Chapter One

He watched in agony as the clock was ticking down. The crowd was on its feet, stamping and shouting for their offence to get a touchdown. They needed this win, even though it was the first game of the football season, it was their archrivals from across the river. No one could stand to lose to them and right now with less than 2 minutes left, they were behind 26 to 21.

It was third and 8 to go when Billy watched the defense flush their QB out of the pocket. Gawd he is going to get creamed he thought and then he watched as number 17 ran around and then heaved a pass far down field. He was on his feet watching the ball arc downfield and there he was, their only white jersey amidst a sea of black ones and somehow, he still couldn’t believe it, but he caught the pass and Billy was cheering like a madman.

No way, no fucking way could anyone make that kind of catch but number 85 had. Who the fuck was 85 this year? Hey it was some new transfer student from LA and man did he have good hands, and look at him run. Billy was standing on his seat, and cheering like a lunatic. His father was next to him and if not for his age, maybe he would have been able to out yell his son.

What a sight it was as the whole stadium exploded as Number 85 stumbled across the goal line, a tackler hanging on his shirt tails. The whole place was nuts as the team had done the impossible, which seemed to happen regularly in high school football games.

His father was clapping some guy on his back; almost knocking him down into the next row of seats he was so excited. Billy just jumped up and down and hooted with the rest of his schoolmates. Most of them he knew already, he had been sophomore class president and hopefully this year he could secure junior class president but he did have some stiff competition.

The whole place was rolling as the extra point sailed through the uprights and the scoreboard registered their 28 points for the home team. The band was playing loudly some damn tune, but who could hear it as the noise of cheering students drowned even them out. He’d have to find out who Number 85 was, maybe he could get him to endorse his candidacy, now that would certainly help.

Shit, here he was at a high school football game and still his mind was whirling on angles to push himself ahead of all the others. He wasn’t always this way, shit only in the last three years or so had he become so absorbed.

The smile on his face faded slightly as he thought of the reason for his pre occupation with getting ahead. He knew it wasn’t right, wasn’t the real or only reason but it gave him some feeling of pride to do it, to make it for her. He owed her that at least. At least now he didn’t fall asleep crying, thinking of her or of how he missed her. He wondered though, how his Dad was feeling.

Billy turned from the frantic celebration going on the field to stare off to the side at his father. There he stood, the rock for the family and at what price? He was amazed at how his father had managed to cope so well with the loss, and how he had never really cried in front of Billy or his older brother Taylor.

Now here he was, cheering with everyone else and slapping people on their backs with ease that still amazed Billy. Sure it was 2 years, 9 months, and 18 days since that terrible day, and he was getting on with his own life, but he was just a kid. How could his Dad manage so well?

Billy’s dad turned to face him and he saw the eyes, those wonderful soft blue eyes and they seemed to just bore into his own baby blues. Billy wasn’t a tall kid, only 5 foot 9 inches and 139 lbs but his father, now there was a knock out of a guy for you. The dream man for any women or man, for that matter.

It was unreal how that one look from his father seemed to calm him down and turn his thoughts back to happier things. His dad had that knack of always making things right for him and Taylor, but the price was high, of that Billy was sure.

The crowd was slowly moving away and the team had managed to get past their howling cheering classmates to go to the locker room so people started to leave. His father grabbed his arm and together they started their descent from the stadium to ground level.

“That was a terrific game…. I really think we are going to have a good year Billy… don’t you?”

“Oh yeah Dad… they sure hung in there this time, not like last year’s team.”

“Hehe, yeah well this year they have some damn good player’s on the team….. and most of them are juniors.”

“It sure would be nice if we could get back to the playoffs this year Dad…. man that would be something wouldn’t it?”

“Sure would…. if they do. Maybe you and I can go down and watch? Would you like that son?”

“Really? That would be super…. but it’s a long ways off….”

“True… and they do have to win enough games to get into the playoffs… but they seem to have the talent….”

“Boy they sure do…. specially that new transfer student…. number 85″

Billy’s dad started laughing at that comment and slapped his son on the back, making Billy jump forward and bump into the people ahead of him. He apologized for his clumsiness and stared in amazement at his dad. What had gotten into him? He was still laughing and looking at him like a Cheshire cat. Oh well, no accounting for old people he thought as he made his way to the parking lot.

“Hang on a second Billy…. we have to wait for someone. I promised his folks that he could get a lift with us.”

“Okay… who…” before he could finish his dad had disappeared into the crowd and was gone. Typical dad these days. For the last week he had been acting really strange, and come to think of it, so had Taylor who rarely missed a game, but for some reason had begged off coming tonight. Wonder if he’s found a new friend at college?

Billy waited by his father’s car, a sad smile on his face once again as he realized that Taylor would be gone now. He was going to be living on campus rather than at home and commute to school. The talk they had late Friday night last week wasn’t one of his best. He had cried then, and was close to tears again with the thought that Taylor wouldn’t be home to give him counsel or more importantly his love.

Sometimes he wondered if maybe he was a freak of nature. Certainly according to all the respected people what he and Taylor did wasn’t right, but who were they to say? They weren’t all alone in a world of pretty boys and artificial breasts and everything else that went into making up the teen world. It wasn’t easy these days being a kid and worse, being fairly certain that you were gay.

If it hadn’t been for Taylor, there was no telling what he would have done or worse yet, what might have happened to him. If his dad ever found out, well, there was no doubt he’d be in for it. But that was almost 2 years ago now, and in those years he had at least found comfort and solace with his big brother.

They didn’t start out to become lovers or whatever it was you called them. It had just happened, quite naturally if you thought about it. Funny how bad things brought about good things too? He never really got along that entire well with Taylor when he was younger, they always seemed to fight or ignore each other but after Mom had passed away, well it changed.

Not at first, at first they were both lost and feeling alone. They had dragged themselves through the daily ritual of merely existing until that one night. Billy could recall it like it was only yesterday.

He had moped around the house and his Father had finally managed to feel like he could leave them alone and had actually gone back to work. It was the first time in months that Billy had come home and not found his father standing in the doorway watching him walk up the drive. He felt uncertain and chilled even though it never got cold here.

There was a note, telling him where his dad was and how to reach him if he needed him and what time he would be home. It was strange to walk through the large house and not hear anything. There wasn’t the noise of someone cooking or the smell of a cigar floating around the study. It was just empty, sort of like how he felt inside and it made him restless.

Billy had gone out to the pool and stripped his shirt off, to just take in the sun and that is how Taylor had found him. His brother had come home, and feeling the same emptiness had ventured his way to the pool, the scene of so many family gatherings and fun times. Now, well now it was a place to think and grieve. He was startled to find Billy there and yet he felt some sort of comfort in it.

For the first time since the funeral, he acknowledged Billy’s presence and he too lay down in one of the chaise lounges to just think back and to try and make sense out of it all.

The quiet of the pool, and the gentle sounds of the water lapping against the concrete had a lulling effect on Taylor but it made Billy feel sad and alone. Soon he couldn’t stop himself and the tears were flowing once more as remembered some treasured moment that had happened right at that spot. Taylor had watched as Billy had cried silently with only the occasional sob escaping to the air.

Billy could see it now, the way he was one second laying on the lounge, crying and the next a dark shadow standing over him. He had opened his tear-streaked eyes to see his older brother towering over him, tears in his eyes too. He also saw his father’s features in Taylor. The long blond hair that Dad once had, the soft blue eyes, not like his, and the soft fine features around the nose and the thin but tempting lips.

He could of been his dad at 19 or 20, he was so close in appearance. Billy looked up, the pain was almost too much and he just wanted to cry out, when Taylor sat down next to him and opened his arms up. There wasn’t any second thought and Billy jumped up to let his brother hold him and hug him.

It was strange; the second that Taylor had put his arms around him, that everything just seemed to go away. He wasn’t afraid anymore, and he didn’t feel so alone or so empty. He actually could feel his heart aching, something he hadn’t felt in months. Billy had snuggled into Taylor’s arms, and his head burrowed its way into a spot just under the chin.

Billy figured they had sat there for at least an hour before either of them spoke. Once the quiet had been broken, it was non-stop talking. They seemed to suddenly discover each other, and found that they both had the same feelings. Taylor told him how he would wake up in the middle of the night to go around and check on Dad and then even Billy. He said, it was to make sure they were still there.

Tears were flowing throughout their conversation, and each time one felt they couldn’t go on, the other would just wait patiently while they got it out of their system. It was the closest they had ever been, as brother’s and slowly the sadness seemed to just disappear. Finally the talk turned to other things, such as school and once or twice even dreams of future hopes.

Time held no meaning as they talked and it wasn’t until they heard their names being called that they realized that the whole evening had been spent out on the chaise lounge. They looked at each other and Taylor reached over and gave Billy a kiss full on the lips. Billy was surprised by the action, and yet he felt pleased. He had a big grin on his face when his Dad walked out to the pool to find them.

For the first time they were all together out at the pool and Billy and Taylor actually took part in talking things with their dad. They told him about school before he could even ask, and they talked about how with spring coming up they should maybe plan some time away.

It was later that night when Billy found out how much things had changed in his young life. He was still shaken and once more the dreams had come to him, but this time instead of gripping the bed sheets and crying into the pillow he struggled out of bed and walked to his brother’s room. He entered it carefully and softly called Taylor’s name and when Taylor answered, well the rest was now history.

He never had experienced the warmth and comfort as he had that night, all snuggled up close to his big brother, their young bodies wrapped close together, the safety of his brother’s arms around him had given him the best night’s sleep he had in ages.

Billy’s reverie was broken as he heard his name being called and he looked up, shaking himself to see his father approaching. There was a dark figure standing next to him, and he had a fresh pink look to him, even in the darkness. As they got closer, Billy was sure he knew the kid with his dad, but he wasn’t sure.

One thing he was sure of though, was that this guy was one hot stud. God he looked dreamy, the way he walked stride for stride with his dad. His hair looked rather short, but he had a great build on him. He had to be close to 6 foot tall and the eyes seemed to just shine in the darkness.

Billy watched him walk and every few seconds he glanced downwards to check out the very full package coming towards him. Man, what a hot one this guy was, but who was he? Damn it, he knew who it was but he didn’t. Closer and closer they came and it kept nagging at him just until they were almost right on top of him, then it hit him. Fuck it was his old school friend Mike.

No fucking way could it be though, Mike and his family had moved away just before his Mother had passed on. Yet, it had to be Mike, those eyes were the give away. My God he had gotten tall, Billy thought, as the young man got closer.

“HEY BILLY!” the tall figure yelled as he got close enough to see.