Chapter 02

He could feel the sweat under his arms, not to mention the beads forming on his forehead as he turned towards the sounds that had him very aroused, and was giving him the big problem. His mouth was dry and yet his palms felt like they were drenched from a sudden downpour. How the fuck did he get into this kind of shit?

As his eyes finally rested on the stooped over figure by his bed, he could see the fine firm shape of Justin’s butt, the way they just seemed to fill out the dark thin material of his shorts. Zack licked his lips because he hadn’t thought of Justin as being the jockey short type, but there he was, his nice firm cheeks nestled in the dark nylon of jockey shorts. God, he looked so hot from the back, the way small tufts of hair stood out all down the back of his lower legs and yet nothing visible at the upper portion.

Zack’s eyes couldn’t help notice the full heavy package that hung between the legs, the way those balls seemed to make the thin fabric sag and hang down was almost too much for him. He could feel his own dick stretching outwards, rubbing up against the rough jean material. The touch of his cock head against the cold metal did nothing to ease his discomfort either as he just stared at the boy as he struggled with his pants, finally getting them off and then standing upright.

He was so tall, suddenly, and Zack stepped backwards a little, amazed at how much taller Justin looked without his pants on. His eyes had to be like saucers or more like dinner platters really, because he had never been this close to a naked hunk, well near naked hunk and the idea quickly passed through his mind, wondering if Justin slept nude or not? God, to have him take the underwear off too would end his chance of keeping himself together. Panic was near at hand and yet he couldn’t stop himself from looking, from watching.

Justin ”Uh, something wrong?”

Zack ”Huh? Oh no, nothing, why?”

Justin “I don’t know, the way you are looking, kind like you are a bit freaked out, look if sharing your bed is bugging you, I can grab a piece of the floor man, really it’s no big deal.”

Zack ”No, no it doesn’t bug me, I guess I am just nervous, I mean, not really, I mean, shit there I go again, sorry, fuck you must think I am a real dolt”

Justin ”Nah, how come you do that?”

Zack ”Do what?”

Justin ”Keep putting yourself down like that? Don’t you like yourself or something?”

Zack looked down at his feet, wondering how to answer Justin. The guy was being nice which really sucked, least if he was stuck up he could wiggle out of this, but he wasn’t playing the game fair. He really was nice, it was like he really cared or something, and that, well that didn’t happen too often, least not to him.

Zack ”I dunno, sometimes I feel kind of, well, like I don’t fit in, you know?”

Justin ”Shit do I, it is how I have felt every day since I moved here.”

Zack ”Really? But, I mean, you are a jock, everyone can’t wait for next season now, shit half the girls are drooling over you the other half are wishing they were single to go after you, how can you feel like you don’t fit in?”

Justin ”That’s it though, I mean everyone is staring so much, I feel like maybe I left my damn zipper open or something, I know no one really, it isn’t easy to just walk in a be friends with someone”

Zack ”Boy do I know that one”

Justin ”Yeah? How come? I mean, you are smart, least you seem to be, so why aren’t you…”

Zack ”Popular? Ha, it isn’t brains that counts, it is how much money do your folks have, or how many baskets did you make in the last game, or touchdowns did you score or sacks or shit like that, always has been that way, bet its like that back at your old school too”

Justin sat down on the bed and stared at Zack for a few seconds. He could see that he was actually in pain, almost like someone had blindsided him and yet it wasn’t from any cornerback, but from other kids he had been going to school with since a little kid. He was right too, his old school in Florida really wasn’t any different, it was just that back there he had already proven himself, already passed the tests, he had been accepted there, and the jury was still out here.

Justin “I never really thought about it before, but you are right, so why is it that way? I thought brains were important, least my Dad always told me that.”

Zack ”Yeah? That’s cool, what does your Dad do?”

Justin ”He’s a semi pro baseball player, not bad really, and in the off season, well he is a free lance photographer, he’s really good too, he did some pretty cool stuff for Newsweek and a few other magazines, he’s pretty good.”

Zack ”Cool, I wish my Dad did stuff like that”

Justin ”Like what? Shoot pictures and stuff? Not all that hot really, he was away a lot of the time, kind of wish he hadn’t…”

Justin lowered his own head now, staring at his white socks and the carpet he could feel the pain of not being able to look up in the stands to see his father, only his mother was always there. Now, now he knew he’d never get the chance to see his Dad in the stands, it would still just be his Mom.

Zack ”You miss him a lot huh?”

Justin ”Yeah, guess it’ll take a bit to get used to, uh, which side do I take?”

This was getting too personal for him, he didn’t mind the questions that much, it was just the answers weren’t what he really wanted to give out. How do you tell someone you don’t know that you are scared of being alone? That you hate the idea of being in a house without your Dad, that the strange noises you hear scare you or that you blame yourself for your Dad leaving your Mom? How do you tell someone that?

Zack ”Huh? Oh the bed, I don’t care, which one you want?”

Justin ”Shit it is your bed man, which side do you sleep on?”

Zack ”The right”

It was kind of wild, the way Justin could just take charge like that, and yet he looked so sad sitting there and if he had any damn balls he’d go over and put his arm around him. Yeah right, and then get the shit kicked out of him or worse, have it blabbed all over school that he made a move on him. Fuck, what little life he had in school would rapidly disappear but shit, Justin looked so scared, so alone, it wasn’t right, why couldn’t he comfort him? What was so wrong in wanting to do that?

Justin ”Okay, I’ll take the left then, uh Zack…”

It was strange really, why would this guy be so nice to him?  It wasn’t like they knew each other much, okay they shared some classes together but fuck, and the guy lied to the cops for him and gave him a place to sleep. What was his angle? Everyone had one, his Mom couldn’t stop telling him, and maybe she was right, so what was Zack’s angle?

Zack ”Yeah?”

Justin ”Nothing, uh, you set the alarm?”

Zack ”Yeah, uh, I gotta use the can, back in a second and I’ll turn the lights out then”

While he still had his nerve he left the room and entered the bathroom. Christ, he was feeling so damn hot and he turned on the water after flushing the toilet. Shit, he was acting like a real 1st class jerk. Justin was sad cause his Dad and Mom split up, he would be too and then moving, but he was trying to be nice, and he wasn’t what he thought a jock would be like, least one on one.

He looked into the mirror and shook his head. He really didn’t think he looked all that bad, but shit, compared to Justin or Tyler though he was a geek. Okay, he was tall for being 15, 5ft 10in wasn’t bad, and he didn’t really have a lot of meat on him, hell you could see his ribs sticking out from his pasty skin, but damn it, Justin was right, there were things he could do to make that different. Maybe he should take up weight lifting or running, but you needed two for that really. Was kind of hard to do weights by yourself, and running alone was totally boring and even dangerous.

Shaking his head he turned off the running water, rinsed his mouth with some mouthwash and then fished through the laundry hamper to find a pair of shorts that didn’t absolutely reek. Quickly he dropped his pants and pulled up a pair of shorts, boxers that he had worn the other day, and then pulled the pants back on, so he wouldn’t look too obvious to Justin. He still didn’t know how he would be able to get undressed and into bed without his boner showing, but at least he had some shorts to help.

Justin heard the toilet flush and then the tap water running as he leaned back against the bed’s headboard. He felt a bit strange sitting here in nothing but his jockey shorts, but he really had no choice. If it were his own bed he would be nude, laying on the bed and staring up at a ceiling dotted with the skyscape picture his dad had got for him from NASA. He missed that, as he looked up at the bare ceiling and then he turned to look at the room a bit closer.

It really wasn’t all that different from his own, the computer was certainly newer but other than that, it looked not much different than his. Clothes were on the floor, just like his room and he felt a little better. Zack seemed okay, bit of a nervous Nell, but hell he had lied to the cops for him and that sure took guts, so maybe it was just like he said, he wasn’t used to visitors. Mind you, as he thought about it, why didn’t Zack have more friends? Was there something weird about him or some secret that everyone knew but him?

He turned his head towards the bathroom as he heard the door open and he saw Zack coming back. There was something different about him as he walked up to the wall and turned to look at him. For some reason he felt like Zack had something on his mind, as if he was dying to ask him something but he could see that whatever it was, wasn’t going to be spoken about. Strange, but he felt like Zack was afraid of him for some reason and he didn’t understand it.

Zack ”Uh, okay if I turn off the lights now?”

Justin “Huh? Oh yeah, go for it, guess I was daydreaming.”

Justin slid the sheets up and over his lanky frame and adjusted them, as he got comfortable. The bed was softer than the one he had but it felt crisp and clean and he was kind of glad that he didn’t have to sleep on the floor. He blinked a little as the lights suddenly went out and his heart skipped a beat or two before adjusting to the change. His eyes widened as he saw the dark shadow figure of Zack as he strolled over to his side of the bed quickly. It really did seem like Zack was nervous about climbing into bed for some reason, which really was kind of weird.

He had spent lots of nights at friend’s houses, and they usually shared a bed unless the host had a single, which was kind of small for two guys, but he never felt nervous, at least not the way Zack was. Oh well, he just chalked it up to one more strange thing about Californians and their unusual state.

Justin could hear the zipper as Zack got undressed and he turned a little to stare at the back of the boy. He could see better now, as his eyes had adjusted to the darkness and besides, Zack had the palest skin he had ever seen on someone so far. He was almost as white as the notepaper he used and he wondered if maybe Zack had a thing about his body. Maybe he was ashamed of it, which was why he was so nervous about sharing his bed? That could be it and he watched the boy bending over, his back showing the lumps that were his spine.

He really couldn’t get over how white Zack looked, and with the dark shorts he was wearing, you really could see his skin. He had thought that everyone in California was a closet nudist, but obviously Zack wasn’t one of those. The way he dropped his pants and was climbing under the sheet in a split second was enough to prove that. It was weird too, like how some liked to show off when getting ready for bed, while others couldn’t wait to hide under the covers.

Leaning back on the pillow, he stared upwards, wondering what his dad was doing right now, wondering if he was even thinking about him or if he had just forgotten all about him? He could feel a tear forming around the corner of his eye and he reached up and angrily wiped it away, ashamed that he was still letting things like that bother him, ashamed that he was feeling sad.

Zack turned his head slowly to one side, staring off at the blue letters of his alarm clock. God, he still couldn’t fall asleep and yet he could hear the soft gentle whistle that was coming from the hot body just next to him. His own body ached in a way he was unused to and yet he knew what it was. God, his dick had yet to go down and he had been in bed for almost 2 bloody hours already. When was he going to settle down and get some sleep?

Each time he started to doze off, he would wake up to the dull ache in his groin and he would have to reach down and push his hard cock to one side, praying his movement wouldn’t disturb the sleeping boy next to him. He was amazed at how easily Justin fell asleep, and it was kind of nice too, after all it kind of meant that he wasn’t afraid of him, but then, he really didn’t know about him, did he? Why shouldn’t he feel at ease, he didn’t know that Zack was being bombarded with thoughts of touching his body, or of kissing him or any of that perverted stuff? He just thought he was an ordinary schoolmate who had the same interests, same thoughts. Thank God he didn’t know the truth, or he would have bolted, cops or no cops.

Just as he felt a yawn coming on the bed shook a little and he suddenly froze in his thoughts. He felt the soft touch of an arm as it suddenly rested on his stomach and he managed to turn his head to glance down his body. His heart began to beat wildly as he saw the long arm of Justin resting across his own stomach. His nerves were suddenly fully awake, and he could feel his groin aching like it never had before. The pain was making his cock harder and he could even see the sheet lift up a little as his damn cock was sticking straight up in the air.

Just when he thought he would die from the wild thoughts that suddenly passed through his mind, the body next to him moved again and this time he felt a leg rub up against his own and he started to sweat. He didn’t know what to do but he knew he was fully awake now, and he was trapped. His body was no longer in his control and he was petrified, as the body next to him seemed to just snuggle into his own. God, to think that the warm breeze that was now blowing across his face was coming from Justin’s breathing made his own chest ache. He could feel his stomach twisting and he looked down again, to see Justin’s hand resting lightly on his upper belly, only a few inches from the tell tale lump that was his raging hard on.

Thoughts of Justin suddenly moving further down panicked him and he could feel the beads of sweat popping up on his forehead, as he tried to hold his breath. For a wild second he thought, so what, let him touch it, but then he knew that if he did, he would wake up and he would have to come up with some lame story as to why he had a fucking hard on, and he was never good at telling those kind of stories.

Zack was trapped and he didn’t know what to do. If he moved he was sure to wake Justin up, and that meant explanations. If he didn’t move and Justin did, he might inadvertently wind up feeling his hard on, and again that would lead to explanations. If he stayed still and did nothing, he sure as hell wasn’t going to get much sleep but slowly he came around to just enjoying the feeling. Fuck the whole thing, it wasn’t like he had reached over and lifted Justin’s arm up and placed it on his stomach, so if Justin did wake up, he would be the one who would have to explain things, not him.

He kind of liked that thought, that for once he wouldn’t have to do the explaining but deep down inside he also knew he liked the way it felt. It was something he had only dreamed about, to have some hot guy actually holding him, actually reaching for him and he leaned deeper into the pillow, his eyes closed as he conjured up other visions. Now if only he hadn’t been so damn scared and had the nerve to sleep in the nude, this could really be interesting but no, he had to panic and grab some boxer shorts out of the hamper.

Despite all the tension he was feeling, Zack could feel himself slowly drifting off to sleep as images of Justin’s hot young body climbing on top of his own sweating young frame filled his mind. God it would be something if Justin was gay, but then if he was, and if that was exciting to him, then it meant that he was gay too. Shit, he never thought about that, but despite the sudden fear that he was really bent that way, the image of Justin’s face looming over him, his eyes shut tight as he brought his face down closer towards Zack’s filled his mind. He could sense the way his heart started to pound that he wanted that face to come closer, that he wanted to feel the press of those young lips against his own and the ache in his groin was only rising stronger, overpowering him and he leaned deeper into the soft mattress.

As his imagination began to take charge, he could feel the warm breath of Justin against his cheeks and he knew that his face was only an inch or two from him and the way his arm rested on his upper belly was almost as if he was in heaven. The images were all soft and warm to his mind and he leaned backwards, his eyes closed and his own chest began to rise up and down in an even motion. The thoughts of panic and fear were now replaced by images of Justin kissing him, of Justin holding him, of Justin loving him.

All those thoughts made him moan a little and his body turned in its sleep, now resting close and tightly into Justin’s sleeping body. His own legs were spread apart, so that the one leg from Justin nestled perfectly in between and his own hard groin now rested next to Justin’s belly. His own breath now mixed with the sweet night breath of Justin and together both boys were lost in their own dream world. Zack thinking only of how good it felt to actually have someone next to him, Justin dreaming about how it would feel to be really loved by anyone, just as long as the love was true and real.

The sound of water running finally broke through his sleeping brain and he yawned a little. He opened his eyes to stare out at an empty bed and he wondered for a moment why that should appear to be strange. He blinked as the sound of water running continued to pound against his sleep fogged mind and he didn’t place it. His shower shouldn’t be running, and then his eyes opened a bit more, adjusting to the coming light from the rising dawn sun and he saw a pair of pants that weren’t his laying on the floor, a shirt next to it and some sneakers too.

He sat upright in the bed, realizing that he hadn’t dreamed it, that Justin had indeed spent the night with him, in bed, but not the way the lingering memories were suggesting, or had he? Christ, did he make a move on Justin in his sleep? Was that why the water was running already, Justin was trying to get rid of his touch? Shit, what did he do? Worse, what could he do to not get his ass kicked when Justin came out of the shower?

The sound of running water stopped and Zack stared at the bathroom door. He wondered if Justin would come out and glare at him, or would he just give him the silent routine? Would he save his comments for school, when it would be more effective or what? He reached down, feeling the stickiness of his shorts and he panicked. Thoughts of him shooting all over Justin’s finely tanned body was glimmering before him when the door opened and Zack felt the catch in his throat.

Justin’s chest gleamed a bright fresh pink from just being scrubbed and a small white towel was wrapped closely around the thin waist. Zack’s mouth watered a little as he saw the tell tale bulge and he knew that Justin’s dick wasn’t exactly soft at the moment. He sat up in the bed, his own pale chest showing a reflection of gold from the incoming sunrays. He waited, wondering what his fate was as Justin had another towel all wrapped over his head as he was rubbing his hair dry.

The motion was making the stomach wiggle and he could see the way the small bulge under the towel shook from side to side as he rubbed his hair vigorously. God, it looked like a scene out of some porn, and he could feel once more the rise in his own damn shorts that were already caked from some earlier explosion. He just wasn’t sure if that had happened during the night or if he had jerked off into them the day before, and the uncertainty was making him a nervous wreck.

Justin stopped drying his hair and he let his head come back up and he stopped walking. He saw Zack staring at him and for some reason it just made him stop. He stared at Zack and then a slow smile crossed his face, as if he was trying desperately to be friendly, as if to put Zack at ease.

Justin “Hey, sorry if I woke you, thought I’d grab a shower so as not to get in your way, that okay?”

Zack ”Huh? Oh yeah sure, no sweat”

Justin ”Cool, oh I borrowed some of your shampoo, man that stuff is neat, smells like green apple or something”

Zack ”Uh yeah it is, kind of nice in the morning”

Justin ”Yeah, wish my Mom would get me that kind of stuff, she always buys those big bargain shit, smells like rotten sewage in the morning, haha”

Zack ”Oh mine does that too, I just kept making a big fuss so now I just write it on the list and she gets it”

Justin ”Yeah? Cool, uh thanks for letting me stay Zack, man you got a really comfortable bed, bet the girls enjoy it huh? haha”

Zack ”Uh, well, uh… shit, no girls have uh, I mean…”

Justin had come over to the bed and he couldn’t help but notice the rather thick bulge around Zack’s groin. He felt a bit uneasy as he stared at the outline under the sheet and then he could see the red growing across Zack’s face and he turned away, feeling a bit awkward himself. Damn it, he had put his foot into that one, and he could tell by the way Zack was stuttering that he had hurt his feelings too. Shit, when would he learn to watch his damn mouth, and he felt a twinge in his heart, wondering if maybe that was why his dad wasn’t answering him anymore. Maybe it was because he had opened his mouth once too often and his dad had just plain gotten tired of it?

Justin ”Uh sorry, shouldn’t pry into other people’s lives, guess I am still half asleep, but I did enjoy the sleep, your bed is much softer than mine, felt kind of nice, thanks”

Zack ”Oh, okay, sure no problem, uh, I think, I mean, uh I better go shower, uh, won’t be long”

Justin ”Cool, no rush it is just getting onto 7, hey better shut that alarm off before you go, I am useless with those electronic things”

Zack ”Oh, right, okay, there it is off, uh, I won’t be long, then we can grab some breakfast, if you want?”

Justin ”Nah, don’t go to any trouble, I can always grab something later from one of those machines”

Zack ”Shit, those things suck, no problem we can have cereal or toast, just let me shower, okay?”

Justin ”Cool, okay, mind if I check out your notes? I didn’t really do my homework last night”

Zack ”Sure, go ahead, English is the blue binder”

Justin ”Thanks”

Zack quickly got out of the bed and it was almost as if he was running the way he moved so fast and Justin was a bit surprised but then he did remember that Zack was sporting a woody. Guess he was feeling embarrassed but shit; everyone woke up with a stiff dick. He sure as hell did and he did have to admit, it did feel a bit awkward when you were at someone else’s house.

Without much other ceremony Justin rubbed himself down, enjoying the clean feeling and he could smell a slight lemon scent in the towels, which was kind of neat. His mom never had the towels feeling so soft or smelling so nice, which is another reason maybe why his dad took off. His mom just didn’t do housework, hell back home he was the one always having to vacuum or stuff for her, she was too busy on the phone or watching her soap opera’s on television.

As he dried himself off, he felt a bit better than normally he did. It was like he felt a bit more welcomed, a bit more at ease with his own position and at first he couldn’t understand why, and then as he turned to look for his clothes, he kind of figured it out. Zack had stood up for him when he needed it, just like any real friend would and as he thought about it, he also realized that most likely none of the guys he knew back home would have done what Zack did for him last night. Maybe one or two but he doubted it and that was strange, because until this second, he always thought they were his real friends.

Strange, he never really thought about it, but Zack had been right, he never really did associate much with anyone other than jock types back home, and here, well here even they seemed a bit off at the moment, but it was that group that he did seem to gravitate too. Maybe he should stop being such a snob? After all, he wouldn’t have gotten such help by one of them, and Zack really didn’t come across as being a nerd or geek, so why couldn’t they be friends?

He pulled his pants on and tied up his runners and then tossed the t-shirt on and walked over to Zack’s desk to check out the English notes. He felt like he was lost in class and maybe Zack could help him? Justin couldn’t explain it, but he had slept so soundly for the few hours that he felt like he was a new person. Rarely did he sleep so well, specially back in his own bed and he did feel a bit guilty too.

After all, he had woken up to find himself sprawled all over Zack, which kind of freaked him at first. It wasn’t like he normally did that when he slept over at other people’s houses, but for some strange reason he had this time. God, he had hoped Zack had been fast asleep when that happened. He knew how unnerving it could be too, as it had happened to him a few times with some of his friends back in Florida.

Zack had the shower on and stood under the stinging spray letting it soak him good. He shook his head, hearing the drops of water flinging against the shower door and he finally managed to catch his breath for a second. God, he was sure that Justin had seen him with a boner, and now what was he going to do? He felt the panic and the sweat had really poured down him for a second as he sat upright in the bed, placing his hands over the obvious bulge but he just knew Justin had seen it. God, what must he be thinking?

Normally he enjoyed his time in the shower, he would always start it off hot and lean against the back and let his imagination run wild. Normally the thoughts centred on Tyler but lately they had been about the new kid, Justin, and now he had the real life one out in his bedroom, his body all cleaned from using this very shower. Christ, he wondered if Justin whacked off in the shower too, but his eyes didn’t see any signs and he felt a bit sad at that. Least he would have that before getting his ass kicked at school. There was no way that Justin wouldn’t out him, and he still wasn’t sure if he had done anything more embarrassing during the night.

Mind you, would Justin be that cruel? Wouldn’t he have said something already or was he really that devious? No, he couldn’t imagine Justin being so cruel, if anything had happened he would have spoken up then, he would have woken him up or at least said something this morning, or more likely he would have just left before Zack got up. No, maybe he was just panicking for nothing, something he was real good at. Damn, why did he have such panic attacks? After all, he really wasn’t ugly, at least that is what Sheryl kept telling him, but he just never really believed her.

He wished he could stay under the hot shower forever, but he knew he couldn’t. He turned on the cold water, hoping it would at least get his damn hard on down, but he knew that it would most likely pop right back up the second he stepped out of the shower. God, it would be nice if he didn’t have to worry about these feelings, if they would just go away and leave him alone. Why couldn’t he have the same reaction from girls? He used to, at least he thought he used to but lately it was always about some guy, either Tyler or Justin or even some others. Was he becoming a sex pervert or something, the way all these thoughts kept racing thru his mind?

Stepping out of the shower, he reached for the last towel on the rack and then it hit him. He was stark naked and that was normal, but he had nothing here he could wear. He would have to dress out in the bedroom and that was okay except, except that Justin was out there. FUCK! Now what the hell was he going to do? If he came out wearing the same dirty boxer shorts, Justin would think he was a weirdo, if he tried to dress out there, well Justin would definitely know he were weird, because he could just tell that he’d be sporting a fucking boner. Damn, what was he going to do?

Justin heard the shower turn off and he looked over his shoulder towards the bathroom door. His face was red and he was a bit scared. This wasn’t what he had expected, shit he didn’t know if he should be pissed or secretly impressed? How the hell had he missed all those signs and yet, maybe he was just reading too much into things? He did have that habit, of jumping to conclusions and maybe this was one of those times?

He stared back down at the English book, well actually it wasn’t an English notebook but it was blue, so he really couldn’t be blamed for picking up the wrong book. He glanced over to the other binders and saw the other blue one, which he quickly brought out. He opened it up to the notes and saw how clear Zack’s writing was. Christ, his own was more like some doctor’s scrawl but his eyes travelled back to the other book and he stared at it.

Looking right back at him was his own face, the lines drawn in black and he could see his eyes staring back at him and he felt a kind of chill run down his spine. They almost seemed like he was looking in a mirror and he wondered just how Zack had been able to do that? It really was kind of spooky to open a binder and find drawings of yourself in them.

At first he didn’t know what the book was about, just some drawings and he knew that Zack was in an art class, so he figured that it was for that, until he recognized that the pages were all of some guy. He was just curious enough to glance at a few pages, and he noticed that most of the drawings were of Tyler, the football quarterback and team captain. That didn’t really register too much until he flipped a few more pages and was about to put the binder back and grab the right one when one of the flipped pages caught his attention.

Justin stepped back and his head had swivelled to the closed bathroom door as he saw his own figure on the white paper. He moved closer, seeing how he looked to Zack and he recognized the room as being in the class the coach taught. Christ, he had drawn him so perfectly as he glanced up into the desk mirror, to see his hair draped down just as the drawing showed. He couldn’t let it go and he turned the page to find another one of himself.

This one was just of his head, and he was stunned by the way Zack had captured his expression. It looked like he was thinking about some deep subject, the way his lips were together and the way his eyes seemed to be staring off into space. It really shook him a little as he stared down into his own face, because he never really could explain that look, but he saw how Zack had captured his sadness too. Did he really look that mournful? Was Zack reading more into his look than he really felt or was Zack that good?

Shit, he stepped back once more, wondering why Zack had drawings of him and Tyler? Was Zack one of those queers? As the thought entered his mind he turned his attention to the door and then to the bed and he shook a little. He wondered if he had maybe given Zack the wrong impression at some point in school? Was that why he had come to his defence? Did he think he was on the make for him? Shit, how the fuck did he get himself into this fucking mess? And what the hell would Zack be thinking now if he had woken up during the night to find Justin sprawled all over him? Oh shit, he really was in trouble and he hadn’t a clue as to how to get out of it.

Maybe there was a different reason for all this? Maybe Zack just liked to draw and so had chosen Tyler because after all, he was the most popular kid in school and was the leader of the football team. Yeah, maybe that was it, and he had added his picture because he was the new kid, the new one who was supposed to be the missing piece they would need to make the regionals, yeah, that had to be it, didn’t it?

Christ, Zack didn’t look like a fag, and okay, he was a bit shy and all but he wasn’t a geek, he was pretty good looking for someone his age who didn’t play sports, and once he filled out, Christ he’d give even Tyler a run for the girls, so no, he had to be wrong about the reason for the drawings. The only thing was, what if he was right? If he was, then Zack had these thoughts about him, which was kind of, well to be honest flattering in a sense but damn freaky in another. So, which was it, was he one of those or not?

Shit, if he was, then what would that make him? Just what he didn’t need was to be accused of being a homo and all because he showed up at school with Zack once. He had seen that happen back in Florida and he doubted if it was any different here in California. Fags just weren’t accepted and being seen with one, well you were history as far as the social scene was concerned.

The sound of silence echoed in the room and Justin felt sweat forming on his forehead as he realized that Zack would soon be out of the bathroom and then he would have to make his choice. Christ, why couldn’t he have just picked the right binder, then none of this would have come up. How do you tell someone that thinks you are interested in them that you aren’t without hurting them? Shit, and what if he did nothing, did others at school know about Zack? Was that why he never had any visitors or dates? Fuck, if they knew and he showed up at school with him, if Zack said that he had spent the night, fuck he was toast.

He could hear Zack starting to dry off and he tossed the binder shut and shoved it out the way, bringing the other one up and he grabbed it and sat down on the bed, away from the desk and he thought if he acted dumb maybe that would be the best bet. The problem about showing up at school was less easy to figure out, but he thought that if they got there, he could suddenly disappear maybe, or make it so it wouldn’t look like they had arrived together, but were just passing. After all he did live in the general direction that Zack would come from too, so maybe he could work it that way, at least until he found out the truth.

Shit, as he sat there, he wondered if Tyler was one too? God, all those pictures of Tyler in Zack’s book meant that, well either that Tyler was or that Zack wanted him to be. Oh man, this was getting too much for his mind to figure out and he stared out at the computer, wondering what his online friend Leftout16 would make of this. Maybe he could ask him or one of the others, like maybe timid69 or toby9 but no, leftout16 was the best one to ask. He could get him into a private chat later and ask him, which would be best.

Justin almost jumped as he heard Zack come into the room and he turned quickly to see the young man at his bureau. He was yanking some clothes out of the drawer and it was like a nightmare. Zack could feel Justin’s eyes and Justin could sense the connection too. His heart began to race as Zack’s face turned to stare at Justin’s. Both of them just looked at each other, both of them wondering if their imaginations were right or wrong and you could feel the sudden tension that seemed to just fill the room.

Zack could feel the obvious tension and as he stared at Justin’s dressed figure, he could see that he was totally on edge, as if he knew it all and didn’t know what to say. He felt the bulge in the towel around his waist suddenly grow less, as panic began to fill his heart. He didn’t understand it but then the doubts rose up and he was sure that Justin had woken up during the night, that he had something to say and that he was only waiting for Zack to get dressed before levelling the charges at him. Christ, why didn’t he just stay in the bathroom and drown himself? This was worse than any nightmare he had ever had, and yet, well, he felt a bit easier, because at least it would soon be over.

Justin could feel the eyes boring into his own and he squirmed a little, after all Zack had been decent to him, no matter the reason and it wasn’t really fair or right to condemn him for something he only thought might be true. Maybe he should stop being such a coward and just ask him about the binder and the drawings? There could be a perfectly sane explanation; such as maybe it was practice for art, or for the yearbook? Yeah, that could be it, couldn’t it?

But looking at Zack’s face, he knew that those explanations weren’t the right ones. He could feel the tension, hell if he squinted he was sure he could actually see it, the way Zack’s shoulders were held so tightly, his muscles clearly showing, and the quick rise and fall of his chest told Justin the Zack was feeling the pressure. No, it was best for him to just keep his mouth shut, to not say a word and to play it cool until he could really figure this out, talk it over with someone who might help.