Chapter Fourteen

Grief can take care of itself; but to get the full value of a joy ,you must have somebody to divide it with.

– Mark Twain

Seth watched his son drive away in the pick up truck. His heart ached as he felt like he was once again on the outside, looking in, but at least this time he had managed to snatch some of the feelings, and hold them to his heart.

“Figures he’d be the first, doesn’t it?”

“Huh? Oh, Taylor, first? Oh well he was premature even at birth, but in some ways, well…”

“Yeah I know, so I guess Jeremy and I will be heading off, we kind of…”

“Feeling the need to be alone together?”

“Hehe, yeah, you could say that.”

“Well judging by all the pointing, I would say so, but Taylor, maybe we should talk a little, there are a couple of things I would like to discuss with you two, if that’s okay?”

Damn he was making it sound like a business meeting instead of a heart to heart with his eldest. It was strange how he took on this professional edge every time, instead of just being ‘dad’, instead he had to be the ‘lawyer’. Well, he was going to change that, watching Billy and Mike these last few months had certainly been an eye opener, and it felt good to be around too, maybe he could do that with Taylor, least he had to try.

“Yeah, I suppose so, okay well, the study then?”

“No, why don’t you two grab a drink and we’ll sit out by the pool for a change? It’s nice out, we can relax there.”

“Huh? But I thought… okay sure we’ll be there in a few.”

Now that was strange, or so Taylor thought. His father had his ‘let’s talk’ face on but instead of the study, out by the pool? Shit, maybe Billy’s carefree, rush into it, attitude was finally affecting the staid lawyer, or maybe it was just a trick. Damn, he hated that, why couldn’t he just accept things, instead he always was looking for ulterior motives behind gestures or words.

Jeremy kept telling him that he dwelled too much on the past, that he should look to the future instead. He was trying, least he thought he was, but every now and then he would catch himself thinking back to the years of arguments, of silent protests and stubborn glares of defiance. He could feel the tightness around his chest as he went to get Jeremy.

It was always Billy who would bridge the gap, and lately he hadn’t been there. They had to bridge it themselves, and it wasn’t as easy as all those books said it was. There were many harsh words and thoughts between them, and yet, somehow, they had broken past it.  For the most part they actually enjoyed being together, just not for long stretches.

Hell, he even had taken up handball so he could play the old man, well least that was his story. Jeremy figured it was just that he was competitive and wanted to best the old guy. Maybe, maybe at first, but after a few games and seeing how his father moved on the court, how he concentrated and yet how he was always aware of his presence, it unsettled him and some of their most frank talks had come after a tough battle on the court.

In a way it was as if they struggle on the court had allowed them to relax their in born defences. The facades had been lowered or pushed aside and the real Taylor and Seth could communicate. Taylor smiled at that, knowing that Billy would be planning handball matches every other hour if he knew that. What a brother, always pushing him, well used to, now he was rather busy with his love.

Taylor could feel the tightness growing in his chest and he was sure that the emotions of the night were taking its toll on him. All of his thoughts, his notions were in turmoil. He watched how his younger brother had been so mesmerized by Mike, whenever he was in the room, Billy’s eyes would grow to saucer shape, the blue would seem to just pour out.

Damn, he wished he would be like him at times, maybe then he and Jeremy could have what Billy seemed to have with Mike. It looked so good, so consuming. Billy had changed, his body was growing but he had changed inside too. Shit, he was actually going to try out for the track team this week, and most likely would make it, and all because some green eyed jock had asked him to.

Must be nice, he thought as he entered the living room to find Jeremy. Must be nice to have someone who you would do anything for, who you would push aside your fears and doubts for simply because they asked.

Taylor saw Jeremy sitting looking at the fire, and his heart seemed to suddenly pound. Damn he was hot looking, sitting there, a glass of juice in his long thin fingers, his head just resting on that tall lanky frame, the long dark hair curling at the ends. Shit, each time he saw him he could feel his heart skipping beats, his lungs gasping for more air.

He stopped in his tracks. The sudden realization hit him, he did have what Billy had. Fuck, it was Jeremy who had convinced him to accept his dad’s offer of limited work at the office, and it was Jeremy who had convinced him to find ways to be with his dad more and it was Jeremy who had scolded him for not phoning home or joining in more family functions.  Damn how had he missed all that before? Tears were forming in the corner’s of his own deep blue eyes as he softly walked up to Jeremy.

His hand on Jeremy’s shoulder startled him. Jeremy had been off in his own world, feeling a bit misty eyed as he had watched Mike declare his love for Billy. Shit, the courage that 16 year old had, to say those things in front of everyone, specially in front of Mr. Bradford. He was an imposing figure, 40 with short blonde hair, but a frame that most 25 year olds would die for. Thick muscles rippled across his body and his face, so stoic so forbidding and yet, something seemed to be trying to get out.

Jeremy had watched him, as Mike had started his speech and for a brief instant, or longer, he was sure he could see much more. There was clouds of mystery that seemed to pass over his face, but through it all he was sure he some sparkle, some hidden light that was begging to be released. He was sure that deep inside was the same raw passion and unbridled love that Billy clearly showed, and that Taylor had flashes of. They couldn’t have gotten it by chance; they had to get it from somewhere.

Taylor said it was from his Mother, but Jeremy wasn’t so sure. Maybe she gave him the tenderness that he could show and the deep passion, but for raw animal love, no, he was sure that came from Taylor’s father.

The sudden touch of Taylor’s hand made him jump and he almost spilled his drink. He looked up into the wide blue eyes of Taylor, feeling his heart racing as he saw the flickering reflection of the fire in those deep blue orbs. Before he could even stutter out his surprise, he found the deep red lips of his man planted firmly on his own pale one’s.

“whoa, that was nice.”

“Yeah, uh, Dad wants to have a talk with us before we go.”

“Oh? Okay, but let’s not stay long… I mean if that kiss is any indication, I really want to get you back to the apartment.”

“God Jer, you are a pervert… and I want to get back there too.”

“hmm, sounds like our weekend is definitely going to be spent Taylor fashion.”

“Damn, you are a horn-dog, hehe yeah so let’s go see what he wants… cause I know what I want.”

Jeremy smiled as he got up and let Taylor lead the way. It was strange, but when Taylor let his heart rule, he was the most exciting person he had ever met. There was no stopping him, his drive and his stamina knew no boundaries then and man, was the sex ever hot too.

Just as that thought entered his head, he felt Taylor reach back and grab his hand. He held onto it tight and it surprised Jeremy. Taylor wasn’t one for gratuitous displays of affection, which was a downer, and now he seemed he couldn’t show him enough of it. Jeremy’s heart felt very uplifted, his own natural shyness forgotten as he took Taylor’s hand and wrapped around his backside, placing his own hand around Taylor’s firm butt. Damn those cheeks felt good to his touch.

Together, arm in arm; they walked out to the patio, and to the waiting Mr. Bradford.

Seth watched them come out the patio door. His heart leapt forward as he knew how difficult it was for Taylor to show his emotions so openly, specially in front of him. He had grown up so much in these last few months, it was amazing. He could feel the pride inside of him and it brought tears to his face. Normally he would hide them, but the small soft voice that he carried in his head no longer was stilled, and tonight, he didn’t wipe the tears away.

The sight of his father standing there brought a moments hesitation to him, as he walked arm in arm with Jeremy to their poolside meeting. He stumbled a little as they got closer as he saw the soft glare of light off tears, that were in his father’s eyes and it made him tremble a little. This wasn’t normal, but shit, these last few months hadn’t been normal.

“Hey guys, anyone need a drink or anything?”

“Uh, no thanks Dad, uh, what is it that you wanted to talk to us about?”

Seth Bradford stared at the two young men. He could see how Taylor had his face set, the eyes narrowed slightly as he could tell his son was geared for a battle, and his heart ached. Why did it always have to be this way? Couldn’t he just want to talk with his son without it being a major test of wills? He knew he was to blame for it, least in his mind it was what he felt, but not tonight, tonight he wished for more or was it less?

“Why don’t you two sit down, there are a couple of things I want to discuss, shit, no there are some things I would like to talk about.”

“The sudden change in voice, the stance, it all brought Taylor to the ready. His shoulders were squared and his jaw jutted out. He missed the switch in words, the semantics no longer registering as he geared himself for another one of their ‘meetings’. He was all set to push the buttons once again when he felt Jeremy’s hand on his shoulder.

“Sure Mr. Bradford, what would you like to talk about?”

Seth could see the coming explosion and he could feel his own body taking its normal posture in these cases. Jeremy’s quiet voice shattered the façade and he smiled, something he rarely did enough of. He could see the sudden confusion in Taylor’s face and he felt a strange ache inside. He looked at the two boys, knowing that given a chance, these two could find the same happiness that Billy and Mike were just now embarking on.

“Well, uh, why don’t we all just sit down for a bit, relax, okay?”

“Yes Sir” Jeremy replied and got a strange look from Seth as he sat on the chaise lounge, Taylor sitting with him, his arm suddenly wrapped around him.

“Hmm, well Jeremy, tell you what, you can call me ‘Seth’ or maybe, one day, if you feel like it, you can call me ‘Dad’ but if you call me ‘Sir’ once more, I am going to reach over and throw you into the pool? Okay?”

Jeremy was stunned, the voice had been so soft and so menacing, and yet he could see a strange sparkle deep within the auburn eyes of Mr. Bradford. The words were cold, and yet the end, the way he had so softly said it and there was no mistaking it, he meant it, but in a nice way, he was reaching out, bit clumsily but hell he was trying.

“Now Dad, you can’t…”

“Oh shut up Taylor and chill, you are so serious… can’t you have some fun?”

Taylor almost fell backwards as the words from his father hit him square in the face. Here he was geared for another round of ‘discussions’ and instead his father was joking with his lover? This wasn’t his father, it had to be an impersonator.

“Uh…”

“Hehe, finally, finally, you see that Jeremey, I actually made him speechless…. Damn, I should have done this ages ago…. Hehe oh if only your brother was here to see your face, oh it is priceless don’t you agree Jeremy?”

“hehe, yes s.. sorry Seth, it is…. Man Taylor you should look in a mirror….hehe”

“Hey, you two ganging up on me, that isn’t fair…. Okay, okay, so you got me.. geez,”

“hehe, okay son, its fine now, you can stop wondering, and no I haven’t been nipping at the wine either… oh god, look at him now.”

Jeremy couldn’t believe the sudden transformation. It was as if a dam had burst inside of Mr. Bradford, the way his whole face had changed hue, he was actually laughing and his stomach rippled with joy and the smile, damn it, now he knew where Taylor got that smile from, it was so, shit, captivating and it just drilled holes into his heart. Christ, if he was into older men, he sure would be drawn to this one, and he looked over at Taylor and just reached out his hand, to grip Taylor’s knee and squeezed it.

“oh man, you must think this family is very strange Jeremy, I am sorry, I don’t know what came over me, but you know something, it sure feels good.”

“No Sir..ooops… now Mr. Bradford….Seth…. no”

It was amazing, Taylor couldn’t believe it, his father was up on his feet, his hands reaching out as if to grab Jeremy and really throw him into the pool.

“Dad don’t you dare.”

“What, want me to toss you in too? I can do it…hehe… hell I did it when you were little.”

“Huh? No you didn’t, I don’t…”

“Oh yes I did… oh I can remember this one time, when we were all at the town pool, oh was your Mother ever mad at me, hehe and you, you loved every second of it, even when we got kicked out, you kept wanting more, hell its one reason why when we built this house, I made sure there was a big pool… but then, well… but oh Taylor, I used to throw you in so many times, hehe but okay, this time you get a reprieve Jeremy, next time it’ll be both of you for the ocean blue….hehe”

“I don’t ever remember anything like that.”

“Oh yes, it was really funny actually, you couldn’t have been more than maybe 4 or 5 and we used to take you to the pool, and well we horsed around, it used to be so funny, watching you run up and hit me, so I’d pick you up in the air and toss you into the pool, then you’d paddle back and climb up, shake your wet head all around and start all over again. It really was fun you know.”

“But, you said Mom got really mad.”

“Hehe, oh this one time she did, they had a new lifeguard and he didn’t like me tossing you, warned me, of course being the bright new big shot lawyer I ignored him, then he ordered us out. Your mother was so mad, she didn’t say a word to me all the way home, she just held onto Billy and glared at you to be silent, but once we got home.”

“You two fought?”

“Fought? Hehe, no Taylor, your mother wasn’t a fighter, not in that sense, but, well when we got home she made you take your little brother inside and then had me empty the car. Man she was so mad and I was feeling so indignant, that’s when she just grabbed the water hose and turned it on and soaked me…. Oh Taylor, you don’t know how much love there was then, so much…. Damn, now the tears again.”

Taylor was totally in shock. He couldn’t believe the story, and what’s more, that it was coming from his father with such emotion, such unrehearsed lines, that it couldn’t be from him. Every word wasn’t weighed and thought over, instead he could feel the raw emotion that was carried in each syllable as he spoke them. The pain in his chest grew and he felt his arms holding onto Jeremy even harder as he stared at his father.

He saw tears, real tears as they flowed down his face. Some of them of regret, some of them formed out of a deep sense of loss, and yet some made by pure joy, pure love. This wasn’t the father he had grown to know, grown to battle with each day of his young 18 years.

“I am sorry, you didn’t come to hear me reminisce. But maybe you will, hey Taylor?”

“Huh? Oh, uh, sure… she soaked you?”

“Oh yes, that cold water hit me square in the chest and she just kept playing it on me, laughing and tossing her hair back, it was the most perfect end to a spoiled day, and you know something, it is those days that I wished would never end, I don’t know son, it is like a feeling I just can’t get out of my mind,

it is so hard, to see her  standing there, the hose laying beside her as we kissed and held onto each other, my dripping from the water, her still laughing with those wonderful eyes, oh…. Damn..”

Seth Bradford placed his head in his hands and his body trembled as the raw emotion seemed to pour out of him. He could feel the tears moisten and soak through his hands, running down his long fingers and he could feel his whole body shaking to the power of those memories, then once more the soft voice broke through, once more it rang clearly in his mind and he wiped the tears away to stare into his son’s anxious face.

“It’s okay Taylor, I am not going crazy, I guess it is just that these last few months of suddenly started to make sense to me.”

“Dad… please, I have never seen you like… I don’t know.. I want to…”

“What? What do you want to do Taylor?”

“I… shit, I just want to hold you, be in your arms, I…”

Seth got up and slowly moved to the lounge chair. He looked down at his son, seeing the fight that he was raging inside of himself, as he struggled with the emotions. Jeremy had moved slightly away, watching the scene unfold, amazement on his face, deep love in his eyes and Seth saw it all as he reached down with his giant hand, and without any effort he managed to pick up Taylor and bring him close into his arms.

He felt the young heart trembling and he could feel the firm body shaking as Taylor simply fell into his arms. The touch of his son’s body against his own seemed to awaken further memories but the voice, it didn’t rest, instead it rose upwards, singing a soft but haunting melody and he could feel it roaring through his own body.

The tears flowed between them, and you would think they had both just gotten out of the swimming pool, there was so much water around them but it didn’t matter. Father and Son had reached a bond, tentative, but one that they could build on. Seth could feel his son’s heart beating, just as he had when his wife had been pregnant with him, and he knew that this was part of him too, not just her and the voice inside of him grew even louder now as he looked up to see Jeremy, quietly sitting, tears rolling down his face too.

He smiled at the young man and saw him return the smile. With out any hesitation, he opened his one arm, that was draped around Taylor and beckoned for Jeremy to join them. The stunned look was heart wrenching, but his eyes held onto Jeremy’s chestnut eyes and his soul reached out, touching briefly and then Jeremy too rested in his powerful embrace.

It seemed like only a mere second had passed when in fact they had stood there for several minutes. Each of them lost in their own reverie of thoughts and emotions, holding onto each other, gaining strength from each other and as the embrace finally ended, they all looked into each other’s eyes, seeing more than had ever been revealed to them before.

Taylor saw his father’s pain, for the first time he really understood the depths of agony that had gripped his dad, and he understood now why things had been the way they had. He didn’t know it all, and before he really hadn’t wanted to, but now, now he had this strange burning desire to learn more of the man he called ‘dad’.

Jeremy couldn’t believe it, the way things changed so quickly and when he looked into Taylor’s eyes, he no longer had to fight his way past the facades or the walls that surrounded Taylor Bradford. He had suddenly been granted full entry into the very reaches of the young man that had so captivated his heart and held it in the palm of his hand.

Seth could see things he never thought possible. He could see past the pain that had clouded his own life for so long, and he saw the fear and doubts in his own son. He saw the quiet young man who so desperately and secretively wanted to please his father, who for so long had felt like he had been a disappointment to him, and he could feel his heart aching, rending itself as the realization of all this coursed through his body.

As the feel of his son’s fears travelled through his mind he could still hear the voice, still feel its power as it kept him standing, kept his eyes from clouding back over and he knew, that no matter what, his life had suddenly changed once again. He also knew that the future held many pitfalls and dangers, but that this time, he would face them with a family and not alone.

Seth managed to collect himself, and sat on the other lounge chair, waiting for both boys to return to some semblance of normalcy. He could see the deep love that Jeremy held for his son, and it made him feel good, it also made him feel sad, as he knew that Taylor would not be needing him much longer, that soon he too would be embarking on his own life, just as his younger brother was now doing.

“well, phew, this is quite an evening, uh Taylor you alright son?”

“yeah, uh, dad, maybe we can have lunch together, and well…”

“Yes, I would like that, maybe Monday?”

“Yeah, sure… uh well…”

“Hang on, okay? I know you two want to go and be alone, but there is something I need to talk to you both about. So if you can, I mean do you mind waiting a bit longer?”

“No, no that’s fine, what is it?”

“well… don’t get mad but I bought a condominium this week and…”

“What? Okay, why would that… oh dad, look…”

“Please, hear me out, please?”

Normally, at this point in their past, Taylor would simply get up and leave, but something in the voice, some inflection in the tone made him look at his father, and he was amazed. He saw desperation there, in his eyes, and it struck him hard, as he never thought his father was ever desperate for anything, let alone to have him listen to him. His own heart was pounding and the sudden pressure of Jeremy’s hand made him realize that he couldn’t go back to what was his normal routine, not if he wanted to have what Billy was having.

“Okay… go ahead.”

“I know you want to be on your own, but Chris, you remember Chris?”

“The trust guy? Yeah I remember him.”

“Well, he had a client who needed to unload some property and he mentioned this to me, it’s a real good investment, hell the guy was sacrificing it for 35% less than its market value, and well, it… damn I am not good at this.

Look Taylor, I know you need to be on your own, I know that your brother is bugging the hell out of you to move into the apartment over the garage, and you know I would love that too..”

“Dad, really we have gone over all this and…”

“Please, I know, and I accept your decision, you two are young men, you need your, what is , space? Anyway, I also know that the place you have now isn’t really, well you have to admit, its not in the best shape and it is rather small, right Jeremy?”

Seth looked at Jeremy, hoping for an ally, but also aware of the dangerous ground he was embarking on. He would never do anything to jeopardize his son’s new relationship, but he also knew that the place they were living in just wouldn’t do.

“Well Si… Seth, uh yeah it is small but well it is all we can really afford right now and …”

“Yes I know that, well that’s the thing, Chris showed me the numbers, I’ll have him show them to you both if you like, but what it boils down to is this, if I charge you two the same as what you are paying now, then I can show the income off setting the capital expense and with it being a loss, I get to write it off and actually wind up getting money back, sort of, …

Look, the way Chris explained it, the money I save in taxes gives me a better return than if I charge full market value for the place, and well, as it’s the trust that bought it, it is only right that you benefit plus, it is only a block away from the college.

I mean it does need a bit of work, which you two can do, and well, look boys, it is a lot bigger than what you have, its closer to school so you can spend more time together, and it won’t cost you more and it isn’t a hand out either, I would much rather let you two have it at this lower price than some stranger, so will you two think about it, at least?”

Jeremy didn’t know what to say, he was sceptical about the tax dodge thing, but it did make sense and while his major wasn’t economics, it was his minor. The concept was at least worth investigating, besides, he really did hate their place, not because it was small, but because he knew that Taylor could live much better and he wanted Taylor to have what he deserved, instead of taking less to please him.

“Sounds like it could be good, and being closer would make it easier.”

“WHAT? Jeremy… you serious? I mean…”

“Well why not Taylor? I mean if it costs us the same, why not? Besides, that place is rather dingy…”

“Yeah, but… okay well…”

“Hey, you are the economics guru, you know the ins and outs, so if its going to go for that price to someone else, I agree with Seth, why not us?

Can we look at it first?”

“Sure you can, look I can get Chris to get the keys and all that, and either of you can call him and set up a time… I mean, if you are sure… I don’t want to, well you know what I mean.”

“Yes Seth I do, and well, thanks for that too, I…”

“Hey what is this? Jeremy you sure you want to do this?”

“Oh Taylor, think of it, a place so close, means I won’t have to rush to the bus, means you can sleep in that extra hour each morning… come on, why not?”

“Hehe, well I can think of something else we could do with that hour… okay Dad, we’ll take a look at it and let you know, I’ll get the number from you on Monday okay?”

“Sure, and thanks son, it…”

“Yeah, me too… this is so… well…”

“yes it is.”

The awkwardness had returned, and yet it didn’t come close to feeling the same. There were barriers before them, but this time Seth could see them and as his eyes gazed outwards, the soft voice was whistling inside of him, its work done for the moment, or so it seemed.

They were lucky, they only had to circle the block three times before finding a decent save parking spot and they headed up to their apartment, the small walk up looking even dirtier than normal in the darkness.

Words had barely been spoken on the drive home, each lost in their own thoughts. Taylor wasn’t sure about all that happened and his whole body felt like a tug of war had been waged inside between the entire defensive line of the Chicago Bears.

It was strange too, as he started walking up the stairs to their place, how despite the raging emotions inside of him, he could feel this lightness, this sort of unbelievable feeling of everything being okay and safe. He never had felt safe for a long time, not since he was just a little tyke in his father’s arms. Damn, he never really had thought about that, but it felt so good when his dad held him earlier, it was like old times, like when he had skinned his knee or fallen out of the tree in the back.

How did things get so different between them? Before, he never did think of his dad as a joker or cut up, and yet the story of him tossing him into the pool, the horseplay in the front yard with the water hose, it all seemed to fit and yet not.

Jeremy slowly climbed the stairs, wondering where this was going to lead to. He knew that Taylor had some real issues with his Dad, but he also knew deep in his heart that Taylor was still adjusting to his life without his mother. What little he knew, he thought she must have been a wonderful lady, and he wished Taylor would talk more about her and their lives together.

The sight of watching his face as his father had talked had made him feel so much in love, so captivated by Taylor, and he wanted to feel that many more times. If only Taylor could just open up, stop worrying that he’d screw up or make a mistake, then maybe he would relax more.

Damn he was trying his best, but he just wished Taylor would meet him a quarter of the way sometimes. The way he would get so defensive when he tried to talk to him about his past, how he would change the subject or just shut down completely. It made it hard, but he was determined, and now tonight he had seen what the future might hold for him. Oh God, please let it be so, he prayed as Taylor unlocked the door and turned to face him.

There was no mistaking the affection that Jeremy held for him, he could see it clearly etched in his face and the way his eyes just glowed as he looked at him, made his heart ache like it had never ached before. There was something different tonight, it was as if he was seeing the utter devotion in Jeremy towards him for the very first time.

Without a word he just moved over and grabbed Jeremy’s face, and held it within his two hands. He stared into the brilliant brown of his chestnut eyes. There was no doubt as his heart started to flutter and quake by the touch and the vision his own deep blue eyes held before them. Keeping his eyes open, he brought his face forward, and kissed Jeremy full on the lips, in the middle of the open hallway, not caring who saw or witnessed his affection.

Jeremy felt like his body would explode when Taylor suddenly gripped his face and kissed him. His own eyes bulged as he saw the deep blue orbs coming closer to him and the feel of those lips on his was almost too much. His groin started to ache with desire, more so than normal, as he let the kiss flow through his whole body.

As the kiss penetrated his body, he felt a strange new heat start to pass from Taylor’s body to his, and it wasn’t just the wild lust fever that had consumed them many times before, it was something new and it held the promise of greater things as it rolled inwards and through his trembling body.

Walking into the apartment, they ignored the musty odour and instead of flicking on the lights they just stood there, staring at each other, letting the soft glow of the sky outside light their room.

“Jeremy, I don’t want to take that new apartment, not unless you really want it, I don’t care where I live… as long as you are there…”

Jeremy started to cry. His eyes brimmed with tears as Taylor’s soft voice echoed in his ears and he couldn’t speak as this was really the first time he had heard those words, and believed them. For the first time he knew that Taylor was speaking from his heart and not his mind.

He could feel the tears as they rolled down his cheeks and he jumped at Taylor, crushing him into his arms as he let his heart speak his answer for him. His hands no longer were guided by his mind but every part of his body now was under the throbbing call of his heart and the strident ache of his soul.

In a torrent of motion, he had his clothes off and on the floor and had Taylor’s own clothes mixed with them. He was desperate to become a part of Taylor and his urgency was clearly felt by Taylor. His own hands also joined in the frantic push and pulling of Jeremy’s hands and together they reached for each other, holding, touching each other in ways they had never done before.

As the living room floor laid strewn with their clothing, Taylor found himself leaning up against the bedroom door, his body shaking as his hands were firmly holding onto the quivering flesh of Jeremy’s buttocks. His breathing was shallow and erratic as his heart pounded like a madman in his chest. His head no longer felt like it was attached as it rolled back and forth to every flick of Jeremy’s tongue on his stomach.

The room was filled with their groans and cries of pure joy as one would find a spot and the other would match it with one of its own. Their two bodies were entwined together and yet they had traversed the space from the door way to the bedroom without falling. Taylor briefly wondered if he had closed the frigging door but his heart shouted ‘WHO CARES’ and the thought was washed away in a sea of pleasure.

The bed still lay rumpled and used from the morning as the two groping bodies wound their way towards it. He could feel Jeremy’s pulse quicken as the bed loomed closer and he knew that his own cock was never going to make it much longer. The ache was only growing inside of him, the desire welling up like a molten river ready to blow the top off a mountain and he felt his heart grinning, loving every second of the pure torment his desire was giving him.

Jeremy could feel his balls rising upwards, his cock already harder than a steel support girder and yet he knew it was not as hard as it would soon be. His eyes misted over as the firm hands of Taylor rubbed his side, hard and full of a strange new desire. It felt so good, the way his body was suddenly being assaulted and the way his heart was responding to the absolute joy of being Taylor’s object of desire.

They fell on the bed, their bodies bouncing on the ancient springs, the sound of metal creaks mingled with their own moans of ecstasy. Taylor fumbled briefly with one hand near the night table as he fought to grab the small package and then placing an end in his mouth, he ripped it open to take out the soft rubber of the condom.

He felt Jeremy’s breath on his cheeks as he pulled the lubricated condom out and then he felt the hand grap it out of his, and he felt himself being pushed to one side and then the sudden heat of Jeremy’s mouth roared inside of him. He groaned loudly, feeling his long 7 ¼ inch penis jerking hard as Jeremy’s mouth slowly covered it.

The sensation of the soft pliable rubber being swept over his jerking cock was almost too much for him and he started to thrash around, desperate to hold on, demanding his body to control itself a second longer, not daring to even think of what lay ahead for fear of losing all control, when a soft voice echoed in his head, telling him that it didn’t matter, telling him that he could let it go and telling him that he was loved no matter what.

The voice echoed softly, it rang clear and true inside of him and he stopped his wild thrashing and reached down with one hand, to rest it lovingly on top of Jeremy’s head and the calmness seemed to flow through his hand to Jeremy’s head. He no longer struggled in urgency and slowly the soft rubber was being pressed down the throbbing pole, aided by a generous helping of pre cum and saliva.

As Jeremy’s face pressed up firmly against his groin, pushing aside his light blonde pubic hairs, his hand reached down to lift the face up and off his aching penis. He stared down into the chestnut eyes, his own blue eyes sparkling with love and he watched as Jeremy left his groin and crawled up to lay beside him, his eyes not leaving Taylor’s face for even a fraction of a second.

Taylor’s hand rested on Jeremy’s cheek, and then softly started to push his shoulder, to lay him flat and then with equal tenderness he found his own body straddling that of Jeremy’s quivering flesh. He felt the legs, as they moved open to let his long muscular legs fall between and he could feel the heat rising from his groin, his throbbing penis straining inside its rubber covering, eager to fulfill its role.

He could feel himself slide down the warm sweating body, and then his shoulders fold up under the slightly hairy legs of Jeremy. Then, his eyes still glued to the glowing orbs of Jeremy’s eyes, he started to move himself upwards again, lifting those wonderful legs up high in the air, sending them towards the ceiling as his body came closer and he could feel his throbbing penis as it jerked from side to side until it felt the soft mounds of flesh that was Jeremy’s buttocks.

Without any help, his cock had wedged itself between the two quivering cheeks, the heat from within now seemed to just wrap itself around his groin and his eyes could see the urgent pleading within Jeremy.

Like the ‘Charge of the Light Brigade’ bombs exploded to the right, to the left, in front, as Taylor’s penis penetrated deep into Jeremy’s willing rectum. The warmth was like a blast furnace as it firmly pushed inwards, feeling the soft velvet lining, feeling the muscles coiling around his throbbing pole and all around him the bombs burst.

The shards of brilliant greens, vibrant purples, and awesome reds filled his eyes as he felt his hips gyrating around, felt his penis jerking hard within the tight control of Jeremy’s muscles. The harsh sound of explosions dimmed only by the loud cries of pleasure coming from Jeremy.

Just as the lead horses leapt over the first row of cannons, Taylor could feel his whole body shaking and trembling with the coming success of the charge. His whole body was coiled, every muscle taut and waiting for that final leap ahead, that final plunge over the top when the bombs would burst high above.

The room bounced to their mutual cries of released passion. The walls thundered to the sound of their love fury as it roared around the room, unleashed, unbridled, and unrelenting. The two bodies crashed and groaned together, the bed shook as both of them felt their bodies join together for a brief second. For one shining moment in their history their souls joined together, becoming one strong unbreakable shield against the entire world.

Above it all, through the white clouds of the bursting bombs, through the ringing of metal on metal, the din of human voices raised in triumph, a soft voice sang on and Taylor lay collapsed on top of Jeremy, his body still shaking along with Jeremy’s as his once throbbing cock slowly fell free from the clutch of Jeremy’s muscles. The pole no longer straining against the rubber coating, instead it lay there, bathed in a pool of white milk, glistening, feeling filled and yet not.

Seth stared out at the pool, his body resting casually against the doorway as he drank from his glass. He shivered a little even though it was at least 75 outside. The night had confused him, his emotions had run every part of gamut, from fear to exhilaration to concern to total freedom.

Softly he walked the house, feeling its emptiness, its sadness and its loneliness. With his drink in hand, he walked up the stairs towards his room when he stopped by Billy’s door. He stared at it, wondering how Billy was adjusting to his new life. Strange, but he missed him so much, yet he knew he wasn’t going to be gone for long, yet it felt like he was losing him forever.

Shaking his head he started to back away when once more the soft willowy voice seemed to take control over him. Damn, he couldn’t shake that voice tonight, and yet even as his hand opened the door he knew he never wanted to have that voice leave him.

The bed was a total mess and the smell of two boys greeted him as he stared at the scene. Clothes lay everywhere, and he found himself slowly picking them up, tossing them into the corner and as he picked up a pair of shorts, he stopped, suddenly overwhelmed by a strange sense of nostalgia.

He breathed deeply as the strange aroma of lilacs and roses and carnations seemed to waft across his nostrils, filling him with their sweet scents and he thought of his wife, Christina, and how much she would have enjoyed this evening.

“Yes Dear I hear you” he whispered to the empty room as he turned the pair of shorts over and over in his large hands. He could feel the dried crusty shorts, knowing it was his sons and while it seemed weird, it felt good knowing that his son was actually experiencing what he once had.

He walked further around the room, seeing the bed sheets and the dark stains on them and he smiled, knowing where they had come from and there, over in the corner he saw the pair of orange shorts, knowing they were Mike’s and right next to them lay a t-shirt that had to be Billy’s. Fitting he thought, that they lay there together.

His eyes were misted over as he stared at the desk that was up against the window. He saw the blank computer screen and then off to one side he saw the frame, the silver etched frame and he reached out for it, to touch it, to hold it.

His hand shook as it touched the metal and he brought the small frame up to his moist eyes. There she stood, her hair resting so softly on his shoulder, the eyes, even in this old photograph, still sparkled with the life that was her, that was Billy and Taylor and even him.

Even now, years after her death, he could still hear her voice, her the love that every word she spoke carried, hear the pride she had in her boys and even in him, though he doubted if he deserved such devotion and such undying passion.

Tears rolled down his cheeks as he clutched the photograph to his chest, feeling his inner torment as his regrets and pain came flooding upwards towards his heart. The holes in it, still fresh, still seemingly bleeding like an open gunshot wound. He could feel himself shaking and he stepped backwards, falling to sit on the boy’s bed.

As his body fell to the bed, the frame still clutched in his arms, he felt a sudden warmth enter him. The soft voice that had guided him earlier with Taylor now filled his head and he could hear it like it was standing before him. The soft words of love flowed into him, and the raging fires of grief and regret were suddenly facing a stronger force, one of absolute love.

The battle raged inside of him, his heart ached as the soft voice met his regrets, and in a blink of an eye had turned them into memories of times not so good and of times that were pure joy. Of times walking down the street of their city with a bundle of pure energy inside the carriage, of another bundle of energy walking side by side, both of them blonde haired like their mother but each different in so many ways.

The soft voice gathered strength as memories of late dinners no longer haunted him, because as ‘she said’ at least he was home now, and for that she was always happy. Strange, he had never really thought much about his past, he knew that as far as husbands or father’s went, he hadn’t been a bad one, he had worked too hard, struggled to get ahead maybe too much at times, but he was so desperate to give her and the two wonderful sons she had given him everything, he had forgotten that what she really wanted wasn’t the money or fame or fortune, but was him.

It had taken him a long time to come to that realization and he cried as he sat there, feeling dejected, feeling like he had robbed her of what she so richly deserved. How could he have been so blind he thought? How?

The answer seemed to suddenly fill his heart, the ache of his broken heart was filling his body once more with its pain when the voice seemed to grow inside of him. He could feel it, almost as if it was reaching for his heart and then the soft sounds seemed to just reach him, touch his aches and he listened to it, and heard it.

Seth heard as the voice told him that he was loved, that yes he made mistakes but through it all he had never lost sight of who he loved and why he loved them. He could almost close his eyes and see her now, the tall slender figure, the blue eyes shimmering as if they held a secret that would not keep. The long flowing blond hair of his Christina racing behind her as she chased a young Billy down the backyard, or as she ran out of the house, carrying a paper bag with his lunch in it.

He could see it all and he could see the love, it surrounded her, and no matter what had gone on, no matter what they had fought about, argued over, that cloak of total love was always intact, always there and he knew that it still was there.

Seth stood up and put the picture back on the desk. The tears still rolled down his face as he left the room, leaving the door open and he walked down the hallway, stopping at his own room. He dreaded walking in, feeling her presence, and yet above all else, that was what he wanted.

Slouched and feeling all alone he summoned his courage to enter the room and he could feel her presence, just as he knew he would. Everything in the room brought back a memory of her, an incident or a memory, it didn’t matter as he never could get enough of it, and he still needed her.

As he walked into the empty room, he could feel the voice singing inside of his heart, as if it was her, as she sewed. Man how she loved to hum or sing some melody whenever she was doing something. He smiled at the thought, of how she would be singing while cooking, just as Billy did now, or hum as she read a book, just as Taylor did when studying.

Oh God, they were so like her, where it counted and he had missed all of that. The pain in his heart started once more, but it was different this time, it didn’t feel quite so harsh, quite so painfull as the singing just seemed to grow, to get more strident like when she would be sitting sewing one of the kids socks or more likely one of his socks.

He shuddered as he saw the image flash before him, the concentration on her face as she passed the needle and thread through and her voice changed with whether she was pulling the needle through or poking it in, just as the voice did now inside fo him and he looked upwards, towards the heavens wondering, scared that he was slowly going crazy from his grief.

He found his head being gently guided around the room, taking it all in, the dresser where she used to sit in front of, brushing her hair and when he had had a bad day, how she would get him to stand behind her and comb it out for her, making him relax, making him be with her and how her scent would fill his nostrils, fill his heart with its sweet fragrance and how she would talk to him then, always soft, always gentle, easing his sore mind with its gentle lilt, just as she was doing now.

His head moved around to where the box used to rest. The clear evidence of it shown in the cleanliness of the spot it once took on his bureau. He felt the sting in his heart and then felt it ease, felt it fill up with joy and pleasure that he knew that box was bringing.

He closed his eyes and he saw his son, saw his trembling hand as it reached for the little note, saw his face as his eyes bulged in recognition of whose note paper the note was written on. His heart stopped as he saw the way his son tried to back away, how his Billy who let nothing stop him was now desperate to pull away and he willed him to not listen to that urge, but to forge ahead and he saw him shake, saw him tremble as the paper came upwards.

Seth watched as Billy’s face registered the words in his mind and he stood there transfixed as he witnessed his son reach out for Mike, reach to touch him with one hand while his other hand fondled the rings. He saw the shadow figure of a tall lady in white with long flowing blonde hair off to the side, her face beaming with joy as she looked not at Billy and Mike but at him.

His heart ached but for longing, not out of fear, and he saw her smile, that radiant smile that made him weak at the knees even now. Seth saw her reach out with one hand towards him, and he stumbled forward, raising his own hand towards the shadowy figure and he saw her tilt her head, towards Billy, her other hand pointing at the scene as Billy was slowly placing a ring around Mike’s hand and staring into his green eyes.

Seth felt himself being drawn into it all, felt the power of the voice now as it took hold of him and showed him their son, starting his own life and he looked at her, seeing her approval, her smile and for that moment, feeling the deep love and passion that he had shared together, joining them once more in witnessing their sons union with his own soul mate.

The vision changed and he saw the figure pointing at him, then at the phone by the bed, and the sight of Billy and Mike standing in front of the bed danced before his eyes. He could see the two roses that lay across the powder blue satin sheets and he smiled at the touch, knowing who had done it and he stared into the blue eyes of his Christina. He saw her, felt her, and heard her voice as his heart no longer felt like it was haemorrhaging non stop.

He resisted at first, trying to argue with the soft sweet voice and the deep passionate blue eyes but just as when she was here, he could not resist her love or her compassion. He cried like a baby as he slowly walked to the night table, where his phone lay. With a glance upwards, the tears clouding his eyes and his body trembling, he found his hand slowly being guided to pick up the phone. He watched as his fingers dialled the number, and then he heard the harsh sound of the rings as he listened, his heart held in check, his lips dry from the strain and his lungs ready to burst as he held his breath.

He heard the sleepy voice on the other end answering, and for a second panic seized his heart, but the calming voice within eased the sudden chill and once more his whole body was engulfed in a tender warm embrace of love.

“Hi, uh…sorry to wake you…. Uh, yeah…. I am…. Yes, please…. I need, please can you come over?  ……….. Yes, thanks.”

Seth hung the phone up and the soft images of two roses being gently lifted off a cloud of light blue floated through his mind as he waited anxiously for the gate alarm to sound.