Chapter Twelve

As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.

– Proverbs 23:7

Billy sat in the darkness, the stars shining brightly outside the open window and they cast their white light into the room. He stared at the sky but every now and then he would turn to stare at the sleeping figure in the bed.

He could hear the soft sounds of Mike’s chest as it gently heaved in and out in a steady rhythm, letting him know that he was sleeping soundly. Billy smiled as he stared at Mike, feeling the warmth of the night wrap around his naked body. Damn, he loved him so much and there was so much to feel, and yet a part of his heart still trembled with fear.

How could someone as wonderful as Mike be his? He still had to pinch himself; to make sure that this wasn’t all a dream and that when he awoke there would be no Mike. It was amazing; in less than six months he had gone from being the poster child for a loner to the epitome of a married person. Least so Taylor had said the other night.

Another smile crossed his face as thoughts of Taylor washed through his mind. Damn it was strange how life worked. For most of his affair, Taylor had been absent, but ever since just after football season, and the talk, it was as if Taylor had never left. Yeah, they still didn’t see each other much, what with school, and Taylor working and all, but they talked almost every day.

Funny too, Mike and Jeremy seemed to have become close friends too, and they talked a lot together it seemed, which was fine with Billy, and he was pretty sure it was Jeremy who had taught Mike some of those sneaky little tricks.

He almost burst out laughing as he thought of it all. Taylor and him compared notes one day and they were sure that if they pooled their money and bought the florist shop in the mall, they’d double their money not because it was a hot damn shop, but because of all the damn flowers that Jeremy and Mike seemed to shower them with every chance they got.

Billy couldn’t think of a single day that he didn’t get some note or flower from Mike, and in some of the strangest places too. Once he had walked into the bathroom to take a shit and the seat was down, he lifted it up to find a damn carnation taped to it, with a note telling him that he was the best smelling man in the world. Fuck, he had almost shit his pants he was laughing so hard that he had forgotten why he was even in the damn bathroom.

According to Taylor, Jeremy was as bad. Hell, he said he came to the apartment one day after work to find rose petals in a trail on the front hallway, and he followed it to the bedroom, where he found Jeremy laying on the bed, his legs spread open, his cock harder than a god damn steel girder and a rose clenched in his teeth. Man he had laughed at that.

Tears were in his eyes as he blinked and tried to get them to stop, his head tilted to one side and upwards, gazing at the stars.

“Nice isn’t it?” Mike’s voice softly said, startling Billy.

“Hey, what are you doing up?”

“Couldn’t sleep, something was missing.”

“yeah? What?”

“You… why you crying?”

Mike sat next to Billy, his hand on Billy’s leg, and the touch only made the tears come faster. Damn it, he was such a wimp, always crying but he couldn’t help it, he felt so loved and those thoughts made him weepy.

“Its nothing, sorry if I woke you.”

“Billy, please, what is it?”

“Nothing, honest, go on back to sleep, I was just thinking, that’s all.”

“yeah, ‘bout what?”

“You, me, Taylor, all of it, how wonderful it is to have you here now, to spend every waking moment with you… Mike… shit, here I go again”

“Yeah… well come here ‘wife’”

Billy couldn’t speak, the hard sound of Mike’s voice seemed to simply take hold of him and he simply obeyed him. He just couldn’t deny him, whether it was in his playful voice or his acting tough ‘ I am the man here’ voice, whatever Mike desired, he wanted to give him, to hold him, to keep him next to him.

Mike felt Billy get up off the sill and move closer to his standing frame. He felt his arms and let his head nestle on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around Billy’s body and could feel him trembling.

It was strange, he had been sleeping so soundly, and dreaming of a large house, set in a field and lots of huge oak trees filled the yard. There were all kinds of other trees too and a couple of dogs barking off in the distance and over by the pool, he could see two kids playing, one blonde, the other dark haired and he was sitting on the porch, watching them as they frolicked around on the grass, tossing a ball around.

His dream was idyllic, and he could feel his contentment as he looked up from his chair and standing next to him was an older Billy, his face more pronounced, his hair a little bit longer than it was now, but he had the same clear blue sparkling eyes, the same hot winning smile that always made his heart twist and turn in anticipation.

Then suddenly, the dream changed, clouds seemed to come over, hiding the sun and the two kids playing stopped their wild cheering and looked up. He felt a strange coolness come over him and he reached up to grab hold of Billy’s hand, that was moments earlier on his shoulder, but now, now it was gone and he felt a sudden panic inside of his chest.

It was then that he had woken, and had rolled over to rest his trembling young body against the sleeping one of Billy, but as in his dream, he found nothing there. Panic had seized him and he had sat bolt upright in the bed and started to feverishly look around the room, about to call Billy’s name when he saw the shadow by the window.

All the panic seemed to suddenly dissipate as his eyes locked onto Billy’s shape. He became anxious he saw Billy sitting there, silently staring up to the sky and he knew that Billy was crying. His own heart ached from the pain that was troubling his man, and he quickly moved out of the bed to go and be with Billy.

Billy could feel Mike’s strength in his arms, and as his body simply folded into Mike’s, he could feel the strength flowing into his own limbs and frame. It felt so good to be in these arms, he could never imagine not being in them.

They stood there, staring out the window, the stars casting their luminance across their naked bodies and it was like they were on top of the world, standing out in space, their backs bathed in the blue glow of the earth, their fronts shining in the white of the pulsing stars.

Time stood still for them, the sky was etched in God’s beauty as they just stared at it, feeling its vastness and yet feeling its purpose, its design and both of them felt awed by its magnificence, and yet were at peace within its spectacular array.

Mike could feel the strange beat of Billy’s heart, the rather heaviness of it, a bit lighter with each passing second, but still wrapped in a cloak of doubt and anxiety. It was unsettling to him and he felt a bit lost for a second, then a he looked down to Billy, saw the soft strands of blonde hair, shining and blowing in the night, and his heart started to quicken.

With surprising strength and gentleness, Mike reached around and pulled Billy close to him, he kissed him lightly and in one single movement, had Billy in his arms, his feet dangling and his head up and on his shoulder.

Billy had grown some and wasn’t exactly a 90 lbs weakling anymore, but Mike held him in his arms effortlessly and he looked into the shimmering blue eyes, seeing the love and passion that was always burning there.

Mike’s eyes burned brightly and Billy could see the fire that was kindled by his touch, by his own very touch and it made his heart quicken, beating faster with each fleeting second of time and for that moment in time, all doubts, all fears seemed to simply vanish. He was loved, of that nothing else mattered inside of him and felt the swish of air as Mike carried him to their bed.

Billy lay there, the bed softly giving way to the weight of his body, hardly making a ripple or a noise as Mike tenderly placed him on the centre of the bed. His naked body glistened in the soft glow of starlight and the shadowy figure of Mike was etched in the blue sparkling rays of the stars.

Mike’s fully aroused body shone in the night, and Billy could see every part of his body, outlined in the soft lights of the stars, he saw the fully erect penis, the way it stood out, as if it was looking for him. The way Mike’s chest heaved, in eager anticipation of being with him and he could hear the sounds of his breathing becoming louder and faster. He could see the chest expanding with each pounding beat of Mike’s wonderful heart and he smiled up at his man, the white of his teeth glowing in the dark, sending deep chills through Mike’s shimmering body.

All of this he could see and yet still at the very recesses of his soul he could also feel the darkness, the void that held his fears and doubts and a small shadow seemed to pass quickly before his eyes, but only for a mere instant.

The touch of Mike’s hand against his cheek erased the cloud, it skittered off to lay unheeded as the hand gently rubbed him, passing softly down the young face, feeling the tiny blonde peach fuzz that dotted his cheek and then to roll effortlessly under his chin, turning his face so it rested fully up and at the man who was touching him.

Billy shuddered and felt his whole body quaking to that single simple touch. His heart ached for more and he groaned softly into the night, signalling his pleasure and his desire. His eyes grew like saucers as the hand moved down his neck, feeling the hollow of his throat then down to his chest, to twirl the few odd hairs and then softly move across to feel the jutting hardness of his nipples.

They stung with the touch, ached immensely as Mike’s fingers slowly moved across them, gently touching them and yet sending them into their own wild orgasm of joy, and his body started to tremble with each second, his balls started to shake in eagerness, and his groin felt like it was suddenly in a blast furnace. The heat was so intense and so warming to his soul, that he started to break out in a warm sweat of pure pleasure.

Mike’s hand was now gently rubbing his stomach, feeling his muscles coiling under the soft touch, the warmth only getting hotter as the hand slowly but relentlessly moved down his trembling frame.

The hand now searched for him, it rubbed the belly, twirling around the deep belly button, a finger softly poking into the hole, pressing in slightly, and making him quake and moan once more.

As the hand left his belly he felt the soft breath of his lover on his cheeks, and he opened his eyes to stare into the dark sea of green before him. He saw deep inside, a raging flickering of pure white light that was Mike’s love for him. Tears flowed down his cheeks unabated as Mike’s lips reached out for him and softly pressed against his own quivering lips.

Just as the lips touched, Mike’s hand moved down his groin, carefully spreading the soft blonde pubic hairs, reaching out for the solid root of Billy’s cock. The tips of his fingers touched the hot throbbing root just as his tongue gently parted Billy’s lips and slowly started to press inwards, tasting the saltiness of Billy’s mouth, the soft supple lips and then as the tongue pushed inside, to gently press up against Billy’s mouth, his hand wrapped itself around the jerking penis, holding it steady for a brief second in its iron grip.

Billy couldn’t stop; his whole mind was in torment from the assault of Mike’s unbeatable love. He could feel it pounding against his chest, against his arms, his legs, his torso, demanding entry to his body and with a shudder and a groan, his body surrendered to that strident call.

Just when he thought that there was no way he could experience anything greater he felt Mike’s mouth suddenly depart from his, and a sudden motion made him blink and then he yelled out fiercely, as Mike had dropped his face down, and had suddenly engulfed his jerking penis deep into his mouth.

Billy couldn’t take it, his whole body leapt upwards, his groin struggled with the hot fiery emotions that run unchecked through his whole being and he felt his buttocks rise up off the bed and thrust his hips forward to push his pulsing penis further into Mike’s eager and desiring mouth.

He was swallowed whole and as he felt Mike’s chin rasp up against his pubic hairs, pressing against the hot flesh of his groin he collapsed. Billy’s body fell downwards as his cock started to jerk every way possible, held tightly none the less by Mike’s throat muscles and the hot white love of Billy came flooding out, to fill the waiting throat, to fill the empty stomach that craved nothing else but this life giving force of man milk.

The force of his ejaculation was tremendous, and Mike almost gagged on the sudden flood that filled him, but he had expected most of it. He hung on, taking it all down his throat, swallowing quickly with each strident shot of Billy’s cum. It was like nirvana to him, the sweet salty taste of his man’s milk and he shook under the pleasure that now raced through his entire body.

His own cock was jerking in time with Billy’s and he could feel his own cream being propelled outwards, to splash like cannonballs against Billy’s trembling body. He could even hear the splat of his own love as it hit the hot flesh of Billy and he groaned deeply, amazed at just how much he loved this young friend, this young man who meant everything to him.

As Billy’s body shook one last time in a reflex spasm of joy, Mike slowly pulled his head up off of Billy’s shaking cock. The taste of him still full in his mouth and he looked up to see the tears flowing and the saucer like eyes staring down at him. He pushed himself up the quivering body and pressed his lips to Billy’s shaking mouth.

The taste of his cum was etched on his lips, and he could feel and taste the salty sweetness as Mike’s tongue pressed inside of him. His heart had started to slow down, now raced forward once more as he felt the love pass between his lips and those of Mike’s. Oh God, he thought, I can’t live without him, and with that thought echoing inside of him he wrapped his arms around Mike’s body, clutching it close to him, trying desperately to bring it even closer, to make it melt with his to form just one body.

They lay there for an eternity it seemed, their bodies turning almost white as they hung onto each other, both of them desperate to join the other and make themselves as one. Finally, they couldn’t hold on any longer, their strength ebbed, and the lay apart, the feeling of regret seemed to fill the room and yet, not fully.

Mike knew that Billy was scared, well so was he but he knew, deep down inside that somehow, someway, they would always be what they were now, totally in love and totally committed to each other. He wished and prayed for a way to make Billy see it, knowing that Billy was wishing for and praying for the same thing.

Billy’s voice was in shock.

“There are tears on your face.”

“Yeah, I guess”

“But Mike, why… did I…”

“NO, no Billy it is just…. Oh shit I love you so much, and I…”

“I know Mike, I love you so much it hurts…”

“Billy I don’t want to hurt you, there isn’t anything in this world I wouldn’t do for you… please God, you have to make, you have to know that Billy.”

“I do… it is just that, well…”

“what?”

“I don’t know Mike, sometimes I think about all that we do, all the times that we rush up here to make love or when no one is around we are always doing it, and well, I wonder if that is enough for you… I mean… shit I don’t know what I mean”

“oh Christ Billy, enough for me? Damn, you are all I want Billy, I don’t care if we do it a hundred times a day or once a month, I only want to make you happy, and I’ll do whatever I can to do that… I love being with you, holding you, having you inside of me or me inside of you, it is the greatest feeling on earth… I just… well I don’t know if that is enough for you, ”

“for me? Mike you make me feel so special, and I know I am not, i…”

“STOP THAT”

“What, Mike…”

“Stop it Billy, don’t you dare say you aren’t special, God, you are the most special person in the world… you are, oh fuck, I wish I had the words…. Billy there is no one, no one who can make me happier than you… I know I fall short of that with you… but …oh shit”

“Mikey… oh please mikey… I am so sorry… no, no you make me very happy, I can’t live without you Mike, damn, I fucked it up again, you loved me so special, and I fuck it up.”

“No you haven’t Billy, damn I am a mess, I love you so fucking much, I guess I am scared of losing you, of well, of not being able to please you like you deserve or need, and… shit, damn these tears, I can’t help them, oh man.”

Billy reached out and together they held onto each other once more, their bodies sobbing together with their humanity, their fears running rough shot over their love but slowly, slowly their hearts managed to regain control and the tears subsided. The fears were once more held in check, present but no longer in charge.

“Billy, I don’t know how, not yet, but one day I will make you see.”

“Mike, I know, please… you don’t have to prove anything to me, really, it isn’t you it is just that, well… I guess ever since Mom left, I have this feeling that everyone I love will leave me, I know its stupid Mike, I know its not real, but I loved her so much and she was taken away, and now when I look at you, I feel the same fear, because I love you so much, just like I loved her and love Dad and Taylor.”

“I know Billy, I know, but she isn’t really gone, I mean she is always going to be with you, and unless you tell me to leave, I am never going to be anywhere but here at your side, please Billy, try to believe me.”

“I will Mike, honest, I will, just, well, sometimes its hard, I mean, this whole thing is so strange to me.”

“What, doing it with a guy or with me?”

“Now you stop it, no, being gay I guess, shit, it is scary you know, like what happens if someone finds out about me, how can I or how will I deal with it.”

“By telling them to fuck off, that’s how. Shit, it bugs me too, but it doesn’t matter Billy, least not to me, cause well, cause I have you and that’s all I want.”

“Damn you making me cry again Mikey, but that isn’t what I mean…. Oh shit you talk about you needing the words, I need a few myself.”

“yeah right, scores a perfect on English and he needs words… shit.”

“okay, look, it isn’t just me though, I mean if they find out about me, what happens to you? I couldn’t take it if because of me you couldn’t play football or were razzed or stuff… I just couldn’t…”

“Billy, come on, if they find out about you they find out about me, it’s that simple.”

“I know, and that’s the thing, damn it, why do people have to even know? What does it matter to them, who I love or not?”

“I don’t know, and so what if they do find out? It isn’t going to change dick.”

“Oh right, like hell it wouldn’t, that’s what scares me at times, not just the stuff about if we are in lust and merely sex crazed pervs, but what happens if we are found out, I don’t think I could handle that.”

“Listen, first of all, maybe it wouldn’t be like we think? Maybe, just maybe because everyone knows us they wouldn’t get as uptight as if they didn’t know us, and lust, yeah I crave your body every fucking second of every god damn day, but it isn’t lust Billy, it is need, desire, because without you next to me, I am just only, well, I am not complete… I need you in my life to be total, shit, the fucking waterworks are working overtime tonight.”

“heehee, yeah tell me about it, here… let me wipe that, man you are so hot, just touching you and all, fuck, look at that, you got me fucking hard again you ass…”

“haha, look at you, shit I been sporting a rod for the last two tear breaks… damn it Billy it can’t be lust, I just know that, I really do.”

“I wish I did.”

“Yeah, well you will, you will Billy.”

Billy woke up to the sounds of water running in the bathroom and he blinked a few times as the sleep held onto him. Damn he had a good dream again, this time he was standing outside their porch, a small house off in the woods, lots of land and a ton of Oak trees in front.

He could see two kids playing catch with a football in the distance, and there on the front porch was Mike, sitting and rocking watching the kids. It felt so good, standing there, his hand resting on Mike’s shoulder.

Fuck, he sure wished dreams could come true, man what a life they would have then. Billy shook his head, wondering what Mike dreamed about, maybe one day he’d share this special dream with him, let him in on how much he really prayed and hoped that they could be together forever, growing old out in the country somewhere, where no one could bother them, where no one could intrude on their love or cast doubts on their lifestyle.

Shit, he was getting maudlin again, but he shook it off. Ever since that night two weeks earlier, he had been happy as a pig in clover, well for the most part. The last few days had been hectic, as Mike’s parents had left for England just the other day. It was strange, but he had felt closer to Mike these last few days as he struggled with the changes in his life.

They had talked a bit more, but mostly they spent their time together running, and just being together. Even though his parents were leaving, Mike spent every waking second he could in Billy’s arms and Billy was sure that the parents weren’t exactly thrilled about that, least until the other day when Mike’s mom had called him.

Damn that had freaked him out, when his dad told him that Mike’s mom wanted to meet him for lunch, and he had given his okay, plus, he had said he would see that Mike didn’t know.

Damn, Taylor was right, Dad was really changing too, the way he was always there now, no matter what he simply was there. Like after that night two weeks ago, when he and Mike had flooded the damn room with their tears, his dad had somehow known.

He had knocked on their door in the morning and without even waiting had walked in and sat on the edge of the bed. He just sat there, smiling at them as Mike had dove under the covers and he had wrenched a bed sheet up off the floor to cover himself. Damn, they sure had red faces and yet there wasn’t any red in his dad’s face, instead he seemed to be laughing, the way his eyes just sparkled and shone, like he had a secret.

After a few minutes, when they had both managed to cover their hard-ons and be more presentable, Billy’s dad just looked them both in the eyes and told them how proud he was of them, and how much he loved his two young sons. Then he did something that Billy had missed for a long time, he just reached out and gave them each a bear hug.

Billy had cried like a baby as his father held him, and when he reached over to bring Mike into his arms, the waterworks merely exploded even more. Damn he never knew he had so many tears locked up inside of him and yet he did. His dad left, his suit soaked with their tears and he was muttering too, something about damn kids, messing my new suit and yet he was smiling as he said it, teasing them both and that was definitely something he hadn’t done since his Mother had passed away. It felt so good that he had reached around after his dad had left the room and made wild passionate sex to Mike.

Poor Mike, Billy laughed as he struggled to get out of bed. That morning he had sure surprised him, making such wild passionate love that for the better part of the morning, Mike walked around very tenderly. He said it was from having to wear clothes but Billy knew it was from their lovemaking. Hell even his dad knew that.

Funny, his Dad was really full of surprises. At the breakfast table he had asked Mike why he was walking funny, Mike had told him because of the shorts, and Dad just looked at Billy and said: ‘Well son, don’t worry, it’ll get bigger as you grow older’ and then he just placed the newspaper in front of him while Mike spit out his milk and started to howl in laughter.

“What you grinning at?”

“Huh? Oh sorry, oh just thinking back to when dad made that comment at breakfast, man he sure is getting more, open.”

“Comment? Which one? Damn, he is isn’t he? Kind of neat, so, what’s the plan for the day stud muffin?”

“Oh no you don’t, we don’t have time for that, not today, we have to finish getting your stuff and Taylor and Jeremy are coming for dinner and, fuck, I got so much to do, no Mike… damn it put that away… oh God it is dripping again… fuck…”

It was hopeless, there was no way he could deny Mike and before he could utter another word, he felt Mike’s body pressing against his and once more he was off into his special world where nothing bothered him, nothing came to haunt him or scare him.

Each time that he lay with Mike, felt him next to him and inside of him, he felt like he was superman, ready to conquer all evil, battle any villains that dared to show up. Strange, but ever since that night, Mike had made sure that they had started each day differently, but yet the same.

Each day he found a new way to please him, to make him laugh and lately he kept making him run too. Damn, what started out as merely a chance to be with Mike, was now turning into a ‘thing’ that they did. He kind of liked it too, not getting up early, but of being so alone with Mike, just him and the wind as they ran past the trees and the flowers. It was very special, and very peaceful; it kept the doubts away, which he was sure what Mike was trying to do.

He sighed as they hunted for a clean pair of gym shorts, he would have to do laundry today too, but hell, it was kind of fun doing the clothes. Each time he tossed in a pair of underwear or gym shorts or even jeans, a memory would flash across his face of how they got that special scent or aroma.

“Now what are you grinning at?”

“Just you, there… under the chair is a pair… they look clean enough.”

“Fuck yeah, great… now one more… and hey, what’s that?’

“Huh? Where?”

“Between your legs stupid, damn you horny again?”

“Fuck off Michael… no way, we are already way behind.”

“Okay okay, geez, you’d think we were a married couple or something, now I know what my dad meant when he said that when you date, you get laid every night, when you get married, you lay down every night… hehe”

“FUCK YOU, lay down, shit if you had your way we’d be walking downstairs with your dick up my ass.”

“Fucking “a” man… hmm, maybe we should try that.”

“FUCK OFF… damn, what has gotten into you today?”

“Well, so far, not you …but I have hopes for later.”

“PIG”

“YEP”

Dinner had past quickly. Billy liked Jeremy and the way he was so damn obvious in his love for Taylor. Shit, it felt so good to sit at the far end of the table, watching everyone. It must have been how his mother must of felt, as she sat there, looking over her brood and seeing them laugh and cry and just be themselves. It sure felt good.

“Well come on men, let us adjourn to the patio while the women folk there clear up this mess, hey Billy?”

“HEY, just a minute their ‘pops’ no way, you ain’t sticking me with all the dishes… and what’s this women folk stuff… I will have you know that…”

“Lord there he goes again, okay okay I surrender son, how about if Taylor helps you out, you won’t mind will you son?”

“haha, no Dad, I don’t mind helping the little woman out.”

“FUCK YOU ALL, Damn it, I slave over a hot stove all day making this dinner for you and all you can do is torment me… it isn’t fair I tell you…”

“Yeah I know, a women’s work is never appreciated” Mike piped up and they all broke into laughter.

Damn it, this was so perfect, he just started picking up the plates, feeling like he was in a whole new life. Mike had all his stuff tucked away upstairs, and was officially now his roomie, hehe, yeah roomie shit, he was the rooms stud boy, and boy was he going to get it later for those ‘wifey’ comments.

Taylor slipped his suit jacket off, to help clear up the table and Billy watched his brother move around the dinner table, stacking dishes and whistling. Every now and then though, he caught him glancing at him, smiling and he would smile back.

They had all dressed for dinner, which wasn’t normal but Dad had said as it was a family affair, they should maybe be a bit more formal. It was like Sunday dinner’s they used to have when his Mom was alive. She liked to see her men in their suits and ties and so tonight, the family ritual was revived.

Billy whistled as he stacked the dishes in the sink. He was so happy, everyone was here that mattered, well almost everyone, but least those who could be there, were. He was enjoying himself when his father walked in.

“Well, William, that’s enough. Taylor go on, get your jacket on, everyone’s ready.”

“Huh? What? I still gotta wash these,  what do you mean everyone’s ready? Hey, what’s going on?”

“William, I don’t know, you are certainly a very special young man, and I just love you so much.” With that his father grabbed him and hugged him close. Billy shook as he felt his father trembling and there was something unreal about it all, he felt very scared all of a sudden, as if his whole world was about to change.

“Here, put your jacket on and let’s straighten that tie now, good… yes you certainly have grown up…”

“Dad, what is this? I mean…”

“Sshhh, you know, I think your Mother would be very proud of you, hell I know she would be, God you were the joy in her smile William”

“Dad, stop calling me William, you are making me scared.”

“Hehe, well I don’t doubt it, it is a big day”

Seth Bradford just smiled at his son, seeing the tall frame, now filling out with lots more definition and he could see the muscles starting to show through the skin as he adjusted his son’s tie, holding him by the shoulders. Damn he was going to be a real looker even when he would be older.

Billy watched as his tie straightened the tie, adjusted his collar and then he whipped out a small carnation, and pinned it on Billy’s lapel. This was getting weird, cause he took another one and pinned it on his own lapel and then he really freaked him out.

He offered his arm to him, as if to guide him out of the bloody kitchen. Billy was too nervous and frightened to even speak. Billy looked up into his father’s face and he saw nothing but love there. Swallowing hard, he put his hand on his father’s arm and headed off towards the patio and whatever the hell was going on.

They walked out into the cool breeze of the night, the patio had been transformed, and by the water’s edge he could see everyone. Taylor was standing next to Jeremy and off to one side was Mike, his face buried in his chest as he glanced furtively at Billy walking out.

The lanterns ringed the whole patio, the fancy ones they only used for special occasions and he was stunned. How the hell had they managed to re arrange the whole damn patio without him even knowing and why, that was really starting to bug him and he could feel his head swivelling around on his shoulders, his eyes bulging out like huge flying saucers as he took it all in.

His father was holding his hand on his arm, and he could just feel his chest growing. Damn, he could see tears rolling down his dad’s face as they walked up to where everyone was standing. Mike came forward and stood just in front of Taylor and Jeremy, waiting it seemed for him.

“Dad, Mike, what is this… I…”

“William, Mike came to me a little while ago and asked me for a favour, I really hadn’t expected what he asked, but the more I thought about it, the more I watched you and him, the more I just knew that it was right.

So, you stand here now, and well, Mike… go on, I… damn, …go on Mike.”

Mike could hardly move, but somehow he seemed to collect himself. Billy saw him suck his chest in and he looked up. Tears were rolling down his face and Billy’s heart started to ache in pure torment. Damn, Mike was going to, but no, that wouldn’t, it couldn’t, and terror seemed to be rolling through him as Mike reached out to touch his hand.

The second he felt the sweaty fingers on his hand, his heart seemed to just stop. The terror that was taking hold suddenly eased, lurking in the back of his mind as he stared at Mike.

It took him a few seconds, but finally, in a very shaky voice, Mike started to speak, strength suddenly growing in his young voice as he stared into Billy’s eyes.

My Dear Billy, hmm, you know that sounds so strange coming from me to you, another guy. It really is different isn’t it? I mean out there, in the big world, its perfectly normal for a lady to say ‘dear’ to her husband or boyfriend, or for a man to say ‘dear’ to his wife or girlfriend, hell it is even okay for two ladies to say it to each other, like my mom used to say to your mom, yet if two guys say it to each other they are branded sissy or worse, and yet, I have to call you ‘dear’, there just isn’t any other word I could use to describe how much you mean to me.

I know it sounds sappy, but there is nothing closer to my heart than you, than being able to look up in the middle of the night and see your ‘dear face’ next to mine, or to turn the corner by the pool and see your smile or to go running with you in the morning and see your legs pumping. It all makes me feel so blessed, so lucky that I always have to pinch myself, wondering it is all I dream.

And yet, you scare me Billy, yes you do. I look at you, see those wonderful blue eyes and the amazing love and compassion that is brimming out of them, and I tremble from fear, I look at you as you lay in the bed, so peaceful and so damn gorgeous and I shake, I watch as you handle adversity and I quake out of uncontrollable nervousness, but not because I am afraid of losing you, not because I think I am not good enough for you, but that even if I am fortunate to live to be a hundred years old, I won’t have had enough time to tell you and show you how much I love you.

Oh dear Billy, I want to live for eternity, not because I am greedy for life, but because I need an eternity to tell you just how much I love you, to show you how much I need you next to me, to prove to you that there is never anything more precious to me than to be your soul mate.

Dear Billy, there aren’t the words to express how much you mean to me, all I can do is stand here now, in front of your family, your Father who is like a second father to me, your big brother Taylor who is the big brother I never had, but do now, in front of his special partner, and tell them and you, that for as long as I can breathe, as long as my heart can pump blood to my body, I am yours to have, to hold and to be with for as long as you shall want, that no matter what this world throws our way, I will stand here beside you, taking it and loving whatever happens, not because it is good or wonderful, but simply because I am next to you.

There is no one who I would love to see win the biggest lottery in the world, no one I would rather see win the biggest prize or award that could be given, because to me it what you deserve, and yet none of that can compare to the prize I have been given, which is your love. Nothing can ever top that, no honour roll, no presidential medal, no athletic trophy or scholarship can ever come close to comparing to how much joy and life you bring to me every second that I stand next to you.

Billy, my dear dear Billy, without you, there is no life, no heaven and no point in existing, you are everything that I could ever desire or want, no amount of money or fame could ever come close to giving me the pure satisfaction that seeing you smile brings to my heart.

I know this isn’t much Billy, its only a bunch of words written in some fancy writing on some nice paper, but it all that I can give you, to show you that what beats in my heart is true love for you. I pledge to you, dear Billy, my soul, for today, for yesterday, and for forever.

As he finished, Mike dropped to one knee, clasped Billy’s trembling hand in his own sweating one and looked up into Billy’s tear soaked eyes.

I love you William Bradford… will you do me the extreme privilege of spending eternity with me at your side?