Chapter 9

Part 1

The sound of the car driving up didn’t stir the two young naked boys and it wasn’t until the third or maybe even the fourth knock reverberated through the trailer did Kip stir and open an eye. His whole body was sore and yet he knew he would enjoy the stiffness for a long time because it was from the unbridled love that he and Jesse had shared. The sound intruded on his warm thoughts and then the voice finally penetrated his mind and he sat upright, fear etched on his face. Thoughts that something was wrong at home turned his breathing into a quick shallow gasp and it was that sense of panic that finally woke Jesse up who shot upright in a second, only then did he too hear the shouting voice calling for Kip.

Kip “Hold your horses, I am coming”

He quickly moved over Jesse’s body to let himself stand upright and in a flash he had pulled up a pair of jeans to cover his nude lower body, and within a second he was heading out the doorway when he stopped and turned to look at Jesse. He smiled at him to let him know he was okay and he saw that despite that reassurance, Jesse still had worry in his eyes. It felt kind of nice actually and the smile grew a little because as much as he felt fear right now, hearing the Sheriff’s booming voice at his door, he also knew that he was no longer alone, that he had someone who would stand with him. So much had changed in such a short time and yet as much as he had wished that he and Jesse would be more than what they both knew they could only be, he was satisfied because he knew that for the first time in a very long time, he had someone to rely on, someone who would back him up no matter the risk and that was worth much more than just a good steady romp in bed. Maybe there was hope for him after all and he didn’t even show his animosity for the Sheriff as he came to the screen door.

Kip “What is it Sheriff? Something wrong at the house?”

The Sheriff stared at the tall young man before him and he noticed a difference in him, not so much in how he looked but in simply how he stood. It was almost as if something had changed inside, something that had given Kip a new sense of presence and he wondered if maybe Kip had found himself a girlfriend. Whatever it was, he hoped it would last because in the pit of his stomach he knew that danger existed that would test them both.

Sheriff “No, not really, uh, may I come in?”

Kip could see that his bedroom door still was open out of the corner of his eye and that Jesse was sitting up in bed, trying to listen and trying also not to make any noise. If he let the Sheriff in, there would be no way for him to miss seeing Jesse there and he felt unsure of what to do, part of him wishing he didn’t have to hide what he was, part of him wishing that there was more to hide than just their friendship.

Kip “Why? You can say what you have to say from there…”

He hadn’t really expect much more from Kip, knowing how angry he must still feel towards him, but damn it, he had a job to do and he couldn’t very well ignore a county order, or could he? Maybe there could have been a way to have let Kip stay, but he was damned if he knew how. Still, it did rather upset him that Kip couldn’t get past that anger, after all he did like the boy and he did feel for the whole family.

Sheriff “It’s about your Father Kip and…”

Kip stumbled backwards and he had no idea why he felt so icy cold all of a sudden. Just the mention of that man as being his father was enough to make his heart beat wildly, his skin crawl with disgust and he could sense that Jesse had seen him move back, had sensed that Jesse was already out of the bed, throwing his own pants on but it was too late as he felt the Sheriff’s hand grip his arm and hold him from falling backwards any more.

The Sheriff hadn’t expected a warm response and he certainly hadn’t expected the reaction he got when he started to mention Kip’s dad and it was instinct that made him open the screen door and reach for Kip, to prevent him from falling. It was as his hand reached and touched Kip’s arm and his body stepped inside that he realized that another person besides Kip was in the trailer, his free hand automatically reaching for the butt of his service revolver as his head turned towards the far end, where the sleeping quarters were. His eyes opened a bit wider as he saw a figure pulling up their pants and in a second he recognized the figure as being young Jesse McKnight. In a second he knew that what had given Kip such a new presence wasn’t a girlfriend and for the life of him, he didn’t know why he hadn’t figured it out before.

He had watched that tall figure head towards the front door of the trailer, the way his buttocks moved and he had felt that glow from the smile, even though he had felt Kip’s fear the second the voice had become known to him. Jesse wished that Kip had closed the door, least then he could get out of bed and dress without betraying his presence, but then as he saw Kip start to fall backwards, panic overtook him and he jumped from the bed, reaching for his pants and struggling to pull them up while at the same time rushing towards the falling figure of his friend.

Jesse “Kip, what is it, what’s going on Sheriff? Why are you arresting Kip, what did he do?”

Sheriff “Whoa there, I am not arresting anyone, he was falling, you okay now Kip?”

Kip “Yeah I am fine, it’s okay Jess, honest, uh, guess we should go sit down, Sheriff?”

The Sheriff nodded and walked into the front end, which was the main living area of the rather small trailer. All sorts of thoughts went racing thru his mind as he tried to keep his composure but if what he suspected was right, then maybe he did have a way to help Kip and his family, but he would have to be certain first, this was no game and he knew first hand just how nasty Keith Tanner was and he doubted if five years in prison had softened that SOB much.

Jesse “You okay Kip?”

Kip “Yeah, thanks, uh, guess you know each other?”

Sheriff “Yep, we do Kip, you staying out of trouble Jesse?”

Jesse “Yes Sir, uh should I wait outside?”

The Sheriff looked deeply at young McKnight knowing about his past, knowing too that basically he hadn’t been a bad boy just that his family and him never did see eye to eye on things and maybe now he knew on what some of those things might have been. Strange, live in a small town and you generally know all there is about people and yet still they could surprise you on what you didn’t know about them. Kip and Jesse, well that was one he never saw coming.

Sheriff “Perhaps”

Kip “NO! Sorry Sheriff, but Jesse here is a friend, I don’t have any secrets from him”

It wasn’t what he said, but it was how he said it that made Sheriff Dante Miller take a moment to stare once more at both young men. He could see the toll that looking after his family had taken on Kip, the way his face had lines no 19 year old should have. He saw too the ravages left behind in Jesse’s face from his wilder days as a confused youth. Funny, you had to look hard to see the signs, they were there and yet they weren’t, least not when both were looking at each other and it gave the Sheriff pause.

Sheriff “No? I guess perhaps not, you two uh, good friends then?”

Kip “Yeah, we are, why?”

There was no mistaking the defiance in Kip’s voice or even in how he sat there, his eyes constantly going back and forth between his face and Jesse’s. Well, it didn’t matter much to him who the boy liked to bed, as long as it didn’t cause him no grief.

Sheriff “Nothing, yet… Kip you got a gun here?”

Kip “You know I do Sheriff”

Sheriff “Keep it loaded? Close at hand?”

Kip couldn’t understand the Sheriff’s questions or the calm matter of fact way he seemed to be acting. You would have thought that he would have been making some sort of wise crack about finding Jesse and him together, but the man was surprising him in how well he was taking things or maybe he was just bothered by something more important? He didn’t know why the questions, but he knew that if it involved anything to do with his asshole father it couldn’t be anything good. The Sheriff was being too accommodating and that in itself raised all sorts of concerns in his mind, but looking at Jesse seemed to help, to keep him calm and to keep him from shouting at the Sheriff.

Kip “No, it’s locked up over the fridge, the ammo is in a locked drawer behind you, what is this all about, what about my… what about him, he finally do us all a favour and die?”

Sheriff “No he isn’t that obliging son, go get your gun and ammo, I need to see it… you carrying Jesse?”

Jesse “Me? No I don’t have a gun Sheriff, least not anymore.”

Kip returned and handed over his gun to the Sheriff and then leaned over to unlock the drawer behind the Sheriff. As he leaned over Sheriff Miller could see the way young Jesse looked at him and as he waited, he could smell that dried stale smell of sweat that he always smelled after a good romp with his own love. So, his suspicions were right or at least all the signs were there, but was it something lasting, he wondered as Kip handed him the box of ammo.

Kip “You going to tell us what this is all about Sheriff?”

Sheriff “I suppose so, your papa has gone and escaped is what, and now settle down, sit!”

Kip “I have to get home, Christ you know how he threatened us… You aren’t taking that from me, Sheriff…”

Sheriff “I said sit Kip, I mean it.”

He looked right at the tall young man who was standing upright, his hands balled into fists and he knew that Kip would go through him if he had to, something he really didn’t want to have to contend with and with Jesse also starting to rise he was pretty sure he had the answer to just how close they were.

Kip “You going to tell me you can protect them Sheriff? Like you protected them during the trial?”

Sheriff “You met Kip’s ma and family yet Jesse?”

Jesse “Huh? Yeah, I was there for dinner, Sheriff what are you going to do? I mean…”

Sheriff “My job is what I am going to do, you staying here with Kip Jesse?”

Jesse “Yeah”

Kip “That okay Sheriff? Or you going to tell me I need the county’s permission to have a house guest, that it Sheriff?”

Sheriff “No, no permission needed, so you like Kip’s family?”

Jesse “Yeah I like them, what is this about?”

Sheriff “Like them enough to perhaps be a boarder for a bit at their place, I mean they do have a spare room, don’t they Kip?”

Kip “Huh? Yeah but…”

Sheriff Miller knew that anger was a useful weapon at times, other times it could get a person killed faster than you could blink, and he didn’t want to see Kip all laid out in some casket, his daddy he wouldn’t mind but not Kip or any of the Tanner family except the one. How she had stayed with that man for so long still boggled the mind but then too he also knew that there wasn’t much of a choice for a woman with young kids. As much as he liked to think that the town had compassion, he also knew how cruel it could be to those it didn’t like.

Sheriff “But nothing boy, your mama has enough on her plate, if I let you stay there she’ll know something is up, and them girls, they are pretty smart too, they’ll figure it out, now on the other hand if a friend of yours needed a place to stay, and you asked, then maybe we can solve our little problem, now doesn’t that make sense?”

Kip “I suppose, but it’s my responsibility, if he’s coming to make good on his threat…”

Sheriff “Which I think he is, and you are a prime target boy, not just your ma, so think about that.”

Kip knew in his heart that what the Sheriff was saying was the truth but he still couldn’t quite accept it. It was almost as if he was been asked to make a choice, to put his friends life at risk so he could survive and that wasn’t right. This was his problem, his and his families and so far no one had really lifted much of a hand to help them, and so now it was all a bit overwhelming to believe that anyone really cared. Part of him wanted to trust the Sheriff, hell he knew the man hadn’t wanted to evict him from his own home but still, he could have found another way but as much as the Sheriff thought that was why Kip didn’t trust him, it wasn’t the reason. He just hadn’t trusted the man, ever since he had been forced to watch the crazy wild beating his dad had inflicted on his mother before the police finally showed up, and that was when they had promised to protect her. That would always eat at him and the other, well that was just icing on the cake so to speak. Yet, despite all that, he knew that what the Sheriff was saying was true too and he could tell that Jesse felt that way as well.

Kip “You want me to let my friend take my place? Put him at risk?”

Jesse “It’s okay Kip, the sheriff makes sense, if your dad is coming back here, he’ll look for you first, that’s what you are saying isn’t it Sheriff?”

Kip “I don’t care, let him come, he won’t get past me this time”

Sheriff “Maybe he won’t, but he might, least this way your family has a chance if he does son, that’s why this is the only way, that and the fact that you going to be staying at Boones till we know just where your pa is”

Kip “No way, I can’t stay there, you put him at risk too, I won’t let you, let the bastard come for me here, I know how to use that gun”

Sheriff “I know you do, your pa taught you and he knows guns, but he also knows other things boy, he knows how to be quiet when coming up on a person, he knows how to surprise em and you can’t stay awake all the time, besides, it is too isolated out here, now you gonna listen to me on this, I’ll have no argument on it”

Kip “You have no right”

Jesse “Kip listen to him, as much as we make fun of him, he is the law here and he hasn’t really done bad for the town, give him a chance”

Kip “I can’t, don’t you see Jesse? The law isn’t for people like us, it only works for those with the money or the criminal, Christ he almost killed us while on trial, and this man swore he’d protect us, fat lot of good that did”

Sheriff “You may be right Kip, I did swear to protect you and your family, but it wasn’t my place, the State Police had jurisdiction, they assured me they had it all covered, not that that helps much, but things have changed in five years Kip. I know it’s asking a lot, but I need you to trust me son, I won’t let you down a second time”

Kip stared at the man they called Sheriff, the man who had forced him to live here in this trailer because of some jerk ass county rules, the man who said they’d have nothing to fear from Keith Tanner and yet they knew better, almost paid with their lives proving that too and now he wanted, no expected Kip to listen to him? Shit, he’d rather crawl on his belly begging some stranger than put his life in this man’s hands but then as much as he despised the man, he also knew that he spoke the truth. Keith Tanner was good with guns and even better at being silent when he wanted to. The thought of the girls and his younger brother having to face him alone was unthinkable, but if he didn’t accept the Sheriff’s plan that is exactly what he was doing to them, forcing them to face Keith Tanner alone.

Part of him wanted to just tell the Sheriff to take a hike, but he could feel the fear inside of him, not for his own life but for his sisters and brother and his mother. They had gone thru hell just to survive, and sure they didn’t have much because he hadn’t been able to provide much, that wasn’t their fault but his and now this? He felt like the world was against him, always had really because all he could ever remember about his neighbours and so called community of friends was that they would shake their heads, hid their faces, or worse turn their backs. Maybe his ma was right, maybe it was from their own fear of Keith Tanner, but you would have thought that they would try at least, or was that asking too much?

He didn’t like feeling this way, being scared and frightened but then he should be used to it considering that it was how he generally felt each day of his life. If it wasn’t fear of being whipped, of being assaulted it was the fear of his secret being exposed, or worse. Kip knew fear, lived with it daily even and as much as he had always managed to hold it at bay, there were times likes this when all he wanted to do was crawl under the covers of his bed and hide, yet he knew too many depended on him. Maybe if it was just him he would have left this town, but he couldn’t, and besides that he had no idea of where he would go.

Looking at the Sheriff he could see in his eyes that the man meant what he said. As much as he didn’t care for him, there was one thing about Dante Miller that made him at least listen to what he said. The man did tell the truth, he didn’t hide his feelings either and he had tried to help, in his own way so maybe he did owe him for that. He did keep an eye on his family at night, all this time he still checked on his mom and he had gone to bat for him with the county, even though he had to evict him so maybe he was being a bit harsh, or maybe he just was plain scared.

Kip didn’t know what to do, he was overwhelmed by all that was happening around him, first finding Jesse after all this time, then realizing that as much as he wanted him for more than just a best friend that wasn’t to be, and now his dad coming back to haunt him. He felt the cold running up and down his spine and he felt the confusion too. He had placed the Sheriff in the role of villain even though he knew that was wrong. Now here he was, facing another decision and he just didn’t know what to do or who to turn to.

Kip “I’ll kill him if I get the chance, you know that”

Sheriff “Hell son, if I get the chance before you I’ll kill the son of a bitch, but to have the chance, you have to be smart, and you know I am telling you the truth”

Kip “Yeah I suppose, I guess that, shit Sheriff, where were you six or seven years ago? Why now?”

Sheriff Miller leaned back against the wall of the small trailer. He had seen how young Jesse looked at Kip and how Kip kept trying to look at him. Strange how he had missed that but even as he was thinking that, he also knew he was trying to avoid answering Kip. The boy was right, where had he been until now? Why had he let this whole situation go as far as it had, for as long as it had? Everyone in town knew what a worthless piece of trash Keith Tanner was, yet they ignored it, and he was maybe more at fault than most, after all he was the Sheriff.

Sheriff “I guess the only answer son is that I didn’t look past him to see all that you and your ma were having to deal with, it was wrong, I owed you all more than what I did, but I can’t change that, no one can”

Kip “So why now Sheriff? What has changed that now you feel you can help us?”

Sheriff “I guess that maybe cause I have opened my own eyes, maybe its because I have seen how you care for your ma and sisters and brother instead of just waltzing out of this town, you could have and to be honest, most expected you would, you didn’t, maybe that kind of courage, that show of responsibility kind of made me see things better, I don’t know son, I really don’t know.”

Looking at the Sheriff, the way his eyes were looking at him but not really looking at him all made sense to Kip. He couldn’t explain why he had stayed either, except that it felt the right thing to do and besides, he was all that his family had, how could he leave them to the county? No, maybe they didn’t have much in the way of money and things, maybe the bed sheets were faded and patched, maybe the stove was old and maybe the furniture had seen better days, but they did have each other, they did laugh now and even seem happy so maybe that was why he stayed, maybe that was why he could never think of just packing up and leaving. He was part of something here that meant something, that gave him something that money, power, couldn’t give him. Here he had family, and maybe that was why he knew in his heart that he would stay and listen to the Sheriff.

Kip “I guess Jesse is right, one thing about you Sheriff, you have always played it straight with me, I guess I can put aside the rest, but no way this gonna fool ma or the girls, you know that?”

Sheriff “I suppose, but we can at least try, can’t we?”

Kip “I guess… you sure about this Jesse? I mean my old man, he’s a real nasty asshole, and he is mean”

Jesse “Yeah I can handle it, I’ll need to get a gun though, I may be good with my hands but…”

Sheriff “I have a piece you can use, I’ll bring it around to Boones later, you and I can take a spin out the old highway and get you used to it”

Jesse “Okay, well, guess I should get my stuff together, no offence Kip but I am kind of looking forward to staying at your place, the food has to be better than what you got here”

Kip “Haha, yeah it is, the girls are pretty good cooks too and I can just see them fighting over you”

Jesse “Yeah well, uh, it’ll be nice but, uh…”

Kip “I know, and… well, thanks Jess, you too Sheriff, I appreciate you helping”

Sheriff “Just doing my job son, uh I’ll wait out in the car, you uh, you boys get your stuff together and I’ll give you a ride over to Boones, he’s expecting you anyhow”

Kip “We can walk there, no need for you to drive us.”

Sheriff “Let me do my job son, okay? I’ll drive, you get your stuff, no rush either, uh, we have time”

Jesse “Thanks Sheriff, appreciate this”

Sheriff “Yeah well, like I said, just doing my job”

He left them there, and walked slowly back to the squad car. He couldn’t really explain it to himself but he knew that he felt better than he had in a long time. There was no doubt that if Keith Tanner did come back here looking for Kip and his folks, he’d have a fight on his hands. Up until now though he thought the edge lay with Keith Tanner but now he wasn’t so sure. The way Kip looked and the hardness in his eyes, it was almost as if the boy was expecting the news he had brought and yet, he couldn’t figure out why but there was a sense of confidence in Kip Tanner that he hadn’t seen before today, and he sat in the car, wondering if the presence of Jesse was the cause of Kip’s new found confidence? Whatever caused it, he hoped it would hold, Kip would need it, of that he was certain.

Jesse hadn’t really said much while the Sheriff had been inside, but he could see the fear in Kip’s eyes and he could almost feel the terror that seemed to suddenly be present in the small trailer. The place really wasn’t much but it felt like it was a home, something you couldn’t say about many houses, and the brief time he had been in the Tanner house, that too had felt like a home. It had that certain feel to it and despite the pain and sorrow that was there, there was something else that he had felt, something that made him wish he had a place like that.

Looking at Kip now he realized that Kip wasn’t the tough silent loner he portrayed, but was really no different than he was, and he felt his friends pain now, knowing too that he was now a part of that life, the pain included. Maybe he should feel frightened but instead all he could feel was satisfied, as if he finally belonged somewhere. It was strange, knowing that death was out there because he too had heard the whispered rumours about Keith Tanner as a boy, he knew the reputation and part of him still felt the shame, because he had always shied away from Kip, and yet, here he was now, so maybe the Sheriff had it right, better late than never.

Jesse “So, you okay?”

Kip “I think so, Jess, you sure you want in on all this? I mean…”

Jesse “Don’t, don’t Kip cause I am sure, I mean, hell, never really had much to look forward to, never really had someone I could rely on, you have given me that, so yeah I am sure, scared I suppose, but Kip, whatever else happens, I’ll not let him get past me, I swear it”

Kip stood up and stared down into Jesse’s face. He saw the fire in his eyes and he could feel it too, the way the words were softly spoken and yet filled with a strength that stunned him a bit. He hadn’t any friends really, least none that he felt so at ease with, so sure of until now and it frightened him but also comforted him. He had a lot of doubts racing thru his mind, but suddenly the terror of Keith Tanner didn’t seem so horrible, so final. Maybe there was a chance after all and for the first time in a very long time he felt a bit of hope that there was a future for him and for his family.

Kip “I am asking a lot Jess, I don’t know what to say really…”

Jesse “It’s okay, think you said all I need earlier, in there”

Jesse cocked his head towards the bedroom and smiled, and tossed his head a little backwards, his long hair flowing gently in the air and as Kip stared at him, he felt the burden easing a little inside and it felt good. He couldn’t quite explain it because really they hadn’t said much but yet he seemed to know exactly what Jesse meant. It was that they had connected in a way that was very special, something they would always have, no matter who they wound up with as lovers or boyfriends, because what they shared was a different sort of love, a love of true friends.

Kip “So did you, thanks Jess”

Jesse “Come on, we better hustle our tails or he’s gonna wonder just what it is we are doing, haha”

Kip “Yeah, wonder, I mean he has to know and yet he didn’t say anything, he isn’t that blind or stupid is he?”

Jesse “no, don’t think he is, think that maybe there is a lot more to our beloved sheriff than most people give him credit for. Never was a fan of his, but you know, I think he’s okay, not something I ever thought I’d say about a cop”

Kip “Yeah, guess I always knew that too, still…”

Jesse “Yeah, well come on, guess I’ll have to disappoint our rich friend tonight, but then again, I don’t know, it didn’t feel right anyhow”

Kip “Oh? What didn’t, I mean the money sure would help you out some”

Jesse “I know, it is just, shit, I like him Kip, he’s nice in a sort of different way, just didn’t think all that money was right I guess, I mean come on, $400 for a few hours with me? Shit, I ain’t bad but…”

Kip “Haha, well I think if he gets half of what I got, you are worth a damn site more than that, but shit, guess I am biased”

Jesse “Yeah you are, but… thanks Kip”

Kip “Come on, we better go, by now good old Sheriff Miller may have has making babies in his mind or worse…. haha”

Jesse “He ain’t that dumb, geez, give the guy some slack”

Kip “Haha, okay”

Part 2

Sheriff Miller had left to finish his routine, telling Jesse he’d be back around 7 to give him the gun and to take him out to familiarize him with the weapon. Jesse had seemed okay with it but Kip could see that he was nervous, more nervous really about having to handle a gun than he seemed to be that the Sheriff had tumbled onto their shared secret or even that he was going to be living with Kip’s family not as a houseguest but as a protector. Kip didn’t quite understand it and yet he did remember that scar that Jesse had, one he said he got from a bar fight with a guy.

There seemed more too as the hour approached for when Andy and Bailey was supposed to show up. The closer the time came the more Kip could see Jesse becoming nervous, almost as if, well as if there was more on Jesse mind than perhaps a loss of some easy cash. Something about the way he looked each time that he had mentioned Andy and the ‘date’ made Kip think a little deeper about his friend. It was strange, Jesse seemed so self assured and yet each time he had mentioned Andy and the windfall ‘date’ he would always knock himself, tear himself down really and it bothered Kip, wondering what it was that had Jesse all twisted and in a knot.

Jesse was sitting up on the hood of an old dodge car by the service bay, his legs dangling as he just seemed to be staring off down the road and Kip finally couldn’t stand it any longer. He knew something was eating at his friend, and he had to find out what. Maybe he had asked too much of him, maybe they shouldn’t have done what they had but damn that still felt right, still felt good but maybe Jesse didn’t feel that way, maybe he felt he was being cheated out of something or worse, maybe he felt he had been pushed into doing something he really didn’t want to do. Kip couldn’t let that happen, and maybe he shouldn’t have given in to Sheriff Miller’s suggestion so fast, maybe he should have talked more about it with Jesse first, to make sure Jesse really wanted to do it.

Things had slowed down a little and Kip knew the pattern pretty good as he strolled over to where Jesse was sitting and he stood next to the hood, looking into Jesse’s eyes and then he turned and leaned against the car, staring out along the same road as Jesse was. His heart ached a bit because he was certain that he had pushed too hard, that Jesse had agreed to stay at his family’s house because he had been trapped into it. He had to make this right, not just for Jesse but for him, because he didn’t want to lose Jesse as a friend.

Kip “You can change your mind you know, not too late”

Jesse “Huh? Change my mind bout what?”

Kip “Staying”

Jesse turned slightly to stare at the tall young man that leaned next to him. His one leg had brushed up against the arm of Kip and he felt that glow inside, that simmering warmth that had suddenly awaken inside when Kip had first touched him earlier in the day. He could feel the thrill once more and yet here was Kip, still trying to get him to change his mind, to take the easy way out. Funny but he knew he would do the same if the situation were reversed.

Jesse “Fraid I will like it with your sisters or something and not want to move back to your trailer?”

Kip “Ha! No, you know what I mean”

Jesse “Yeah but I don’t have any second thoughts Kip, I want to do this, okay?”

Kip turned his face towards Jesse’s and looked deeply into those misted sea green eyes and he could feel the truth behind the words and he knew in a flash that it wasn’t that which was troubling his friend and he was puzzled, not sure what then was eating at his friend, casting him into such a nervous state. If not the prospect of facing his old man, what then?

Kip “More than okay, so, uh what’s up then?”

Jesse “Nothing, you took care of that earlier, remember? Haha”

Kip “Funny, and that isn’t what I meant… so give, what’s got you looking so down?”

He knew that Kip only wanted to help, he could see it in the way Kip’s eyes kept searching his own, delving into his soul even but he couldn’t let him know, not yet, or could he? Maybe he should talk to Kip about it, but what could he say, that he was nervous about some kid he tricked, that he wanted more than a bunch of hard cash from someone who was way out of his league?

Jesse “Nothing really, sorry for all this, one of my moods I guess”

Kip “Bull, you and I, we are too much alike Jess, we may not have hang around each other much in the past, but it is like we always knew each other, least I think we do”

Jesse “Yeah, funny that isn’t it? Here I first thought you’d be my first real lover, then… well I know you are right, it wouldn’t work between us.”

Kip “I know, it’s how I felt too, at first, but it wouldn’t work, we are too close I guess, so what is it? You worried about Andy?”

The way Jesse suddenly squared his shoulders, the way he turned away in that moment, as if to hide his face from Kip, as if to protect his thoughts from Kip’s probing eyes suddenly made sense now to Kip. Jesse was worried about Andy and he wondered if Jesse had fallen for the young preppie from the Academy.

Jesse “Nothing to worry about is there? He’s just some rich kid looking for some hot sex with a townie”

Kip “Yeah sure, I don’t think Andy is stupid Jess, naïve maybe, a rookie even but stupid he isn’t.”

Jesse “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Kip “I mean he didn’t offer you all that money because you are a hot fuck even though you sure do get one’s buttons popped”

Jesse “No? So why then?”

Kip “Maybe because he wants to make sure he has a chance to win you over? I mean, hell Jesse, the way he looked at you from the first, there was something almost, well pathetic really in how he stared at you, like you were this God and he just a poor worshipper at the shrine of Jesse”

Jesse “Christ next you going to tell me he is in love with me or something sappy like that.”

Kip “Or that you are with him? That what got you all twisted Jesse? You think you might be more than just a fuck to him, that you maybe want to be more than just a fuck to him?”

Jesse looked away from Kip, knowing that what Kip said was close to the truth. He couldn’t explain how he was feeling about Andy just as he couldn’t explain how he felt the moment he and Kip had made love. Part of him thought it was the same, sex with meaning, yet deep inside he knew that what he wanted with Andy was a different sort of meaning that what he and Kip had shared. It didn’t make sense in some ways and he sure as hell didn’t think some rich kid would ever get past the fact that he was who he was, a loser from some small town who traded sex for money. That was the bottom line and he didn’t really feel like he could ever get past that.

Jesse “Yeah well what I want and what I can have ain’t ever going to be the same, you of all people should know that Kip”

Kip turned away, his mind thinking about Jesse’s words and he could almost put his own voice to those words, knowing that in his own heart it was how he too had felt for so long, but something had changed, something had lit a spark deep inside and as he looked out at the long road, he wondered if maybe it was as simple as just reaching out, that maybe life didn’t have to go one certain way because of who you were or what you were, that maybe you did really have some say in it.

Kip “I don’t know, used to feel that, not sure I do now though”

Jesse “Oh? And what makes you think different?”

Kip “For starters, you did.”

Jesse “Me? How did I do that?”

Kip “I am not sure, maybe that you actually care, that even though some time has past since we last saw each other, things only got better between us, I don’t know how to explain it, all I know is that with you around I feel better, feel like there is hope, stupid huh?”

Jesse “I don’t know, shit I guess it makes sense in a way, still me and Andy? That will never happen Kip, we are just, hell I am a whore, how can a guy like him ever care for the likes of me?”

Kip “I suppose, guess then it’s impossible for anyone to care for a whore huh?”

Jesse “Kip, that isn’t, shit…”

Kip “I know, look, maybe you and I, maybe we do sell our asses for money, maybe it isn’t exactly a great job to put on a resume but I didn’t turn tricks because I was horny, I did it to put food on the table, I think that holds for you too, and shit, what else could either of us do? Fuck man, what job pays you $50 or $100 for getting off? Maybe if there was another way, maybe if the county had said here, you need this to live with maybe I wouldn’t have turned to dropping my pants for every guy with a few dollars, but they didn’t, no one did so what choice did either of us have? If Andy or anyone we care about can’t get past that simple fact, maybe its not us who lose, maybe its them because what you and I do, its out of need, not choice really”

Jesse “Wow, some speech, who you planning on giving that one too?”

Kip “Sorry, but shit Jess, you aren’t less of a person because you do something like turning tricks to eat, I mean that is why you do it, isn’t it?”

Jesse hung his head down, knowing that what Kip was saying was mostly true. Sometimes you had no choice, other times you did but the money had been easy and there were worse things too, things that took hold and made you do stuff you never thought you would do but you did them, because of it. Maybe Kip was right, maybe it didn’t lessen who a person was, but how many would understand that?

Jesse “Mostly, It wasn’t that way at the start, at first I did it to pay for the drugs I used to do, maybe that’s it too, maybe I figure that my start in being a hustler wasn’t as noble as yours, I didn’t care about food or even where I slept, not as long as I had my coke, or whatever was available”

Kip “But you stopped, doesn’t that count?”

Jesse “Guess, but is that enough Kip? Do you really think someone like Andy could ever get past all that?”

Kip “I don’t know, maybe not, but hell man, if you don’t try you’ll never know”

Jesse “True, but then if I try and fail, I don’t know if I could handle that Kip, I am tired of feeling like a bag of shit”

Kip “I know, but how else are you ever going to change that if you don’t risk feeling like shit? I mean don’t you ever want more out of life than this?”

Kip waved his hand outwards, letting it sweep across the dingy station and the lonely and empty road that led up from town to here. He stared at his friend who stared out along the road and then turned to stare at him. He could see the questions that he had but he also saw the fear, the emptiness, all of which he too had felt, still did but not as bad as before. Something had changed, he wished he could explain it for Jesse, but he didn’t have the words.

Jesse “Yeah I want more Kip, but come on, you have to be realistic too. Can you just see me discussing Thoreau or Voltaire with Andy? Or how about reciting Keats or Shelley or hell just talking about what goes on around us, like corporate greed or having national health, somehow I don’t see Andy taking me seriously on that stuff.”

Kip “Why? You already said more than what I could, I haven’t a clue who those first one’s were, but maybe he doesn’t either, maybe Jesse the real downside of being who we are isn’t that we are dumb, isn’t that we are stupid but that we just think we aren’t in their league, but maybe, just maybe it is they who aren’t in our league? Ever think of that?”

Sitting on this beat up old car, talking about life like he had a choice in effecting the outcome was unreal and yet, somewhere in his soul he felt that maybe Kip had something there. Maybe it wasn’t so much as to what he was but in what he believed he was. You heard a great deal about that kind of stuff, how positive thinking could make a difference, but that was just some guy trying to push a book or something, wasn’t it? Could there really be something to it, could he really have a chance at something other than sleeping alone every night?

Jesse “You really think Andy would care?”

Kip “I don’t know, but the way he looks at you, I think he wants to, guess it depends on you though”

Jesse “Me? How’s that?”

Kip “If you don’t give him a chance to know you, how is he ever going to know if its you he wants or just your hot body?”

Jesse “So what do I do? Not like we can go out on a date or anything”

Kip “Why not? Who says you can’t?”

Jesse “Right, and like where can two guys go on a date?”

Kip “Well, I do have TV at the trailer, why not go there? Grab a pizza or something and just go there and talk, tell him you aren’t, well you know”

Jesse “He’ll fucking freak Kip, I mean why would some hustler like me care about him? He’ll think it’s a trick to get more money from him, isn’t that how it usually works?”

Kip “If he feels for you like I think he does, don’t think that will be a problem, least not if you talk about it”

Jesse “Christ, first you want me to tell him about my life, then talk about money too? Good Lord man, you gonna have me proposing next I suppose”

Kip “Well not until you at least have a few more dates and he passes the Tanner Family test”

Jesse “The what?”

Kip “Well hell, you don’t think I’d let you marry the boy without making sure he’s fit to be a part of our family do you?”

Jesse “SHIT!”

Kip “haha, not now cause I think I see your wife to be is driving up the road, sure looks like his car”

Jesse turned to stare down the road and he felt a slight hitch in his heart as it beat a bit faster. Just the idea of being with Andy for a bit was enticing, and yet now he had a whole bunch of new reasons too. Damn it though, could Kip be right and if he was, just how the hell did he begin to talk to Andy about all this shit? There was no way he could just say, well hey, you interested in me for life or what? Or could he just, shit, whatever he had to say it would have to wait because tonight was out. He remembered he had to go with the Sheriff and then to Kip’s place, and maybe that would be the first test, to see if Andy would believe him or not.

Kip could almost see the wheels turning inside of Jesse’s head as he stared down the long road, seeing the car off in the distance, watching it grow in shape and size and Kip wondered for a brief moment if Andy was going to bring Bailey with him. Funny, he hadn’t thought much about Bailey other than he seemed nice enough and he did like to hang around, but it was because he was alone, in a world he wasn’t familiar with either and that had to be scary at best. Christ, here he was worrying about some kid from the academy when he should be worrying about Beth, Josie and Bobby not to mention his mom. God, she had enough to cope with and now the added stress that HE was coming back would certainly not help her much.

There sure was a lot to think about between now and later and then it dawned on him, Jesse couldn’t go with the Sheriff tonight, after all he had a date to go on and he realized that Jesse would most likely cancel Andy. That wouldn’t work, not if he truly did want to find out if Andy was potential boyfriend material or not and he could tell that Jesse was going to back out. Damn his old man, even when he wasn’t here he managed to fuck his life or those he cared about. Well not this time, he refused to give in to the fear and he figured that he could handle one night.

Kip “Hey Jess, ain’t you gonna go get your make up on? Can’t have you looking like you just woke up, can we?”

Jesse “Oh you are a riot, just you wait Tanner, I’ll get even one day”

Kip “I am sure you will, and you know what, I’ll enjoy it just as much”

Jesse “Yeah right, but you can save the wisecracks for another night…”

Kip “Nope, you going, just tell him it will have to be later is all, I mean not like you’ll be gone all night learning how to hold whatever gun the Sheriff brings, so…”

Jesse “Damn what the hell are you, my social secretary or something?”

Kip “Haha, no, and if he is the one don’t think you’ll need one, but seriously Jess, go with him tonight, who knows how long this other shit is gonna last, okay?”

Jesse “Well, it would be nice, but you sure? I mean shouldn’t I be there now even?”

Kip “Nah, if it was that urgent I think the Sheriff wouldn’t have put this off till now even, think we got at least tonight, maybe more but… Just tell him you got something to do for an hour or so and then go for it”

Jesse “Yeah right, shit, I feel like a teenager in high school again, my palms are sweating”

Kip “Funny, so are mine, guess this is right, sure feels awkward so has to be right”

Jesse “Hell of a logic you have there Kip”

Kip “Yeah, well, what can I say, you think my logic is screwed, you wait till you spend a few hours listening to Beth and Josie, haha man they’ll have you glad you queer”

Jesse “Haha, yeah right, well here he is, wish me luck”

Kip “Okay but you don’t need any, I think I can see him licking his lips already there Jess old boy”

Jesse “Fuck off”

Kip “Haha”

Jesse slipped down from the hood and as he stood upright, he wiped the palms of his hands on the faded pants, making Kip smile because he too was wiping his hands. He hadn’t lied; his hands were sweating too but out of anticipation for his friend, which felt kind of nice. Strange, Jesse hadn’t been back for more than a few days or so and yet it was almost as if they had spent the last 19 years together as best friends. Weird how that worked and he felt a new sense of peace inside too, something that just seemed to want to make him smile and keep on smiling, even with all the other shit going on, he felt happy.

Bailey spotted Kip and Jesse before Andy had as they drove up into the Boone’s service station and he could tell that they had been waiting for them. Strange, but he kind of liked the idea that those two hot guys had been waiting for them, well sort of. He knew Jesse was waiting for Andy at least and he could see a big grin on Kip’s face too, so maybe there was something there, something he could dream about at least.

The ride up had been quiet actually and he could tell that Andy seemed on edge a bit, as if he was in a state of confusion. Bailey could see that in some ways Andy liked him, hell he must or why would he have let him do what he did but then he also was smart enough to know that Andy did it out of pity more than anything else. In some ways that kind of pissed him off but as he reasoned it out, he also had to admit that it took a special friend to let a guy suck you off just to prove you didn’t care if he was queer or not. As much as Andy tried to avoid discussing it, Bailey had his own thoughts about whether or not the richest kid in school was straight or not but he’d be damned if he would risk that friendship and ask. Maybe later on, when they knew each other better, he might but somehow he just didn’t think it would be smart to ask right now.

As the car stopped and he saw Jesse coming forward, he also noticed just how handsome Jesse looked. His face was thin and had a bit of mystery to it, sort of a hint of danger perhaps, and his long bleached blond hair flowed behind him like a majestic mane that a lion would have. Strange the way he noticed that, and also weird was how he noticed that damn hot looking crotch too. He sure was glad that both Jesse and Kip wore normal jeans and not the crappy baggy style that most at school wore. Hell even Andy wore them at times, but not tonight he noticed and he stole a quick glance at Andy’s lap to see a very hard bulge. Damn, he knew he had to be right but if he was, then it would mean that Jesse was too and that certainly opened up possibilities for not just some wild thoughts about Andy and Jesse but about Kip too. No way Kip wouldn’t know about Jesse being or not being that way, and if what he thought was right, then maybe Kip was too? Shit, that would be perfect, now if he just had the fucking balls to find out for sure, but as he climbed out of the car and waved at Kip and said hello to Jesse, he knew he would never have that kind of courage and his shining face grew a bit dim with that realization.

He hardly noticed Bailey leaving the car, and all the way up to the garage he had been lost in deep thought, wondering if there was a chance for more than just a business arrangement with Jesse? He had these strange thoughts about taking Jesse out of the life he was in, out of the squalor, so that he didn’t have to hustle to make money, hell he even wondered if he could find him a place in one of his dad’s companies but then he also realized that he was getting ahead of himself. Shit, he also had Bailey to contend with not to mention that worm Grant. It was all a bit much all at once and he realized he needed to slow down a bit, that instead of maybe planning more dates with Jesse, he should just see how tonight went first but then what if Jesse didn’t like him? What if he had other regulars, would he want to risk losing them just for some rich kid who would only be here the term?

Andy had so many questions racing around that he felt rather flustered. First it had been that lunch with Grant and the way he had used Bailey was still gnawing at him inside, making him wonder just what was up Grant’s sleeve, but then too Bailey was bugging him. At first impression Bailey seemed so naïve, so sheltered and yet the odd comment he made after, the way he seemed to know that Grant was a sleaze, troubled him a bit. If Bailey really had tumbled to Grant’s scheme and his fawning over Grant was just an act, could he also be smart enough to tumble to his secret? It was unnerving because he was only adding fuel to the fires by coming here and then going out on the town with Jesse especially if Bailey had suspicions. Trouble was he just didn’t know and as they drove into the lot the worries seemed to just vanish as he searched the pump island for Jesse and then moved towards the garage itself, and only when his eyes spotted the coming figure did he breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that he was only adding to any suspicions Bailey might be having, but he just didn’t care, he only wanted to snuggle into Jesse’s arms and smell that scent and feel that strange glow again. He had gone through the days leading to this with nothing else really taking precedence, and the smile on his face grew wider as the hardness of his dick became almost unbearable.

Watching Jesse walk towards him made him begin to sweat a little. The sun wasn’t all that hot but he felt like he was inside an oven, the way the palms of his hands were sweating and sticking to the steering wheel. Christ, he felt so nervous and yet as he stared at the figure, at the way Jesse walked and the way his face looked, he could also feel the press of his cock against the material of his pants, and he knew that it was already dripping, and he squirmed a bit as he heard Bailey close the car door. God, there was no way he could have not noticed his hard on but he barely gave it more than a second’s thought as he looked up into Jesse’s face. There was something about his eyes that made his heart race and his brain heard the loud echo of the increased beat as Jesse squatted down next to the driver’s side door and his hands rested on the car door frame.

Jesse “hey”

Andy “Hey, so, uh everything okay? I mean…”

Jesse “Well, not really, I mean…”

Andy suddenly felt a cold chill down his spine as he saw the way Jesse turned away, looking back towards Kip and Bailey. It was like he was searching for help or something and Andy wondered if he had seemed too eager or if maybe he had pissed Jesse off without knowing it. He felt terror in his heart and panic in his entire body, the knuckles on his hands grew white as he squeezed his fingers tighter around the steering wheel.

Andy “Did I do something wrong? I mean, I have the money, honest, it’s here, I can make it more if that’s the…”

Jesse swathe way Andy’s face had gone almost pure white and it was as if he could hear the sudden fear gripping Andy as his words came flying out in a stammering rush. It shook him a little because he actually felt that Andy might even come to tears and the realization of that made him realize that Kip might be right, that Andy did have more on his mind than just sex. It sort of scared him as well, and he wiped his hands on his pants as he spoke, feeling an urgent need to run but holding steady, hoping he wasn’t betraying his own nervousness.

Jesse “Whoa, no you didn’t do anything wrong, just that I have to go do something first, and well, it may take an hour or so, that’s all, so if you still want to go out after, or make it another time…”

Andy “NO! Sorry, no I don’t mind waiting, as long as you want Jesse, I mean, shit, I sound like an ass again, sorry, but, I have been kind of looking forward to seeing you again, guess you get a lot of that huh?”

Jesse “Me? Hell no I don’t, that’s nice of you to say, uh, sure you don’t mind waiting? I mean it shouldn’t be more than an hour, and Kip said we uh could use his trailer, it’s a nice place, that okay with you?”

Andy “Yeah, sure, whatever you want is fine, uh, is it okay if I wait here or?”

Jesse “If you want, be kind of boring but…”

Andy “Sure, this is fine”

Jesse “Okay, well maybe you should uh park your car over by the bays, so it doesn’t block the pumps any, and uh, well you sure you don’t mind?”

Andy “I am sure, as long as you don’t”

Jesse “No I kind of, well I been kind of looking forward to this too, so yeah its cool”

Andy was about to say more when he saw the police cruiser turn into the station and he noticed the way Jesse’s face became hard and cold looking. The eyes turned darker it seemed and for some reason he felt a deep sense of foreboding enter his body and when Jesse stood up, he could see the tightness in his body. It was like his whole body was becoming like a steel girder and it made him pause for a moment.

Jesse turned and glanced briefly at Andy, smiling a bit and then with a wave told him he’d see him in an hour or so and then he headed towards the waiting police cruiser. Andy stared as he watched Jesse climb into the front of the cruiser and talk to the heavyset man behind the wheel. He grew more concerned as the cruiser started up again and Jesse left the station in the front of the cruiser with the word ‘Sheriff’ emblazoned on the doors. Turning back around to face the front he felt like he was being watched and he glanced over at the car bays to see Kip staring at him, even though Bailey seemed to be talking to him. In a way it felt eerie, as if Kip was watching to see what he would do and a sense of fear crept further into his heart as he started the car and slowly backed up and then turned to wheel his corvette over to the big glass bay doors.

Part 3

The old pickup truck moved slowly down the dusty road, the man inside keeping a careful eye on the road and everything around him. He kept checking his rear-view mirror making sure that his dust trail wasn’t too noticeable as he slowly moved past the rickety fence and fallen posts. His eyes took in the entire area, seeing the small field where the old trailer was and he stopped for a second, his eyes glaring at the trailer and the area around it.

He stared at the map at his side and he licked his lips as he looked over to see the tree line behind and then he turned to stare at the road itself, checking the area he had come from and the road ahead. There was no doubt that this wasn’t quite what he had expected, certainly not from some queer but as he looked he saw that while the grass seemed unkempt, it wasn’t long enough to hide a person and as his dark lifeless eyes scanned the ground, he saw the dark patches of fallen branches that littered the entire field around the trailer. DAMN! He swore as he put the truck into gear and headed on knowing that his task wasn’t going to be an easy one, part of him feeling a strange sense of pride another part feeling the anger at the inconvenience that this would cause him.

As he drove on he let his hand slip down to rest against the butt of his handgun, feeling the comfort from the cold steel and his lips curled up in a smile as he thought about his plan, about how little pussy boy would look when he stuck that long cold barrel in his face. The image that thought conjured up helped to diminish the frustration he felt at how his plan was going to need altering, but he had time, no one knew he was here and if things went the way he expected, they wouldn’t know until it was way too late. He grew a bit more relaxed as he wheeled his truck towards the interstate and the night club that he knew wasn’t far from there. His lips were dry and he knew that he could not only get himself a much needed beer but he could also most likely get himself some other form of relaxation, and as tonight’s job was now postponed, he had the time too. He started to whistle a little as he drove along, still watching and taking it all in.