erratic driving. It really was nice to see the friendship growing between them, and he knew that Mike had a great deal to do with that, and maybe, maybe he had a small role in it as well.

“Hey!”

“Hey yourself, keeping a man waiting like this is treasonous”

“Your own damn fault, you took too long and the blond here needed ice cream, so he said”

“Yeah, maybe they are planning something for later? Better check to see if he has any hidden cans of whipped cream on his person”

“Yeah, as if, besides why would I buy them at the corner store? Dad gets us a discount by going directly to the dairy, don’t you daddy?”

Seth almost dropped his bag of groceries and he turned to see that sweet all knowing smile across his son’s face. Damn, how could he have ever not wanted to be home, to be with his boys? He had to have been temporarily insane but thank God he was back now.

“Hey its good business sense, buy bulk those items that you use a lot of, and judging by the empties in your room little blond boy, I would say you do more than your share of creating the need”

“Well gee Daddy, isn’t a son supposed to take after his father figure?”

Billy ran past his dad and headed into the house before Seth could even summon up a fake hurt look. It was priceless actually, to watch the horseplay develop between the two boys and Seth, and he felt, they were even drawing him into it which made him really feel special.

“Sorry I wasn’t here when you got back, but Billy wanted to talk to me”

“Oh? No problem Seth”

“Yeah, he’s quite the kid, him and Mike are certainly something else, aren’t they?”

“Yeah, somehow I think they set us up again, I even bet that Mike said he’d wait here, so I wouldn’t worry while you two went to the store”

“Shit, yeah he did, how the hell…”

“Just a guess, so what was on Billy’s mind then?”

“Well, look maybe we should go inside or something”

“That bad? Look if it’s about having Keith over, I have been thinking about that too and I know that I have to figure something out so that Billy can have more time alone with Mike without my kid and his friend in the way…”

“Shit, shut up Chris, that wasn’t it at all, in fact you are way off base with that one”

“God, don’t tell me it was what Mike wanted me to ask you?”

“Huh? Now you have me confused, Billy wanted to talk to me about you and Keith, how does Mike come into this?”

“He wanted me to talk to you too, about Keith”

“Shit, those two… so let’s be sure I got this right, Billy asked me to approach you about giving you help in gaining full custody of Keith, so he can move in here with all of us, now, is that what Mike talked to you about?”

“Yep, and he was damn good at it too, but to be honest, well something has come up, but I wasn’t going to say anything until later.”

“Damn, you know at times I think we are merely puppets on a string and those two are the puppet masters, pulling the strings.”

“Well, let me guess, It was Mike’s idea for you two to go for ice cream, and his idea to stay behind to wait for me so I wouldn’t worry, right?”

“How did you know?”

“Figures, and I think we have found who the chief puppet master is, damn he’s good”

“He can’t be that good, shit he’s only 16 for Christ sake”

“Oh he is that good, did you know that Billy is going out for football next year?”

“Now I know you are dreaming, no way Chris, Billy likes to watch it, only cause I do, he is not a sports nut like his old man, no way is he going to be going out for the team, least not as a player”

“Yeah? Well I have it from the highest source he is”

“Mike?”

“Yep, so still think he’s not that good?”

“Shit, if he gets Billy to do that, he is that good, but come on, no way Chris”

“Seth, he is, I mean who got Billy onto the track team?”

“Well that was different, I mean they were running together every morning, it was natural then for Billy to try out, he saw how fast he was because Mike was already on the track team, this is way different”

“Think so, well if I am wrong, then I guess all the time for the last month or so when the boys have been out back, it wasn’t a football that they were tossing back and forth, or when they had a couple of school friend over, wasn’t one the team’s quarterback?”

“Shit, I never thought about that, my God, he is manipulating him by showing him how good he is before he even goes out for it, damn, he has planned it all, even the track, man, that is so… so…”

“Like a lawyer?”

“You going to pay for that, but yeah it is rather devious isn’t it?”

“uh huh, so, they want Keith here do they?”

“Yes, they do and well frankly Chris, so do I, I mean, well I like having you here with him, it makes you so much more romantic…”

“Romantic? Oh man talk about a snow job coming… but are you really thinking this through?”

“No, but we should at least consider it, don’t you think?”

“Well, yes, and I think we need to start real soon, Seth, Barbara is thinking of moving to Houston and taking Keith with her”

“Fuck that, no way? Sorry, when, how?”

“Seems her new boyfriend wants to tie the knot and he’s supposedly up for some big job in Houston, so they would move there, plus she wants me to take Keith for the summer, the entire summer starting most likely around the middle of June”

“Well that part is great, I mean having him here the whole summer, now all we have to do is figure out how to make that permanent then, well this is going to be one hell of a year for the Jenkins-Bradford family”

Chris couldn’t believe it, without any consideration, any discussion, Seth had accepted that it would be best for Keith to live with him which meant major changes in their own lifestyles. No more nude swims at midnight in the pool, no more running for the morning coffee in the buff hoping the older boys weren’t up yet. All of that, he was willing to simply toss aside, so he could be a father to his son.

As Seth picked up his hand, placing it in his own it suddenly dawned on Chris exactly what had happened. He wasn’t just someone’s sex partner, or housemate, he was someone’s complete partner in life, their other half that it seemed all humans needed in order to be complete. In other words, he was truly loved for just being him.

He was ready to leave the office when he realized that he had better stop thinking so much about Seth, the damn point on his pants almost banged into the door and he was not even close to it yet. Smiling, because he had been thinking of the sex they had had that night it was no wonder he had a major tent pole showing in his pants. Maybe Mike was right; he would have to wear a cup to work to keep his mind on his business.

They had spent the entire evening talking and making love to each other. It wasn’t like any sex they had experienced before. Seth was much more gentle and loving, and he found himself spilling his milk from just touching the man’s body with his hand, running it all up and down the well-defined body. Nothing the kids would call as sexual, yet to him at that point it was more erotic than a raging cock pounding his ass. Strange, how one night could be something that was right out of a gay porn video and then there were times like that night, when it was more spiritual rather than pure physical action.

Even Seth the Tiger was hidden that night, instead he was more like a great big pussy cat, always holding him and touching him with a touch that wouldn’t disturb a feather, and yet that touch would send his body into uncontrollable tremors of pure joy. They would talk, discuss all of the issues and while he had expected to feel fear, sadness, even hopelessness, he had to admit that he never felt those things while talking with Seth. Yes, they came later, they still did come to him, but not as intense as he had expected. It was almost as if by talking to Seth about it all, the fear no longer was so terrifying.

Together, they had stood by the big bay windows and stared at the stars in the night sky, holding each other’s hands in theirs. Words weren’t spoken, but somehow they seemed to both feel the other’s thoughts as they looked down on a crop of trees, all of them reaching tall and straight for the twinkling stars.  “Like our boys” Seth had whispered to him and they had embraced then, and standing there, in the growing light of pale moon they made soft gentle love to each other.

There were no grunts, no groans as the two bodies had coupled in that pale light. Their love had brought them closer and they rocked to the soft sounds of Seth’s love filling Chris’ tunnel of desire. He had Seth’s hands around his waist, feeling the strong heart of the man he loved as he slowly and softly filled him with his love. His own hands held onto the long hands, feeling the blood as it ran through the veins of his man. Nothing in the world could feel as good as he did at that moment.

He stood there, seeing the stars grow brighter, the sky changing before his eyes as he felt the love of his man filling him, forcing his body to twist and shake as the two men grew even closer. Anyone looking in would not have known there were two people standing by the window; so complete was their union.

When he felt that Seth couldn’t hold it any longer, Chris reached back with one hand and brought Seth’s face forward, arching his own head back onto Seth’s broad shoulder. His head was tilted backwards as he sought the warm luscious lips of his man and as Seth surrendered to his passion, their mouths locked together in a kiss of undying passion. Chris’ tongue invaded Seth’s mouth just as Seth’s body jerked hard, the huge steaming penis buried deep within Chris jerked wildly as it could no longer hold back the rising tide of love and so as Chris’ tongue reached far into the open mouth, Seth’s penis exploded, sending its seed outwards.

As the memory of that night continued to flood his mind, Chris could feel the sweat starting to bead up on his forehead. This was becoming a frequent occurrence and somehow he was going to have to get a grip. He sat down in the side chair, knowing that his poor pants were once more headed for the dry cleaner’s. Damn, he was going to have to buy more suits; he just couldn’t keep running to the cleaners every other day to pick up clean suits.

They had spent the night going from soft discussions to gentle lovemaking. Sleep was something they hadn’t even considered and even the sound of the two boys leaving for their morning jog had barely registered with them. Finally, in a flurry they had dressed and headed to work where they spent the entire day alternating between fighting sleep off and drinking gallons of coffee.

Slowly Chris could feel himself calming down, his pants starting to grew less tight around his crotch and his breathing became a little more normal. They had retired early that night, yet it hadn’t prevented them from taking a few moments to enjoy each other one last time before they succumbed to their age and to the demands for sleep.

Chris remembered waking up the following morning, to find a fresh red rose pinned to his pillow and as he stirred, he felt Seth waking as well. He reached out, smelling the fresh flower and the deep fragrance of the flower filled his nostrils. He had no idea how Seth had managed to get out and get him one, let alone pin it to his pillow but he had. With the rose in his hand, he turned to face his lover and was stunned to see Seth turning to meet him, a single white rose in his hand. They looked at each other rather surprised and then Seth looked down, and there between them rested a small plain envelope.

Neither of them spoke, both of them at a loss for words as they held onto the two roses. Finally, Seth managed to open the white envelope and Chris watched as tears started to roll down his cheeks. He grew afraid, wondering what was making his lover cry and then Seth handed over the contents. Chris reached out for them, his hand trembling as he looked at Seth, seeing him totally overcome by the tears and some deep overwhelming emotion.

He picked up  the paper and looked at the first one, it was a nice blue shaded piece of paper, fancy and edged in blue lace. Fancy script writing was inside, a brilliant white colour for the words, a dark blue background behind. The words were simple, they read

It is with immense pleasure that we tell you that Bill and Chrissy have a new son, William Henry Bradford born to them this 16th day of September 1983.

Chris held back a sob and wiped his eyes as he felt his heart jerking and pulling at him. The tears were already rolling down his cheeks as he reached for the next page and it was very simple, plain paper but it spoke volumes. All it said was,

When do we pick up our new brother Keith?

Billy & Mike

Taylor & Jeremy

There was no way he could stop, he was crying like a baby and he didn’t even feel the two strong hands that reached over and crushed his body into its own. He felt the warm wet tears against his shoulder and together the two men sat in bed, crying over the unbelievable love that filled the room. Chris was unable to speak or move, his whole body was shaking like a leaf, and he held tightly onto Seth’s own shaking body.

It took them several minutes before they could speak, and relax to the point where the tears were now controllable. Seth managed to be first at wiping away the dripping drops off of Chris but only just. Chris tried, and as his hand touched Seth’s, he felt like he had been hit by a thunderbolt. The love was like a steamroller, the way it just kept on moving at them, making them a part of itself. They were on a ride that knew no end and for his part, Chris was glad because he never wanted it to end.

It took them a lot, but finally the two men were able to get dressed and head downstairs, where they expected to find at least the two boys but instead all they found was silence. Entering the kitchen area, they found two plates at the table, coffee in the pot, orange juice by their plates and a big vase of multi coloured flowers. There were so many different flowers there, that the room seemed alive with colour, and they ate their breakfast together, holding hands, reliving the previous mood of the night.

Chris came home early that night, wanting to do nothing but hug everyone in the house, but he couldn’t find anyone there so he had been forced to walk the house on his own. He looked at the house, seeing it for the first time in his newfound light. There was so much love here; it was amazing that he hadn’t noticed it before. Everywhere he looked, he could see evidence of it, pictures of boys in all stages of growing up, pictures of a family and it made him a little sad. He had no pictures really, they were all tucked away in a box somewhere because it had hurt to look at them, but maybe he would take a second glance at them.

He was feeling scared too, and worried. Seth had called during the day to say that Barbara’s lawyer had called giving him details about the upcoming wedding and arranging for Keith to spend the summer with his father. The lawyer also intimated that Barbara was not interested in relinquishing her custody of the child and so Chris at least knew that he would have to fight for it. Well, it was maybe about time that he did fight for it.

“That was taken when I was 5 I think”

Chris jumped about four feet in the air and the picture he was holding almost slipped out of his hands. He turned, placing the photo back down onto the table and saw Billy standing by the open door to the study. Somehow, he had wandered into Seth’s study and had been looking at all the pictures that dotted the wall. He hadn’t heard the gate alarm go off, let alone Billy coming in.

“Sorry, you startled me”

“I didn’t mean to Chris, sorry about that”

“That’s okay, uh Billy about this morning…”

“You are still not sure are you Chris?”

“Huh? No, you are right, I am still not sure”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, I guess partly I am scared that I won’t be a good father, you don’t understand, I am not, well I haven’t been a good parent until now, I have so much to learn, and all”

“So? I think dad is scared to”

“Of having Keith here?”

“huh? Oh no, I think he’s rooting for that, I think he’s still scared that he will disappoint me and Taylor”

“Well he loves you both so much, I can understand that”

“Oh I know that Chris, there was a time when I really didn’t like him much, but see, you helped change all that, you and Mike, now I have a father again, I have my big brother again, and well, in some ways I even have a mother again, so I thought, and Mike agrees, that all we need now is a little brother, and well, we like Keith, he’s pretty cool for being a squirt.”

“That’s very nice of you to say Billy, but do you realize what you are opening yourself and Mike up to?”

“Sure we do, we talked about it, I mean we don’t just go up and fuck, we do talk a lot”

“Okay, sorry, I didn’t mean to pry”

“Chris, why do always walk on eggshells around me?”

“Huh?”

“I mean, you seem like you are nervous around me, why?”

“You really need to ask?”

“Yeah, I do”

“Hell, you scare me Billy”

“I do? But, but… how do I scare you?”

“Well, for starter’s because you are so damn smart, I mean you can hold your own on most any topic, any subject and that is pretty good. I have seen you top your dad and believe me that takes some doing, plus well, maybe the real reason is you are the single most important person in your father’s life, you held this family together for a long time, I don’t want to interefer in that, so yeah you scare me, but not really in a bad way, if you know what I mean.”

“sort of , funny, at first I thought you were trying to replace me, to take my place with dad…”

“Billy, oh God, I never…”

“I know, let me finish, cause I doubt if I could say it again, at first Chris, I didn’t like you, I saw you as a threat to me and dad, which was wrong, boy was I ever wrong about that, cause I really didn’t understand that what dad feels for me isn’t enough to sustain him. He needs your love too, cause you give him what Mom had, you give him strength and well, a sense of purpose. I can only give him a son’s love, which is maybe okay, but he needs and well, he deserves more, I see that now, which is another reason why you need to have Keith here.”

“how does, I don’t …”

“Keith can give you that totality that you need too, so you can be to dad what he is to you, I don’t know if this makes sense, but see, if you have Keith here, then you can experience the real love of a son, and then you can enjoy more the love that you get from dad, cause there isn’t any missing pieces anymore, you have it all, you become complete.”

“Now I know why I was scared of you, that is an amazing thing to say Billy”

“Not really, it is just finally being able to accept that love is what we need, and that there are lots of kinds of love, but I know that you are worried that by bringing Keith here you will somehow upset our applecart, I mean that is what really scares you, isn’t it?”

“Yes, that is part”

“Well, we are okay with it, both Mike and I know we are going to have to be careful around Keith, until he’s old enough to understand what being gay is, and we both know it is going to be hard, but we want to do this Chris, besides, after next year we are gone to college, someone has to keep an eye on you two”

“I appreciate what you are saying, but you have so little time to yourselves as it is, having Keith here all the time is only going to make that even less”

“Well, not really, I mean we are going to be busy with school, and next year I am going out for the football team, so that will take up a lot of time, plus studies, so really, it isn’t like we are going to have that much time early on anyway, which means we still have our evenings, and Keith isn’t up as late as us, so we really don’t lose much in that respect.”

“You are going out for football?”

“Yeah, Mike is going to be so happy, don’t tell him yet, okay?”

“Uh, sure, but Billy, if you do all that, then having Keith here is only going to make it worse, I mean you and Mike need to have time to yourself, how can Keith being here not interfere?”

“How can you not have him here?”

“Huh?”

“See, I look at it this way, if our love for each other is real, then it isn’t really going to matter much how or when we can be together to express it, cause its there. Dad told me, if there is something you want badly enough, you will find a way to get it.”

“And this is what you want?”

“No, it’s a way to get what I want”

“I… you are losing me Billy”

“I want my father to have what he missed, I can’t give it to him anymore, and in another year or so I’ll be off to college, that will only leave him with this house and a bunch of memories, but then he has found you, he has another chance at being happy, and because of Keith he has also has another chance at being a father to a young kid.

With Mom’s death, sorry, but well, since she left, this family has been a mess, we hung in, but in doing so he missed out on a lot, he didn’t get to carry me much up the stairs at night, rarely did I fall asleep in his lap, and well, now he can have a second chance at that, thanks to you.

If you really love my dad, and if you really do love your son, then really you don’t have any other way to go, now do you?”

“And you are taking your bar exam next week Billy?”

“Haha, come on Chris, you have known all this anyway”

“True”

“So, you going to let fear of failure stop you?”

“What do you…”

“Why do you think I am going out for football?”

“Huh?”

“I am petrified about it Chris, it is the one thing I wish I would never have to do, but I have to”

“I don’t see why you should be so scared of going out for football?”

“Well, its simple, it means a lot to the two people who I love the most. Dad has always wanted me to be into sports, he’s sort of a football freak, and then we have Mike. He’s so damn good Chris, he really is you know?

So, if I do go out, what happens to them if I don’t make the team? They are going to be disappointed in me, I won’t be their special boy anymore, and what is worse, what happens if I do make the team? God, can you just see it now?

Both of them will be beating their chests if I make the team, they’ll be bragging all over the place, and then comes my first game and I muff it, can’t you just see their crushed faces now? I will have disappointed them, embarrassed them, and worse, failed them”

“So why go out for it then?”

“Because it will make them happy if I do, and I kind of want to see if I can do it”

“But the risks, you make it sound like you are risking it all, I mean I know your dad will not think less of you if you don’t make it, or if you do and just aren’t good enough, it won’t change how he loves you”

“We don’t know that, he’s had so many disappointments in his life, so much heartache, how can I can I risk giving him more?”

“Then, why?”

“Because it is a chance to give him something back, to give him a chance at being proud, but to do that I have to risk the very thing I need, his love and his approval, and never mind Mike”

“I can see your problem, takes a lot of guts to risk it all”

“Yeah, it scares the hell out of me, but then Mike said something awhile back, he told me that if I believed in him, his love for me, then I could go out and do anything, because deep down I would know that he would be there for me.”

“Well, that would be true Billy”

“I know, deep down I know, but what if it isn’t? What if our love is just sex? I risk finding that out, don’t I?”

“I guess, but I can tell, he does love you, for real and not for the sex”

“I know that, least it is how I feel, but there is that one tiny little part of me, that one little nagging doubt, does it ever leave Chris?”

“You are asking me?”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know, Billy I don’t know, but I really do think you have nothing to worry about.”

“I hope you are right, but now you see, I do have to find out, I need to know, is dad’s love for real? Is Mike’s love for real?”

“Well I do know your father would do anything in this world to keep you safe, to protect you and there is nothing you could do to make him not love you, you must believe that”

“Oh I do Chris, but haven’t you ever had that nagging doubt in the back of your mind? You know, that little voice that says, maybe you can lose him?”

“Yes, I have to admit I have, but then a wise man told me that you aren’t supposed to be listening to your mind, but to your heart.”

“Sounds like something I have heard before”

“Should be, you are the one who said it”

“You getting good at this stuff”

“What stuff?”

“Arguing, debating, whatever you want to call it, you know, I am glad you are here”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I know I didn’t act like it at first, but well, I guess I was in kind of shock, I mean first coming to terms with Mike and then seeing my Dad come back to what Taylor always said he was like, it was kind of… well I don’t know sort of like system overload”

“And now?”

“Now, well I feel like if I had to have a second mom, I’m glad its you”

“Shit, first its your dad, now you, damn you Bradford’s know how to get a guy’s waterworks flowing”

“We had a good teacher, Mom was the type who could really reach inside and touch our hearts, so thanks, I guess I did learn well from her”

“Yes, you did, and from your father too I suspect.”

“Have you considered the other problem having Keith here might bring to you and Mike?”

“You mean about being outed?”

“Yes”

“Yep, we don’t care”

“Billy, come on…”

“No, really we don’t, I mean to be honest, Mike is well liked at school, and he’s a top athlete and has done a lot for the school, both in track and football. I have been okay too, in the other side of schools and then with the track team this year, so no, I doubt if being outed is going to hurt us much, if at all.”

“That’s pretty analytical, but there will still be some repercussions.”

“Sure, but not as much or as harsh if we weren’t who we were at school, and maybe, being outed would be for the best, least then we wouldn’t have to act like typical jocks at school, maybe it would actually make our lives a bit easier, did you ever think of that?”

Chris didn’t have much left to argue. He knew that Billy’s arguments were sound and well based. How could he not attempt for custody. Keith deserved the best from his parents, and there was no doubt that he was doing better in school since he had started visiting more with him, and he did seem to be less angry as well. Would a move to Houston upset all that gain? Would a contest of who had right to custody only alienate him from both of them more? It was a tough choice to make, one he felt inadequate in doing.

“Sounds to me like you have all the answers Billy”

“Not really, no answers actually, it is just, well, we know this is right”

“How?”

“It is no different than I know it is right for me to go out for football, I feel it in my heart, so does Mike, and so I guess, if you search it, maybe you will too”

“But it is such a big gamble”

“Yeah, but I guess your heart knows what is right, and if its right how can you not risk it? I mean what chance do you and dad have if you are going to regret not having Keith here?”

“Even if it means all of us being outed?”

“Yes, cause like you said, if Mike loves me it won’t matter what happens on the field, well, doesn’t that hold for you and dad too? Does it really matter if other’s find out or not?”

“No, I guess not, you really have thought this out”

“Yep, we do talk ya know, it isn’t like we are just humping at night”

“Oh God, you would have to bring that up”

“So?”

“So? Yeah, I do want him with me, I know its selfish to a degree, but I think he would do much better here, there is so much love around, it can’t hurt him and yes Billy, I do love your Dad and you know, I love you and Mike as well”

“I know, we kind of love you too, when you aren’t spraying whipped cream at us”

“Hey, I was just following orders, it was all your dad’s idea”

“Oh? Well in that case we’ll let you off the hook, shit, I gotta go get ready, I got a date”

“Huh? A date?”

“Yep, I got a special note this morning, a Mike Shepard would like the honour of taking me out on a date, so I gotta go get dressed, he’ll be hear in a few, cya Chris, and Chris…”

“Yes?”

“Welcome to the family”

Billy left running up the stairs, anxious to get ready for his date with Mike. Chris stood there, feeling a wide range of emotions running through his body. On the one hand, he had the desire and pain to want to have Keith next to him, living with him. The other hand, he was worried that by doing that he would jeopardize the relationship he was building with Seth and his family. He was also torn by the need to do the right thing, and damn the consequences. As he watched Billy’s young body racing up the stairs, the blond hair bouncing in time with his firm buttocks, he knew that Billy had answered all his doubts.

How could he not seek full custody after all that he had been through? Either he was a father or he wasn’t. Yes, it was selfish, but that wasn’t the guiding force behind his choice. There was no doubt that Keith had been having problems at school and at home, prior to him re-entering his life and trying to be the father that the boy needed. So, the question really was academic, just as Billy had pointed out, either he was the father or he wasn’t.

Chris also knew that if he refused this opportunity he was certain of losing the most important person in his life. Seth would not be his if he turned his back on doing what was right for Keith. With that loss he would also lose any chance at being happy, at having a real shot at family life and more importantly at experiencing true love.

Yes, Billy was right, he was gambling that their love could survive anything that the world could throw at them, if he gained custody over Keith. He was gambling on peace, happiness and security with Seth by bringing a child into their world, where they would have to always be on guard against discovery, that in itself adding a terrific strain to the relationship. The question he had to ask himself was simple, did he believe in his love for Seth? Was it real? Just as Billy had pointed out, if it was real, then they could survive anything, any disappointment, any grief, but if it wasn’t real, then they would find out and not survive.

There would always be nagging doubts, even Billy had them and yet he was preparing to reach for that gold ring, refusing to sit back and wallow in his fears, willing to test his love and the love of those he respected and cherished the most, not to prove that love, but maybe to keep it, to hold onto it and make it grow even stronger.

Chris looked around at the memento’s that dotted the study. He saw a smiling Seth by a pool, two young blond boys hanging on his legs, a beautiful woman resting her head on his shoulder. Looking closely, he could see the love that surrounded them and he knew that is what he wanted.

He came up the stairs, hearing the water from Billy’s room being shut off and he knew that frantic effort was being spent on getting ready. He stopped by the almost closed door, wondering just what he had meant by going out on a date, and then he just knocked on the door and pushed it open.

“Mind?”

“Huh? No, come on in Chris, just getting dressed”

Chris watched as Billy was laying out his clothes. He was standing there, wearing only a pair of dark red satin boxer shorts. Billy had that nice clean pink freshly washed look and he was bustling around getting his good clothes out. He placed his dress shirt on the crumpled bed sheets, checking to make sure it was clean, then he dug around for a pair of dark socks, and then he rummaged around for his dress pants.

“Looks like a real fancy date”

“Yep, least that’s what the note said, so gotta make sure I am respectable for my man”

“You have no idea where you are going?”

“Nope, could be a fancy restaurant in town or to our spot in the trees”

“Dressed like that?”

“Sure, why not?”

“You kids, how can you…”

“Same way you two can go swimming in your golf duds I guess, besides, isn’t it more fun wondering what he has in store than knowing?”

“I suppose, uh Billy”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks, I appreciate you talking to me, it has helped”

“Good, so you going to go for it?”

“Yes, there really wasn’t any choice anyways, but you have to promise me something…”

“Sure, what?”

“You have to tell me honestly when it gets too much, if you find it is getting so you and Mike can’t have time together, okay?”

“Sure, but that isn’t going to happen, besides Chris, Keith is a cool kid, he doesn’t get in the way and I always did want a younger brother, so did Mike, so…”

“Okay already, you have won, God you Bradford’s never give up do you?”

“Hehe, nope, but then that is why we have the lover’s we have”

Chris couldn’t argue the boy’s logic. He had all of the answers and besides, it did feel kind of nice knowing that there were people who did value him, who did think he was worthwhile pursuing as a life partner.

“I am out of here, you are too much for me.”

“Hehe, so Mike has said to me too, hehe”

“God, you are a real… okay, have fun now, I suppose you will be home late?”

“Well actually, we are crashing over at Taylor’s tonight, I left a message for Dad at work and a note in the bedroom”

“At Taylor’s? Oh, okay”

“Yeah, we kind of thought you two might need some ‘personal’ time, hehe”

“Tell me Billy…”

“Yes?”

“You take absolute delight in seeing your father and me walking funny in the morning don’t you?”

“HAHA, FOR SURE, ”

The sound of the gate alarm going off made both heads turn towards the driveway. Chris felt a strange stirring in his groin, wondering if that was Seth returning and he quickly glanced at his watch. Billy started to rush around, knowing he was running late for Mike and he didn’t want to make him wait too much.

“Damn, bet that’s Mike and I am no where near being ready”

“Oh I am sure he’ll understand Billy, look I’ll go down and tell him you are running late, he’ll understand”

“Great, thanks Chris”

“Oh no problem, besides Billy, us men are used to having to wait for our womenfolk, especially the blond one’s.”

The flying pillow missed his head by an inch, as he was smart enough to duck on his way out of the door towards the stairs. He heard the front doorbell and knew that Mike was making this as realistic as possible. He smiled as he heard Billy screech and start to get dress, his laughter filling the room.