Chapter Eleven

He that can’t endure the bad will not live to see the good.

– Yiddish Proverb

Billy jumped into Taylor’s arms as he walked through the front door. It had been a long time since he had seen his big brother and he missed him. There had been times over the last few months when he would turn a corner and actually look for Taylor, before his blonde brain would remember that Taylor was living in his own place off campus.

Strange, at one point in their lives they were so close, it was like they couldn’t be separated without surgery and yet now, days would go by and they didn’t speak to each other. He sighed as he thought of that and he could feel his brother’s arm tighten around him.

“He you growing…. What’s this I feel? Muscles in the arms? Shit Billy you working out or what?”

“Hehe, no… just that Mike and I go running most mornings, specially now that he’s more or less moved in here.”

“Yeah? That’s great, Dad told me he was going to be staying here… uh, you really care about him, don’t you?”

Billy stopped walking and stared at Taylor. He could feel like there was something between them other than just the hot California weather. A sort of strange ache came into his heart as he listened to his brother casually ask him about Mike.

Funny, normally he was always the blabbering gossip whenever Taylor was around, yet in all the time he had been getting close to Mike, he had hardly expressed or discussed it with Taylor and he knew that wasn’t right, but he didn’t realize just how much he missed talking to Taylor until just now.

“Yeah, we love each other so much Tay, you really can’t believe how good it is… I mean, oh shit”

“What? Come on, I am glad for you little bro, honestly.”

“Yeah but it sounds like… well like… Shit, Mike said I would do this.”

“do what?”

“Tear up… damn he knows me too well.”

“hehe, yeah I know, he is pretty smart for a jock.”

“Hey, that’s my jock boy you talking about… but he is damn smart, I mean you should see him in class sometimes, man he scares me the way he can grasp something and well, he just…”

“Whoa, man you too fast for me, but yeah I know he’s pretty smart.”

“You do? How?”

“hehe, easy Billy, he’s picked you for his wife…hahah”

“You bastard… okay I’ll give you that one… damn.. when did you learn how to zing a person?”

“Oh, well, I get around.”

“You? Hey… what’s that around your neck? Man it looks so cool…. And what do you mean you get around? Shit, you found someone?  Christ, come on… tell me, who, what, where?”

“Hey, settle down, yeah this necklace? It is cool isn’t it?”

“Taylor… you holding something back… come on give it up, what’s going on?”

“Well, after dinner bro, oh that reminds me, I got a friend joining us, so make sure you have plenty of grub on the table.”

“What? A friend? Shit, now you tell me, okay okay, I’ll throw an extra steak on, damn I don’t know if I got enough taters, oh well Mike can hit the supermarket down the street when he gets back.”

“Back? Where is he, thought he’d be glued to your side, least the way Dad tells it.”

“HUH? Hey, what is this? Dad tells you, shit, why am I the last to know everything?  He’s at the store picking up some stuff I missed, when did you and Dad talk about Mike?”

“Hell, practically everyday at work… didn’t Dad tell you?”

“Well… he did say you were doing some errands for the office, shit, you working there everyday?”

“Yeah, pretty much, for spending money and all, and well, I guess maybe we should save it for later, least until Dad gets home.”

“Hey, what’s going on Taylor, you aren’t in trouble are you?”

“No, damn it Billy you have to know everything don’t you? Can’t you let me have one secret for ten minutes?”

Billy scrunched up his face and stared at his older brother. Taylor didn’t look like him at all, he had blonde hair and blue eyes but that was as far as the family resemblance went.

Taylor had grown, Billy could see how he stood straighter and taller, he had to be a good 6 feet tall now, and his once skinny frame and lanky body was pretty filled out now. Damn, just looking at him after all this time, still made his heart twist and yep, his cock still jerked and got hard with the image of Taylor standing there.

“You looking good, obviously you aren’t eating your own cooking”

“haha, still the gourmet critic are you hot stuff?”

“Hey, so I put too much jalapeno sauce on once, just once, and you won’t let me forget it”

“yeah well the way dad tried to hide it, while his whole mouth was burning still comes to mind and besides, that isn’t what I was talking about.”

“OH? And just what were you talking about?”

“Well, let’s just say I didn’t know you could keep it up that many times in a day there… you sure have gotten over being shy… hehe”

Billy really was perplexed now. How the fuck did Taylor know all this stuff? Who the hell had he been talking to? Couldn’t be Dad, because he was pretty sure that he had managed to hide most of their sex times from his hearing, and it couldn’t be Mike, I mean that was just too absurd to even imagine.

“Man, you should see your face, it is a caricature of the quizzical professor… don’t worry there ‘Hot Stuff’ your secrets are safe.”

Taylor walked away, a bounce in his step that Billy hadn’t noticed before. He was different; it wasn’t the same Taylor that had left in early September for college life and a chance to live away from the homestead. Fuck, he had changed, and he didn’t even know it, and small tears came to his eyes. Billy wiped them away, angry at himself for not seeing the changes in Taylor before this. Damn he wasn’t the good brother he thought he was and that made him even angrier.

Billy followed Taylor out to the pool area and watched him just sort of fold himself into one of the chairs. He looked so hot, lying back against the cushion, a pair of shades on his face now as he stared at the glistening water. Fuck, it still made his heartache and his dick grow, seeing his brother and remembering their past together.

“So, you gonna bring me a drink or what there wifey?”

“Wifey? Hey, where you getting all this shit from? And, yeah okay, what orange juice or some of that cranberry stuff?’

“OJ if its fresh squeezed.”

“Fresh… fuck you, squeeze your own”

“Hey, only Mike gets fresh squeezed? That’s not fair, come on now, I am your big brother, don’t that count too?”

Taylor was grinning as Billy stood there, his hands by his side and his mouth almost touching his knees. How the fuck did Taylor know so much about his life with Mike? Did he have some camera hidden in their bedroom? Oh shit, if he did, man he would be jerking off to it all the time”

“Yeah okay fine, fresh squeezed, but you owe me for that one.”

“Yes dearie… hehe okay don’t hit me Billy, …damn, it has been a long time, hasn’t it?”

Billy stopped, he saw the tears in the corners of Taylor’s eyes and he could feel his own waterworks starting up. Damn, that was the problem with this family, they were always turning on the waterworks lately, even his dad, and that was not normal.

The sound of the gate alarm going off broke into their silent reverie. They had sat there, content with just soaking up the sun and being together that they hadn’t really spoken much, except to trade the odd ribald barb.

Taylor looked over and saw the gleam in his younger brother’s eyes and he felt a strange twinge inside of him. Damn it all, he still really loved Billy, and yeah sort of in that way, but not really.

It was strange as he watched the sudden transformation come over Billy.  He could remember every part of that young body, how good it had felt to him when he had ran his hands down the skinny frame, feeling the young rib cage, feeling the young heart beating away behind them.

Yep, he could close his eyes right now and still see every detail of it, the young flesh and the way it moved to his touch, to his own young body. He could see the small penis, the way it would suddenly spring out from the groin when he touched Billy’s body, it didn’t matter what he touched, that 5 ¾ inch cock would just suddenly spring out, fully erect and dripping pre cum. Now look at him, muscles where before their was baby fat. Hard tone where before was jelly.

If anything, Billy had simply gotten hotter looking but there was more to it. The way the eyes had been before, so sorrowful, so full of pain and anguish, and yet now, when he looked into them, he saw warmth and passion waiting to burst forth. Taylor was happy for his younger brother, but also saddened that Billy wasn’t his now, his to comfort and to cherish. That had passed to someone else and it was obvious by the looks that Mike held centre court now. The smile on Taylor’s face was there, but not without a bit of pain showing through.

When Mike came out to the patio, Taylor was a bit surprised to find that Billy had leapt from the chair and had met him by the sliding patio door. He looked on as Billy jumped into Mike’s open arms and kissed him hard on the lips.

The Billy he remembered could never have done that before, and yet here he was, draped all over Mike’s athletic body devouring his face. Shit, he could feel his own 7-½ inch cock growing very hard inside of his jeans and it started to ache like it used when he would join Billy in Billy’s bed.

As he was remembering some of those nights, he saw Billy settle himself, and there, that was the old Billy now, he saw him glance around, as if looking to see if anyone was there, before he moved. Taylor could see the blonde head twisting every which way, checking the bushes and the trees, afraid someone would spot him. That was the Billy he had known, but then it changed, the quick glance didn’t go for a second check, it stopped itself and he merely gripped Mike’s hand and walked back to the pool.

He had felt comfortable, just lying there with Billy and now a sort of unease came between them. It was, well, sort of like he was an intruder amongst his younger brother. Damn, that was strange, and the feeling didn’t just vanish, even though they made small talk briefly.

Mike left to go back to the store, mumbling about picky women and stuff like that and still the feeling of intrusion held power over Taylor. His eyes followed Mike’s butt as it was carried away into the house, and he turned slightly to see his younger brother. He was amazed at the transformation in him.

Billy just seemed to glow with pure joy. It was almost as if he was the shining orb of heat, not that yellow ball stuck way up in the sky. Unreal he thought as he saw him watch Mike leave. Billy’s eyes seemed to be devouring Mike’s body, his walk, his whole figure and yet he was sitting next to him.

“You got him well trained it seems Billy.”

“Yeah, you think so? Hehe, well I’ll pay for it later. Haha”

Billy just smiled then, and Taylor saw how his face lit up with the ‘I’ll pay for it later’ remark. It was like he held a key to the world’s only source of happiness and he knew it. Taylor could feel his heart aching and he wanted to just reach out and grab his younger brother, to bring him back and recapture some of the warmth they had shared only a short time earlier.

As he sat there, feeling the heat form the sun warm his body, he felt a slight chill creep through his bones. At times he would shiver a little, and glance upwards to see if the sun had moved behind a cloud, but it hadn’t. He would look across to Billy and he felt the cold grow slightly inside, knowing that it was a sign that things had changed forever. He knew that there would never be the same closeness that they had shared so many times together in bed.

Every three seconds he would glance out of the kitchen window towards the patio. His eyes beamed as he would catch sight of Mike’s body in the lounge chair, and then he would find Taylor’s body and his heart would catch itself, skip a beat and he would sigh.

Sitting out there were the two men who meant maybe the most to him in the world, well, two out of the three but his Dad was, well his dad. He had shared his body with those two and each of them, in their own way was dear to his heart. He could feel Taylor’s sadness at times, when they had been sitting there together. He wished he could just reach out and hug him, but something kept holding him back.

He heard the murmur of voices as he was chopping the onions and turned around to find both Taylor and Mike standing in the doorway watching him.

“Told you he is a good wife” Mike commented, a devilish gleam in his green eyes.

“Yeah, guess you were right Mike” his brother answered, an equally devilish gleam coming from his deep blue orbs.

“Fuck you both” Billy chimed, wondering what was up and yet at the same time admiring the way his man was holding his own with his big brother.

“Sorry dear, but you just not in the running now” Taylor softly said.

Silence was all that greeted his soft words. Billy held the knife, in mid chop, as he looked hard into Taylor’s eyes. He saw the misty cloud of water and  could feel his own eyes tearing up and then he watched Mike simply reach over and hug Taylor then come up to him, and hug him.

“I gotta go shower… back in 20″

Mike was suddenly racing up the stairs, his strong legs pounding on the floor as he was swept away leaving Billy still dazed and confused, alone with Taylor.

“He’s really something, you done good Billy”

That was all it took, those simple words and Billy had dropped the knife and was crushing Taylor’s body with his own. His arms were clenched tightly around Taylor’s strong body and he could feel the air leaving him as he hugged his older brother.

“whoa, I can’t breathe Billy, shit, you are getting strong.”

“yeah, so watch it, oh Taylor, do you really like Mike?”

“Like him? Hell I love him as if he was my own brother, is that good enough for you?”

“YES, Oh shit, the tears again… damn you… I love him so much Taylor…”

“I know, I can see that now, I didn’t really believe it until now, but yeah I can see you do.”

“Do you mind?”

“Mind? …no Billy, I don’t mind, not now, no I don’t mind.”

“but you did, didn’t you?”

“yeah, sort of I guess, well at first I did, when Dad told me about it and how, I don’t know, yeah I minded at first.”

“Dad told you what? Shit, you got too many secrets, and why the fuck have you been hiding from me?”

“Hiding from you? Hey now just a minute there…”

“NO, I mean it Tay, it felt like you were avoiding me, and well, damn I miss you.”

“but Billy, you have Mike…”

“Yeah, but he’s my man, you are my brother… can’t I have you both?”

Taylor kissed Billy’s forehead as he said that. It made his heart groan a little and he could still feel his groin aching, but it wasn’t the same type of ache or groan. It was more like he had been missing out on something that he should have been there for, and he was being called on it.

“Yes, you can Billy and I am sorry… I should have been here more… it is just that, well, I needed to be alone for awhile, and then when I met Jeremy, well…”

“Whoa, Jeremy? Your roomie?”

“Yeah, except he isn’t my roomie, he’s well, he’s my boyfriend.”

Billy almost fainted. He backed away from Taylor and stared into his face. He saw the deep blue eyes, the way they were shimmering and also, looking, well, sort of hesitant, as if unsure of something.

“Man, you sit down and start talking, how the fuck, shit, sorry I mean, well how do you know so much about me and Mike and I don’t know nothing about Jeremy? That isn’t fair…”

“Yeah it is, heehee, its payback for all those times you were one step ahead of me, but no, you are right, I should have told you, it is just well, what with you and Dad and Mike and all that was going on with that, I just sort of thought, well…”

“Thought what? That I wasn’t interested? Cause if that is…”

“No, no Billy, I know you would always care, it was just, me, okay, I was being a jerk, like what’s new hey?”

“Come off it, you aren’t a jerk… well okay at times you are but what? I mean, why didn’t you tell me?”

“I couldn’t, okay? I feel bad enough all right?”

“Taylor… no you ain’t pulling that routine on me, no fucking way man, so spit it out or I’ll cut it out of you.”

Billy had a red tinge to his face as he turned around, searching the kitchen for his long cutting knife and Taylor saw the eyes, the way they bugged out and the way the vein in his neck started to grow and pulse outwards. He knew that Billy was really getting angry.

“Okay, okay, you win, as usual my little brother teaches me, okay? Cool down before you have a fit.”

“Fine, so?”

“So? Okay, so I didn’t tell you cause I didn’t want to step on your  feelings, besides, I, well, I wasn’t sure about all this stuff, not with you and Mike, not with me and Jeremy, I mean, there hadn’t been much to, well, you know.”

“No, I don’t, what do you mean sure of all this with me and Mike?”

“Shit, you really want me to go into this now?”

“YES”

“Okay, don’t have a cow, I guess in a way, when Dad started to tell me all about it, it kind of, well I guess in a way I got jealous of Mike, there… happy now?”

“No, I am not happy now… damn it Taylor, how could, oh shit, Taylor I love you, nothing can change that.”

“Yeah I know that now, you know me, it just takes me a bit longer than you to realize things, that’s all.”

“But, okay so you were jealous, why didn’t you come and talk about it with me? I phoned you, you always had some excuse, some lame reason for not being able to come home for dinner or such, how come?”

Taylor didn’t know quite how to tell Billy all that had gone through his head. He started to pace around the kitchen, aimlessly picking up some carrot and munching on it, stalling for time and through it all Billy just watched him, his eyes glued to his every movement and Taylor could feel them burning into him, searching him, striving to reach inside and snatch the answers out. Damn, it was like all the other times and he finally turned to stare into Billy’s face.

He looked deep into those eyes and shrugged his shoulders. He surrendered, there was no way he could hide it any longer.

“I guess I was angry at you, that is why.”

“Angry at me? But, why?”

“I guess in a silly sort of way I felt like you were leaving me, sort of like how I felt when Mom was gone, damn it Billy, I miss her so much, even now and then, well …fuck, this is hard.”

“I know… but, why were you mad at me?”

“I guess I knew way back that you were going to leave, well not leave but move on with your life. I had hoped that it would always be you and me against the world, I never counted on Mike entering the picture… it kind of shook me.”

“Oh shit Taylor, but it is still us, just, well just different, and Mike is so, well…”

“Yeah I know, special to you, and I know that now, it was just that well, it pissed me off at first. I mean when Dad had that dinner for your Birthday, I saw it then, the way you looked at him, how he made you laugh, how he made your heart twist and turn with desire, I could see it then, and well, it hurt… I didn’t know how to handle it, so, yeah instead of talking to you I stayed away, dumb hey?”

“yeah it is… Taylor, we been through so much together, if it hadn’t been for you I would be a basket case now, don’t you know that?”

“Sure, NOT. Come on Billy, you have carried me all this time, you know it, so does Dad. Shit if he hadn’t come to me and made me listen, I don’t know. Then of course there is that man of yours, fuck he is something else.”

“Huh? Dad did what? And whoa… what about Mike? Shit, I need to sit down.”

“Yeah, Dad came over just around when Mike’s folks were trying to get him not to see you, he was so, I don’t know, I never remember ever seeing him that way, like he was helpless and didn’t know what to do.”

“Dad? Come on, for real?”

“Yeah, I mean it was strange Billy, here he was sitting on this ratty couch we have, and he was almost in tears, not sure how to help you or if he should, not sure if even it was right for you to be seeing Mike.”

“Oh God, he never told me that.”

“Yeah, I mean it was strange, and well, don’t hate me, but it felt good hearing all that, no Billy… please, I mean, well it felt kind of good that Dad wanted me to help him decide, instead of you, it was like, ‘Hey, it’s me he wants to consult with, not Billy’ and that felt kind of neat.

I know it sounds bad, but Dad always turned to you, even though you were the youngest. It pissed me off sometimes, but I guess I was acting more like a flake than I thought back then, least that’s how Dad sort of explained it.”

“But, what did you, I mean obviously you told him to help, so…”

“Well, yeah I guess I did, I don’t know, it was just that suddenly we just started talking to each other. I told him how I could see how much Mike meant to you, I mean come on Billy you were drooling at the dinner table in the restaurant, it was kind of obvious.”

“Okay, but still… Dad came to you? Man, that is so damn GREAT, I mean it, oh Taylor that is super.”

“Hehe, yeah it is, and I guess, well from there things kind of just got better. It was strange though, talking about you with him and then when Mike came to see me, shit it really kind of…”

“WHAT? WHEN? I mean, fuck, ”

“Yeah, couple of weeks ago, I guess it was just after I had bailed on showing up for that game, and well, he had answered the phone cause you were in the shower, I was phoning to find out who won, and he well, he just made me meet him the next day.”

“Oh man, you are full of secrets, go on”

“Look, I was still kind of mad at you, I mean yeah Dad and I had started talking and all that, but it was about you and well, I felt like I was being left out and also, well, I mean I liked Mike, even then, but I sort of felt, shit, like he had stolen you from me.”

“oh Tay… no one…”

“yeah I know Billy, but still, that’s kind of how I felt and well, I just couldn’t stand being around you two. I mean the way you look at him, or the way he just seems to be mooning over you, it hurt and I know it was wrong, I know I should have been happy for you both, but it hurt, and well, I didn’t want to deal with it, I guess.”

“but Taylor, you are my big brother, you are always special to me, shit, these damn tears.”

Taylor got up and reached down to Billy, he picked him up and hugged him and they went over to the little breakfast nook, to sit on the long bench against the wall. Taylor kept his arm around his brother and he felt a strange glow deep inside of him.

His stomach was twisting and turning as he walked to the nook, his legs felt like rubber as the touch of Billy’s body against his awoke old memories and new one’s. He could feel the change inside of him, the way even though he was upset and all teary, he was still in control of himself. Taylor knew he was struggling with this, and wished that Jeremy was here to help, or even Mike.

For a brief instant he panicked, thinking he should just get up and leave, but the sight of Mike’s face when they had talked and the knowledge that Jeremy would be showing up here, calmed his nervous heart. He wiped the tears from his brother’s face and for a few minutes they sat there, Billy resting his head on Taylor’s shoulder, Taylor leaning his own head against the wall, feeling his brother’s heart beating next to his own.

Billy’s mind was whirling around, his heart ached with the pain of all that was being said. How could he have been so damn stupid and not seen all this? How could he have been so blind as to not realize that Taylor would feel this way?

Then it hit him, he wasn’t blind or dumb, he had known but instead of dealing with it, he had been selfish and ignored it. Fuck, now the pain really was hurting inside of him, as he started to kick his own ass for not being there, for not helping Taylor simply because he was too self absorbed and too much getting his dick off. Fuck, some brother he was.

“I am so sorry Taylor, oh God I am sorry, but I mean, least Dad was there for you, damn… I wish I had have been… I…”

“Billy you didn’t do anything wrong, that’s the whole point, and it took me awhile to realize that, and to realize that what we had, was special but it wasn’t like we were lover’s, I mean, well, Dad kind of hit it on the head, he said we were just two broken hearts that needed something special to help heal them.”

“Dad said that? About us…you know…doing it?”

“Yeah, that kind of, well when he said that, it sort of all made sense then, I mean we shared something that most brother’s don’t, and it wasn’t really like it was to get off, least, well, I don’t think it was.”

Billy sat there, his face all screwed up as he thought about it. First, he was stunned about his Dad, and he still wanted to know about Mike’s little talk and visit, but what had happened, between him and Taylor, really wasn’t sex, it was comforting, it was, shit when did his Dad get so damn smart?

“Yeah, I guess you are right, maybe that’s why it hurts so much, you not being here all the time, or me not being with you?”

“I guess so Billy, I mean I really sat down and thought about it, you know, all those times when we would huddle together under the blankets, how we would talk and share stuff, and then at the start how we would wind up kissing each other, then, well, then, well, then fucking…”

“yeah…”

“yeah, but did you ever stop and think about those times? No, I mean like how they always happened when we were talking about Mom or how bad we felt or how alone we felt, or shit, how Dad seemed to be so distant, so far away even though he was in the same room?”

“Uh, no …not really.”

“Jeremy pointed it out to me, when we talked about it.”

“Shit, is there anyone you haven’t discussed this with?”

“hehe, settle down little brother, it was after Mike had visited, and well, it was also when I decided I wanted more than what I had, and so, well we talked and he asked some hard questions, man you really have to meet him Billy, he is so awesome, the way he can just … well that’s later, look the thing is this,

he asked me when did we screw each other, how did it develop, and after I thought about it, it all made sense. We didn’t always fuck, I mean sure we would cuddle together most nights, even jerk each other off, but fuck, no that didn’t happen that many times and it was never something we planned and if you really think about it, it only happened when we were really feeling down.”

“Hmm, I see that, I guess, but I don’t quite follow…”

“Well, it is what Dad said, it was as if that at some certain times, things got worse for us, and everything that was hurting, that was bothering us, seemed to suddenly overwhelm us, and well, because our hearts were so broken by Mom and everything, we couldn’t handle the pain on our own, we needed something or someone to help make it better.

He kind of was in tears when he said all this to me too, cause he said that if he had been a better father, he would have seen our pain and he would have been the one to hold you or me, to hug you or me, and fix it all, but he wasn’t, so we turned to each other, and well, cause we are young, we helped heal each other in our own way,

I think, how did he put it, that by us making love to the other, we were joining our hearts together so they could draw on the other’s power to hold on, to survive, yeah that’s what he said.”

The tears were flowing like a raging river down his face, but he gritted his teeth and held on. Damn, it all was true too, and he hadn’t seen that, no him the straight ‘A’ student, the head of the class, not him he couldn’t see the fucking forest or the damn trees. Shit, shit, he thought as he listened, struggling not to break down totally and make an even bigger ass of himself that he already thought he was.

“Dad’s pretty special, shit, I didn’t even know he knew about, well just how much we did do.”

“Yeah it kind of freaked me out too.”

“Do you think he’s seeing someone?”

“Huh? Dad? No, I don’t think so, I think he’s still mourning Mom, he gets so… I don’t know, at the office, I can…”

“The office? Hey, what do you mean?”

“Oh, uh, well I work there in the afternoon, running errands and shit for him.”

“You do? Fuck, more secrets… okay, okay, I’ll shut up, what about at the office, and damn it Taylor, what did Mike say to you?”

“Okay, hold on, shit, what was I gonna say, oh, ‘bout Dad, I wish he would get out and see someone, but I doubt if he is ready, I mean Billy it really is strange, to sort of walk into that big office of his, and see him sitting in the chair staring.

It’s not like he’s thinking of a big case or struggling to find some point of law, and then if he hasn’t heard you, you walk up and see he’s holding that picture he normally has in his wallet, the one of Mom on the horse, and you can see the hands, the way his knuckles are white from the tension in him and well, its freaky at times”

“Shit, yeah I have seen him do that here too, but not so much lately, shit I can remember awhile back, how he would just sit in his chair by the fireplace, no lights on, nothing, and he would just be staring up at the portrait of her. It used to scare me so much.”

“Me too, but he’s doing better now, and well, I guess its cause of you and Mike.”

“Huh? How you figure that one out?”

“I didn’t, Jeremy did, see, he is a pretty good listener, and damn it, he’s fucking smart.”

“I gotta meet this guy Taylor, say, is that the friend that’s joining us tonight?”

“yeah it is, and you be nice to him.”

“Me? After you been hiding him from me, and keeping all these secrets and now you want me to be nice? Fat Chance bro…”

Taylor laughed and the sound rang through the empty kitchen. Billy was startled for a second, then he too started to laugh and the two of them glanced at each other, seeing their mother in each other’s eyes. The way the two sets of blue eyes sparkled and danced with the joy of simply being there, made their hearts quake and jump in pleasure. The pain and the doubts, still there, but no longer controlling their feelings. It was as if a huge weight had suddenly been removed from their bodies and they hugged tightly, tears rolling down, but no longer of pain or regret, but of joy. They had found each other again, and they knew it would be forever.

“Okay, I’ll treat him like I treat you, there does that make you happy?”

“Fuck no, you treat him nice, hehe”

“Oh , thanks a lot there Taylor… yeah I will, he’s that special?”

“Yep, who knows, maybe he’ll be as special to me as Mike is to you.”

“Yeah? Man that would be so hot for you, if you only knew how Mike makes me feel… it is… hey, speaking of Mike, has he left yet for the store?”

“I don’t know, haven’t heard the truck or the gate.”

“Hmm, guess he’s still upstairs, giving us time I suppose.”

“Yeah, you know Billy, I don’t know if Jeremy is the one, I am kind of scared to find out too, but damn it, I want what you have, so does Dad I think, and well… least we can try now.”

“Taylor, shit, sure start me bawling again, damn you, but what, I mean…”

“Look, Dad is not so stoic anymore, he actually tells jokes and I have even caught him laughing a little, and well, its because of you and Mike, oh shut up, here, dry your eyes baby bro, okay, look, its like this, because of the way you two are so much, shit, how did Jeremy put it, …oh yeah,

see, its because you two love each other and are constantly showing it, always going out of your way to make the other one happy, well, it is like a whole hurricane force blowing through the house, and as it does, its taking all the sad stuff and chucking it out the window, leaving only the good stuff… its like, well Dad doesn’t talk about how he should of done that or said that to Mom or how he wished he had never argued about something or other, instead he’s talking about how she could make him feel so important when he was nothing but a law clerk, or how she could take a some ratty material and turn it into the most beautiful scarfe.

It is like, well like the regrets are put away and now he can see all the good things they had, and well, in a way it kind of works that way with me too, cause I found myself remembering how she would hold us, how she would whisper to us when we were scared, instead of wishing for her to be there, I remembered when she was…. If that kind makes sense…”

Billy couldn’t speak, his whole body was shaking and he felt s strange tremor run through his body. Damn it, yes he did know what Taylor was saying, he could feel her, right now, the way she would hold his tiny hand in hers, and the way she looked into his eyes, smiling that wonderful warm smile, and he could feel her now, her touch and he cried, as he smelt her, that one very special scent.

His whole body was a mess, and he was trembling from it all when he felt two very powerful arms grab him. For a second he thought that Taylor had gotten up but he felt his hands being held by a pair of hands, so whose arms now held his back and shoulders.

Still trembling he felt the soft brush of lips on his neck and the soft sound of words echoed in his ear, telling him it is okay, not to cry. He blinked and looked at Taylor, saw him before him, tears running down his face too and then he knew, behind him was Mike and turned to see his man, sitting next to him, his face etched in fear and concern as he struggled to hold onto Billy.

Billy let his hands go from Taylor’s grasp and flung himself into Mike’s arms and he could feel the strength flowing back into his body. Damn it felt so strange, his brother sitting there, tears rolling down his face as they had remembered it all, and here he was being rocked and held by Mike in front of Taylor.

Billy nestled into Mike’s powerful arms, and yet he could feel Taylor, then he felt Mike lift his head up and stare at Taylor, damn Billy wished he could make them both understand that he needed them both.

It was as if Mike had heard him. He glanced back down at Billy then he took his one arm off of Billy’s shoulder and held it out towards Taylor. Taylor stared at the slightly trembling hand, outstretched, palm down and then he looked into Mike’s dark green eyes and then down into Billy’s tear soaked blue eyes and he melted.

Taylor haltingly reached out, his hand shaking like a leaf in the midst of Hurricane Andrew and yet he pushed it forward, and the fingers touched, and Mike’s fingers grabbed hold, then his hand simply pulled Taylor from the bench, bringing him close to crush his own body into Billy’s and his. He wrapped his hand around Taylor’s shaking body and held the two men who meant so much to him. His lover, and his lover’s brother, now his big brother too.